Hey everyone, it's CALLI here for this week's Mojo Monday.

So I have spent years studying ACT, which stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, but we like to just call it ACT.

And one of the core principles is exactly what it says, and that is around acceptance.

So in ACT, acceptance means opening up to the present moment as it is.

It's allowing our inner experience to be there even when it's super uncomfortable.

So if you wake up feeling jittery or filled with worried thoughts, or you have low energy or flat, and that's what you open up to, not because you like it, not because it's comfortable, but because it's what's here.

And the opposite of acceptance in ACT is something that we call experiential avoidance.

So this is when we're not willing to feel what we feel, we can try and push the discomfort away and fix it or numb it or distract ourselves from it.

And because we're human, if we let ourselves, we start to avoid.

So we go into this avoidance mode and we all do it, and sometimes it doesn't have much impact in our lives at all, and it's actually fairly harmless.

But the kind of avoidance that we look at in act is the avoidance that costs us something.

So this is when the avoidance strategies can be problematic.

So the avoidance narrows our life, it narrows our world.

It's the avoidance that pulls us away from the person that we really want to be and how we want to spend our time and how we want to show up for our cells and for others.

So take a moment right now and just reflect on your own patterns.

So ask yourself, what do I tend to avoid because it feels uncomfortable?

And when I avoid it, what does that choice cost me?

So I would put money on one of the top avoidant strategies today being scrolling on social media.

And look, sometimes that's fine, I do it too, But the goal isn't to live this perfect life.

The goal is awareness.

It's this ability to pause, even briefly, and ask ourselves what am I trying to avoid right now?

And is this really how I want to spend my time?

Because for many of us, young, old, everyone in between, scrolling is no longer a harmless distraction.

It becomes kind of the default escape.

So ours can disappear into other people's lives while our own life is just quietly put on hold.

And of course scrolling isn't just the only avoid strategy, it's one of a thousand ways that we can avoid discomfort.

So think about something really simple, like avoiding doing the dishes because it's boring and you'd rather be doing something more interesting.

So the dishes pile up on the sink, they start to smell, and eventually you run out of plates and pots and pans.

This is a simple example, but one that clearly shows how avoidance creates bigger problems over time.

Another example which are more complex and kind of harder to catch.

So what about avoiding exercise because it feels uncomfortable or inconvenient for you?

So your mind will is so good at coming up with very reasonable arguments as to why you shouldn't exercise, so you're too tired, or oh you exercised yesterday, your body is telling you to rest.

You know, I hear the listening to your body reasoning all the time.

The key question is whether that is genuine care you know it could be, or whether it's an avoidant strategy your clever mind has come up with and even if you are tired, that doesn't mean that you have to avoid exercise altogether.

You can always scale it back.

The skill is noticing the excuses without automatically obeying them.

Or what about avoiding the stress of the day by reaching for a glass of wine not because you truly want it, but because you want that noise inside your head just to quieten down.

You want to turn that volume down.

So one glass of wine might be fine, but if it turns into a second or a third, and it's a Tuesday, it's worth asking yourself what am I trying to numb here?

Like work stress, family pressures, financial worries.

Over time, drinking alcohol every night often adds secondary stress on tip of the original stress.

So act would call these away moves.

These are behaviors that pull us away from the kind of life that we want to live when discomfort shows up.

And the truth is, experiential avoidance works in the short term, and I think that's something we need to acknowledge.

It does give temporary relief, you know, a little numbing, little distraction, a little quiet mind inside.

But over time, what avoidance does is narrows our world.

It erodes our confidence, It dampens resilience.

It keeps us living from fear and reaction rather than purpose and intention.

So what's the alternative?

Values?

Values?

Values?

At the core of act is clarifying your values.

These are the things that are important to you, deep in your heart, the kind of person you want to be, the qualities that you want to express in different in the different areas of your life.

So you know, for example, what does healthy look like to you in action?

What does connected mean in your behavior?

What does courageous look like when things feel really hard?

And notice I said what does it look like?

Not how you feel?

What does being a present parent, partner, or friend look like in real life?

And then you can gently hold those values alongside your avoidance habits and just compare what is aligned here.

If you value health but avoid movement by scrolling endlessly, then there's a mismatch.

If you value meaningful connection but are saying no to social events because discomfort shows up, then there's a mismatch.

If you value being a positive role model that stress triggers yelling.

Again, that's not a character flaw, It's just an opportunity to notice that your behavior isn't aligned with your values, and values are not about leading this perfect life.

They're more about direction, so they're like your compass.

So where your values appointing you, that's the behavior that you follow.

So here's my invitation to you this week.

Notice one moment, and it can just be one where avoidance shows up.

And it's important that you don't judge yourself.

You don't try and fight it.

I just want you to notice it.

And when you feel that urge to scroll or pour the wine, or skip the round or the gym, or back out of something that actually does matter, just pause, take a slow, deep breath, place one hand on your chest if it helps, and name what's there.

So this is boredom, this is anxiety, this is fear of being judged, this is overwhelmed, And then gently ask yourself, what's one small move I could make that points me towards the person I want to be despite how I feel.

So we're acknowledging those feelings, but they are not dictating what we choose to do next.

Because at the heart of act, you don't need to eliminate the discomfort to live well.

You just need to be willing, even slightly, to feel what you feel and still choose the life that matters to you.

Avoidance strategies are always going to show up in your mind and that is normal.

But your values can lead if you pause long enough to allow them, and every choice you make in the direction of your values moves you towards the life that you want to live, even when the discomfort comes along for the ride.

So this week, notice the avoidance, make room for the discomfort, and take one small step towards your values, and that is how your life changes.

It is one choice at a time.

So thank you for listening to this week's Mojo Monday.

If you are listening to this in the week of Christmas and you do celebrate Christmas, I hope you have a lovely day.

And if you're going on holidays, enjoy and I will catch you next week.

See yu