Everyone, it's Cully here for this week's Mojo Monday.

I've talked a lot on Mojo Monday about our inner critic, but today I want to explore a different voice that lives inside all of us, and that is the voice that judges others.

So before I get into it, I just want to say very clearly that judging others is normal.

I don't think anybody who is listening to this will say that they've never judged anybody.

It's really built into the human brain, and from an evolutionary perspective, quick assessments helped us survive.

So we needed to know who we could trust, who contributed to the tribe, or who might be a threat.

So judgment was information and it was about survival.

But I'm going to talk about the unhelpful kind of judgment here, kind that can be really harsh.

It's a kind of judgment that fuels gossip and criticism or self righteousness.

And we all know someone who does this chronically, and sometimes, if we're really honest with ourselves, that someone has been us.

And I know it has been me at times, and when I look back, I can see that in those moments, what I lacked was that stoic virtue of wisdom.

I didn't pause, I didn't reflect on my choices.

I just reacted.

And this is where curiosity can become really powerful.

So instead of snapping into judgment mode, what if we paused long enough to ask, I wonder why they see it that way?

Or I wonder what it feels like to be them right now?

This simple shift moves us from a narrow view to a wider one, And there's actual research that backs this up.

So studies from Stanford and UC Berkeley show that taking a moment to adopt another person's perspective reduces emotional reactivity, it lowers stress, and it also increases compassion.

It doesn't mean that we have to agree with anything, but what we can do is understand, and that tiny widening of perspective can change everything because curiosity softens that in a judge, It gives your nervous system breathing room.

You become more grounded and less triggered, and more capable of responding wisely.

So you may not agree with what that person is saying or doing, and that's okay.

You may even think that they're completely wrong, But when you imagine standing in their shoes for a moment, so their upbringing, their stresses, their blind spots, their fears, something really interesting can happen.

The judgment loses its intensity.

You see a human rather than a problem.

And you might also recognize something that the Stoics understood deeply, and that is that some people simply haven't developed the wisdom to pause before reacting, and sometimes neither have we.

So either way, curiosity opens the door to compassion rather than conflict.

So Marcus Cyrilius, the Stoic philosopher, he wrote in his journal to himself, So I find that fascinating.

With all the lessons and the quotes of Marcus Aurelius, he is actually talking to himself.

And he wrote, you always have the power to have no opinion, so that means you don't have to voice every thought that your mind produces.

And he also said things are not asking to be judged by you, lee them alone.

I think that's really really good advice that he gave for himself.

And Epictetis, the Stoic philosopher, said, it's not things that upset us, but our opinions about things.

So next time someone's political beliefs irritate you, or their behavior feels wrong, or their choices don't match yours.

Try this pause, get curious, ask what might this look like from their perspective, and ask yourself, is voicing my judgment wise or will it create unnecessarily suffering?

Because most of the time, what people think and feel and do is outside of your control, but how you interpret it and how you respond is completely within yours.

And sometimes choosing not to express your opinion is a better long term option than potentially creating conflict that may not end well.

And maybe this is actually really good advice in the lead up to Christmas.

So here's a beautiful surprising part.

When you move from judgment to curiosity, you actually suffer less.

Your nervous system comes, your relationships soften, You become steadier and a kind of version of yourself.

So this week and maybe on Christmas Day, try a little stoic experiment.

When judgment rises, pause, choose not to voice your opinion.

Instead shift it to curiosity, because you might find that curiosity feels a lot better than being right.

Have a great week, everyone, and I'll catch you next week.

Thea