[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I said, oh, I had to just send it because it didn't send as I thought it, well, I'm not blocked, so we like that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We did, the bar is so low.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not blocked.

[SPEAKER_01]: We like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're still in the running.

[SPEAKER_02]: What do you like about it?

[SPEAKER_02]: Will he hasn't blocked me yet?

[SPEAKER_04]: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Final Mr.

Hight the Podcast.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm your host, Ali Jackson, and I am bringing you my positive and practical approach to dating relationships and a whole lot of other stuff about life coming from my personal life experience.

[SPEAKER_04]: This week, I am at Skyline's parents' house and coming to live from his dad's office.

[SPEAKER_04]: Be here a little bit of background noise, the washing machine is up here.

[SPEAKER_04]: I am looking forward to being back in my quiet studio.

[SPEAKER_04]: I am recording in my studio now.

[SPEAKER_04]: I found I got the Wi-Fi figured out up there.

[SPEAKER_04]: The Wi-Fi extenders in my apartment had been or our apartment had been quite a struggle.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know what happened with them, but anyway, we are recording in our studio from now on, and I'm really excited about it.

[SPEAKER_04]: But this week, we are away.

[SPEAKER_04]: I haven't read about the Thanksgiving or like a major holiday, Thanksgiving or Christmas, I guess I would or the two I'm talking about away from my family since I was 18, my freshman year of college, I did.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I wasn't sure how I was gonna feel about it.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was definitely a journey like both emotionally and logistically.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I am now someone who has done a holiday with my partner's family.

[SPEAKER_04]: I have thoughts, um, good thoughts mostly.

[SPEAKER_04]: Um, so going into this, I had this whole moment of realizing like, oh, I am now not just the long distance daughter sometimes.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I am now the longest and stater who doesn't necessarily come home for holidays.

[SPEAKER_04]: And that's never been my identity.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I've been a longest and stater since I was [SPEAKER_04]: But I haven't ever, ever been the family member that isn't at a large family gathering.

[SPEAKER_04]: Even outside of Christmas and Thanksgiving, like when we have family reunions or when we do our Norwegian crab feed, it's usually scheduled around when I'm gonna be home or I will go home for it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Family weddings, like all of that.

[SPEAKER_04]: I have never been the one that's not there.

[SPEAKER_04]: Plenty of my cousin's have like other people my family have, but I had never have.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like this is the first time that I'm getting, that I was going to be getting and did get a pictures of a family holiday table, and I'm not sitting at it.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I didn't know [SPEAKER_04]: how that was going to affect me necessarily and how I was going to think about it.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I put yeah, apparently that's me now.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's the I'm the person that doesn't always fly in.

[SPEAKER_04]: And definitely hit me in small ways leading up to the trip like my mom texted you know we'll miss you this year.

[SPEAKER_04]: She was texting me about the prep they were doing.

[SPEAKER_04]: Luckily like my brother was able to lend it lean in on a lot of stuff that I would normally do.

[SPEAKER_04]: I normally help my mom a lot with Thanksgiving cooking.

[SPEAKER_04]: My brother has two dogs and so it's and there are a little bit high needs.

[SPEAKER_04]: So it's a little bit harder for him to get away from his house.

[SPEAKER_04]: And then like the morning of texting with her like she had an emergency, she had to go to work on Thanksgiving morning but usually I would have been making a lot more stuff in that case so again luckily my brother was able to come over and help with that.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it was I wasn't sad exactly I think I was just more reflective like oh this is.

[SPEAKER_04]: This is a moment in my changing life.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like this year, at least I'm choosing this new tradition with my partner, and that's not gonna always be the case.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I think that's a pretty big milestone for me that I just, no one prepares you for, like leaving the cocoon of your family's holiday habits and sort of stepping into your partner's world.

[SPEAKER_04]: And, you know, thinking about how you wanna do things [SPEAKER_04]: And actually in a really timely moment, today, I got an email, I subscribed to the Got Men Institute's newsletter.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's free, highly recommend it.

[SPEAKER_04]: There articles, I've talked about them before, obviously.

[SPEAKER_04]: There articles are typically very short and sweet, very digestible.

[SPEAKER_04]: This particular one that is this week's media mention is estimated reading time eight minutes.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's super fast.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's called partnership over power.

[SPEAKER_04]: Why accepting influences so important?

[SPEAKER_04]: And accepting influence in their subtitle means taking your partner into consideration when you make decisions.

[SPEAKER_04]: And they, the article goes into how accepting influences about respect and respect in your relationship and being open to your partner's ideas and their different point of view, their, you know, where they're coming from versus where you're coming from.

[SPEAKER_04]: ignoring what you want or just like yes, in them a ton because you don't want to deal with it, but more so.

[SPEAKER_04]: Accepting that influence from them.

[SPEAKER_04]: to create a partnership together.

[SPEAKER_04]: And the research of the governments have done has shown that when that accepting influence leads to happy your partnerships and that when one person is resistant to that relationships are more likely to become distressed in their words and have a lot more conflict.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so thinking about decisions that you make with your partner as a decision that you're making with your partner, [SPEAKER_04]: is super, super important.

[SPEAKER_04]: It makes conflict resolution easier and it, according to the government's research results in higher relationships satisfaction.

[SPEAKER_04]: And, you know, you trust each other more.

[SPEAKER_04]: And they give a lot of different practical examples for accepting influence in your relationship, I highly recommend it as a read.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it just, I got at this morning, literally in my email inbox, having planned on talking about the decision for us to spend Thanksgiving with his family and crushes with mine.

[SPEAKER_04]: And that really hit home for me is like the accepting influence because left to my own devices, you know, as a single person, I'm going home every single time.

[SPEAKER_04]: As I mentioned, I haven't missed Thanksgiving with my family since I was 18 and I regretted that immensely.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was a terrible experience through no fault of my freshman year roommate.

[SPEAKER_04]: I just really regretted not going home.

[SPEAKER_04]: And [SPEAKER_04]: I vowed to myself on that day that I would never do that again.

[SPEAKER_04]: Obviously, that was like pretty short side and I wasn't really thinking about partnership and having a family in the future and my own traditions potentially, but I held to that for a very long time.

[SPEAKER_04]: through having partners.

[SPEAKER_04]: I had one time I brought the coach came home with me for Thanksgiving.

[SPEAKER_04]: His family didn't celebrate Thanksgiving.

[SPEAKER_04]: They weren't from the United States.

[SPEAKER_04]: So for him, it wasn't as big of a deal to miss Thanksgiving or any not a big deal at all.

[SPEAKER_04]: To miss Thanksgiving with his family, that's the only time that I have spent either Thanksgiving or Christmas with a partner.

[SPEAKER_04]: because I've always prioritized going home for both of those holidays and most people that I was dating did as well, you know, so and I totally got that because I left my own devices as mentioned, would prefer to be with my family.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it's interesting as I reflect on how that shifts for me in this partnership with Skyline where I am sad that I wasn't home with my family.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it's, and I was reflective about it, but I don't wish that I was like I'm very glad that we made this decision together for us to both come here and to both spend this time with his family.

[SPEAKER_04]: And honestly, I found myself more sad at the end of Thanksgiving yesterday.

[SPEAKER_04]: So backing up a little bit, we went to his ants for Thanksgiving.

[SPEAKER_04]: His ant lives with a close family friend of theirs.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we went to his ants and their close family friend whose husband died recently or not recently about a few years ago.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so they live together now.

[SPEAKER_04]: His ant is they're both single.

[SPEAKER_04]: And they have a new house.

[SPEAKER_04]: We went to their new house, which is near where his parents live.

[SPEAKER_04]: His uncle and his wife also came.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so there was a pretty big group there at Thanksgiving and it was the same group as we were together with on the beat at the beach when I went with his family to the beach and so I got to see all of them again and like that was so amazing and I just I constantly feel like such a part of his family in so many little ways.

[SPEAKER_04]: for just a few examples.

[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, I feel that way in conversation and they're just so warm and welcoming, but also just the way that they prioritize my needs also as a member of the family.

[SPEAKER_04]: For example, his aunt makes very good sweet potato casserole.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'd never really had Southern sweet potato casserole before.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's not a thing we do at our Thanksgiving.

[SPEAKER_04]: And she makes it and it normally has a nut topping.

[SPEAKER_04]: She had made me a small, ramican-sized version of her sweet potato casserole with no nuts on the top.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was so sweet.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so it was just like continuous things like that, you know, they really, they were so excited that my mom had sent Ling and Barry sauce to his parents for us to be able to have a taste of home.

[SPEAKER_04]: They were so excited that I had made my grandmother's corn pudding, which turned out really good.

[SPEAKER_04]: I was nervous.

[SPEAKER_04]: First time I've made it by myself.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it just it felt so connected and honestly the thing I was most sad about when we said goodbye to them yesterday and went back to his parents is that I'm not going to see them again until next year at the beach like we won't be here for Christmas we won't be here and we could maybe come down at some point in between now in the beach.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I think we may be will just thinking about wanting to spend more time with them.

[SPEAKER_04]: But that was when I was most sad about actually.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so that was just really interesting.

[SPEAKER_04]: And you know, there is still that like guest energy.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we drove down here, which was much easier than we thought it was going to be.

[SPEAKER_04]: I say that as somebody who didn't do any of the driving, but Skyline likes to drive much easier than we thought it was going to be.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think anytime we come down here in the future, we will probably drive unless we have to go somewhere else after like we talked about driving next year for the beach.

[SPEAKER_04]: wasn't so bad.

[SPEAKER_04]: We got here pretty late and like arriving at his family's home.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was immediately cozy.

[SPEAKER_04]: His mom actually decorated for Christmas early because we're not going to be here.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we're doing Christmas tonight actually and doing their family traditions tonight, which I'm super excited about.

[SPEAKER_04]: We're all exchanging gifts.

[SPEAKER_04]: Skyline and I are exchanging a couple of gifts here, a couple of gifts at my mom's when we're there for actual Christmas.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we can kind of like spread things out.

[SPEAKER_04]: But there's still a little bit of that gas energy, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: You're like, immediate, like, oh my gosh, how can I help?

[SPEAKER_04]: And they're like, no, you really don't need to do anything.

[SPEAKER_04]: And you're then you're like, well, I need to where I'm going to explode.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I have to help.

[SPEAKER_04]: So, you know, that kind of thing, but that we've kind of settled into that over the last couple of days.

[SPEAKER_04]: And, you know, there's the typical family holiday chaos of the turkey supposed to be ready at noon, but we don't need until four, because the air fryer's not working.

[SPEAKER_04]: And, you know, there's this thing going on.

[SPEAKER_04]: There's that thing going on.

[SPEAKER_04]: really comforting actually to be in that chaos because I think every family has their own version of that holiday chaos.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's just slightly different.

[SPEAKER_04]: There's always something and it was just kind of fun, honestly, to like be invited into something that feels warm and established and chaotic, but in a way that feels really familiar and just so many sweet moments, they have this like, [SPEAKER_04]: tradition that they say at the table before the meal and his aunt because his aunt and their family friend have recently moved into this house, they both recently cleaned out their prior homes.

[SPEAKER_04]: Until his aunt gave me this elephant that was her mom's, Skyline's grandmother, I guess, collected elephants and his aunt had found one while she was unpacking and she gave it to me.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was just really special and just, you know, everybody kind of ribbing each other and just [SPEAKER_04]: having so many of those moments and really witnessing skyline in his more natural habitat, like different than seeing him at the beach, but seeing him like in his parents home and with his family.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it just, it adds a layer to understanding someone.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think that you don't get from normal day-to-day life and you just see a lot more about where they came from and the things that made them who they are.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it always happens on holidays.

[SPEAKER_04]: where you catch yourself thinking like, oh, is this what future holidays are gonna feel like when things have changed?

[SPEAKER_04]: Like I remember the first holidays that we had after my dad passed away, looking around and thinking like, is this what it's always gonna feel like?

[SPEAKER_04]: Or am I ant passed away because she always hosted Thanksgiving, you know, or the Christmas Eve's, sorry, I guess this is what it's gonna feel like.

[SPEAKER_04]: And this was more of like a quiet internal, wow, you know, we're building this life that really brings us to the world.

[SPEAKER_04]: blend to families and two histories.

[SPEAKER_04]: And that is when the longest and daughter thing hit me again, just as an evolution.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like you don't stop being part of your family.

[SPEAKER_04]: You just become someone who now has multiple holiday homes, I guess.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it's a weird feeling, but also a beautiful feeling.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I definitely miss the comfort of the things that we eat at our Thanksgiving and knowing all of these things that are gonna happen.

[SPEAKER_04]: But this new thing is also really real [SPEAKER_04]: It was, it was just like I said, it was really lovely and the tiny differences I think between different people's traditions are weirdly intimate, you know, like the little things they can just like, oh, this is your family rhythm like this is your holiday language and some of it is different and some of it feels so familiar like one of the things that feel so familiar is everybody kind of [SPEAKER_04]: Bickering is the wrong word, but like going back and forth about, oh, how long do the potatoes need?

[SPEAKER_04]: And, you know, how long does the green bean casserole have to be in the oven?

[SPEAKER_04]: First I'm having green bean casserole, by the way, very good.

[SPEAKER_04]: My mom hates green beans with a fiery passion, so they are not a lot on our Thanksgiving table or any other table that's anywhere near her for that matter.

[SPEAKER_04]: But like that was so familiar to me, of like nobody quite remembering how long things need, and then needing to negotiate for oven time, [SPEAKER_04]: They did the turkey in an air fryer, which, by the way, was so good.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'd never had fried turkey before, and I guess this wasn't like a traditional fried turkey in the sense of like frying it in a oil.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was an air fryer, but holy shit, it was good.

[SPEAKER_04]: Did take a lot longer than anticipated to get it preheated.

[SPEAKER_04]: I guess I don't really know.

[SPEAKER_04]: I wasn't there for that part, but so good.

[SPEAKER_04]: Interestingly, found out Skyline is a white meat guy.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we're going to have to double click on that later because that's concerning a little bit.

[SPEAKER_04]: But just like those little moments and just like witnessing those tiny differences of how different families operate and then having.

[SPEAKER_04]: just true moments of gratitude.

[SPEAKER_04]: I gave up a little bit of a speech and by that, I mean, like two sentences after they did their thing kind of introduced in the mail of just how happy I was to feel so welcomed and that really offset the sadness for me of missing it with my family.

[SPEAKER_04]: really grateful that I could also touch my mom on the phone and, you know, have her send me pictures of their Thanksgiving and, and my cousins and, you know, see their new little kitten that I'm so excited to meet at Christmas.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it, it was sad, but it also felt like, [SPEAKER_04]: I am in a different chapter of my adulthood in this emotional and slightly chaotic way, but it felt really grounding and warm being with Skyline's family, and I think for me, that was the real takeaway that holidays changes your life changes, and that doesn't have to be sad, it can be expansive, like it can be both and, you know.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it felt like a new tradition that we were sort of quietly beginning, I don't know what it's going to look like next year like I it's certainly would not be fair for him to miss every Christmas this family I don't know if we will spend every Thanksgiving and every Christmas together I don't know what next year looks like but this year so far just feels really lovely and I'm really grateful for it so.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's what I have for my week.

[SPEAKER_04]: There are a lot more exciting updates in this episode that are not coming for me.

[SPEAKER_04]: We have Katie and Tony back on the pod this week.

[SPEAKER_04]: Dating diaries participants.

[SPEAKER_04]: If you've missed their previous episodes, you can go back and listen to the ones where we introduced them and kind of talk about their story.

[SPEAKER_04]: They are two friends who met fairly recently actually a sign that you absolutely can make new friends as an adult and in your 30s and good friends because you would never know that they haven't known each other for very long based on how they interact and how well they know each other.

[SPEAKER_04]: Last time they were on, we reviewed both of their dating profiles and they have both been out and on the prowl on those dating apps and we have updates this week.

[SPEAKER_04]: kind of very different places that the region where we have Tony who is seeing a guy long distance and it's very new but he's very excited about him and he's not really feeling that motivated to seek out other people on dating apps right now.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think we've all been there and next time he is on we are going to have an update from that guy coming to visit him we call him [SPEAKER_04]: not this weekend but next weekend.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we will hear all about that and then Katie has a few ironed in the fire.

[SPEAKER_04]: She's got three different guys kind of going right now.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, now one is you'll see, kaput.

[SPEAKER_04]: But we kind of talk about the various things that she has going on and I think some situations that a lot of us have faced.

[SPEAKER_04]: Firstly, regarding somebody who you really want to give them another chance and you feel like maybe, you know, things are different and things just turn out to not be different and what that looks like to know that and stand in what you deserve and what you want and kind of walk away from something that's not serving you and then also how different connections can develop over time and you know we kind of we harken back to somebody that Katie mentioned when we first met her that she wasn't so sure she was into and.

[SPEAKER_04]: He's back.

[SPEAKER_04]: And we like him now.

[SPEAKER_04]: So it's a great update section.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm super excited for y'all to hear it.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I have already scheduled.

[SPEAKER_04]: We've had some scheduling things with all of three of our busy schedules trying to align scheduled already.

[SPEAKER_04]: They're next update, which is going to be in only two weeks.

[SPEAKER_04]: One of the things that I gleaned from the focus groups that I did is that something that people are looking for from dating diaries is more regular updates.

[SPEAKER_04]: So you feel like you're like staying [SPEAKER_04]: Here that loud and clear going to sort of be bringing them on a little bit more.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm holding off for now.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm bringing a new person into dating diaries for that reason, which is that we can really dive into Katie and Tony on a more regular basis and not have a kind of flying back and forth, but between another person that's coming in.

[SPEAKER_04]: So thank you all for that feedback.

[SPEAKER_04]: And without further ado, let's start with Katie and Tony.

[SPEAKER_04]: And we are back with Tony and Katie.

[SPEAKER_04]: Hello, hello, welcome back.

[SPEAKER_04]: Hello.

[SPEAKER_06]: Hello.

[SPEAKER_04]: It has been a minute since we've caught up.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm glad we were able to get our schedules aligned.

[SPEAKER_00]: It has been a minute.

[SPEAKER_00]: When was the last time?

[SPEAKER_00]: Was there a month ago?

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, about a month ago.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Lots of things have changed.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I am excited to hear.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we're going to start with Tony first today, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so Tony, tell us what has been happening?

[SPEAKER_05]: So I think maybe a week or two before we last talked about our dating profiles.

[SPEAKER_05]: I had maybe reconnected with somebody that I matched with back in February.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, interesting.

[SPEAKER_05]: We matched in February.

[SPEAKER_05]: We both were in Kansas City, but neither of us lived here.

[SPEAKER_05]: Um, so he lives three hours away and I was also living three hours away in a different direction and we tried it for like maybe I don't know a couple days But it kind of like nowhere once I was like we're six hours away.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm busy right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I'm not going to probably get to you and then maybe like early October on the spicier dating app [SPEAKER_05]: I saw him again, and I was like, oh my gosh, hey you, you must be back in town.

[SPEAKER_05]: He's like, oh my gosh, yeah, you, whatever.

[SPEAKER_05]: So like we met up that night, fourth base situation.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: That was a Tuesday.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then he said, I will let's take you out on a date, a proper date tomorrow.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, I would love that.

[SPEAKER_05]: So then we go on a proper date the next day.

[SPEAKER_05]: He's not from here, which I'm not from here technically, either.

[SPEAKER_05]: But I [SPEAKER_05]: been here long enough to know some things.

[SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: So places like in case he says like I don't know where to go or like tries to make it not a big deal.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to have a plan ready just in case.

[SPEAKER_05]: Wow prepare like 15 minutes with bar I'm going to pick him up he's like I didn't really think about where to go and I was like I knew you wouldn't.

[SPEAKER_05]: Somehow I knew you wouldn't.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I figured it out for us, you know.

[SPEAKER_05]: Did.

[SPEAKER_05]: Does that bother you?

[SPEAKER_04]: No, you're like fine with it.

[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, you prepared a plan.

[SPEAKER_04]: So clearly, you're like, this is fine if that happens.

[SPEAKER_05]: I was just happy that he wanted to actually still see me the next day, like, yeah, more of that case.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I don't mind making plans.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I told him I was like, there's times when, if I say, I don't want to pick the endemic me pick.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, if I have an opinion, then I have a pretty strong opinion about why I want also that.

[SPEAKER_05]: What do you say about that?

[SPEAKER_05]: He said, noted.

[SPEAKER_05]: But then we went out the next day.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it was just like great conversation like the whole night we just talked, talked, talked, talked, talked.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was like a traveling day.

[SPEAKER_05]: Took him to a place called Enzo.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then he made a comment about not really diving into wine or like he didn't know too much about wine.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I was like, oh, let's go somewhere else then.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I took him to a place called Tannen and we had like a little wine tasting.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he's like, this is one of the best dates I've had in my life.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, oh, that's the thing.

[SPEAKER_05]: I don't.

[SPEAKER_05]: Wait until I try.

[SPEAKER_05]: Wait until I try and put it together.

[SPEAKER_03]: Like this was just the backup plan in case you didn't have a like, just exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then we've been chatting ever since one thing for me that was hard to learn.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it's still kind of as a little hard as he's not a great texture.

[SPEAKER_05]: All like, [SPEAKER_05]: shoot like seven sentences to him and I'm like yeah that's great and I'm just like that's great like I need more than that right but he makes up for that because he'll randomly call me and talk my era for 30 minutes so I'm like oh I would have to have somebody who can carry a conversation in person then have be a good texture.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, a thousand percent.

[SPEAKER_04]: I also think that when we think that somebody is a quote-unquote bad text or I think it actually just means that they don't text like we do.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that's true.

[SPEAKER_05]: You know, he said he does like a lot of it for his work.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you text.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I think he's just so used to like quick direct.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: He's like, I just got to get out and say what it is.

[SPEAKER_05]: It just takes whatever.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: but I love that he calls you.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's better.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like the more meaningful conversation is like, like throughout the day of your texting all day, I feel like you've run out of things that are actually meaningful to talk about.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: The phone call at the end of the day are like, something like that is something I feel like that's better.

[SPEAKER_05]: Whenever I'm with friends, they'll like randomly call me.

[SPEAKER_05]: Everyone's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he does call, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's sweet.

[SPEAKER_05]: Not like too much.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's not like, no, not too much.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's just like once a day.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think it also proves that phone calls don't have to be a big deal.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like, they can literally just be like, hey, I had a second thought I would say, hi, let's chat for a few minutes.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like, they don't have to be this whole planned thing.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yep, exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: Some are like five minutes, some are like 45 minutes.

[SPEAKER_05]: There's there's no pressure if he doesn't call or haven't [SPEAKER_04]: That's great.

[SPEAKER_04]: Have you called him ever?

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I call him randomly.

[SPEAKER_05]: He calls me more than I call him, but he's been making fun of me because he's like, well, you're always saying out to a 3 a.m.

and I'm like, clocked.

[SPEAKER_00]: What about it?

[SPEAKER_05]: And I think it was on Friday.

[SPEAKER_05]: We were at a friend's birthday, me and Katie, and he's like, oh, you'll be out to a 3 a.m.

and I was like, oh, no, like, it'll be a nice early night.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then like on my Snapchat story, he went and like reacted to all of them because it was like the sequence of me being out past 3 a.m.

[SPEAKER_05]: I told you so he lives money for you actually.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, that's too funny.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, I can have fun inside too, just like, Hey, what are he's going to come back in a town December 5th.

[SPEAKER_05]: So in two weeks.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, so he doesn't actually live there full time.

[SPEAKER_04]: Nope.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: So that's a little bit of a not challenge.

[SPEAKER_05]: So think I'm willing to put in a struggle if that means like a fruitful something later.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: One thing that he's been saying is he doesn't want to live in a city anymore.

[SPEAKER_05]: He's over it.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's like what he is as opposite of what the people that live there are.

[SPEAKER_05]: But I think he's just like, this is just where I've been.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's comfortable.

[SPEAKER_05]: So that gives me a little bit of hope where I'm just like, okay, you know what, like, I'll see this through for sure.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, well, it feels like it sounds like it's too early even to think like, okay, I have to know if we're going to be able to be in the same city long term, like you're you don't even know if you want that yet.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that's true.

[SPEAKER_04]: What are we gonna call him?

[SPEAKER_04]: We need a nickname.

[SPEAKER_05]: He gave himself a nickname.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: It is Rodrigo.

[SPEAKER_04]: I love it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Why did he pick Rodrigo?

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I asked him when we first met up early October.

[SPEAKER_05]: I told him when I was doing like this podcast.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, and I was like, I won't say it if you don't want me to say it.

[SPEAKER_05]: So like, let me know.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, but if you do want me to mention you, what would you want your name to be called?

[SPEAKER_05]: The he said Rodrigo?

[SPEAKER_05]: this morning he called me and we were talking about I was like, oh, I have my podcast thing today.

[SPEAKER_05]: So Rodrigo gets to make his debut.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he's like, don't you dare say anything about me?

[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, oh, you were to give me the green light early October.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm going with that and he's like, okay fine.

[SPEAKER_05]: So he was okay with it.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, he was like, he was like, I did say that you're right.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so he was, I think he's kind of like, [SPEAKER_05]: causes like shock dramatic, but like doesn't maybe actually care, just to like get me kind of all sast up.

[SPEAKER_05]: I do that.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, we do that to each other.

[SPEAKER_05]: But then like otherwise, like other people, I'm kind of just like in a 25% effort mode, but other people right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: What does that look like for you?

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I'll still get on the apps and channel some people, but unless it's like a magical conversation right away, then I'm just like, which maybe isn't the best thing to do, but I'm so like, my burners are still on love.

[SPEAKER_04]: Why do you think you're feeling in a lower effort place right now?

[SPEAKER_05]: I think as I've been finding new people, my like maybe standard or like my feelings have been getting like higher and higher for this next new person and Rodrigo is like the one that makes me like the most giddy out of all of them or like I haven't lost interests.

[SPEAKER_05]: I guess it's quick or just has his life together and am like, okay, this works.

[SPEAKER_05]: Because I think I was also kind of entertaining a man who didn't have a job at the moment.

[SPEAKER_05]: And that when I was like a three day and I was done situation, but I think when he tips two dollars on his bill, I was like, that's not going to fight with me.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I'm like a dinner bell.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm assuming he wanted to be exclusive like pretty early.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, so well, what's funny is I went to the chapel room concert in Kansas City and I was like dressed up and down in pink.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then he was like, come over and I was like, look, I'm not going to drive 20 minutes unless you have margaritas and chips and salsa.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he's like, I can have those things for years.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, fine, then I'll come over.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I ended up going over saying it as house.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then the next morning he's like, you wanna go get breakfast and I'm like, again, I'm in pink.

[SPEAKER_05]: Well, no, not only is it like the walk of shame, people are gonna know this is not really dressed for the day.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, and so I don't just come just come just calm when I was fine and it was really sweet.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was like, this is actually like going well.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, whatever.

[SPEAKER_05]: The next day we went to like a little winery, like Halloween, pop up, thing.

[SPEAKER_05]: And that was like, I could sense it.

[SPEAKER_05]: I was just like, it's just okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I'm not, I lost that first date spark already from him and on the way back home, whether I'd like to his place, he was like, are we doing for exclusive?

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I said, he's like, are you chatting with people still?

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, I mean, kind of, but like, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_05]: I just two dates is fast.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then I give them one more chance.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then we went to go get Mexican food.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then I saw the tip, and I'm just like, what had been a week, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: That was like all of a than a week, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Why did I think you want to be talking to other people?

[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think he was desperate for love.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel that.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think I would have to find somebody to be with.

[SPEAKER_05]: So do I, but I'm not going to like ask someone after two days to be excused.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like that's just weird, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: That is the energy that when I hear that, that that gives me because it's like, you can't possibly know me well enough after two dates to want to be excused with me.

[SPEAKER_04]: Two dates in the span of a few days, especially.

[SPEAKER_04]: So like what does that say about you?

[SPEAKER_04]: that you were like, nope, this isn't immediate.

[SPEAKER_04]: I actually do have a question for you about paying for dates.

[SPEAKER_04]: In the, I was gonna ask you back when you were talking about Red Rigo.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like in the scenario where he asked you on that proper date, but then like you had kind of like put in your backup plan and okay, we're gonna do this.

[SPEAKER_04]: How do you handle who wins up paying for the date?

[SPEAKER_04]: Or do you split typically?

[SPEAKER_05]: I have gotten a lot better on just saying, let's just split it.

[SPEAKER_05]: And that was my energy going in, [SPEAKER_05]: to dating Rao Ric Rodrigo that first.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you ended up paying for both of the places because he was like, no, this is my, you get to say, no, this is my date.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, okay, whatever you need to tell yourself.

[SPEAKER_05]: Or like, I always offer just split it at the very end.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think like when I first started kind of dating, I would always just offer to pay the whole thing every time.

[SPEAKER_05]: And when I realize that I can't keep doing these dates every time I was like, hey, I need to learn how to just split it.

[SPEAKER_05]: And like, that is expensive.

[SPEAKER_05]: My sister said, my toxic tray is for paying for strangers, drinks, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff [SPEAKER_04]: very generous toxic trait.

[SPEAKER_05]: He's generous.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, too much maybe sometimes.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I do think it makes sense to split or switch off like especially in that scenario where like he asked you out.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think that's so lovely that he was like, no, I want to pay like I asked you on this date.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think that's great.

[SPEAKER_05]: I appreciate it.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was a really nice date and we didn't even do anything on the ball field the next night.

[SPEAKER_05]: So it was like a very tame legit.

[SPEAKER_05]: We had them flip-flopped.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was what happened.

[SPEAKER_05]: You know, our first date happened.

[SPEAKER_05]: You got to mix it up.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you got to mix it up.

[SPEAKER_05]: But no, it was good.

[SPEAKER_05]: And we got because we still chat still off.

[SPEAKER_04]: What are you going to do when he comes back in town?

[SPEAKER_04]: Do you know yet?

[SPEAKER_05]: don't know.

[SPEAKER_05]: I have two weeks so figure out a plan.

[SPEAKER_05]: Is it going to be your date this time?

[SPEAKER_05]: Um, oh, probably.

[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, I'll probably have like a little bit of a tenorary of things.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: But not necessarily.

[SPEAKER_05]: And you need to figure out a way to like find enough things to do where we're not just like sitting in the hotel room, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: But then also not too much where we're just like going from mumping to another.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: You know, an over program.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe like a movie and there's somewhere so it can just be like just chill like two hours of [SPEAKER_00]: I like that idea.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I pop up bar big queue and then like, that's what I was thinking a little Christmas bar.

[SPEAKER_00]: Christmas day could be super fun.

[SPEAKER_04]: You guys have like holiday markets and stuff like that.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's one in Westport.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's really cool.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's made of it's that we can that be cool.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like a good little market stroll.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think that's a great idea.

[SPEAKER_05]: We also have like a big hallmark festival too.

[SPEAKER_05]: Cause like the headquarters is here isn't it?

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm pretty sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so they do like a big hallmark Christmas like set up.

[SPEAKER_04]: fun.

[SPEAKER_04]: That'd be so cute.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, that's exciting.

[SPEAKER_04]: I love this.

[SPEAKER_05]: I do too, kind of.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm obsessed with him.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not going to tell him that, but I'm just like, I see him call it.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm just like, a little.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, exactly.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's so fun.

[SPEAKER_04]: And you had said before that like you do tend to lose interest a little more quickly with people, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: Sometimes, yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: So that's great.

[SPEAKER_04]: That like this is sort of sustaining.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, for sure.

[SPEAKER_04]: Do you think part of it is because he's not there?

[SPEAKER_05]: It could be.

[SPEAKER_05]: Cause like with my ex, I thrive on like weekends away.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: And like not having a full time person to be with.

[SPEAKER_05]: So maybe, maybe.

[SPEAKER_04]: And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like you've got a whole full life and all of your own shit going on.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like maybe it actually is nice for you to have somebody that isn't all up in your space all the time.

[SPEAKER_04]: Right.

[SPEAKER_04]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe, maybe.

[SPEAKER_05]: I just can't go two months without seeing him again.

[SPEAKER_04]: Especially if you guys are able to like stay in such good touch and continue to develop your relationship when he's not there.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I agree with you two months between meetings is quite a lot.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and it was a bad timing for a lot of things, but just how the weekends follow what things I had to do or things that he had to do.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Next time we record, hopefully we will have the updates of your holiday date.

[SPEAKER_04]: Hopefully we'll see backing up because I got so excited that I forgot to ask you like about him.

[SPEAKER_04]: What do you like about him besides the fact that you like can talk to him?

[SPEAKER_05]: Sure.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think he's very caring because like whenever he'll call me he'll be like, did you get enough sleep last night?

[SPEAKER_05]: Are you drinking enough water?

[SPEAKER_05]: I think he sees my lifestyle.

[SPEAKER_05]: And like, I think he knows that he's an introvert kind of homebody, which I'm not against.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I think it's cute that he's still like, let's me do whatever I need to do.

[SPEAKER_05]: But like, he's like, are you okay?

[SPEAKER_05]: Or how's your hangover?

[SPEAKER_05]: Do you take, I'd be profan?

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, just a little things like that.

[SPEAKER_05]: Is he older than you?

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, he's 40.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I call him my old man.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he actually I think he enjoys that get a try.

[SPEAKER_03]: I take a fence.

[SPEAKER_03]: I'm kidding.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's all relative really.

[SPEAKER_04]: No, I like that though because then that like it makes more sense.

[SPEAKER_04]: Then he's older than you.

[SPEAKER_04]: He's like, he's got his shit together.

[SPEAKER_04]: He's like a little bit more established.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think if that's what you're looking for, then dating a little bit older might make sense.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think I've discovered that.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Also because do you tend to like that energy balance of like you being the one that's like very high energy and then having your partner be somebody that kind of levels you out?

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: So that makes sense too then of that kind of maybe older energy.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he's not like a ton older than you, but I need, I like the balance, but I don't want it to be like, you can't do that either.

[SPEAKER_04]: Or like, don't stop me from doing something totally because also at some point you would want to like have fun with your partner, too, even if they're not always doing that as well.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that's true.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, he sounds great.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm excited for this to continue to develop and we will hear more hopefully next time.

[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, we'll certainly hear more.

[SPEAKER_04]: We'll see what it is.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, we'll see what it is.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: So Ms.

Katie.

[SPEAKER_04]: Hello.

[SPEAKER_04]: Before we hit record, we decided that Tony was going to go first because his words tamer.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the Nick dance you're going to be Bob, who was formerly Vibes gal.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so same guys that we talked about before.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then another guy, I'll say is Bill, and then there's a damn Bill and Dan, real funky dance.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so let's remind the listeners, [SPEAKER_04]: the what had happened previously and now it's the same guy but then there's two new guys.

[SPEAKER_04]: So like remind the listeners who Bob is.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so Bob is someone I went out with twice.

[SPEAKER_00]: I met him at a club in Kansas City.

[SPEAKER_00]: We went on two dates.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's super sweet.

[SPEAKER_00]: We kind of fell off for a few weeks.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure why, but I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: He came out, what was that Thursday night?

[SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had just finished volleyball.

[SPEAKER_00]: Tony was out, a couple of our friends.

[SPEAKER_00]: He met us downtown.

[SPEAKER_00]: He was, it was super fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think he got along well with everybody.

[SPEAKER_00]: We kissed for the first time.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, you kissed for the first time.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: So how did you reconnect?

[SPEAKER_04]: So you fell off for a few weeks.

[SPEAKER_04]: We don't know why, but how did you start talking to him again?

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we talked very, [SPEAKER_00]: Like on and off, and then he, I think, reached out last week and like set, but like it was more intentional and yeah, so we were ever, I guess, totally not talking, but we definitely had it, we haven't seen each other in a long time.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so he reached back out in like a more intentional, like I want to see you kind of way.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, okay.

[SPEAKER_04]: So then he came out, he met your friends, you kissed for the first time and how was that?

[SPEAKER_00]: It was cute, it was really cute.

[SPEAKER_00]: Tony liked him.

[SPEAKER_04]: I did.

[SPEAKER_04]: I like, we love that.

[SPEAKER_04]: What did you like about him, Tony?

[SPEAKER_05]: I liked it because we were with another friend in Katie and other, if I would go get drinks or go to the bathroom and me and him could just talk the whole time.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was no break in the conversation.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he just seemed really sweet with what he was saying about, there hadn't even not Katie, just the other things of his life.

[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, oh, he's so cute.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's so cute.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and he is kind of cute.

[SPEAKER_05]: He's sweet.

[SPEAKER_00]: He invited me that night to his friends giving the next, well, it wasn't his friends giving, but it was like a friend of his friends giving.

[SPEAKER_00]: Was it in a happening because he couldn't end up going, he couldn't go to it like other way.

[SPEAKER_00]: But then when he asked me to be as plus one, I was gonna kill him.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is cute.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Have you seen him since?

[SPEAKER_04]: That was only Thursday.

[SPEAKER_04]: That was like three days ago, so I never mind.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have not, but I'm assuming this week might be hard with Thanksgiving.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I'd like to see him.

[SPEAKER_04]: Do you think you'd reach out to him?

[SPEAKER_00]: I would probably reach out to him, yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think that makes sense.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just to get things rolling a little bit.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Because you'd want to create a little bit more momentum, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: If you like him and you kind of want to see where things go, like probably don't want to wait another few weeks like before.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, I agree.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I invite him to another group thing or just do a one-on-one thing.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I would do a one-on-one thing.

[SPEAKER_04]: That would be my suggestion.

[SPEAKER_04]: The reason I'm thinking that, I mean, I probably would say that no matter what, but I'm remembering your updates from before and we weren't sure that you liked him.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_04]: And but I remember you saying he's super sweet and now you've kissed, so I think like a lot of times that can push things over into like romantic territory, but I think it's important to get that one on one interaction because I have made the mistake in the past of like having such a good time with someone with my friends and my friends like them and they're meshing in the group and then I'm like, wait, but I actually don't like them that much oops.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Been there recently.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I didn't like him.

[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't feel like the romantic connection at first because he was really nervous, which is fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just think he was more confident this time and I felt more comfortable just like he was just making more moves that I don't know I liked it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Maybe he felt more confident in the group setting like he didn't feel as much pressure.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of hours wondering too.

[SPEAKER_04]: I was like, maybe, yeah, well, I love it.

[SPEAKER_00]: No [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so that's Bob, that's Bob, Dan, he, but I with him twice, I met him on a hinge, he's super sweet, he is just like a ball energy, super fiery, he's funny, he's smart, he's a little bit younger, he's 28, which isn't crazy, but yeah, that age difference isn't crazy at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: Hmm, so I don't know if that's falling off because I haven't really heard that much from him, but We'll see.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm not like, I don't think I'm gonna reach out and try to set something up with him You're not like you're not into it enough to be like the proactive one I just really like he likes to take the lead and if he wanted like I don't believe in the like if he wanted to he would always apply is but I think he if he wanted to hang out like he would just play in it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think he would want me to like [SPEAKER_00]: Reach out or like play.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to wait for to see what he says.

[SPEAKER_04]: What makes you think that, though?

[SPEAKER_00]: He's just kind of like a take lead kind of guy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I take charge.

[SPEAKER_00]: He, like when we go out, this isn't weird to me, but when we go out to drinks to get my order and then he'll say both of our orders, like he just kind of like has a way that he likes like take charge and like be the person in charge.

[SPEAKER_00]: Which to me is fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't need that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just feel like he, I just want to see what he does also, I think.

[SPEAKER_00]: Not like too testy, but like kind of like, I know, I do like him.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to see if he, what he thinks.

[SPEAKER_04]: What if you're both doing that?

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I know, I know, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: He does, okay, the other thing is he has been taking like a data reply and I'm like, that's kind of insane.

[SPEAKER_04]: that is frustrating.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't like that, but the reason I sort of am like questioning about it is because if you were saying, you know, like, I'm interested, but I'm not crazy interested.

[SPEAKER_04]: I would go out with him if he asked me again, but like, I'm kind of indifferent on it.

[SPEAKER_04]: And you were like, headed toward a, a move, neutral opt out type of situation.

[SPEAKER_04]: I would feel differently about it.

[SPEAKER_04]: But it sounds to me like you're saying, like, no, [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and that's where I would then say, well, I think it makes sense to be proactive about it, especially if he is the one who has been thus far.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, or Rachel, I mean, I'm regardless, I'm sure we'll talk on Thanksgiving.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Thanksgiving test.

[SPEAKER_02]: Happy Thanksgiving texts are out there.

[SPEAKER_02]: Beware everyone.

[SPEAKER_00]: Tis the season.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love the Thanksgiving text.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love it, the holiday, the Christmas Thanksgiving text.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, people come back.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, things are reignited, it's kind of fun.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's like who's the reset button's been pressed?

[SPEAKER_04]: Right, yeah, it's like who's going to take this opportunity to crawl out of the woodwork?

[SPEAKER_04]: We don't know.

[SPEAKER_04]: We never know.

[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe if you Katie, I don't know if you would agree with this, I'll be like, what if you're like, what's our next?

[SPEAKER_05]: What do you have planned next to like, show that you're still interested and then he can then take that bait if that's and then run with it.

[SPEAKER_05]: Cause if he does want to see you then help for sure plan something, but if he's like, oh, let me check my schedule then there's your answer.

[SPEAKER_04]: Did I know?

[SPEAKER_04]: I liked that because I think it is just sassy enough.

[SPEAKER_04]: and like in your potential humor.

[SPEAKER_04]: And if he's kind of fiery, like you said, like I like that as like a flirty text, not an actual like, I'll never plan anything.

[SPEAKER_04]: You have to do it all.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like you're not being serious.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Wait, what was it?

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna send it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just like hell yeah.

[SPEAKER_06]: Right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because I feel like that's a good idea because then I can just either chop it off or like it's good.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't like to live in the limbo.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's fine, either way.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just, I, the limbo's fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't like, I wanna know where it's at.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't wanna put energy towards someone though.

[SPEAKER_04]: Cause I'll think about it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Absolutely.

[SPEAKER_04]: And that was gonna be my next question for you.

[SPEAKER_04]: If you weren't sure you wanted to reach out, was like, is this actually better?

[SPEAKER_04]: Like, because then you would be in limbo, where is this way?

[SPEAKER_04]: You'll know either way.

[SPEAKER_04]: But the other thing that I think about is from his perspective, even if he is someone who likes to plan, who likes to lead, who likes to take charge, et cetera, I don't think that necessarily means that he doesn't appreciate when somebody else can be proactive too.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like a lot of times, those people get burned out by always being the one in charge.

[SPEAKER_05]: but you also want to be in charge still to them.

[SPEAKER_05]: Right.

[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I know.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, that's the, you've hit on the conundrum, which is that I love when people plant things for me, but not like that.

[SPEAKER_03]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's how I am.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I want to have the final say, but float your idea and pass me and then I'll approve it.

[SPEAKER_04]: I love a multiple choice question.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's one of my, one of my favorite things is like, here are some options for dinner, and then I get to pick.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think one thing, okay, why was a little nervous to reach out first.

[SPEAKER_00]: I paid for like the last round of drinks.

[SPEAKER_00]: I offered and I feel like he was kind of weird about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I don't think that's how was he weird about it?

[SPEAKER_04]: Like, just grab the interaction.

[SPEAKER_00]: His face was just like, I feel like he felt a little demat, what's the cold demasculated or whatever.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, you know, his face looked a little like, and then when I gave the bartender my car, [SPEAKER_00]: Like to me, it's not a big deal.

[SPEAKER_04]: If that is actually how we felt about it, that is a red flag to me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, that's why I can't tell.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, which one potential facial thing Tony are not in due degree?

[SPEAKER_05]: If that, if he's mad about that, then yeah, that's a red flag.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, right.

[SPEAKER_04]: I agree with you.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't think we have enough information.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and I asked him right after and I was like, was that weird?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like he kind of made a face and he was like He said no, it was a nice gesture.

[SPEAKER_00]: I could have read into it too much the jury's out I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're not sure.

[SPEAKER_04]: Maybe he was just surprised Maybe but I don't like that if that's he if that's actually how we felt.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, no [SPEAKER_04]: Certainly not, but you know, yeah, but it's a good.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think good.

[SPEAKER_04]: Good.

[SPEAKER_04]: I have your antenna up.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so maybe he'll right back while we're still talking.

[SPEAKER_04]: That would be fine, but probably not because he takes a day to reply.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, we'll.

[SPEAKER_00]: We'll know one day.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I said, oh, I had to just send it because it didn't send us the iPhone.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm not blocked.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we like that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We did the bar is so low.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not black.

[SPEAKER_01]: We like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're still in the running.

[SPEAKER_02]: Hahaha.

[SPEAKER_02]: What do you like about it?

[SPEAKER_02]: Will he hasn't blocked me yet?

[SPEAKER_02]: So there's got that going for him.

[SPEAKER_02]: Marish tomorrow.

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh man.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're ready.

[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so there's one more guy, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Bill?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Bill, the borrowers in hell with Bill, oh, oh, no.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we, I don't even, so we met in 2023 in a 2023.

[SPEAKER_00]: We met on hand, we kind of went on dates and stuff and then it, when I, he wasn't ready for a relationship.

[SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't in the right head space.

[SPEAKER_00]: Which could be true.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: Could be true.

[SPEAKER_04]: Sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: But then he would talk about other girls, so he, it didn't make any sense really.

[SPEAKER_00]: Why, why would he talk about other girls to you?

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, ew, I know.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we were like, we had agreed to be like, friends with benefits, whatever.

[SPEAKER_00]: That didn't go well.

[SPEAKER_00]: So then he got a girlfriend.

[SPEAKER_00]: All I started dating someone in April and he started dating someone in.

[SPEAKER_00]: to lie.

[SPEAKER_00]: But anyways, he raised back out, he was trying to call months ago and then we didn't hang out until about a month ago for the first time.

[SPEAKER_04]: I want this question.

[SPEAKER_04]: Why did you want to hang out with him again?

[SPEAKER_00]: He had, I don't know, I just don't know, he had these seem different through tech or something.

[SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't different.

[SPEAKER_00]: But he sounded different through texts like more thoughtful.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know he had been going to therapy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I knew that he had gone through some stuff [SPEAKER_00]: I have always liked him as a person, like I feel like we have get along well, we have good conversations, good banners, stuff like that.

[SPEAKER_04]: So it's like let me try Tony you've met him.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's it sounded like right because Katie said what's your take?

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah I first I did like him.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think there was an idea we went out Halloween as Halloween and me and Katie can laugh at ourselves when we say stupid things or we can clock each other and it's going to be deal.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I don't know who said what to him.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it was like something like you shouldn't even get mad about it.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was like silly stupid.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he's like, well, that's not me.

[SPEAKER_05]: I would never.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was just like, like, just take the L of this conversation.

[SPEAKER_00]: What is it?

[SPEAKER_05]: No.

[SPEAKER_05]: wouldn't let it go.

[SPEAKER_05]: Wouldn't admit that I'm not sure the exact conversation now, but it was, like his ego got involved.

[SPEAKER_05]: He couldn't be vulnerable.

[SPEAKER_05]: It felt like it couldn't just laugh at himself or like, I don't know how to explain it.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I told Katie that, like the next day, I was like, like you had to be right about whatever it was.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I did look past some red flags.

[SPEAKER_00]: He did it's not funny, but he just told me It was like I didn't date you last year one because I didn't think you liked me Which is valid because I was still like getting over my divorce and stuff We also said I like women with this turn of a Z.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, yeah, and he's like you lost a lot of weight since last year I'm like No [SPEAKER_04]: Katie, tell me we're not talking to this man.

[SPEAKER_00]: No.

[SPEAKER_00]: No.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, thank God.

[SPEAKER_04]: Fuck that.

[SPEAKER_04]: I am so sorry.

[SPEAKER_04]: He said that to you.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay, but I was like, yeah, no, it's okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I mean, I just like, the way he just was so demeaned.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: Something with me in hand, like, he just like cut me at the knees a lot.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why.

[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, he's insecure, obviously, that's horrible.

[SPEAKER_00]: Very insecure.

[SPEAKER_04]: Both of these data points, him cutting other people down, and also his inability to laugh at himself, and like have too big of an ego, like both of those screaming security things.

[SPEAKER_00]: The last date we went on, he asked me to go to a movie, I thought it was a date.

[SPEAKER_00]: That same day, he's like, I think my friend Rachel was coming.

[SPEAKER_00]: So he had invited another girl.

[SPEAKER_00]: What?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then she ended up coming.

[SPEAKER_00]: But then that night, we were still on the couch if felt kind of romantic.

[SPEAKER_00]: He got wine, he got, you know, he bought the movie tickets, whatever.

[SPEAKER_00]: Then he starts bringing up this girl.

[SPEAKER_00]: He went on a date with a couple times.

[SPEAKER_03]: Again, he's talking to you about other girls.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I was like, this isn't the same.

[SPEAKER_04]: I do not like this man.

[SPEAKER_04]: No.

[SPEAKER_04]: And obviously, we don't either, so it's fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: True.

[SPEAKER_00]: So then he wanted, oh, cuddle.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I don't want to cuddle.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'll call her Kelsey's territory or something.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, something kind of like sassy because I was like, no, like it sounds like you're taking, you have like your the girl you're talking about.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he just shut it down.

[SPEAKER_00]: He like emotionally like flattened out.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he was like, I, he's like, I'm not emotionally capable.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just kept saying that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, do you like me romantically?

[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, I'm not emotionally capable.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like you wouldn't give me any actual answer.

[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, that sounds very true.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, that tracks.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think you're right.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like I mean, yeah, that's maybe the first thing I agree with him about is this Christ, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: But then a couple days later, I was looking at his Spotify.

[SPEAKER_00]: This sounds so high school.

[SPEAKER_00]: I looked at his Spotify.

[SPEAKER_00]: He had made a collaborative playlist with the girl that he had brought up on the date.

[SPEAKER_04]: He ever cut in this man off.

[SPEAKER_04]: I hope that that's already happened.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, he's cut off.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's a demon.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, what the heck?

[SPEAKER_00]: Go.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, I was, I mean, we try to be really nice to him.

[SPEAKER_00]: We invited him to stuff.

[SPEAKER_00]: We like, or friendly.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what the issue was.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I mean, he has the issue.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's not, this is not on you.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is not on you anyway.

[SPEAKER_04]: You don't deserve any of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it was just, I felt very small and very, like, I felt like shit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm so sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: How dare he?

[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad I actually just like got it all the way.

[SPEAKER_00]: I got the closure, because I haven't been thinking about him a little bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, in the time period we didn't talk.

[SPEAKER_00]: So now I feel like I have total closure.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm glad about that.

[SPEAKER_04]: If nothing else that you're, you know, done and dust it with this man.

[SPEAKER_00]: done and destined.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, so done.

[SPEAKER_04]: That is so brutal.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_04]: What did ask hat?

[SPEAKER_00]: He isn't as hat.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's fine.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm I feel like he was saying like just enough to like have the fun with you without like one given you like the other side of the court.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_05]: It comes up with what you're looking for.

[SPEAKER_00]: As he said at one point he's like you might be [SPEAKER_00]: And then he turns around and it's talking about someone on our day that he, and then the emotional cable thing and the Spotify playlist, I'll like, you don't, you have no idea what's going on in your brain.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I mean, or you do my initial thought was this is very manipulative.

[SPEAKER_00]: It gives manipip, yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Which, yeah, oh, I agree, I hate that.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm just like, I'm not with him.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm glad you were able to recognize us.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I also like, I understand that desire for closure of like, okay, things did not go well the first time with this person.

[SPEAKER_04]: Feels like maybe they've turned a corner.

[SPEAKER_04]: They've worked on themselves, et cetera.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like let me see.

[SPEAKER_04]: And then you saw.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and where you've moved on and like there's I think there's growth in that there's something to be to be said for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Tony let me ask a million questions because I couldn't decide what to do.

[SPEAKER_00]: I could decide what to do, but all that do I block him do I not like I was kind of feeling bad for some reason and then yeah, Tony helped me through.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, how did you add things like what was and how to do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: We just didn't, I blocked him for a couple of days.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just haven't talked to him.

[SPEAKER_00]: He texted me a couple of times as Gabriel's short replies.

[SPEAKER_00]: But if he texts now, I'm past the feeling guilty stage.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just won't even.

[SPEAKER_04]: You've nothing to feel guilty about.

[SPEAKER_04]: Zero.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is true.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's what I told her too, because then I needed him from the other group chat.

[SPEAKER_05]: Hell yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so I went and found the ones that he was and I never moved him from all the group chat.

[SPEAKER_04]: I love that energy.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's the kind of friend we all need.

[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly, um, I think I feel guilty because he tried to make me feel guilty a lot and like twist things that were my his fault on to me like I had did something wrong with I was really reacting to what he had done so [SPEAKER_04]: I had to kind of get out of that mindset that is the hardest things I think about dealing with a manipulator, romantic or otherwise, is that exact thing that you just described that like they will do something and then you will have a reaction to the thing that they did, but now your reaction is the problem.

[SPEAKER_04]: When like it all stemmed from the thing that they did, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, that's the worst.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it was frustrating, but...

Well, fuck Bill.

[SPEAKER_04]: Fuck Bill.

[SPEAKER_04]: Maybe on Dan, we shall see when he responds and wanted to business days.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, we'll see.

[SPEAKER_04]: We shall see.

[SPEAKER_04]: And then Bob, when are we seeing Bob?

[SPEAKER_04]: We don't know.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'll reject Bob.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: You said you were going to do.

[SPEAKER_04]: That one you had said you were going to reach out to him.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's easy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'll reach out to him.

[SPEAKER_00]: I tried to do something Tuesday.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I love it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, next time we chat, hopefully we will all have so many, well, not all.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't, I won't have anything I'm boring.

[SPEAKER_04]: But you guys will love dates.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm excited.

[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you as always for sharing with us.

[SPEAKER_00]: Of course.

[SPEAKER_04]: And we'll talk to you and to the listeners.

[SPEAKER_04]: I will see you later.