So I want to say something about birthdays, which is I typically don't like my birthday.

The lower the expectation, the less I act like it's my birthday, the better.

But there has to be some version of a reflection otherwise than it's more depressing because it's like it didn't even happen.

So it's a weird dance.

And it's not that I'm self involved, and who gives a shit that it's my birthday?

Like I don't love many holidays.

I just find it to be this build up and was it what you expected?

And are you in a relationship?

And are you not?

And what's the meaning?

And it's really just a whole thing, And many people do understand.

And the crash out for me is really only on my birthday.

People think it's when I'm eating seafood in a hotel room, or when I'm dancing hip hop on the way to a date and a sexy outfit, none of these or eating cottage cheese or food on my face, none of these things are the crash out.

The crash out is in fact my birthday.

That is, when at some point it happened for me, It was the day before my birthday.

This time, I slept twice during the day.

I was a fucking zombie.

I just felt depressed and weird.

I was reflecting on a past relationship.

I was even contemplating getting back together with a past relationship.

And I corrected myself because I think that moments of vulnerability and reflection and meaning and holidays can fuck around with us, and I think that that is risky and tricky business.

If you know yourself and you're somewhat like that, you need a low lift, like you need just to do something, but not try to do everything.

You're not to try to hit a home run.

You're supposed to go easy, give yourself grace, be rested, do something meaningful.

My birthday meaning was getting in bed with my daughter this morning before she went to school.

Her alarm went off.

She likes to keep snoozing it, and we laid together and had the most beautiful snuggle, Like to me, that's my rose, that's my birthday.

Just a snuggle with my child because we've been butting heads about different things and there's something that's going on in her life that she's a little upset about and it's ultimately upsetting me.

And we've been.

Bickering and just to crawl into bed with her this morning and her to say, it's your special day, Mama, it's your special day, and then me to lay with her was like all that I really need.

It's all that I really need.

I just want to go out to dinner with her and just love her and just be with her, and like that's what I need.

I have my person.

You know.

It doesn't mean I don't want to be in a relationship.

It doesn't mean I'm not being intentional about that.

It means that this is where I am right now, and I'm okay.

It's an okay, it's an okay birthday.

It's also a milestone birthday.

But I also don't give a shit about that stuff I've said before.

Age is not just a number, it's a fact.

So it's a lot of reflecting, a lot of connecting.

And I could be a little bit of a curmudgeon about it, meaning I'm like, everyone wants to send me a cake and flowers and stuff, and I'm like, just spend it on your kids, spend it on yourself, don't spend it on me.

I don't need it.

I have everything I could possibly want in my life.

So like spend it on yourself.

But I love you guys, and all of you who message me and are so supportive.

That means so much to me.

I can't explain it.

It's like the little things.

It's and then what I spent the whole morning doing.

To be honest, everybody that wished me a happy birthday, I asked them for their birthday so I could put it in the calendar because I end up feeling guilty for people wishing me a happy birthday.

And I ended up going through gifts to give a gift to Laney, who used to work with me because she's still in New York and I'm going to see her my former sort of housekeeper life partner, and gifts for Brynn's friends because it's birthdays coming up.

I love gift giving.

I'm not as good at gift receiving someone that i've been dating.

Literally brought over eight gifts last night in a cake and I opened two of the gifts.

And I'm going little by little throughout the day because I'm not the best gift getter.

But I.

Want gifts because I don't want to feel like nothing happened.

So anyway it sounds narcissistic and self involved.

I'm just explaining a dynamic.

I'm totally fine, totally happy.

It's ultimately just a day, but should be treated a little differently.

But I wanted to come on here even though I thought I wouldn't, because I wanted to spend it with you, And as it pertains to someone that I thought.

I might revisit, we really can't go backwards.

You know.

There are reasons that we end with people, and we sometimes gaslight ourselves.

I love that word into thinking.

It was one thing and some circumstances have changed and it could be different and I don't know.

And also it's what I said to you before.

If you're a woman and a man, isn't hardcore pursuing you immediately?

No one man that's been pursuing me, it's like he wants to sort of see me every month, Like that is one thing at a certain age that you're gonna be like I don't need to be with you every day and you to be coming over here and me seeing you every day like we're twenty five and what are we ordering in in Netflix and chill every night?

But also like if you're a man and you're successful, and you can, you know, are retired and you could do what you want, like I don't really need to like have you making me a convenience like seeing me when you can?

So I'm absolutely not interested in that.

And also at this age, it's very different age and stage, it's difficult to understand what to look for.

Are you looking for a life.

Partner that you're going to be amazing that you grow old with, who's just going to be loving and supportive and a good guy.

Are you looking for someone that is amazing in bed and takes care of you that way?

Are you looking for someone to take care of you financially?

I am not, but I'm also not looking to take care of someone financially.

Are you looking for logic just like a good friend that you can spend your life with.

It's just an interesting thing because I just don't know that many people who have really hit it right, and that's why many people are alone and choose.

Many people choose to be alone.

I want for my daughter the family dynamic.

I want it for myself.

So I'm trying to be very open, but not open so much that I allow myself to be chosen and not be the chooser so, but I do know that I'm not going backwards, and I do know that I'm not doing the majority of the lift.

I'll meet someone halfway.

I'll be a partner, just like in business, but I'm not doing the majority of the lift, particularly with it as it pertains to a woman and a man, like I just believe that men should pursue.

I do.

If you're a lesbian or you're gay, then that's going to be a different dynamic.

But I'm saying for a heterosexual dynamic for me and the people that are signing up with this dating concept, I believe that you should be pursued.

So I was trying to go backwards and fit a square into a circle.

And I think it's partially because it's rough out there and it's scary, and you don't know whether or not you should keep swimming to shore or go back to where you started, a place that you really didn't want to be, because you wouldn't have started swimming to shore if you were so happy.

So in those cases, if you go back, you know, each time, and those like shipwreck shows or movie or in Yellowjackets or whatever it is, they're constantly trying to get off this island and get back home.

And it happened with Tom Hanks in Castaway and then something happens or there's a hole in the boat, and you get discouraged and you go back, but like you don't want to be back.

You just started to give up.

So don't give up your happiness.

That's why I was talking about Jennifer Aniston and the guy Jim Curtis that I have met in my life and briefly knew.

I was happy she didn't have a child.

She didn't have a child on her own.

She didn't want to do that.

I suppose she didn't stay married.

She's a beautiful woman.

She's a wealthy, successful Hollywood actress.

She could have just grabbed somebody, but she waited until her time was right, or she decided when her time was right, like a man does, whatever it is.

I think I talked about it because I wanted it to be hopeful for all of you, if that's what you want.

So that's what I have to say about that.

So today is my birthday, and it's my mother's birthday.

I was born on my mother's birthday.

On this podcast, I cried on the internet after she died.

I just sat down, I poured it out, I gave it to you.

I connected with you, I shared it with you.

A lot of things that were difficult.

I was born in my mother's twentieth birthday.

Think about being twenty and having a child.

Many of you know that from either your parents or some of you have that, but it's not common and it's hard to even fathom that in five years from now my daughter would be a mother.

So I was born on my mother's birthday, not ready to be a mother, and not fit to be a mother, not a fit mother, not a role model in ninety nine point nine percent of the ways.

But I believe that somehow that is embedded in my birthday experience.

It's just like I'm connected to her, and she passed away, and she was the most complicated, challenging relationship of my life.

And my hair is standing up on my arms, and I want to be so different than her in so many ways, and there are many ways that I am like her, and I also respect some of who she was like from superficial from a superficial aspect to the fact that she looked like Michelle Feifer and she had that like blue convertible Mercedes that I just bought and renovated, to being super smart, really sharp, like really good at trivia, to be having a sharp tongue and aggressive, and to the nostalgia of her to like the Angelie perfume commercials, the Capri skinny cigarettes, the Virginia slims, the tab.

That era.

Like she is a reflection of that era.

I don't know how many of you had like a seventies eighties mom and how quintessentially your mom was a seventies eighties New York mom.

But for me, it's all the music, like the music native New Yorker.

My mother was a city woman.

She had gay friends, like all kinds of gay friends and kaftans, long before people were having gay friends in kaftans.

You know, in high school there were people that I now realized definitely were gay men and women, but like they're just when I was in high school, like no one was out, like no one was not even accepting.

It wasn't even that no one accepted anyone.

Gay people just did not even It just wasn't on the menu.

So that was my But my mother had get gay hairdresser friends and was going to Studio fifty four and like wearing all the sheet clothing and had very few pieces of a layah and chainlink and like just she was a vibe.

She was a fucking seventies eighties vibe, a disaster, a mess, an alcoholic, a beliemic, like all the things I mean.

But you know that was the that was like think of.

But that was the generation of no seatbelts, smoke while you're pregnant, drink while you're pregnant, open the fucking back door, let your kids out.

You'll see him at eight o'clock at night.

Parents that did not work were with their kids less than parents now that work a full time job because it was smoke a cigarette, have a glass of wine, let your kids out the back door, Pray for the best free range parenting.

See you on the weekend, and still won't see you.

I just have to talk about work from home again because I'm looking to get canceled.

So I did a show with Kevin O'Leary and we battled and we debated about work from home.

Now, people haven't been on all sides of this.

I've talked to major CEOs running major companies, and most of those like sort of very successful, wealthy, old school CEOs don't love the full work from home concept.

They don't love it.

I don't love it.

Martha Stewart doesn't love it.

But we're old dogs, right, and maybe like young people really do love it.

Many people that work with me are more, are productive, they get so much done, they want to be with their families, They're happier, they have more balance.

I get it.

I'm going to push back, and I'm going to say one thing, creativity does die a little bit with collaboration if you're in a business that requires collaboration and connectivity.

For me, maybe people are more productive, but I don't know overall with work, if people are necessarily more work happy and fulfilled in work, which is part of life.

And the reason I say this is I have these silos and these people that work with me, that work in slack channels and texts and zooms and you know, WhatsApps and and all this, and yes, they get a lot done, and I have a very successful business, but I'm craving connectivity.

I don't want my people here every single day.

I definitely don't at all because I'm one of these people too.

I'm the work from home person too.

I always was, but I'm not looking to go into any office and put an outfit on and do that.

I'm not looking to drive their drive home.

I'm not looking to do that.

But I am looking to spend some time with people that I work with and them to spend time with each other and everyone east in New York and in Florida, to all be together sometimes, whether it's a group dinner, a retreat, a cocktail, a laugh, Like you get suffocated in like these little spaces.

And I do have people that come in like maybe one or two hours a week to do certain things that I have to do, other people that are here more often, but it's just not that connective.

And I feel like people must be somewhat more lonely in this work from home life must be somewhat so Anyway, I'm not saying I want to change it, because I live it more than anyone, But I am saying there's something to what an X of mine used to refer to as the raw raw shit in business, Like how is everyone getting together?

How are you taking people on a team dinner, how you know?

Things like that.

I just think I want more like connectivity, I want more collaboration more.

I know, not that it can be a little more like soul crushing, doing certain creative things and trying to explain to my team how to help me be more creative because I'm not with them as much, They're not getting to know me as much.

When I go on business trips and I'm with people that I work with, like we laugh a lot.

They get to see what I eat, how I'm crazy, how I'm fun, how I want to go dance, I want to have a cocktail, How I'm like a little kid at work.

I seem like I'm just like, you know, all business, all work and no play, you know, and I'm not that at all.

So anyway, just food for thought.

I don't know how this is all going to evolve, but I would like to keep exploring being more open and having my team with each other more and myself with them.

And I need to do more of the raw rush it.

Do the raw rush it, have the holiday dinner, do the team dinner.

Do the Danielle who works with me does like cookie making, parties with the team, brace slip making, like they collaborate, they hang out.

I love that.

I don't know that I'm I'm jealous because I'm not that girl, but I'm jealous that she is that person, like that she can do that.

I think it's important for us to connect.

I think social media has made it that everyone's face is down at their phone.

People don't meet people in bars anymore.

People are only on apps, people are only swiping.

Like the human connection, the human interaction is dying as we know it, and I think that is.

A little bit soul crushing.

I am going to put on my caviar pajamas the plight of having too much caviar.

I'm going to open the biggest tan of caveo that's in my fridge that I must use up, and I'm gonna just shovel it in like a fucking unhinged animal, seafood boil in my hotel room style.

It's about to go down.

The crash out is happening soon.

Oh and the red velvet cake.

My suitor sent me a red velvet cake last night and it was beautiful and just to all my gifts that I'm going to go open.

I love you, guys.

I am happy, I am healthy, I am grateful, and I'm grateful for you.

So happy birthday to myself.

Bye.