She said, it's now never.

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I get a tiff, I'll get a harps.

We are again.

Yeah, let's just keep going.

Okay, so let's continue the discussion.

So tell me what doctor Bill says.

You were just saying to me.

Doctor Bill says gently gently.

Right, yeah, gently gently.

Yeah, that's how we talk to ourselves.

Yeah, and I was just saying, I've got a head like a busted bumb I was joking that I walk past the mirror and I catch myself.

I take my own breath away because I'm so hot.

And you laughed, and I went, no, I actually think I look like Shrek and I need a use.

Gone right, and then you said gently gently you know, you know how what's the line or what's this?

What's that point where positive self talk becomes delusion?

You know, it's like you know where you're like, oh yeah, it's like, you know, be all, you can be sure, but at the same time, you know you can't do anything and everything.

It's like, well, you can be whatever you want.

No, you can't.

That's that isn't true.

It sounds good and it's positive, but it's kind of delusional because we can't.

You know, not everyone can win a Nobel Peace Prize.

Not everyone can run one hundred meters in ten seconds.

Not everyone can be a famous singer.

Not you know, there's a lot of things that Craig Harper can't do.

And also in the like when does me pumping up my own tires?

My American listeners will be going what does that mean?

But when does.

Me when do you get a flat tire?

When does me pumping up my own tires become me having a fat head?

Like what's the what's the balance there between looking after yourself not beating yourself up, but also going like, Okay, you did you fucked that up.

You fucked that up.

You're the problem or you're not in great shape.

Craig Like I had to get really brutal with myself quite a few times over the years where I had to go, Yeah, the way that you eat, the way that you move or don't move, your lifestyle is a problem, and you're the problem because you're the one making all the decisonsions and doing all the things.

Like what's that space in there?

I reckon that.

It's interesting because I reckon that there's a part that exists inside this theory and between theory and practice of all of the stuff we talk about, right, that is that can be unteachable because there's this potential gap on this is kind of your research.

I guess there's this gap between our understanding even just language.

Like always banging on about that book that Brene Brown wrote that was of the Heart, which dives deep into our language, our vocabulary, and our relationship with the words we use, right, And when you really really burrow down into the meaning of words, you realize that a conversation that's being had between two people has a completely different meaning to both of them, like even just around her books based on emotions, your emotional literacy and emotional vocabulary.

Yes, we don't know ourselves.

So we go into these spaces where we listen to speakers or inspirational people or coaches, and we get coaching and we go, I want to be more like this, And then we apply the theory into a practice.

But does that theory land with us?

And what is our what is the meaning we've made of it?

And how aware are we?

Yeah, I'm just writing something down three languages.

I'm going to come back to that.

I had a theory when I was having a pooh this morning.

I'm going to share it with you all.

I'll tell you what.

There's a lot of revelation that goes on on the Dunny squatty body.

Thoughts with Harps.

That could be a segment, Yeah, that's right.

Thoughts from the Crapper, that could be a podcast.

Thoughts from the Crapper, Thoughts from the Dunney.

That'd be great.

W wasn't it?

That could be a book.

It's not just a little, you know, one hundred little thoughts from the bog.

Do you realize how much you light up when you get to mention pooh time.

But it's just, I mean, it's just I'm twelve years old, trapped in this fucking dinosaur of a body.

I do you know what.

I love laughing at silly shit.

And I understand that a lot of people don't laugh at what.

I get it.

I get it.

But for me, I think, do you know what?

And we'll come back to the conversation we were having.

But if I don't laugh quite a few times a day, I've I don't have as good a day.

And because I have a lot of hard conversations with people, and you know, right now, I'm dealing with some stuff which everyone's heard about too much, you know, a few hard things.

In the middle of that, there's got to be some fucking swings roundabouts, like there's got to be a bit of in with the yang.

There's got to be some light with the dark.

And yeah, I love it.

I love talking about silly shit.

And I feel sorry for people that get to a time on their journey where it seems like they don't laugh anymore and they don't have fun anymore, and they don't have And I'm not talking about people who are in dire situations.

I'm talking about just in general, like, how many people who've got, you know, like their life on a practical level is pretty comfortable.

They've got a pretty good job, they've got a pretty good situation at home, and you know, some money, and they're not dying anytime soon, and everyone's kind of okay.

But in the middle of all of that, they don't ever seem to laugh or have fun or they don't.

Yeah, So I don't know that sounds very judgy.

I don't mean to be judgmental.

I actually have empty some of the people that I know that their life on a practical level is great, but they don't seem to laugh.

So that can almost relate to what we were talking about before.

By the standpoint of all of the focus that we put on on the ways and practices and rituals of making our lives better, and in the middle of that, we're not actually living the life.

We're not in the middle of it.

When I was at the airport, the baggage lady comes up.

She's helping me.

She takes me over to where I should be when I was at the wrong place doing the wrong thing, and out of nowhere she goes, I help, I'll do it.

For you because you're nice.

And I hadn't gone out of my way.

I wasn't being nice.

I just wasn't being an asshole.

And I laughed and I said, well, people very nice.

She goes, nah, especially not a jet Star, And I'm like, oh, if you don't like jet stay, you probably shouldn't fly Jetstar.

She gives me a big high five, and then I get on the flight and the captain or whoever does the voiceover was like a comedy skit.

He was so funny and I'm cacking.

I'm laughing out loud in front of the whole plane, and I just thought, what a joy.

I will fly jets that every time.

If this is what happens, it's so funny.

Not everyone's laughing that most people are going on holidays.

Why you're not happy?

Bro?

Yeah?

Don't you love being in the middle of energy?

That's good, like whether or not it's in a shop or on a plane or in a fucking what about.

I spend a lot of time when I'm traveling in elevators.

They're good, they're not awkward at all, They're not that's not I just go and it sometimes is like fucking ten people in an elevator, literally touching each other, pretending that no one else is there.

I don't know what we're meant to do.

I know there's no set protocol, but fucking hell, it's an interesting sociological phenomenon.

Is just watching all of these people try not to talk or fart or fucking interact or yeah, it's such a weird.

Let's put these people in a box and then shuttle them up ten stories while they ignore each other and don't talk.

But back to our conversation, right, So I am serious about this, Like we seem to be in a time where we're very very much encouraged to, you know, do some self care.

I need to be careful.

I don't be condescending.

I don't mean to be right.

I think, you know, we need to look after ourselves, but not not all looking after yourself needs to be comfortable or pampering.

Sometimes looking up after yourself is doing a workout that's fucking horrible.

Sometimes that's looking after yourself.

Like we seem to associate looking after yourself with doing something that's easy or comfortable or relaxing, whereas I go, yeah, maybe I definitely think that should be part of it.

But I think looking after you is also making hard decisions and doing hard things and creating good outcomes that will serve you moving forward.

Not so much.

Oh this is going to make me feel good in the moment.

No, it might make you feel shit in the moment.

Like self care doesn't need to be about immediate return.

Maybe self care, maybe you looking after you is about the decisions and behaviors in the short term to create something fucking spectacular that you can inhabit over the long term.

That's self care.

Like when people think I'm quite brutal sometimes and I'm quite brutal on myself, and I think, okay, so I don't do a lot of things that a lot of sixty year old Australian blokes do, and that doesn't make me better or worse.

There's just you know, like I've never had an alcohol so that's weird.

I've never been married, that's weird.

I'm not saying that's good or bad.

I've never had a recreational drag or cigarette, you know, all of these things.

And I've probably missed ten days of training in the last fifty years or forty seven years, right, And that's not say any great.

I'm just that's just saying, well, these are the things that work for me.

But I think all of doing things that are good for you and avoiding things that are bad for you, that's self care.

Like putting yourself through an arduous, painful process that does a good thing for you, that's that can be self care.

Right, Yeah, but it's it's the same things for different people can be like it's the one the intention behind it, and two it's that space of our unconscious programming.

Like I guess I was just reflecting as you were talking.

And when when doctor Bill is pulling out the gently gently quite often, and it's it's often in response to we'll be discussing a reflection or a pattern, and patterns are often things that have been programmed, programmed the years and years and years that happen unconsciously.

They're unconscious behaviors that we're getting insight into and so taking conscious belittling ourselves and beating ourselves up for this unconscious program thing that we're still yet to really understand when why and how it happens is probably not helpful.

Well, I agree with you.

I concur your honor.

I concur with you and doctor Bill.

Okay, So I'm a useless fuck with.

Well that's not helpful.

But I made a stupid decision this morning and I was a fuck with for five minutes.

And I can do better, think better, create better.

But I'm not globally a fuck with.

But sometimes I indulge in fuckuittery, which of course is a noun.

Yeah, fu is a describing word.

It's an agic kid.

Fuck witting is the verb.

Are you welcome?

Everyone?

Everybody help?

Be a test at the end, But I think, look, I agree like call, you know, calling yourself useless and this and that I've never been.

Of course, that's destructive, that's unhealthy, that's toxic, that's no good for you.

We get that, we get that, But there's also, you know, you can recognize.

You can recognize your own mistakes and shortcomings and flaws without hating yourself.

I could list ten things that I need to do better and ten mistakes that I've made in the last week, probably, But in the middle of that, I don't hate myself.

Yeah, I don't hate myself.

But do I acknowledge my flaws and my security and my bullshit as I have one million times on this show, Yeah, I sure do.

Why not because I'm broken or shit, but because I'm human, and that's just part of being a human.

Like, show me one person who listens to this show, who isn't an idiot at some stage, who doesn't do dumb things, who doesn't make mistakes, who never ever has an emotional outburst, who is perfect, and who you know that person doesn't exist.

So that's all of us.

So the question is not are we a bit brilliant and a bit broken?

The answer is probably yeah, we're all a bit of that, at least at times.

The question is what do I need to get better at?

And what am I doing to get better at that?

What do I need to acknowledge and what am I aware of?

Which is vastly different from hating myself about you know, it's like that, you know, like I think I told you.

A lady said to me once early days and the New Project sent me a message and said, are you sometimes you talk over guests And my immediate was response was fuck you right, like that's my ego?

Though, that's my ego.

And then twelve seconds later when I went, well that's my ego and let me let me just turn down that very human, inappropriate, flawed response and let me listen to an episode because I never did, and she was exactly right and I was one hundred percent wrong.

And you know, am I perfect at that now?

Definitely not?

But you just go ah, like this is the and I'll shut up after this.

This is the thing.

It's like we say we like feedback, we fucking don't.

We like praise, we like endorsement, we like accolades.

You tell somebody something that is or you highlight a and with good intentions.

I mean, I'm not talking about pick on somebody, but if you bring to someone's attention a a not very positive kind of trait or characteristic, it's a rare person that's genuinely happy you have done that.

Mmm.

What do you think about, though, our ability to really understand our relationship with self on it?

Like really, so, I'm thinking of a particular quite a while ago, a particular session I had with old mate doctor Bill.

Let's just open the door wide on my therapy.

But I have this conversation with him and he was talking about the idea of psychotherapy, and you know his philosophy around the first you know, the first law of psych but therapy is you believe what you hear yourself say, you know, like this this relationship with hearing what you say, so talking and we're doing missession and I'm picturing little tiff you know whatever, five six seven year old TIF sitting on a chair in the corner doing that weird thing, you know, like have a look at her, look at her, look at her, and you know, is it?

Is it her fault?

And obviously obviously I'm I'm like, I know what we're referring to is not her fault.

But this as I went to answer, this feeling shot through my whole body and I went, oh shit, Bill, I just get what you mean.

I just in that moment, I realized that there's a part of me that thinks it's her fault because I can't say it, and it wasn't until I went to say it.

So there's this part of me that there's this logic that goes, course, not she's she's a kid.

Course not.

Of course it's not her fault.

And if it's anyone else that has the same experience as her, I empathize fully with them.

But in this moment where I went to voice that, I couldn't because there was a part of me going yep, shame on her.

And so I don't know if we we understand that relationship with ourselves.

A lot of people can't stand in front of the mirror and look themselves in the eye and say I love you.

They cannot do it.

Some people can't some people trained at the gym, they cannot look in the mirror at all.

They're like, I don't want to.

Don't make me stand in front of the mirror.

Yeah, the I mean trying to understand yourself.

Like Socrates said this two and a half thousand years ago, right to understand thyself, right, understanding thyself.

So this is this predates me and you know by twenty years two and a half thousand years ago, right, So does joke tip two and a half thousand that's all right, cut that out.

Still still doing the maths, bro leave it in.

But I mean, you think about it.

So the Stoics, we're talking about these concepts literally before Jesus, right, five hundred two, three, four hundred years before Jesus arrived on the scene.

And the Gang, the twelve, the Boys, the lad just big a the big apostles hanging her out in Jerusalem anyway and surrounds but like this, this two and a half thousand plus year old question of who the fuck am I.

That's what psychology explores, That's why philosophy explores, That's what theology explores, That's what stoicism explores.

And I think that it's like the eternal question, it's the perpetual question.

But I think the thing is to understand that that I'm I'm one thing, but I'm many things.

So the is a single singular noun, right, the like to understand the self.

Well, I'm not a mind or a brain, or a body or a spirit or an emotional system or my experiences.

I'm not the sum total of my knowledge or talent or cells or like, I'm all of it.

I am this fucking convergence of psychology and emotion and spirituality and physiology and anatomy and experiences and light and darkness and energy.

And Yeah, I don't know that we ever understand the totality of ourselves.

But I think that the way that psychology has dealt with this, in part is through things like metacognition.

The well worn conversational path on this show of metacognition, which is where we genuinely try to understand how our mind works, like why do I think like this?

Why do I?

And you know, the self as an experience, you know, me, experiencing me, me, understanding me is going to be way different to the self that Tiff knows because I can never have you know, ergo in my research, what what do I think it's like being me?

What do I think Tiff?

How do I think Tiff sees me?

And then how does Tiff see me?

This is why this research that I've done for six years and these questions to me are like not only important, but really fascinating.

And I think, yeah, I think on a simple level, on a sociological level, we are the byproduct of our experiences and our interactions and our friends and our family, and our church and our synagogue and our school, and our teachers and our buddies and our cohort and our colleagues and all of the social and interpersonal interactions that came out of all of those people.

You know, what music did I listen to?

What TV shows did I watch?

What movies did I love?

What?

You know?

And I become all of that or a version of all of that.

And that's probably you know, research says, who the fuck knows whether research is lying, but maybe twenty percent of who you are and how you are is genetic and the rest is just all of those those myriad of variables that you bumped into over your journey.

How's this for interesting?

Yesterday had a conversation with someone former athlete hit by a truck, died, had an experience of being in what they call the in between, saw their body in the theater broken, chose said, made the choice to go back into it and live that life knowing that body was broken.

But then later in the conversation had all of this shame about the body, right, this so ashamed of the body, And so we were talking about this identity with so you've made it so you know through experience in your life that you are not your body.

You are separate because you sat over the top, saw the vehicle and chose to go get back in that vehicle and finish your time here in this life.

But yet that time in this life you are harboring shame for yourself, which is shame for the body.

And I thought that was really interesting.

That is so interesting.

Well, also think about the culture that we live in and when I say things everyone I'm generalizing.

So I know this is not everyone and every person so but we very much live in a time when, especially in social media, what you look like matters.

Yeah, you know people will say, oh, it doesn't matter.

Really have you have you actually have you been out into the world, like do you know how things work?

And so you know, if if you're pretty or handsome, or young or gorgeous or or middle aged and gorgeous or whatever, right, but if you are physically attracted and you don't think that has any social cachet or any social leverage or advantage while you've been living under a rock, right, you know what was funny?

And I'm I've never been and I mean this sincerely, and I'm not fishing, but because I've never been like a handsome you know, when I was young, I was in pretty good shape, That's about it, right, But I've never been oh fuck and how good looking?

I've never been that guy.

So I'm very comfortable with being a Shrek.

But what was funny was gently the other day I had dinner.

I was in der mcgig in Queensland and I had dinner with doctor Alex and monisters who don't know Alex is forty is literally a brain surgeon.

He's a brain surgeon.

He's forty four, he looks thirty.

He's six foot three, he could be literally a fucking international model.

He's a great guy.

He's a really good human.

He'll hate me saying all of this.

But and his wife is equally a stunning which is ridiculous, Like they're going to have the most fucking gorgeous children ever created.

But anyway, if they choose to go that path anyway, So Alex is like, can we get a selfie?

Mike?

Ah?

Can we put a bag on your head?

You know?

Can we can?

I stand on a check and I don't know.

Can we use all the filters?

Fuck?

Anyways, I'm reluctantly like, yeah, great, let's get a selfie.

Fucking Shrek and you know, Captain Hollywood.

Anyway, So we take this picture, put up the picture, and I'm only fucking around.

But it was good, it was good, catch up with him, and blah blah blah blah blah.

And then I must have been asked by twenty people is he single?

Is he single?

I mean twenty women?

Of course, like not one person, which I completely understand.

When he harps you look good not one, and so you like, you're standing next to this really attractive human who happens to be a dude, and you just go, oh, yeah, this is and that.

By the way, I'm not all offended.

I'm not all bothered.

I would one hundred percent expect that because he is fucking really handsome.

I get it.

But what is funny, It's like, oh, yeah, that's that's what Matt Like.

The only question that I was asked about him was not oh, where does he do neurosurgery?

Where is he?

Or you know, does he It was all about he's hot?

Is he single?

I'm like, yep, that's how the world works.

It's interesting, and it's been commercialized and it's been enhanced I think by the world we live in right been primed for it.

But it exists because we're biologically hardwired to respond to those things.

Like everything about what typically is attractive in women and why they end up getting fillers and lip fillers and things is enhancing the areas that make us respond that show health or reproductive health, or things that attract us from a biological, unconscious level.

So it's kind of it's like it's.

Not hey preaching to the choir bro.

I mean, yeah, like, here's the dichotomy.

On the one hand, we have people which is well meaning and well intended, going, you know what, everyone's beautiful.

Doesn't matter what your way, It doesn't matter what you look like, doesn't matter what you're cool, you know, like preach high five.

However, however, if you're gorgeous, it doesn't mean life's going to be easy.

But if you're gorgeous, you're certainly going to have some advantages.

Yeah, like hands down.

So I would say I would assume perhaps for men, it's the same when women have an attraction to a man that is big and strong or that is successful.

Right, people think that it's just gold digging, but maybe there is something about, oh, this recognition of their ability to provide.

Maybe it's that some of it's that simple it is.

And that's the thing is it seems like in twenty twenty five, these things that are driven by more almost evolutionary drives.

Right, I want to be safe, I want to be with someone strong, or I want to be with someone that can provide kids or like these are these have been developed over hundreds of thousands of year years, and we forget that we're just fucking highly evolved animals.

Like we think we're so fucking spectacular.

No, we're just fucking primates who can string some words together.

We are, yeah, you know, ten minutes ago we're all fucking Neanderthals, and now we're all like in fucking BMW's and wearing fucking fancy nail polish and fucking talk.

About my nails.

But the thing is that, And it's like you if there's like if a guy's attracted to a girl, well that is a biological response, like this is this is just what's he's not trying to be a prick.

Now what he does with that attraction, well that's up to him.

If he behaves like a dickhead, that's not okay, he says something inappropriate, that's not okay.

But that innate attraction, well, just like if there's a guy who likes guys and he's so he's homosexual and he's attracted to a man, it just is what it is.

Like he's not going, ah, you know what, I think I'll be gay.

No, he's just gay and that's cool.

It's like I'm you know, you go, well, I'm I'm heterosexual, right, that wasn't a choice.

That's just how I'm wired.

Just like if I bite into an onion, it tastes fucking disgusting.

If I eat asparagus, to me, tastes like piss right, But there is I mean, there are certain things.

I was going to say, something so terrible that I got to asparagus.

I was about to say cock, and I did a left turn, not knowing what cock tastes like, and I went with sparagus.

Will you say that?

But yeah, well I do say that, But okay it was me.

I'd had one be.

Hang out with Alix, so.

What do I know?

Sure, but I mean it was one Saturday night in Brisbane.

Everyone's so pedantic.

No I've never been there.

That's all right for those people who have well done you.

But I see now now you've fucking thrown me.

Do you know what?

This is the only bit of the podcast.

Some people are going to like, it's my favorite, all that wisdom and all that talk of psychology and philosophy.

They're going to go, oh, what about where you Nelly said that?

And that's what they'll talk about.

That's the fucking that's the low bar that we'veset.

That's people just listen, people, fast forward through the fucking commentary on the human experience to get to the dick jokes.

It's I don't know if to be proud or ashamed.

I'm a bit of both.

I want to tap myself on the back and punch myself in the face.

I'm not sure.

I'm conflicted anyway.

Oh god, oh god, I don't know.

I don't even know what we're talking about.

What were we talking about?

I've totally lost This is not a podcast, is a fucking this is a recorded shambles.

This is what this is.

I blame you.

I blame you for fucking derailing me.

See way too much fun.

This is the problem you've got thrown that.

I kind of believe that Queens lanchon Anigans might have happened.

Well, he's very attractive.

I will say that he's very handsome.

I didn't go unnoticed by me.

It didn't.

No, there was no Shenanigan's.

I feel like I'm tarnishing his reputation.

He is married to somebody way more attractive than the host of this show.

And no, we just date ty food together and the bonding ended there.

You never know, never, no plenty of time stop it diff I don't know, let's just end.

I feel like we started, we started strong and then did like a pooh five meters before the finish line.

Suck.

It's like, sorry, I just shut my pants.

Sorry everyone, Sorry, just a bit.

This did a big virtual pooh just before the end of the show from laughing.

Oh, well, anyway, you didn't shoot yourself.

I did, all right, everyone.

I don't know what to make of this.

If you never come back, if you never tune in again, I did not blame you.

It's been a good run.

It's been a good run.

May see you again or not.

Thanks TIV, thank you, she said, it's now never.

I got fighting in my blood.

Gotta tr what coast, Gotta true little guns, Gotta to mono cost, Gotta tr