[SPEAKER_00]: Either way, if it's going well, we will have a drug conversation.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really great.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, my tendency is like, quick, quick, quick, let's like get to it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying to get away from that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And almost like, not relish, but like, he, he, like, there's someone I'm kind of interested in.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is nice.

[SPEAKER_00]: So...

Totally.

[SPEAKER_05]: Totally.

[SPEAKER_05]: I just don't want you to like, he, he, your way into getting hurt.

[SPEAKER_05]: Because...

Ali, you're killing me with a one-liner today.

[SPEAKER_02]: You are killing me!

[SPEAKER_05]: Hello, and welcome to other episode of fanomists who are at the podcast.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm your host, Ally Jackson, and I am bringing you my positive and practical approach dating and relationships based on my own life experience.

[SPEAKER_05]: And since my own life experience does not still include me going on dates all the time or like dates with new people.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm still going on dates with Skyline.

[SPEAKER_05]: I have been bringing you the dating diaries segment.

[SPEAKER_05]: And this week we have a full dating diaries update.

[SPEAKER_05]: I really loved the dynamic that we had when we had Kaylee and Elise together on the profile error on the swipe with me episode that we did.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm going to be trying to bring Kaylee and Elise together on dating diaries episodes as much as possible because I just really love the dynamic of the three of us and I also think it's really interesting to get not only my perspective on what each of them are going through in their dating lives but also another current dateers perspective on the other person's situations.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we did that this week and it was a lot of fun.

[SPEAKER_05]: We had a great conversation.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think I say it was a lot of fun because I enjoy talking to them and I like I said I just love our vibe together.

[SPEAKER_05]: But this week we did talk a lot about dating fatigue and dating burnout and kind of like that just really draining feeling that you get when you're going on all of these dates specifically for states and they're just not going anywhere and nothing's like terrible like it's not [SPEAKER_05]: I remember when I was dating that I actually think it was harder for me in stretches of time where I was going on a bunch of like math dates, first dates specifically, then times when I was having like crazy bad dates, like I'm thinking about like horrific dates that I went on where I was like, well, at least that's a story or [SPEAKER_05]: I said in the episode, I was like, you're here in the interview I did with in the section I did with Caitlyn Elise.

[SPEAKER_05]: I was like, there were times where I yearn to get my heart broken.

[SPEAKER_05]: Or like, man, I just wish that I could like really like someone again, even if that person totally fucking destroys me.

[SPEAKER_05]: There's something about that middle ground.

[SPEAKER_05]: of the blah of like the monotony of going on first date after first date and it's not going anywhere that hits really hard.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I think that's something that we don't talk about very often because we talk about like updating so tough.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's like, you know, there's it's so tough out there, like you go on these horrible dates and people never write you back and people ghost you and like all the stuff, but it's also horrible because it's just blah, so often.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we talk about that.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I give each Kaley and Elise a challenge, which you'll hear about.

[SPEAKER_05]: Kaley challenges actually very relevant to last week's episode about dating in real life.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm excited for y'all to hear that.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I know that so many of you are loving these episodes.

[SPEAKER_05]: Thank you so much for all the feedback you've given right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: I've been looking to do a dedicated dating diaries episode about once a month.

[SPEAKER_05]: But I hear you.

[SPEAKER_05]: You want more dating diaries in content.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm looking for ways that we can do like quicker updates.

[SPEAKER_05]: and have them be kind of like a segment of a larger episode and what that might look like.

[SPEAKER_05]: So stay tuned for that.

[SPEAKER_05]: And if you are loving the show, I would love to hear from you in an Apple podcast review or a Spotify rating works as well.

[SPEAKER_05]: I so so appreciate all of your DMs and comments and everything like that.

[SPEAKER_05]: Reviews are how advertisers find the pod and also new listeners, but especially new advertisers.

[SPEAKER_05]: So be just amazing.

[SPEAKER_05]: If everybody who DMed me something really kind would leave a review, I would love that.

[SPEAKER_05]: On my end, it's really still all been about Emmy.

[SPEAKER_05]: She's sitting here in my lap saying hi if you're watching the video on the Patreon.

[SPEAKER_05]: Speaking of the Patreon, by the way, I've mentioned recently that I did a survey for the patrons to ask them, you know, what kind of features or features benefits they're looking for, additional benefits, but also like things that would make them want to upgrade to the ten dollar tier if they're in the seven dollar tier.

[SPEAKER_05]: So if you haven't checked out the Patreon, [SPEAKER_05]: A lot is going on over there.

[SPEAKER_05]: Not only do I have an bonus episode every week where I dive deeper into things that are going on in my personal life, like this week I talked a lot about, or last week I talked a lot about rather, my health journey that I've been on and kind of advocating for your health, that your doctor and everything, a bit more about my journey with Emmy with Skyline.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then we also answer this in our questions.

[SPEAKER_05]: If you're a patron, you get direct access to and ask Ellie anything form.

[SPEAKER_05]: sometimes ask skyline anything as well.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I get to pretty much all of those questions, whereas I love y'all's questions on the finding mr.

height.com slash podcast form for this main pod.

[SPEAKER_05]: But I can't get in the earliest many of those in the hot topics episodes as I can on the Patreon.

[SPEAKER_05]: So of course, we've got those bonus episodes.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm going to be doing even more bonus episodes for our ten dollar tier adding like little mini episodes.

[SPEAKER_05]: The Patreon is also ad free.

[SPEAKER_05]: So if you're listening to this right now in a thinking man, I wish there weren't ads here.

[SPEAKER_05]: There don't have to be.

[SPEAKER_05]: You can go to the Patreon and there won't be.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then also, ten dollar tier Patreon members get access to the Discord, which has all sorts of channels in it for chatting and community and advice.

[SPEAKER_05]: And we talk about, we've been doing a main pod discussion thread in there and just really growing what that community looks like and then trying to focus more there as well as I grow the Patreon and kind of think about what I want that to look like as I go in my solo podcasting journey.

[SPEAKER_05]: And there's also full videos of the main pod over there on the Patreon.

[SPEAKER_05]: So, oh, and monthly lives, lots going on on the Patreon.

[SPEAKER_05]: If you haven't checked it out, patreon.com slash finding Mr.

Hight.

[SPEAKER_05]: But so...

[SPEAKER_05]: Really going on with me is still all about Emmy right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: We're in my recording studio aka her bedroom right now, but she has been breaking out and we've been letting her out rather of her bedroom more and more recently.

[SPEAKER_05]: She's been in Jen pop if you will hanging out with the boys.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's going really well.

[SPEAKER_05]: Rory as expected is much more skeptical of her Logan.

[SPEAKER_05]: Pretty much took to her right away.

[SPEAKER_05]: He had to set some boundaries with his tail.

[SPEAKER_05]: She was really into playing with his tail and he was really not into that.

[SPEAKER_05]: Rory is not into anything that she does except for when she sits quietly and stares at him because that's what he loves to do.

[SPEAKER_05]: He loves to sit quietly and stare at people.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so she's starting to understand that while he's starting to understand that she's not a threat.

[SPEAKER_05]: So they're like, they're moving a little bit closer to each other.

[SPEAKER_05]: But she and Logan are just buds, which is just really cool.

[SPEAKER_05]: She can't yet be unsupervised with them.

[SPEAKER_05]: We don't feel quite comfortable doing that yet.

[SPEAKER_05]: So she's still sleeping in here at night.

[SPEAKER_05]: And we're putting her in here for, you know, we're popping out for dinner or whatever we're doing.

[SPEAKER_05]: But things are going really well.

[SPEAKER_05]: I realize that I never followed up on the like little bit of a health scare that we had with her.

[SPEAKER_05]: I posted it in my story and somebody reminded me via DM this week that I never followed up on it.

[SPEAKER_05]: So thank you for that.

[SPEAKER_05]: So the day that we [SPEAKER_05]: The day that we the week rather that we were supposed to adopt Emmy, she or that we did adopt Emmy, the Friday of that week, she was supposed to go get spade and so much happened in the span of like twenty minutes when she was when all of what I'm about to talk about went down.

[SPEAKER_05]: So she was supposed to go get spade [SPEAKER_05]: Her foster, who's amazing, she's a friend of mine, took all the kittens in the litter and the mom to go get spade at the same time.

[SPEAKER_05]: Some of the kittens were getting picked up directly by their new families the next day.

[SPEAKER_05]: And me was supposed to go back to her foster for the night and then we were gonna pick her up two days later.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we get a call at like, I don't know whatever, it doesn't matter what time.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, too, let's say, from the shelter.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I put a month's week of phone because Skyline was sitting next to me.

[SPEAKER_05]: The first minute of this phone call, we both thought that our kitten was dead, the way that they entered this phone call.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like I have some serious feedback for them.

[SPEAKER_05]: They entered the phone call by saying like, hi, like, Allian, you know, we were calling and they were talking so slowly.

[SPEAKER_05]: We're calling with some news about her name used to be chips a hoi, [SPEAKER_05]: As you know, this is literally the speed they were talking about.

[SPEAKER_05]: But basically, I'm going to speed up.

[SPEAKER_05]: Basically, they said, as you know, her foster brought her and her siblings in for spay and neuters surgery and all the surgery prep aren't really, oh, they started with we have some bad news.

[SPEAKER_05]: We have some bad news is how they started the call.

[SPEAKER_05]: We have some bad news about chips of voice spay surgery.

[SPEAKER_05]: Bad news about chips of voice.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then they spent like a minute leading up to what we thought was going to be that she had died like the way that they were talking and like the tone of voice we were looking at each other like oh my god what's happening didn't want to interrupt the person who called us so we're just like waiting there like holding hands like oh my god is our kitten dead before we've even taken her home.

[SPEAKER_05]: But no, obviously, because she's here.

[SPEAKER_05]: It turns out that she had a really bad reaction to the sedative to the anesthesia that they gave her.

[SPEAKER_05]: She started going cyanotic, which means that her little lips were turning blue.

[SPEAKER_05]: She was like low on oxygen.

[SPEAKER_05]: It could mean a lot of different things.

[SPEAKER_05]: They immediately like brought her out and did not go forward with the space surgery.

[SPEAKER_05]: It could mean a lot of different things.

[SPEAKER_05]: They examined her afterwards, which they hadn't done yet when we got this phone call, but they examined her afterwards to try to see if she had an underlying heart condition or something going on with her lungs, or if maybe there was like technician error or something and they didn't find any sign of anything, which likely means that she is allergic to that sedative, which is now noted in her chart.

[SPEAKER_05]: It could also mean that she was just too small.

[SPEAKER_05]: She was not quite like almost not quite two pounds to the point where they like almost didn't do the surgery within they decided to.

[SPEAKER_05]: So it could also be that she was too small and her airways were too small.

[SPEAKER_05]: They are going to try again in like a month and use a different set of Dave and like see how that goes.

[SPEAKER_05]: Fingers crossed that goes well because having an unspaid cat would be [SPEAKER_05]: kind of annoying and also in addition to being annoying because they go through heat.

[SPEAKER_05]: In addition to that piece of it, it's also like there's more negative health outcomes if a cat's not spade.

[SPEAKER_05]: So a female cat, I think that's true too for male cats who aren't neutered.

[SPEAKER_05]: Behavioral issues are worse for male cats who aren't neutered.

[SPEAKER_05]: So at least she's female, but there's like health complications that increase the chances increase if they're not spade.

[SPEAKER_05]: So fingers crossed that she's able to get spade, but like she's fine, but it was just a very scary phone call.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we're on this phone call.

[SPEAKER_05]: And we've just found out that she's alive, but we're like still kind of like [SPEAKER_05]: absorbing the information and kind of understanding what we're going to do.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then we hear this thund, like massive thund.

[SPEAKER_05]: And we look over to our right.

[SPEAKER_05]: And there is what appears to be a dead bird on my balcony.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like a bird, this has happened before.

[SPEAKER_05]: A bird hit the window at full velocity and is either stunned, knocked out or dead.

[SPEAKER_05]: I've been lucky in the past that when this has happened, they have not been actually dead and they've like shaken themselves off and got up and been okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: but it's not moving and we're still on the phone with the shelter and the person's talking and we're like looking over at this dead bird on the balcony the cats are going nuts trying to get at this dead bird that's outside they can't get to it but like freaking out they're like scratching my screen door which they never do but there's this bird like two feet away from them less than that the shelter guy is still talking and we're like okay ignore the bird for now [SPEAKER_05]: So we hang up with the shelter.

[SPEAKER_05]: We're like about to figure out how to deal with the bird.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then we get a phone call.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it's the woman who was coming to pick up my dining room table off a Facebook marketplace.

[SPEAKER_05]: And if you saw my Instagram stories about that, it was like quite the dramatic saga.

[SPEAKER_05]: They were supposed to come pick it up on some other day that week earlier in the week.

[SPEAKER_05]: Never showed totally ghosted me.

[SPEAKER_05]: Said they were coming at a certain time.

[SPEAKER_05]: Didn't show up.

[SPEAKER_05]: Nothing about the interaction had seemed shady up till then.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like they didn't ask me to pay with Zell.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like they didn't do anything weird.

[SPEAKER_05]: And as they were on like going to leave at a certain time and definitely be there to certain time and then never showed and didn't answer any messages.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I just assumed they decided not to buy it and we're ghosting me whatever happens on Facebook marketplace.

[SPEAKER_05]: But then they messaged me again on Friday like two days later and was like.

[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, I want to come pick up the table today.

[SPEAKER_05]: No mention of the fact that they had not come and totally ghosted me the day prior two days prior.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I was like, oh, hey, like, I thought you were coming Wednesday or whatever day.

[SPEAKER_05]: And they're like, oh, yeah, I could have made it.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, a message would have been cool, but like, fine, I want to get rid of this table at this point.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm about to post it in a buying that thing because I just want to get rid of it.

[SPEAKER_05]: So like, when can you come?

[SPEAKER_05]: So they say when they're going to come, [SPEAKER_05]: And of course, the phone call comes like right as we're hanging up with the shelter literally like another phone call was coming in and the shelter we were hanging up and then there's this dead bird on the balcony so we're like, all right, still can't deal with this dead bird that we're pretty sure is dead.

[SPEAKER_05]: got to bring this table and chairs downstairs.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we like gather all of our stuff like all the the table, the chairs, there's six schools.

[SPEAKER_05]: Skyline helps me.

[SPEAKER_05]: We like get it in the elevator.

[SPEAKER_05]: We get it downstairs.

[SPEAKER_05]: We get it all the way out to the street.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then this woman who's brought her partner with her.

[SPEAKER_05]: The two of them start to try to negotiate with me.

[SPEAKER_05]: Skyline is still in the building because he's like bringing the schools out.

[SPEAKER_05]: They don't know he's there though.

[SPEAKER_05]: So they see me like pushing the table out of my front door onto the street.

[SPEAKER_05]: I get it like all the way out.

[SPEAKER_05]: She helps me get it all the way out into the street and then she's like trying to negotiate the price way down and mind you the the price that I had already agreed to was lower than what I had listed it at which is fine.

[SPEAKER_05]: That should happen some face of marketplace.

[SPEAKER_05]: She's trying to negotiate it down fifty percent.

[SPEAKER_05]: after it's already in the street.

[SPEAKER_05]: And she's like, well, it has these like scratches on it.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, I know it does.

[SPEAKER_05]: I listed those scratches.

[SPEAKER_05]: There's pictures of those scratches.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I told you about them.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm like pulling up the Facebook listing, being like, see, scratches.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it's called out.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, it's used.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like that's why it was so cheap to begin with.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then I let you negotiate down before right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: The other scratches.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then she's like, well, I already have this table in Brown.

[SPEAKER_05]: I really don't need it in gray.

[SPEAKER_05]: That is not my problem.

[SPEAKER_05]: Why are you here then?

[SPEAKER_05]: And then she's like, and then her partner comes out of the Jeep that they're in.

[SPEAKER_05]: And he's like, yeah, we already have this table in brown.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, I don't know what to tell you.

[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't say that's not my problem because I was trying to have to escalate things.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was taking me to my head.

[SPEAKER_05]: Because again, we already have this table in Brown.

[SPEAKER_05]: I don't even know why she thinks she wants this table.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, I don't know either, but she said she wanted it.

[SPEAKER_05]: And now here we are, do you want it?

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I'm so confused, but I'm not going to take fifty percent off the price for you.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so we're going back and forth.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then she's like, well, there were people offering it for cheaper, but they were further away.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, okay, drive to their house.

[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's telling you, lady.

[SPEAKER_05]: So, [SPEAKER_05]: At this point is went, and so then I was like, I'm not gonna, I'm not taking that price that you're telling me, like, absolutely not.

[SPEAKER_05]: At this point is when they see skyline.

[SPEAKER_05]: And like, I really fucking hate that this is true, that like, a man's presence in a negotiation is a game changer.

[SPEAKER_05]: I really fucking hate that our patriarchal society has us at that place, but it was a game changer.

[SPEAKER_05]: the tone changed entirely.

[SPEAKER_05]: He didn't even say anything.

[SPEAKER_05]: And the tone changed entirely when he walked out, which again, it's just so fucked, but like true.

[SPEAKER_05]: My dad always told me like when I was leasing my car and everything, and I was single at the time, and he was like, bring a guy friend with you, even if he knows nothing about cars, like it fucking sucks, but just do it.

[SPEAKER_05]: I did, and it helps, and I hate that it helps, but it does.

[SPEAKER_05]: Fuck the patriarchy, but also, [SPEAKER_05]: Hmm, not also, but like fuck the patriarchy, just end sentence.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so I ended up going to go, I ended up decreasing the price slightly to an amount that somebody else on Facebook had offered me that morning after she had said she was coming, so I was like, I think someone's coming, but like I'll get back to you.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I gave her that price because that was what the other person had offered anyway and luckily they took it.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I just want this table out of my apartment.

[SPEAKER_05]: I love this table, but I bought it for my previous apartment and it just doesn't go in my space.

[SPEAKER_05]: I've thought that for the last two plus years that I've lived here and I've just never done anything about it.

[SPEAKER_05]: But Skyline has a dining room table that's smaller and circular and a lower height that we think is gonna look much better.

[SPEAKER_05]: Not sure that we'll keep that one long term, but I think like just the sizing and everything is gonna be much better.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we're gonna use that one for now.

[SPEAKER_05]: Um, so anyway, all of that happened and then we're like, oh, all right, great.

[SPEAKER_05]: They bought the table.

[SPEAKER_05]: When we get back up into the apartment and my cats are like, still over by the balcony.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, oh, fuck, they're still a dead bird.

[SPEAKER_05]: So it was, it was just like the the most chaotic, like stressful, yeah, but like chaotic hour.

[SPEAKER_05]: of events, maybe more like thirty minutes of events.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I just forgot that I never told that story.

[SPEAKER_05]: So telling it now, randomly.

[SPEAKER_05]: And with all that without further ado, let us get to Kaylee and Elise.

[SPEAKER_05]: And we are back with Kaylee and Elise.

[SPEAKER_05]: Hi, ladies.

[SPEAKER_05]: Hello.

[SPEAKER_05]: So the last time the three of us spoke was on the Patreon Live, June's Patreon Live, which was super fun, both of y'all joined and we got to kind of like chat live with all the patrons.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was very fun for me at least.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I love that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Having the like live comments come in.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's so fun.

[SPEAKER_02]: It really is fun.

[SPEAKER_02]: It makes me feel like I should do some like live streams of my own and then I'm like, oh wait, no, you have to have a platform for that.

[SPEAKER_04]: Do you have to do it?

[SPEAKER_04]: You can do whatever you want.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, yeah, it's just fun.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's a different vibe.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I totally agree.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's nice seeing the people, names I recognize from past ones that we've done.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so I enjoy that too of that community aspect as well.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's simply what we've talked to in the discord chat also.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, oh, hey, you know, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's just, it's fun.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I loved it.

[SPEAKER_05]: But the last time the main pod heard from y'all was on our last dating diaries update episode.

[SPEAKER_05]: And before we get into the dating updates, Miss Kaylee, you have a life update to share with us.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I might have a little one.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I actually got into my cinematography program that I was applying for.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, we're so excited.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I feel very lucky.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, the imposter syndrome is so real.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I got the like we would like to invite you into the program like you've been accepted.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I checked that it was to my email, probably not, you know, no short of twenty times.

[SPEAKER_02]: What a bad mistake, that would be.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, God, that would be humiliating.

[SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, so I mean, the imposter syndrome is so real, but I'm trying to remind myself, I worked really damn hard to get here.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, how you did?

[SPEAKER_02]: I'll enjoy my two months of summer before my two years of hard work, really, really begins.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, your break.

[SPEAKER_02]: Great.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_05]: Great.

[SPEAKER_05]: So excited for you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_05]: And that's also like I know we've been we were talking about on previous episodes how it was so hard for you to kind of keep up with dating when you were going through the application process, the interview process, all that.

[SPEAKER_05]: So perhaps this sort of two month break before that sort of storm starts.

[SPEAKER_05]: It'll be a nice time.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, if, you know, Mr.

Wright or Mr.

Height wants to walk into my life in the next two months, I am like, fully, you know, I'm in.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm in to have two years of, like, support with someone who, like, I connect really well with.

[SPEAKER_02]: If it happens during the program, that'd be awesome too.

[SPEAKER_02]: I do want to really try to make time for dating during the program.

[SPEAKER_02]: And if it doesn't happen, then it'll happen when it's meant to happen.

[SPEAKER_02]: And that's okay too.

[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

[SPEAKER_05]: So yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, so pivoting to dating.

[SPEAKER_05]: At least I know that you went on a date recently since we last spoke to you.

[SPEAKER_05]: How did that come about?

[SPEAKER_00]: So this is someone I think I briefly mentioned on the Patreon live.

[SPEAKER_00]: His nickname is the Slytherin.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was saying, I thought we were going to go on a first date.

[SPEAKER_00]: Wasn't a hundred percent sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: We did end up going on the date.

[SPEAKER_00]: I guess I'll say positive.

[SPEAKER_00]: Take away from the date was I had fun overall or there are moments of fun.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's great.

[SPEAKER_00]: Negative take away.

[SPEAKER_00]: He actually also answered a phone call on the date.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can't get away from this guys.

[SPEAKER_05]: How are we going on more than one day?

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, yeah, we do need more about it.

[SPEAKER_05]: First of all, if I remember correctly from the Patreon live, we met him on Bumble, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: I have a pinch, pinch, pinch, pinch.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, dating app.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: More context needed.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, this is like, hey, grandma's in the hospital or was it like a weapon?

[SPEAKER_02]: Of course it wasn't a worm and you're my best friend.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know, maybe the two know each other, although I doubt it.

[SPEAKER_00]: He had just, I'll guess I'll give a context and I'll give the lead up to him taking the phone call during the day, which now it happened to me on two occasions with two different people in a very short period of time.

[SPEAKER_00]: Correct.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Something like very rare.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like two months.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've never experienced this before, but [SPEAKER_05]: I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: I wish this was not real.

[SPEAKER_00]: I promise you it is real.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we had decided to go to one of those like bar gaming kinds of places.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, looking okay.

[SPEAKER_04]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: of that day, you know, drinks and food.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it was really fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so we, you know, got a drink, we're playing games and having a lot of fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and we're just kind of like into no each other.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I kind of assumed I guess that he was Asian American when I was coming out of the day, but I guess he, um, like came here for college, but wasn't raised in the States, which made me kind of contributes to the conversations that we kind of had.

[SPEAKER_00]: But overall, like I said, it was going well.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was having fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: I did think that he was attractive when I kind of met up with him on the day.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's all kind of good things.

[SPEAKER_00]: Very nice when we were playing games.

[SPEAKER_00]: But it was like, oops, sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: I messed this up.

[SPEAKER_00]: He was like, it's fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're doing great.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it wasn't kind of this weird, ultra competitive, like, get your head in the game.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's like, you know, it was a...

What a red flag that would be in an arcade bar.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: So unfortunately, I think maybe other yellow two red flags were shows in different ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: There was a little area with like tables and chairs that we could just kind of sit down and chat so we wanted to do that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think like twice just a chat and get to know each other which is fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we were just talking on his phone ring and he said, Oh, like give me one second.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I have to get this.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then he didn't actually, the other guy left the left of premises to answer it.

[SPEAKER_00]: You just, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was staring at him while he was on the phone.

[SPEAKER_05]: I have a question, which did you prefer?

[SPEAKER_05]: If somebody has to pick up a phone call, what would you rather they do?

[SPEAKER_00]: And a first date, like I'd rather than just not pick up the phone.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have to tell you the number, then this wasn't emergency.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was, um, oh, dog sitting.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was like a friend asking, oh, can you like watch my dog?

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it wasn't.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, it was not an emergency.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, it was not an emergency.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, it wasn't an emergency.

[SPEAKER_05]: did he know that?

[SPEAKER_05]: Because I'm putting myself in this guy's shoes, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm thinking about I'm on a date and a friend calls me.

[SPEAKER_05]: I would most likely think it's an emergency.

[SPEAKER_05]: A cold call.

[SPEAKER_02]: And yeah, I was going to say my perspective is like, whenever I'm going on a date, there's a solid group of like, [SPEAKER_02]: My core five or six girlfriends that know that I'm going on that date.

[SPEAKER_02]: And they all have my location.

[SPEAKER_02]: So if one of them calls me, I'm going to say, hey, one sec, like, let me just make sure this is all good.

[SPEAKER_02]: Or if it's like, one of my friends has a kid or like, whatever it is.

[SPEAKER_02]: If it's my mom, she calls me ten times a day.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I don't need to answer.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'll probably I wouldn't answer my mom's location real quick.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, work would always be a, you know, [SPEAKER_02]: We'll apply back later type of call so.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think but for women not to be like that's different than for guys because for us it makes sense that's like a safety reason or I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I mean it was it was just a friend that was asking if you could like watch their dog or something because he says he does that sometimes for friends.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I will say I wouldn't think he maybe was on the phone call slightly longer than the worm.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel the worm really just got that like walked outside was like I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I can't talk right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like a cookie later.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was also texting on the D to like the worm was but I do remember the slowdown was like on the phone or just like oh like sorry once I have to get this and you know hello and had not like a very mini quick conversation of them asking like oh where are you oh like I'm at like the like bar arc it's like [SPEAKER_00]: Buddy, you could say, hey, like I'm on the date, like the state right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: I would argue that the issue is not answering the phone call.

[SPEAKER_02]: The issue is proceeding with a conversation when there's some a date.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's just a lack of social awareness.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, because there is a way I'm like putting myself in that situation.

[SPEAKER_05]: Let's say I'm on a date and my phone rings and it is a friend of mine that like doesn't call me that often or like isn't to your point, Kaylee, if my mom called me, I wouldn't pick up.

[SPEAKER_05]: She calls me all the time.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm sure it's not an emergency and she would call back if it is.

[SPEAKER_05]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like she would call again.

[SPEAKER_05]: So if it was like a random friend, I would probably say out loud.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm so sorry.

[SPEAKER_05]: Let me just make sure this isn't an emergency.

[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: And in the moment I know it's not, I would say like, hey, I probably wouldn't say I'm in a date, but I'd be like, I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_05]: I can't talk right now, but I'll call you back later.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, and that I think would be okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think I would, I don't think I would have an issue with that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it just, it was not the best tone of things.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think especially if I already experienced this before.

[SPEAKER_03]: Sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: Also as we'll get into, you know, later on, also with someone who I met in a dating app.

[SPEAKER_05]: yeah okay so so that part we didn't like right anything like how was there you said you had fun of the day or there were moments of fun like what was your overall feeling about coming out of that day so there were moments of fun um but i will say i kind of did a little check in with myself and i'm not sure if it was just because [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, the heat.

[SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't getting a lot of sleep because of it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I've maybe with a little tired going into the day.

[SPEAKER_00]: But there's a, uh, Logan Uries, like, questions of checking in with yourself after.

[SPEAKER_00]: And one of them was, you know, like, just how you feel after the day.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then all honesty, I felt kind of exhausted.

[SPEAKER_05]: after staying.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like towards the end, I kind of was thinking to myself, I just kind of want to go home.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I don't really want to be here anymore.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that could have been like I had alluded to before the types of conversations that we're having.

[SPEAKER_00]: We talked a lot about my job like a little bit too much.

[SPEAKER_00]: I would say just like been knitting pretty details.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I work in the helping professor profession.

[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe he just was very intrigued by that.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I thank you.

[SPEAKER_00]: It does, it feels almost borderline interviewing, but I think that wasn't even my biggest, like, qualm about the conversation.

[SPEAKER_00]: He wanted to know a lot about me being adopted.

[SPEAKER_00]: Interesting.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was to vary, like, two personal of questions.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think conversations that were not, I would say, like, first date topics.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and he tried to check in and say, you know, if you want me to stop, like, you know, kind of let me know or, um, which I guess I think in hindsight, I could have been better at, like, not even like boundaries, but just like, oh, let's, like, I'd like to keep things light, like, you know, what are you doing this weekend or, you know, I could have definitely done that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think [SPEAKER_00]: I internally felt pressured to try to be open.

[SPEAKER_00]: And by me saying, I don't want to talk about that.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's too personal that almost like closes the door.

[SPEAKER_00]: It shuts it.

[SPEAKER_00]: It kind of like, I don't know if it's like a rupture in the rapport because of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: So my psyche within the aspects of that topic was I will continue to answer the question so that eventually we stop talking about this topic.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: I get that for sure.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I've been in that situation, obviously not about the adoption questions, but like I'm thinking about times when maybe somebody has been like poke, get my dad, or like something, something like that.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think you were right to use the word boundaries though.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like I think, and I hear you about not wanting to seem super closed off, not wanting to seem like you're shutting somebody down.

[SPEAKER_05]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: At the same time, [SPEAKER_05]: Like allowing so sounds like he I like that he checked in with you because I'm and I'm guessing your body language and or tone was probably betraying a little bit.

[SPEAKER_05]: as it would.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think he wasn't in tune enough with it because I almost did my like fourth wall thing where I was like playing with the little tokens.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like talking to myself like I don't want to answer these questions.

[SPEAKER_05]: He just wasn't well, I do think your hindsight though is a good one that's like two things can be true.

[SPEAKER_05]: It can be true that he was maybe asking questions that were like a little too invasive for a first date and [SPEAKER_05]: you can practice flexing that muscle of setting boundaries about what you aren't comfortable sharing with somebody that you just met in a way that still collaborative.

[SPEAKER_05]: You know, you can say like, that's such a good question.

[SPEAKER_05]: I like, I would love to share that with you.

[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe I'm like a future date or you know, however you want to freeze that.

[SPEAKER_05]: You don't have to say like, I don't want to talk about that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that maybe didn't have [SPEAKER_00]: The proper I want to say language.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it just it felt like I was being like push more and I think because I felt like I was almost in a corner.

[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't really know how else to get out of it at that point.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it may be not the correct match because I will say [SPEAKER_00]: I'm open about being adopted.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have issues talking about it, but it is personal and it's things that do affect me to certain aspects like to this day.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I kind of felt like with his questions and this is where there's a connection between him not being like not being raised in the US.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like the reason why he was asking me his questions was because I've never met anyone else.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's like [SPEAKER_00]: Ben adopted and like your race is different than your parents.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so he was very intrigued by this, which I think is great.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love that you're curious, but it almost felt a little bit like [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't feel like you really wanted to get to know me.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're like wanting to get to know this unique aspect about me.

[SPEAKER_05]: And not like it was like a study.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and not to like, you know, obviously we talked about some like racial dynamics and different things about obviously like him being raised like a broad and so the experience of even being like a person of color in America, he doesn't really have that.

[SPEAKER_00]: being raised honestly somewhere where like his race is right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like everyone else is raised or his.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, he's a majority of exactly.

[SPEAKER_00]: So like even like a question, I feel like my other friends have just gone all dating or in general like being mixed race or being this or being that and like wanting to hear all about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like I'm just trying to date and have fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to talk about all these heavy things at this arcade.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you know, I can totally respect.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think there is space for being curious about something and wanting to know about something, but there's also a time in a place.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I agree with you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think that's the first date.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, even if you had the wherewithal to say like, I'm really interested in this and I'd love to hear more from you.

[SPEAKER_02]: We can save this for a different time or when we know each other better.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think that would have been more appropriate.

[SPEAKER_05]: And maybe worth for you, Elise.

[SPEAKER_05]: I totally agree with you, Kelly.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I think maybe worth for you thinking about for the future.

[SPEAKER_05]: If only to protect your [SPEAKER_05]: piece and or mentally energy.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, if only for that, thinking about some language or some phrasing that you feel comfortable with, to say that you don't want to talk about something, not to protect their feelings or to protect that rapport.

[SPEAKER_05]: That you mentioned, right, but more, although maybe that's a good, that maybe is a byproduct, but more so to not have yourself leaving a date feeling so drained and exhausted like you did, right, just sort of maybe thinking about that.

[SPEAKER_05]: You don't the obviously decide now or like hopefully this isn't something that comes up all the time and something that you need to be prepared for in every day, but that is something that I did for myself.

[SPEAKER_05]: After the first time that I experienced somebody asking a little bit too much about something that I wasn't really ready to talk about.

[SPEAKER_00]: And in all honesty to kind of like wrap this up, this isn't something I've really experienced ever before, which obviously sometimes lets, you know, your boundaries or things have been kind of like push a little bit too much as when things happen to you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I have talked about like being adopted before on dates and it's been fine, like with the Excel spreadsheet, we talked a good amount about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: But again, we had that like cultural understanding of being like Asian American, where with Lutheran, it was almost like we're at ground ero.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's again, not really like an exchange of information or experiences, but just all in education.

[SPEAKER_05]: I absolutely hear that.

[SPEAKER_05]: I think especially I remember going on dates post BLM and having a lot of like very well-meaning white men.

[SPEAKER_05]: I will say very well-meaning, but like [SPEAKER_05]: wants me to be their educator on a first date about how you've been doing, how is your experience?

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just trying to drink and have it done.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I want to be like your token black date right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so bringing that back to you, Lisa, I think it is also okay, because I heard you say that, you know, sometimes you've been okay talking about it.

[SPEAKER_05]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: It doesn't have to be a one-size-fits-all answer for you.

[SPEAKER_05]: You can in any scenario for any reason, even if you've previously talked about something with it, that person.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: Be like, you know what?

[SPEAKER_05]: Where I'm at right now today.

[SPEAKER_05]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: I don't really want to have this conversation about this right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: And that is always okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's just, I was realizing it wasn't really feeling like a conversation of connection.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was more so question, answer, question, answer, answer.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I wasn't learning a lot about him or he would ask me overall good questions of, you know, are there characteristics that you feel like all your friends have?

[SPEAKER_00]: Or like, tell me about Elise, could you describe yourself?

[SPEAKER_00]: And I would kind of quickly give an answer back because I feel like I know myself or I have [SPEAKER_00]: ability to answer these questions well.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I would say, oh, what about you?

[SPEAKER_00]: And he would go, oh, I've never really thought about that before, give me a second.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I, it just didn't seem like we were matching.

[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you weren't like, it doesn't sound like you were having a generative conversation where like one person says something and then the other person came in this case is able to build off of that thing that you said with something of their own, instead he's like going back to like a totally new thing or a new question.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right, and to just kind of like conclude this.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the day ends, I go to like, um, if he like walks me to the bus stop, I think I like the one bus one away is we were like walking by it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just like, oh, do you want me to call you an Uber home?

[SPEAKER_00]: So get overalls like like nice guy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I felt hurt from him since the day.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's just kind of a moon.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, again, again, there have been a lot of neutral opt-out like in my, my dating through the dating arteries.

[SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes a moon is necessary.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I don't, I think that that actually might speak to you getting better at, if you're getting, if you're having more moves than you used to, perhaps it is about you getting better at being a little bit true to who you are on a date to where you're both on the same page about whether or not you're a match.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, yeah, which is great.

[SPEAKER_00]: I guess it doesn't always feel the greatest, like, we'll kind of get into with the fatigue.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I've been feeling from dating now, general though, just on that hat, where I feel like I've been going on [SPEAKER_00]: just first date first day after first day after first day and I think how I am as a person I really want to put my best foot forward I really want to be open I really want to try to give you know this my best shot and I can't it's hard to keep doing that and it's hard to keep trying to remember information about people and wanting to you know [SPEAKER_00]: you know, keep keep that rapport up for the next day or, you know, just for it kind of that not to come to fruition.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's right.

[SPEAKER_05]: You're like, am I remembering this information for no reason?

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I will say I kind of met someone like in the wild or just was like a nice connection.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, how happened?

[SPEAKER_00]: So I think we'll call him like, [SPEAKER_00]: for Noah, because he's quite crunchy outdoorsy.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so I actually met him at a conference I went to.

[SPEAKER_00]: I went to an adopted conference.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh.

[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, being of not having good interactions with people.

[SPEAKER_00]: But it was nice.

[SPEAKER_00]: We met him kind of with a group setting.

[SPEAKER_00]: He seems very friendly.

[SPEAKER_00]: He lives like an hour away.

[SPEAKER_00]: So not, I guess like super convenient, but obviously not, it's not like he was coming from, you know, Texas or [SPEAKER_00]: or will complete our distance away.

[SPEAKER_05]: If you're comfortable, can I ask you more about this adoptive conference?

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, how did you get connected with this conference?

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's happening in my city.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just saw them social media.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've kind of, overall been connected to the adoptive community, Asian American community.

[SPEAKER_00]: I try to keep in touch with it.

[SPEAKER_00]: So just like through my network, I found out about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's amazing.

[SPEAKER_05]: What did you do at the conference?

[SPEAKER_05]: Was it like, what kind of stuff did they have?

[SPEAKER_00]: So they had different panels about, um, [SPEAKER_00]: like going back to China or like birth parents searching.

[SPEAKER_00]: They also had just like fun community things.

[SPEAKER_00]: They had like looking at like ties that we made.

[SPEAKER_00]: We did like Majong.

[SPEAKER_00]: We made dumplings for like a [SPEAKER_00]: local community group that donates who did they make to like a like a food pantry.

[SPEAKER_00]: Awesome.

[SPEAKER_05]: No such a picture you posted on your story.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, I loved that.

[SPEAKER_05]: That was at the conference.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Amazing.

[SPEAKER_05]: So key to you met him like in one of the like community building.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think just he was talking to my one friend I had made and then we went and got something to eat in like a group.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then we like road transit home together because he his friend that lives in the area was dog sitting his dog.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's she'll talk for a bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then I got his phone number for him to send me a picture of like of something relevant to our conversation.

[SPEAKER_00]: He also doesn't have social media.

[SPEAKER_05]: Interesting.

[SPEAKER_00]: How do you feel about that?

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't feel like positive or negative about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel neutral.

[SPEAKER_05]: Some people have very strong opinions.

[SPEAKER_05]: Kaylee, do you have a very strong opinion about like somebody who's either very active on social media or the opposite?

[SPEAKER_02]: No, I don't think I have strong opinions.

[SPEAKER_00]: I prefer like less social media than too much, you know?

[SPEAKER_00]: But too much could give me a lot.

[SPEAKER_00]: Too much is too much.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: fair.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, so did he send you the picture then?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think he sent to me while we were, you know, interacting.

[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, okay, God.

[SPEAKER_00]: But then that was from the second day of the conference.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, as we've parted, I was like, oh, like, oh, you know, you can always hang out if you're in the area, whatnot.

[SPEAKER_00]: And to do, yeah, you're coming tomorrow, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, you know, we'll be there.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, we hung on again the next time.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like, mm-hmm.

[SPEAKER_00]: He walked into like the station because he was gonna go do something after the conference and did so it was just like a nut like just like a nice guy very friendly, you know I was like looking for like a dish at dim sum and he was like oh, would you need a lease and I was like I'll take that [SPEAKER_00]: You know, very, very nice.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, even if it's just like a friend, because I feel like we might be in different places in our lives right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: But again, I'm very open just to like connections, beating people.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, oh, yeah, if you ever want to come to, you know, my city and watch them island, you know, let me know.

[SPEAKER_05]: We were chatting with that before we hit record because Kaylee is just starting to watch.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yes, no space.

[SPEAKER_05]: Well, I love that if for no other reason, then it's you flexing the muscle of meeting people in person.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very good, meeting people in person, honest.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are.

[SPEAKER_00]: You really are.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like that's really, I think, or I feel like I should be focusing my efforts because I feel like, unfortunately, with the online game, I'm just getting really negative outcomes that are making me, in all honesty, or yeah, and all honesty, like think negatively about men, think negatively about myself, thinking negatively about dating, and so it's not the best environment for me.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and then you're bringing that into every date too.

[SPEAKER_05]: So at almost, I know when I would get into rap, like, ruts like that, it would then start to become even more of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[SPEAKER_05]: Because then I'm like going into a date feeling shitty about dating and then like proving myself right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_00]: I even kind of canceled the date that I was going to have the day after the slither end just because it's hard when again, like I said, you're trying to be positive about things, but you just, obviously, it be people around them.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're shrinkers from the internet.

[SPEAKER_00]: It can go very positive.

[SPEAKER_00]: It can go very negative.

[SPEAKER_00]: It can go in between.

[SPEAKER_00]: But it's like dating in general, life in general, if you take risks.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so me, thinking about going on this second or this other date with this other person, I was like, do I want to take this risk again?

[SPEAKER_00]: And to myself, I was like, I don't right now.

[SPEAKER_05]: Well, I'm proud of you for recognizing that because I think like like we were saying, you know, it's if you're leaving that date the day before feeling so drained and so exhausted and dreading going on this other date, the chances that that date is going to have a good outcome are much lower and then you're going to be even even worse off.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think it's very tough for just the general like dating environment where a lot of times I'll have to happen where I've had a date.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not that great.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then it's hard.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then I not open enough to go on another date with someone that does seem great.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just right don't have it in me.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, so how did you go about canceling the date that you were supposed to have?

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so originally I had moved it to a FaceTime and um, then he gave me his number and I just didn't text him, which is on me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I could have closed that loop better.

[SPEAKER_00]: I admit that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I just don't know if I should be odd by dating because I don't like, you know, not communicating.

[SPEAKER_00]: I find like usually I would say I'm a pretty good communicator and I just, I don't [SPEAKER_05]: And I thought you're recognizing that because obviously, I mean, you know, that's, you know, that's how you would want to do ideally.

[SPEAKER_05]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's how any of us would want to do ideally.

[SPEAKER_05]: I also understand what drove it.

[SPEAKER_05]: I totally understand that.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I think that's a really good.

[SPEAKER_05]: sort of conclusion that you're coming to, that if I'm in a place where I am making these types of decisions and moving it away in dating that I don't like myself, then maybe it's not the right time for me to be dating in this way, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: Because it's not, you're not to use your wording like putting your best foot forward or, you know, being who you want to be.

[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: Which is a good communicator and that you are.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like a final closure to the updates.

[SPEAKER_00]: Coco Jones is still in the loop.

[SPEAKER_00]: We had more of a, you know, in depth update on the Patreon live.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we've, you know, hung out up a couple of times and they've been, you know, good hang out.

[SPEAKER_00]: So he was on a trip.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's come back from the trip.

[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe I'll try to see him this week.

[SPEAKER_00]: TV day.

[SPEAKER_05]: So on the Patreon live, we talked about how you guys had been hanging out, but it was maybe a little bit murky about whether y'all were hanging out as friends or whether y'all were going on dates, where we at with that clarification.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, because he's just fun on his trip, we have it, you know, interacted.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I would have to either, like I'm probably gonna have to text him and try to coordinate hanging out.

[SPEAKER_05]: And are you thinking, so on the live, we were kind of debating what the people in the comments like, do you specify an advance that you want to go on a date or do you try to talk about it in person?

[SPEAKER_05]: And you were kind of hedging toward the impersonation of the person.

[SPEAKER_00]: And you were in person or, I don't know, I also just feel like I could just flirt more in the interactions.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like, go for a few more.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can clarify that you're going on a date and then continue to flirt more anyway.

[SPEAKER_05]: Also true.

[SPEAKER_05]: I understand the hesitancy, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: It's scary.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's risky.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's like putting yourself out there to for him to potentially say, oh, no, I just want to be friends.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: I will we'll go back to though the way that y'all met while technically on hinge was when you were in a place where you were not romantically interested in because you were like talking to him for your friend.

[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't really know that, but you were.

[SPEAKER_05]: And so like all of the ways that you were interacting with him and the things that you were saying to him, for example, like wanting to do a group thing, all of those things.

[SPEAKER_05]: They made sense at the time.

[SPEAKER_05]: No, no, I know it's just funny.

[SPEAKER_05]: They made sense at the time.

[SPEAKER_05]: But it would make complete sense if this man doesn't know you're romantically interested because you weren't and you were treating him as such as you should have.

[SPEAKER_05]: So all of that, I always headstores direct communication as we know.

[SPEAKER_05]: But all of that would makes me extra think that it is in your best interest to clarify, because I don't think we're setting this guy up for success right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: I guess I just don't want to be barking up the wrong tree.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we could set him up for success by trying to flirt more and then you'll get the hint.

[SPEAKER_05]: Whether or not you're barking up the wrong tree doesn't change just because you talked to the tree.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like it moves your own way and like wings little you know.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, how about this compromise compromise.

[SPEAKER_05]: What if we try that your way once.

[SPEAKER_05]: See what happens.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then we go from there.

[SPEAKER_00]: Either way, if it's going well, we will have a drug conversation.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really great.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, my tendency is like, quick, quick, quick, let's like get to it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying to get away from that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And almost like, not relish, but like, he, he, like, there's someone I'm kind of interested in.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is nice.

[SPEAKER_05]: So totally totally.

[SPEAKER_05]: I just don't want you to like, he, he, your way into getting hurt because [SPEAKER_00]: Ellie, you're killing me with the one liners today.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are killing me.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I'm killing you for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, and you don't have to worry about me.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really too impatient for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, because I have heat my way into getting hurt.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm too impatient.

[SPEAKER_04]: I have heat my way all the way into a full meltdown.

[SPEAKER_00]: All asked.

[SPEAKER_00]: I will, like, what's going on here?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, are you interested in your mod?

[UNKNOWN]: Great.

[SPEAKER_05]: We love that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I would say it like that, but.

[SPEAKER_05]: I assume that he seems not.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Can we please put both of those things on merch?

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to heat your way into getting hurt or what however you said that.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then the other one, barking up the wrong tree isn't going to change just because you talked to the tree.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it might change.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't think it will.

[SPEAKER_04]: The trees there no matter what, the tree's not changing.

[SPEAKER_04]: I can't.

[SPEAKER_05]: I'll take it under advisement, Kaley.

[SPEAKER_04]: New merch, twenty, twenty, five, here we go.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, so I like though that you are enjoying getting to know him because it sounds like that is a very positive experience for you and something that is like filling your cup.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_05]: Whereas a lot of other dating experiences, the apps have been draining it.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_05]: So not I, I, a hundred percent love.

[SPEAKER_05]: I just want you to be filling your cup with good water.

[SPEAKER_05]: You know what I mean?

[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like water that if I'm wanting partner going to juice, I'm going to be getting partner going to juice.

[SPEAKER_00]: Not yes.

[SPEAKER_00]: Be your forever.

[SPEAKER_05]: Fill in your cup with the right that for each.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: So all right.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we'll stay tuned.

[SPEAKER_05]: He's back from his trip.

[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe this week.

[SPEAKER_05]: You'll hang out.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have to, it's hard with the holiday coming up, but let's see.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, fair.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's not good luck.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, some fireworks.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's a birthday though.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's birthday's the fourth of July.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, even better of a reason.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's not going to be hard to have a birthday on a holiday.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's like, there's always a party, but it's never for you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my birthday is the day before Valentine's Day.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's the tough one.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, don't even get me started.

[SPEAKER_05]: I was awesome.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, let's go out to dinner once for your birthday and Valentine's Day.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, what?

[SPEAKER_02]: Why?

[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, no.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's like people whose birthdays are around Christmas or around like a major holiday where you get gifts.

[SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely not.

[SPEAKER_05]: We're separating that shit.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm not one of those people, but I put for that for them.

[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, so you're an advocate.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, so at least it's been experiencing some burnout.

[SPEAKER_05]: I know Kaylee, when we were chatting about the prep for this episode, you mentioned that that was something that resonated with you.

[SPEAKER_05]: What's been going on with you?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I've been trying to think of the words for how I'm feeling, burnout is a very general emotion that I'm feeling, for sure.

[SPEAKER_02]: Specifically, and I was just trying to explore this more as Elise was talking.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's first date fatigue, like she was sharing.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, first date, not leading into second dates.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, that, it's also just like it feels like every first date is the same.

[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like it's been so long since I've had a real connection with someone.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, it's really like I feel like I'm letting myself down.

[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I'm wasting time.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know that these dates are productive.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know that dating is [SPEAKER_02]: You know, like every door that closes, I'm getting closer to my person.

[SPEAKER_02]: I totally understand that, but like when I'm going on these dates and I feel like I'm carrying the conversation, what makes me say that you're letting yourself down?

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm leaving a lot of these dates.

[SPEAKER_02]: not even feeling good, not feeling bad.

[SPEAKER_02]: But not like, oh, I want to see them again.

[SPEAKER_02]: And like, it's almost like a drug.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like when you get a little bit of that feeling, you're like, I want to see that person again.

[SPEAKER_02]: I had so much fun.

[SPEAKER_02]: I want to go back and see them.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is exciting.

[SPEAKER_02]: And when you're not getting that dopamine release when you're not getting that, it's like, why do I keep [SPEAKER_05]: going, you know, I mean, that's one of the things that I think is so tough about dating apps too.

[SPEAKER_05]: Last week on the pod, we had the creator of the love isn't blind show that I went to recently and she was talking about a concept that we've talked about before in the pod about how dating apps are really like slot machines.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it's like you're like pulling the lever and pulling the lever and like occasionally you'll like hear someone across the room hit the jackpot.

[SPEAKER_05]: And you're like, I want that.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then occasionally you'll like, [SPEAKER_05]: It'll get to a place that's kind of good, not the jackpot, but kind of good.

[SPEAKER_05]: And you'll get that to your point, dopamine hit.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then you're like continuing to pull the lever, trying to hit it again.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it can be so frustrating.

[SPEAKER_05]: I remember a time when I was going on first aid after first aid, where I was coming out of it feeling either mad or like I didn't want to see them again.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I was like, I almost want to be into someone who rejects me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I don't didn't actually want that.

[SPEAKER_05]: That was bad.

[SPEAKER_05]: But like, I remember.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yes, I remember that feeling of being like, it was post the rower in the disco ball.

[SPEAKER_05]: It was like after those two had happened where I had these like big feelings for people who didn't have big feelings for me.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I remember going on really med dates for like all of twenty twenty three because both of those were twenty twenty two.

[SPEAKER_05]: and being like, for fuck sake, I just want someone to break my heart.

[SPEAKER_02]: It just feels good to feel something.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it sounds like I'm coming from a very depressed place.

[SPEAKER_02]: I promise I am mentally well, things are okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: But like get it.

[SPEAKER_02]: It feels good to have a crush.

[SPEAKER_02]: It feels good to like your eyes wide it and your heart skips a beat when you see something in your phone.

[SPEAKER_02]: What what I was going to say is like nobody take this the wrong way including my like six best friends that are listening.

[SPEAKER_02]: I almost feel like I wish I could go on one date with my ex.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sorry and I said it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't.

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't actually mean it, but I would at least we would have things to reminisce about.

[SPEAKER_02]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_02]: We would have so much groundwork and connection already.

[SPEAKER_02]: We would be laughing.

[SPEAKER_02]: We would probably cry because we're laughing and crying.

[SPEAKER_02]: The hug would feel like something.

[SPEAKER_02]: The kiss would feel like something.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's so real.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like God damn it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to fucking, sorry, but like I just want to feel something.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: That is so real.

[SPEAKER_02]: I guess.

[SPEAKER_02]: And like, I feel like for so long, especially the most recent few months, like, I've been focusing on like that application for school.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I've been trying to get my life in order.

[SPEAKER_02]: And God forbid, I have another sink full of dishes to do.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's like the monotonous wheel of like the hamster wheel of life.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I just want to be able to open my phone and see someone's name and be like, oh, like, oh my God, like, I get to smile for a second.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I'm just feeling [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's how I'm feeling.

[SPEAKER_02]: How much try?

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you guys for therapy.

[UNKNOWN]: No.

[SPEAKER_05]: I get that though.

[SPEAKER_05]: And also, I bet you, even though you gave the disclaimer to your six best friends, I imagine you're going to get six.

[SPEAKER_05]: Do not do it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to get some, uh, yeah, I'll get some check in text for sure.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Um, as good as good friendship.

[SPEAKER_02]: As good friendship.

[SPEAKER_05]: As good friendship.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I really truly do not mean it.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's so real though, I really almost feel like, do I want a situation chip?

[SPEAKER_00]: Not really, but it would be, but you would like them.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right, I would like them and I can, my big thing I love to listen to music and like think about the person I'm interested in, it would give me August, August is coming up guys.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: I get that so deeply and also know that both of you know that like that ultimately would be negative, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: But like, I get yeah, and I know that, but I get the motivation for it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Can we just talk about also though, like, hookups, like, Ali, I mean, I know you're in a relationship, at least I'm not even sure where you stand on this whole thing, but like, in my thirties, like, [SPEAKER_02]: The random hookups, the random bar makeouts, like it just doesn't do it for me anymore.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like it never did for me.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: I tried to pretend that it did because I thought it was cool to be able to.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Listen though, like if you're in a bar with someone or having a couple drinks, whatever, even if it doesn't start as a date, having a couple drinks, whatever, and you end with a flirty kiss.

[SPEAKER_02]: Awesome.

[SPEAKER_02]: Cool.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's great.

[SPEAKER_02]: But the random, like, oh, you and I both don't have anywhere to go, like, let's just go back to my place.

[SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't do any, like, I like, I said, I tried to make it my thing.

[SPEAKER_05]: And if it is, that's great.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, I, I, I wished that I had been coming at it from an authentic place.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, in my twenties when I was like trying to be the chill girl when like, that's just not me.

[SPEAKER_05]: It's not me either.

[SPEAKER_05]: So no, I, I totally get that.

[SPEAKER_05]: Have you thought Kelly about, you've got these two months coming up, July and August, we're free as a bird.

[SPEAKER_05]: You still do a lot of shit, but more free than you will be.

[SPEAKER_05]: And it's summer.

[SPEAKER_05]: So this is also a really good time to be out about doing things.

[SPEAKER_05]: Have you thought about trying to like generate a list of places that you might, or types of things that you might want to go to to try to get some more that like in person magic going.

[SPEAKER_02]: That would be a really good idea.

[SPEAKER_02]: The in-person magic, I love that phrasing.

[SPEAKER_05]: That would be together.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's pretty warm together.

[SPEAKER_05]: Not necessarily in this moment, but like maybe next time we come back, you and I can have had a little brainstorm and like come up with the plan of places that you want to go.

[SPEAKER_05]: At least we can do it too if you want, but you're very good at it already.

[SPEAKER_02]: I literally wrote down on my little notes app.

[SPEAKER_02]: Nothing is unique anymore.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then I put dash same mini golf spot.

[SPEAKER_02]: There is a place by me that's an indoor mini golf.

[SPEAKER_02]: If you're in the Chicago land area, you know what I'm talking about.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's got a full bar and everything.

[SPEAKER_02]: Great, wonderful idea, very fun place.

[SPEAKER_02]: I have been there on four separate first dates.

[SPEAKER_02]: And like, it's almost like I just agree to go there because this date's not going to mean anything anyway.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, like in it's that cynical perspective that I'm coming at things with now because it feels like every single first date is the same.

[SPEAKER_02]: I truly feel like I carry it because I have the people skills.

[SPEAKER_02]: to create, but it has happened so many times.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm not saying this as a joke, this is real, where I have more chemistry with the server or the bartender, woman or man than I have heard.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, absolutely.

[SPEAKER_05]: So I think I would love a challenge for you.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: of trying to set a goal of a certain number of in-person events that you want to go to in the next two months.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_05]: And they don't have to be dating events.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I actually think it's better if they're not.

[SPEAKER_00]: Something that you would enjoy doing no matter what.

[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: Okay, because I one of the things that we were talking about on last week's episode when I was talking to Ali and Sasha who were Ali runs the love is love isn't blind show and Sasha was one of the guys is that something that I think is really makes in person dating easier is if you are doing like a least said things that you like to do because the community of people that you're more likely to meet at those things is more likely to drive with who you are.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I can definitely make a list, look at some things.

[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I'm a little bit limited in the suburbs, so I'll probably have to venture into the city to do that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Also, [SPEAKER_00]: going off of my point of things that you we already probably enjoy to do and that also can help with just somewhere where you're already in your element.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're almost because of that, you're more comfortable.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're more likely to be your true self or be outgoing if you either go to a friend or meet some girls there and you're in a conversation with like some some guys that happen to be there.

[SPEAKER_00]: I also would say if there's maybe like a weekly bar trivia, that might be good, repeated events.

[SPEAKER_00]: But like trivia, I don't know, I don't know if you like trivia or not, but you seem like a person.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you've talked about trivia before.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Because I also think then you can first of all, you might see people there two weeks in a row and be able to be like, oh my gosh, I saw you here last time.

[SPEAKER_05]: You can say that even if you didn't.

[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then yeah, until my luck, they're like, I wasn't here last week.

[SPEAKER_05]: But you don't know that.

[SPEAKER_05]: You could be like, oh my god, you look exactly like somebody who was here, but like, how are you?

[SPEAKER_05]: It doesn't have to be true.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's like, like, do you usually come to this?

[SPEAKER_05]: This is my thing.

[SPEAKER_05]: I've never been here before.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, are the questions always this hard?

[SPEAKER_05]: Uh-huh.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like, you know, you can like strike up conversations like that.

[SPEAKER_05]: That's just a trivia example, but I think what do you think is a realistic number of events for you to go to per week?

[SPEAKER_05]: And I under one is fine.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like for me, I wanted to go to half an event per week, I eat two per month when I was trying to do this.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Realistic.

[SPEAKER_02]: It would probably be, I would love to say one or two a week.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I know.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm in money saving mode, which means working every possible moment I can.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I would place it like a month.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, what do you think about, what do you think about two per month?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there we can say is yeah, one, every other week, two per month.

[SPEAKER_05]: Let's do this.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I got it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I will say though, I am, I have been asking several people if they know anybody that they could set me up with.

[SPEAKER_02]: Love that and then.

[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, no setups yet, but the feedback that I've been getting everyone's like, okay, let me think.

[SPEAKER_02]: One woman that I play pickleball with, she was like, I have the perfect guy.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, she's like, I don't know if he's perfect for you, but he's awesome.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like he's so nice.

[SPEAKER_02]: And he apparently loves pickleball.

[SPEAKER_02]: So she's either going to make that connection happen or she's going to bring him to our little.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's great.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I like that even more.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love it already.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: So we'll see.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just do so much better in person.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know that we've talked about this, but like, I think most people do.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Every single person that I have had a relationship with or had any sort of dating connection with that's been successful has been in person.

[SPEAKER_02]: I've met me too.

[SPEAKER_02]: I've met the person.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't think that's what I needed that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's lean into it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like it can also be awkward and like it's almost like you get two or three like casual rejections and then your your mind is like so we should just not do this anymore.

[SPEAKER_05]: You know what if you could frame it as you're going to approach people that you aren't necessarily into.

[SPEAKER_05]: Not that you're never going to approach somebody that you're attracted to.

[SPEAKER_05]: But if you frame it for yourself as it's not just you're going to these events because you want to meet guys to date, but instead you're going to these events because you want to expand your network so that you could possibly meet somebody else that those people know.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, puts less pressure on the event itself, so that you're not like walking into every event, like scanning the room, being like, are there any guys here that I want to walk out?

[SPEAKER_05]: That's inspiring.

[SPEAKER_05]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then you want to, totally.

[SPEAKER_05]: And then you want to go to a single's mixer where there's pressure.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like the whole point of doing this is that there isn't as much pressure.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, I see.

[SPEAKER_02]: I gotcha.

[SPEAKER_05]: You'll get better at it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And usually with these kinds of things that are in nature social, most people that are there already want to talk, where it's a lot less similar to a poll call.

[SPEAKER_00]: Or, you know, you're just walking up to someone at a bar.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you just don't know what their vibe is.

[SPEAKER_00]: If they're, you know, I think if you go to a game night or a trivia, people are already there wanting to be competitive, wanting to talk.

[SPEAKER_00]: So you're more likely to get someone that's going to want to converse.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's a warm lead, as we say.

[SPEAKER_02]: a warm lead.

[SPEAKER_02]: I also feel like I have the most chemistry in person with people who are in relationships, not on purpose.

[SPEAKER_02]: But it's almost like, oh, no wonder why you're taken because you're fucking awesome.

[SPEAKER_02]: And like so good at talking, not awkward at all.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you're making me feel important.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then they're like, I would like to wait, this is my wife.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, amazing.

[SPEAKER_02]: So great to meet you, wife.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think there's two factors to this.

[SPEAKER_05]: One is that when we talk about attachment styles, for example, secure people are more likely to be in in relationships, similarly like that's what you're experiencing, right?

[SPEAKER_05]: That like, you meet somebody awesome and you're like, oh, no wonder.

[SPEAKER_05]: You're already taken.

[SPEAKER_05]: Also though, I think there is another contributing factor that might even be a bigger contributing factor and that there are ero stakes in that interaction for that person.

[SPEAKER_05]: Even if you don't yet know there are ero stakes, that's so real.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's so real.

[SPEAKER_05]: Like they're able to just be themselves and talk to people.

[SPEAKER_05]: And what if you could channel that ero stakes energy all the time?

[SPEAKER_05]: how much easier would it be to meet people and vibe with them and have chemistry with them?

[SPEAKER_05]: If you could channel that ero stakes energy in your interaction, in these in-person events.

[SPEAKER_05]: So we have a goal is the two in-person events per month.

[SPEAKER_05]: So one every other week.

[SPEAKER_05]: And I want your goal within that goal as you're going to these events to be to try to see them as low stakes, ero stakes.

[SPEAKER_05]: That you are just going to meet people and not men to date.

[SPEAKER_05]: That will be a byproduct of network expansion.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: I can do that every goal that is given me thus far.

[SPEAKER_02]: I have taken and ran with.

[SPEAKER_02]: So.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah.

[SPEAKER_05]: We're in person girly's dating here on the dating diaries.

[SPEAKER_05]: We love it.

[SPEAKER_03]: We're trying to.

[SPEAKER_05]: We have that goal for you, Kaylee and Elise on your end.

[SPEAKER_05]: We have a goal of getting a little bit clearer with Coco Jones one way or another.

[SPEAKER_00]: The tree talks to the tree.

[SPEAKER_05]: Mark up that tree, girl.

[SPEAKER_05]: Well, as always, thank you both for being so open.

[SPEAKER_05]: I am excited to circle back and hear updates on both of our goals.

[SPEAKER_02]: And we'll talk soon.

[SPEAKER_02]: Chat soon.

[SPEAKER_02]: Bye.