Oh my god, welcome to adulting.

I just want to make sure that everybody is turning their taxes.

Oh my god.

First of all, I'm showing So that's Jordan Carlos.

You're coming in hot.

You're coming in like the H and R Block accountant, the employee of a fucking week.

And instead of like actual tax receipts, you just want like emotional receipts.

You're like, how we feeling?

What's going on?

Give me your invoices?

Like I can tell you.

I can see you as the guy at the office who's just high fiving a lot and has like personal handshakes with people.

Excuse me, you know I'm the personality higher.

That is who I am.

I have soft skills.

You think I can do an Excel spreadsheet?

Absolutely nut, But I look like it.

Let me get my classes hot.

Oh my god, here we go.

This is what I learned about, like even getting glasses watching him.

Yes, on stage, you gotta wipe the fingerprints off.

Oh yeah, and they can steam up.

I learned a lot of glasses etiquette through you.

Yes, you have to wipe them daily.

They can't steam up.

Winter's tough for the glass bespectacled people you probably if you're single and in glasses, most likely you will not date other people of your own race.

That's other people with glasses.

Have you ever kissed somebody with glasses on and then you had glasses on?

I have.

It's like people bumping into each other in a biology lab.

It's really not good.

It's not sexy at all.

It just sounds like it just makes the sound like Warby Parker every time me to try to get in there.

It's so bad.

It's so bad.

And then I have clear glasses and I take them off and put them down, can't find them ever.

It's just really it's so bad.

God, right, you need like rainbow frames or something.

Yeah.

You know, when I travel and I see black people, especially black women with freckles, we always look at each other.

It is an emotional high five with our eyes.

It is like I see you, I see you know, I'll see you.

What the dermatologists every year says, okay, okay, cause it's just like a thing, like it's a wonderful thing that like not everybody has in common.

Now, do you ever run into when you are traveling, a nerdy black man with classes and you're just like of course of course.

Yeah, we're like like we see each other, you know.

I mean it's it feels like, you know, like oh, another black inventor.

You know what I'm saying.

It just get that kind of like feeling like oh it's Lewis Latimer or like, you know, we're in the key in Michael Key society.

What the fuck?

Always yes, I feel like a approachable black guy who cannot stop moving society.

Oh my god, the energy on that one.

If if I'm ever going to go to a umba class top by a black man, it better be King and Michael Key, because I am He's got the moves like Jagger.

He's always enthusiastic, like more switchers like him, so enthusiastic.

Which and I really loved King Peele, and I miss King Peel, and I do miss like good sketch, and I do love what Robin Thedi did.

Like you know, it's very hard to get black women on TV, and so yeah, like she did for five seasons.

She's amazing in some good ass community.

Speaking of good community, you know she loves a little jump off our guests.

You love a pivot, I do.

It's the Ryan Seacrest in me our guest for this episode.

Yeah, she plays my roommate in Survival The Thickest Season one.

She's amazing.

She's a longtime friend in comedy.

Yes, she's part of the comedy community again.

Can't say enough about her character Jade and her top titty meet.

Please everybody enjoy this episode which.

He's a trigger.

I'm not a good dancer.

Stuff.

She's got potential.

No, no, I don't fe don't fail me now, I mean, don't fail me now.

It's it's it's a it's a beautiful fuck?

Is that is that?

Amos?

Joy?

Bitch?

Oh?

I just give him my heels.

That's all you do?

You really do.

It's I'm waiting for the finger to pop out.

I'm waiting for I could I could easily like kick back a soccer ball with this pop right pop to that guy?

No problem?

Oh my god.

You know what I love too that my kids love to dance.

It's so important.

Yeah, I just put on like reggae music or you know, compacal Haitian music.

Oh wow, yeah, does what is what does otis do?

Does he do like the light foot?

Like?

What what's he doing?

The hot foot?

What is that called?

They know what it's called, because oh are you talking how much of making dances?

Yeah, yeah, that kind of shit.

I don't know.

I don't know the differences.

We don't know much.

Did you grow up line dancing?

You just had you were just like no feelings.

Yeah, like yeah, there's some of that stiff denim cowboy boots.

Oh yeah, we had pekos, things like that, pegas west wing boots.

Yes, it was like footloose.

But with black people.

There is the MLK Day rodeo, which is a beautiful thing.

It's a black rodeo because we invented rodeo.

But then, like, you know, white people are like, it's ours.

Why do you guys get quiet like that?

They're learning, they're taking I was like, what's happened, because there's like one person from Dallas.

She's tired of screaming.

I know, she can't keep screaming every time drops.

I'm about Texas.

Yeah, while ticket, Yeah, one in four cowboys back in the day were black.

The term cowboy comes from the fact that the boy was a slur for black men, So black men working with cows were called thank you, welcome to my ted.

Talking all right, I didn't Yeah, so Yeah, it was really nice.

Yeah, really connected with everyone.

I know they're like talk about behind that.

They're definitely gonna take that home with them and repeat that story.

Oh sure, no it's true.

No, it's all good, it's all good.

I love it.

I loved a little fun.

Oh I got love.

I love my little Lroy just and glasses.

No it's any any black history and I love his like.

Little Texas saying, because I'm like, what the fuck is that.

We were in a meeting one time and everyone wants just talking a lot of shit.

I ain't know what they were saying.

It was circles.

Like when people talk in circles, they want to hear themselves talking them have anything to say.

I just wait for something that I can hold on to.

It's like, you know, arguing with a drunk person.

I'm like, where is this going?

And then Jordan just goes.

It feels like everyone's just biting around a cookie.

And I was like, what I did say that earlier?

I heard, Yeah, eating around the cookie just means you're not getting to it, you know what I'm saying.

That's like, get you're all you know, you're all hat and no horse like you just.

Yeah, what are we talking about.

No, it's just these are just parlances that come to you, you know.

Yeah, I love that for you.

Yeah, what's the thing, what's that?

What's that thing you said at that little public school meeting?

Oh yeah I said that.

So it was like this this guy was trying to push through a curriculum and uh, it was not cool.

And so he's like, oh no, but it's gonna work with the old curriculum until I was like, man, you're trying to ride two horses with one ass right there, and.

That's one dog that ain't gonna hunt, but in front of all the teachers, in front of.

The teachers, and they and like they get like he he was like, I'm just trying to process what you were saying, and like fuck off, you know, Like I just I feel like I feel like a Southern parlance can really cut to the chase.

Like northern provinces are good.

I had to learn northern provinces.

Northern provinces are tough, you know.

Like it's like like you go to a deli, Yeah, you make you get your order some behind you like he did you already order?

And you're like I'm all set.

Well, the first time somebody said, like, are you all set?

I was like, like, you all said, just means I had never heard that before.

So like hearing that, yeah, yeah, we don't say that down South, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's like you all said, you know that that ye through me and that you got you got this.

I love that.

Yeah, I love that one.

Yeah.

Never this Okay, you're good.

Not everybody, you're good.

That's not.

We don't say that down South, that you should.

It's very the guns come out, that's like you good, you good?

You good?

Yeah?

Absolutely never never, but y'all say in Ohio, y'all say anything to each other.

It's more it's more southern, so a lot of the stuff that he's saying, but with less horses and cowboy hats.

Oh I've been Ohio, but I don't remember.

Yeah, it's it's pretty similar to Texas.

And it's parlance, is it, Yeah, because people from Ohio have come from the South.

That's where they came from.

This you want to hear from New York makes some noise.

If you're from West Coast, oh Lost the bitches standing make some noise.

If you're from the middle Where in the middle Iowa Iowa ship.

I'm so glad you got out.

That is like white Wakanda, that is where that's where they come from.

Oh my god, if your car breaks down in Iowa, there's no landmarks.

You guys must have been really happy for GPS.

No white Wakanda.

I know you just make a left on unpaved road.

I'm like, oh what, and then children at the corner going right here.

It's true.

Anybody else from the middle work, I knew that, we knew that.

The Bronx, Yes, the Bronx was ahead well, seventeen bridges from Canada.

It is so crazy.

The Bronx is always front row and they always talked to like, yeah what you said, Mama, Okay, you.

Got it, you got it.

I love it.

I love it.

I love Brokelyn and I love the Bronx.

I just love a community, like, yes I do.

I do.

My sorry.

My brother in law came to visit us God for editing purposes, and I took him in the Dumbo House because I was like, you just need to see bougie black bullshit.

Okay, let's go, and he was just like, wow, it's so much and I was like, what he's like, community, I said, Okay, that's good.

What do you want to say?

It's cultural.

I've heard that one before.

Yeah, yeah, the culture.

It's very cultural in here, ethnic spices.

He shut the fuck up today in Dutch, like, I don't know if y'all saw my special, but truly, the Dutch word for look is kike.

No k i jk It's cake.

And so the first time I ever heard my mother in law name Hanukah.

So fun.

Say this word, we were taking a family picture and she's like, kike the camera and I was like, honikah, fix it.

That's a real ass story.

And no one, no one in Holland has ever heard of this.

And so when I did that joke in my special Welcome to Utopia, available on Epix right now, the Critics Choice Award winning special, it made it to like the Dutch like late night news, like their daily show, and they're like Jimmy, basic white men named Jimmy.

Late night shows definitely not had any that out.

They could know that they know already, but yeah, they were like, oh my goodness, comedian brings up a good point.

I'm like, your fucking thick.

They never heard of that.

No, because this is what happens when you trust men.

Right.

Anyways, you guys are ready for more show on him?

Are you ready?

I'm so excited.

I'm so excited.

She is amazing.

She is a hilarious comedian also going on tour.

Check her the fuck out.

She also had a hilarious part and a very fun show Survival.

She played a kooky, fucking roommate named Jade who had a cat named Cocaine.

Who had a cat named Cocaine.

Go figure, Yes, please give it up for my friend and yours, Liz.

He's a tracker who Hello, you're back in New York.

Back chairs?

Yes, we got wait, there got what you need?

This isn't nice.

I was expecting sitting on a high stool.

This is a back Yeah.

No, not when you got all this top titty meet you need like a good chair exactly how I ruined the whole energy.

I'm so sorry, but our chairs are better than yours, and that's that.

How are you, friends?

I'm thriving, I'm feeling good.

I feel really happy.

I did just move back to New York from LA.

And you did the right thing.

You did the right thing, and I just am so excited.

I'm so happy I don't know what else to say.

I don't know I should be clever and make you laugh, but I just a'm feeling.

I feel like I have.

First of all, you're hilarious and truthful.

I don't know which one comes first.

I guess it's truthful.

Yeah, I tried to be Yeah, well to me, you've been I don't know by anybody else.

Yeah.

No, I did something bad recently where someone came up to talk to me and I went, you don't do that because he had dressing on his lips, and then he was really embarrassed.

But you can't.

You can't have white sauce on your lips and talked Yeah, others, but he's he felt sad, you know, or just a stranger.

I'm a colleague, I would say, a colleague, colleague.

It's important.

I started switching the way my vocabulary because I have a friend who always says, oh, that's my friend, and then you learn, oh, that's actually not your friend, that's an acquaintance, and I don't trust you anymore.

So now I've been very clear where you stand in my life.

Yeah, okay, because she's like, oh, my friend works there, and I'm like, well, can your friend get us in and she's like, well, i'd feel weird messaging.

I'm like, that's not your friend.

Then, so changed the category.

That's a person.

Everybody changed your guy category to the person that you came with.

Or I say friendly, Oh no, we're friendly.

Yeah yeah yeah, or I like them.

But if I can't ask you whatever I want, you're not my friend, you're co people.

Yeah I get that.

Yeah that's cool.

Yeah, so many, so many questions, three of them.

You answer whichever one you want first.

Okay, Uh, dating, I want to get to it because we try to get to dating.

When we were on the show, like we were working on my show, we were Miked.

I asked you, like how dating was, and like what type of person you're dating?

And you said the most hilarious thing, Mike, And I don't know if I can't repeat it.

What did I say?

It was about like between men, like between the difference between men and women.

What did I say?

I can't wait?

Can I tell you?

Yeah?

I was like, are you dating women still?

And you were like, I want to, but I miss come too much.

Oh yeah, it's like funny.

Yeah, but the best part is that we're all Mike, so I see everyone.

It was the best, It was the best.

I would be so good on real housewives.

I would ruin a family.

That's the best.

I would really hot mic moment.

I would like to just be dating anyone.

I'm really like, stop, I'm stopped.

I'm stunted.

I don't know what to do.

Okay, you didn't ask.

You said I'd have a choice between three questions, and you stopped on the come question.

And gave me not one other option.

What are the other two?

I guess the other one was.

I just feel like getting comed on so degrading, and I like it, like on your body or your face, my face, my body, my body, my tits.

I have really good tits.

I have really good tits, and it's like a waste not to come on them.

I think, yeah, yeah, these are your words, and I agree.

I agree.

Like use it as a little vachina to do whatever you gotta do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sometimes it is hard for you know, someone to.

Aim, aim, climb the salmon ladder, so to speak up to someone's yah.

I guess they're not that athletic.

I'm not, and that's why my wife loves me.

But it was that story.

The other one was, what's it like, are you internet dating?

What is that like?

Is that crazy?

And the third thing was the last time you did the show was like twenty seventeen, eighteen, when we weren't even a podcast, we were just a show in Union Hall and you told this crazy fucking story about getting arrested or almost getting arrested.

Yeah, And I was like, have you And so I just want to know has there been any run ins with the law, especially in that lakes.

I feel like they like to fuck with you.

No, I've been behaving very well all over this country.

I will I I will, I will fly out of the country with maybe drugs.

But in terms of behaving, I've not had any run ins with the law.

Well, yeah, none at all.

I've been really behaved.

It was all under the age of twenty one, which I feel doesn't count, you know what I mean, Sure, because you're just drinking.

Being crazy, But if you're underage, that's a crime.

But it's like, come on, you know what I mean, Like I'm gonna get drunk at nineteen and punched through a fire extinguisher glass like you do.

Now you did that, I did.

I'm more powerful than you would think.

Yeah, I am was there a fire?

No, I am boy like water for chocolate?

Just so many questions.

I just.

Yes, there was a fire within her body.

So I know that was got say.

You know, it's the book, it's the story.

It's always about the half black sis, so that nobody understands anyways, Well, there's one reader in this, so two people would.

It was a book from the nineties that got turned into a movie.

And then it was like, uh, I remember one like she's having sex, and I remember this so well.

It was like I was like, have water or water for chocolate.

I was like, let me see this.

I heard there was sex in it, you know, because back then you'd have to like search like through the desert for sex.

And and so I'm like, there's a part like she gets it on and it's like she gets wet, but it's all it's it's magical realism because it's Mexican.

So uh yeah, and I stand by this ship and it's magical realism.

And so she's so wet she floods the entire kitchen and I was like, is that sex?

I was like, oh my god, I don't know if I want any part of this.

So that's what she meant.

Yeah, you should see the movie.

Yeah.

They also I remember someone in school saying Sophie's choice was a bunch of sex.

And even if that like it doesn't seem worth it, you know, but I remember that was like the gossip and trickery of the playground.

Yeah, twelve Years of Slave.

I watched it for the music, Okay, Right, as a kid, you don't know what you're getting yourself into.

You're like, yeah, I'll get it.

I remember that vivid name.

Yeah.

Can I ask how?

No, I'm thirty six.

I love this.

I love this age.

I did you.

I'm excited.

Yeah, what are you excited about?

Well?

I've been repeating the same mistakes for about twenty four years, so so now I think I'm finally ready to rid those habits.

Yeah, that have been serving me.

I just met with a new therapist yesterday that she specializes in immigrant generational trauma.

Shit.

Yeah, so I'm gonna get through my like weird hoarding and thinking there's a war but there could be soon.

But yeah, yeah, so that's that's why I think there's more excitement moving.

I have come Munich.

I've learned.

I've just learned a lot and I'm I finally have realized that I have to some of these habits, and I'm gonna do it with this therapist hopefully.

Her name's Violet, though, which makes me not trust her.

You know, Violet's an immature name.

I mean, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck's daughter's name Violet.

I wouldn't go to her for therapy either.

Have you met Jennifer Garner?

No, I haven't.

She seems very nice.

I like her jaw.

Yeah, absolutely, she's got a strong john.

She's got a good sense about it.

She's like she does a lot of squaps.

Oh no, she works out every single day.

Yeah, I don't know about that.

No, I don't.

I heard about it.

No for me, Oh yeah, I don't know about that.

For me.

Every day, like you know, I feel like life is that is?

That's enough.

Yeah, you have to your hope.

You're picking up kid.

Yeah, you're doing a lot.

You are very You're very busy, and I'm very physically active all day you know.

Yeah, like I got.

Two dogs, two kids too.

It's an emotional nose art.

Yeah, you've been to the meat ball party.

You fucking get it.

Oh yeah, you have a lot of land, and but I don't think you do it right.

Yeah, no, I got a lot of land.

The house.

Negro done bought the house.

But yeah, I don't.

I think Jordan should speak next.

I'm listening.

I like this, not following that.

I picked my moment.

It's about you.

You've you've moved to Can we say like the village in the.

Village because okay, the nightmares of my New York journey, I got carbon monoxide poison and Crown Heights.

So that that had happen to me.

I also last time I lived here, I had a building super climbing through my bedroom window on a ladder and he spied on me.

Yes, but it wasn't a crime because he didn't jerk off her videotape remember that, Yeah, all right, not to encourage people.

And so I got an a tax It different at the wild shit happened to me all over the city.

And now I'm I've exposed brick, you know, like I know that for you, Yeah, yeah, I love that for you.

Yeah no, but I haven't radio.

It is wild to have really immigranted parents because living in New York or being like an artist living or truth it like they don't get it because when I was young, I lived in my friend's pantry so I could do comedy in Chicago and it was two hundred dollars and my parents wouldn't even visit the They're like, how we have a home.

Why would you sleep in a pantry, And so they're really disgusted that I have a radiator.

Again, they're like, they don't understand it.

My parents are the same way and after because they're from Jamaica and Haiti.

And have to remind them that you were brave enough and crazy enough to leave everything and everyone you knew to go find another life that you didn't even know if it was gonna better.

You didn't know if it was gonna work out.

You were just like, I have to do this.

And I'm like, so I have that in me.

I'm taking a chance on me now because I'm from you.

That's I got it from you.

And so they're just like, please keep another job.

And so so I were.

I did overnights doing editing the news for six years while I was doing stand up you know what I mean?

So what do you wish for yourself?

What do you really want and wish for yourself?

This see hear in next year is a thirty six year old just fucking figuring it out doing it in New York City.

You figured a lot of stuff out.

Answer this question, You're like, it's just a lot, but my life skills are okay.

My goal is to stay at my apartment to a place where, like I can host people and do little pre games before we go out.

So I'd like to be able to have like a mach you know, like, oh, stop buy, I'll host energy.

I would like to be getting fuckedor in love more often.

I'd like to be seeing more celebrities.

Actor and love, like fucked by someone you love, were just fucked.

Good sex, Yeah, like good sex.

It could be loose, it doesn't have to be love.

But I would like love you.

The things you clap out are interesting, and I like that cause you you really, you really.

I liked her working overnights at the office.

You did you clapped at that.

They're both in news, And then.

You really like good sex and working hard all night, And that's.

No professionally.

I just want to keep growing, working, having fun, just enjoying myself.

More celebrities, I think is what you're walking.

Yeah, ten thousand said I'd like to get all my steps in, you know, not yeah, not smoke weed every day all day.

I think that's that should be top.

But I don't want to make a goal I'm gonna fail at.

So that's right, manage expectations.

And I'm going to the Eras Tour November twenty first.

So i'd like seeing it.

An outfit going, an outfit going.

I love this.

Okay, we're gonna ask some questions from the audience here we go.

How do you say no to being in someone's bridal party?

Well, it depends what the reason is, right or you have to make it up, because if you don't like the person, you don't want to be their friend.

That's different than like, hey girl, I can't afford it, or I'm studying for the bar, like I don't have time.

As different than oh I actually hate you, your family, your friends, and I don't want to be around you as shit.

There just different.

Why don't you want to be in it?

You're poor?

Or you hater?

I mean, I think or maybe there's a third reason.

I'm not thinking.

I think the third reason for me would be the emotional time commitment, because now you're gonna be someone's therapist for that whole fucking ride.

They're gonna come to you with shit that you don't fucking have time for.

You just want to show up to a party with an open bar, take some pitches and leave, and now you gotta be in it.

Like oh the flowers, okay, they're petals.

Oh the chairs, everyone's sitting like nobody really gives a fuck.

And so I feel like, you know, asking someone to be in your bridal party is really asking them to be your therapist during a stressful party.

Say no, I guess how do you say no?

Do you want the person in your life still or not?

I mean, obviously, if they're close enough to be in the bridal party, how do you say no?

Hopefully then the bride is close enough to be like, I get it, but let's not be delusional.

I think for me, i'd be like, I can't do this, but I'll do this right.

Read a poem?

Yeah, like I'll do a speech, or you could do like a like ushering is is good?

You remember, oh ship, we need ushers?

So ushers?

Uh that seems like a thing that's in movies that isn't real.

No, No, there were there were as we stay down South users and you needed them.

You needed them, you really did, and they usually need them.

Yeah.

Yeah, the people, all the people in the wedding needed because people were like, where you go, it's going.

People still get married.

Jesus Christ.

I'm just kidding.

Congratulations, Yes, here we go.

How early is too early to be on prescription acid reflux meds?

Okay to ask.

I didn't write that question.

I just started suffering from acid reflex And you know what I did?

Well, they say like, don't eat and then go to bed, and it's like, okay, let's be realistic with the advice.

You're not eating taco bell in the day.

You know.

It's like I did do something crazy in New York.

I bought a temperpeeding matrics with a base that moves so I can press a button and I could sleep like this, so it moves.

That is most adul't think I've ever heard.

That's amazing.

Let work.

Yeah, oh my god, Like I'll go out like uh yeah, after a long day of walking out like I'll pick up my legs.

It's really crazy.

I want one.

Oh yeah.

The guy sold it.

He goes, you don't have to stack your pillows anymore.

I go you got me?

I go, you got me?

Yeah?

Bro, fuck I have so many pillows.

But I think it's not you.

It's like it sucks because it stops you for drinking eating, like like it stops you from joy.

And but I don't know what the side effects are.

Yeah, you know, but I heard like, okay, so you know people drink coffee.

It's like the caffeine actually loosens up the flap above the stomach, which gives you acid reflux.

That happens.

But you can also take like aniseed or like you know, licorice.

Licorice is good after a drink.

But I love coffee.

Yeah, so yeah, I mean.

Why I can't drink like a margarita is just one sip of fire between.

My titties or ginger ale like ginger something like that that can help you at night.

Like just trying to help you have this moment for yourself, for you where you don't take prescription.

Just take the fucking pill and go have a burrito, like whatever.

It just happends on the side effects.

It really does.

The side effects.

You feel uncomfortable, all right, but like would you rather have ascid reflux or diarrhea?

The age old question question.

The next question is is would you rather, okay, now does a guy?

Does a guy have to be taller than a girl?

I'm five foot nine and a girl.

Oh, I think it's all preference, but I am hugging a tall man feels different and it's nice.

Sorry, oh shit, I don't date tall men, but I've hugged them because they're might.

Like I hugged a writer on the show, Solomon Georgio.

I hugged him a few weeks ago when I went, this just feels better, Like it just felt so nice.

Like a timperpedic mattress for a hug.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's sleep number, but it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's chemistry because and sometimes, you know, sometimes.

It's really cool when you see a sexy model and she has like her arm on her boyfriend's.

Shoulder like that, Like that's okay, I like that.

Yeah he likes that too.

Yeah, the bronx.

But I don't know, like I've did old time cement and it's just the way they like handle me, Like get in there are you guys talking about it?

They have broke out in conversation.

Finally, finally, we need to normalize this conversation.

They're tall, but they're not all tall.

They're big boys, but not.

In all the right way.

It's us.

Wait the people at the bar.

I don't know if you heard, but Sis said, just because they're tall, don't mean they got a big dick and their knees hurt.

They they grew too fast.

Well also, okay, no, this sounds crazy now it just this, but this is crazy, but listen, it is.

It is what Lisa was saying.

It is a preference because some people are not size queens.

Some people don't need big dicks, some people do, like you know what I mean.

So it's like, really, a what's the question again?

It's I'm five ft nine and we were.

Just talking about this back that all the most of the actors were were like, oh, they're so hot.

They're all sure, they're all five to five, like all the people we have crushed.

The question was the question I tossed it.

But the question was should I only strictly date people that are over five foot nine?

The person questioning was a woman who is over five foot nine and wondered should she give I guess people under five foot nine a try?

You know, can you pay for your meal and go down on you.

That's the question I would be asking.

Also closer to your crotch.

So it's like they reached the things they supposed Yeah, win win, Next question, look at us figuring it out?

You guys?

Are we figuring it out?

How do I introduce my partner to kinks?

How do you introduce your partner to king?

How do I introduce my partner to my kinks?

Yes, she said porn hub.

Okay, okay, I heard corn on the cob and that's what I heard, And I was like, whoa, wow?

What is introducing your partner to kinks?

I don't know how long you've been together.

Are y'all still talking about dicks?

God damn they are.

They've broken into a small it's a breakout through, gonna have a and then they will decide there will be a vote.

They'll be like, we have voted that doll men don't necessarily have big dicks, and so says I.

The resolution has passed.

Yes, all right, kinks?

How do you in Japa to what kind of kink?

I mean, if you want someone to shut in your chest, don't tell anybody you know.

I agree.

Cleveland Steamer whoa or are you gonna pay an es school?

You can pay a dominated tricks?

I mean, yeah, kinks could be anything, right.

All I'm saying is your partner should be a safe space.

Okay.

So whether it is over drinks or whether it's in bed and you're whispering it, just say it and it's okay.

Just fucking say it.

Okay.

If they're not into it or they judge you, then they're not the one for you, and that's the bigger question.

Or they can you know, you can do it with someone else.

The one weird thing, you know, what's you know what?

Maybe sometimes place an atmosphere, you know, it helps things along, Like if you were on vacation it's some sexy spot and you're like, this is.

What I'm really into.

This is what blows my half ropuffs back.

Then that's when you do it, you know.

Or you can go to a sex party so that way you're in that.

Yeah, the love of your life says I'm not into that.

Do you do you just leave them?

Or what do you do?

No?

I don't think you just leave them.

This question is wild.

How do I go into the men's sauna for the first time?

Okay?

What are you looking for in the men's sun?

Did you leave your phone in there?

Like?

What's the fun?

Boldly?

Boldly?

I mean you've never been in a sauna?

Okay, go win check it out.

See if anybody else is naked.

If they naked, get naked, don't make eye contact.

You were so upset with them.

I like, Willie, what do you mean, what are you looking for one a sauna?

I think it's maybe maybe the person has social anxiety, you know, and so.

Go ont off hours.

Maybe the person who did not write this, uh.

Was it you?

No?

Who maybe had an audi back in the day, back in the day which you have to be surgically removed.

Then I remember my first sauna.

That was really that was kind of like.

What's going on in here?

Fisher Price?

My first sauna.

I think.

I honestly thought I was gonna pass out and die in there.

I thought, yeah, I hate a sona.

I was actually in Finland for a little bit, and they love a sauna.

It's their culture, it's and their schools, it's in their homes.

They like, can't get enough.

Oh, but they're so shy, they don't give compliments.

They're very reserved people.

But they will get butt naked with their families, co workers, anybody.

Yeah, and they just it's wild and they hit themselves with the little grass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The spas in Holland or Amsterdam are co ed naked.

And I was like, Babe, i feel like everyone's looking, and He's like they are.

I'm like, I'm gonna go.

They also don't want to see like a stranger's dick off hours, you know, like rest at rest.

On airplane phone wedding.

This dick gets no wi fi.

Don's got a question, Don read the question, go for it.

What you guys want to say?

Airplane mode dick is crazy, all right?

The question is how do you break the cycle of dating the same type of person that's wrong for you.

It's like a diet, it's a choice.

One day you wake up, you do it.

One day you wake up you're like, I'm tired of this fucking heartburn, and I stop drinking it.

Like you have to do it and get it out of your system.

Sometimes you're older, you look back, You're like, I've wasted so much of my life, but now I'm ready.

But yeah, this is the conversation I've had with people in my family, like friends, they don't go.

You don't go until you're ready to go, or a therapy.

Yeah, I heard, I heard them.

It's just a lot of money.

Uh.

Lisa has a question, Lisa, what you got?

How should a girl ask out girls?

But I'll take this one.

It should be done at Henrietta Hudston's okay.

Probably how you would like it?

Yeah, how do you ask about girls?

I mean that's like kind of like always the hard thing because you're just you know, shy ah and it's tough.

Yeah, it is tough.

It's tough to ask anyone out.

I don't even know if.

It's Yeah, it is gender specific at all, you know.

I mean if I don't know what kind of personality you have, but you know, you either just ask them out right away or some sort of conversation see if it gets flirty, or like their stories over and over again for years.

Yeah, I mean, like, how do you ask somebody out?

I don't know.

I'm really into people that are like I I admire that in people, like people that are overtly flirty and can do that's like I admire that you you're not flirting, No, I'm like so chatty.

And then when I like someone I'm silent and I cannot even I'll just like bring them water and I like can't.

Okay, go ahead, all right, here we go dating as an adult?

What and how the fuck do we deal with AI bots and lying yes men, question mark?

You guys are really going through it right, it's yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's fences and shit, and there's like whole ass side families and shit.

So I get it.

So I feel like for internet dating, you got two fucking chats and then let's get to a phone call or a fucking meet up with coffee during the day.

Like the fucking talking for weeks on end.

You got friends, you got emails to get to You don't need another conversation.

How long are y'all fucking talking to somebody on the internet before you see them?

Just shout it out one day, a couple of days, interesting, good, Yeah, get to it.

New Yorkers are a fucking I don't have time for this shit.

I love it.

Yeah, I've talked to people who are like talking to someone for three months for fucking what.

Jordan would say, that's eating around the cookie, that's right, that is definitely around the cookies.

You gotta just take a bike.

Gotta get in there.

Yeah, take a big chunk.

Yeah.

If they're eating around the cookie, then they're not eating around your cookie.

I also saw a thing on TikTok that was like, you know, we're taught to believe the apps are where everyone is, and like that's where you need to be, but it's actually like a small group of a small group, and there's a whole, actual world of people everywhere that are not in the app.

But they make you think everyone's in there, but they're not.

And that's why the AI bots are even there.

So it's kind of like carry Bradshaw, the Learning Addicts, you know, like the men are out there.

That's a good episode.

Yeah, okay, last question?

At what point?

Not the last already?

Wow, I know they've been standing for like two hours.

I know.

They are dying.

Uh, at what point do you cut off friendships?

How many chances are too many?

Oh?

My god, I'm obsessed with you know, I'm really passionate about this.

So there is a friendship expert.

Her name is doctor Buyer Jackson.

She might not be a doctor.

I might have added that, but.

Damned honorary doctor.

But I love Danielle Bayer Jackson Day is incredible.

She was a high school English teacher and then she worked in pr and she realized like dynamics of friendship and what's going on, and she started focusing on female friendships.

And you know, we focus so much on romantic love.

We forget so much of our joy in life is friendship.

And they make it seem like it's easy.

It should be easy, but it takes work like any other relationship.

And so when you have a friendship issue, you think, what's wrong with me?

But it's like, no, you gotta like really work on it.

And then I don't know, I just had like such an honest combo a friend recently, but I also cut a friend out.

I got a few friends out, but one after twelve years and then we just started talking again.

But it's like it's something I think about all the time.

She has a book coming out.

I'm excited for it, but shit, yeah when your friend or the doctor, no, the doctor, the doctor, doctor, Because I was like, what a great moment to support your friends.

You know, my friend, my friend, we you know, we've decided to put things in the past.

But this is what Danielle says.

She goes a real friend.

You should never hesitate to tell them good news.

So if you can't tell your friend good news, that's really not a friend.

So you need to really evaluate that.

Another Okay, another thing she really focuses on is you get to be your real self, Like you can be yourself.

You're not on edge, you're not trying to perform.

You're like you can cancel if you need to for whatever reason.

You can be yourself with your friend.

And those are like the two things I look for now.

And if I have those things, then I will forgive, I will work, let's talk.

But if I'm not myself and you're not happy for me, yeah I'm out.

Yeah.

Oh my god, Lisa.

I told us a lot about because this long term friendship was like it was fucked for a while and it was so hard to get out of and then finally, you know, I worked.

I really like this woman and she helped me a lot.

Sometimes when you're friends with someone for a long time, like you were friends with them because of reasons that like just don't make sense anymore, Like you know, like yeah, they had duck hunt at their house, and then you didn't have duck hunt, so you you know, they're like they became your friend.

You know what I'm saying, Like that's that's what it was, and now you're just like what the fuck?

Like I don't even know.

Well, that's another thing, she says.

You know, we really like admire long term friendships.

How do you know they're healthy?

Like they you could be friends with someone for twenty five years and it's like a fucked up cycle and there's nothing to admire or you know, even though we had, you know, people working on stuff, but you could meet someone really connect and they can be someone great after not that long, you know.

Yeah, yeah, it's them.

It's the labels.

For me, I'm done with labels.

I'm really done with labels.

Yeah, thirty six means you don't go this is my best friend, but I do have one, and I like her.

I started shutting labels around thirty two thirty three, and then by time thirty eight thirty nine, I was like, oh, everybody can fuck off.

I need to make my own truth in order to fucking understand what life is.

Yeah, so I have to ask though, like for friends, getting rid of a friend, sometimes, did the doctor or maybe doctor talk talk about like codependence, because like maybe that's one reason why people don't get rid of certain friends, it's like they don't want to be alone.

Well, I'll tell you something what my therapist told me about an unhealthy thing.

She go she said, you know, this friend might be using you for whatever reason, but you're using them and you have to figure out what you're gaining from that person and get like gain that in yourself because you're using this like if you're in a bad thing, you're with them for something, and you have to figure that out in yourself.

Yeah, instead of using them for whatever comfort they kind of have with you.

And my best and one of my friends said, it's honestly humiliating to argue with someone you're an fucking which how has helped me to Yeah, interest, She goes, you're in these friendship fights.

You're not even fucking these people.

Yeah, And I'm like, oh my god, Yeah, I never fight with my friends.

Never.

Yeah.

My mom always said, if you're not feeding, fucking, or financing, then why are you here?

Like why are we arguing?

So you guys can take that.

But also with friendship is a different Once you have you know, your friends, houses, kids, like making time for front like that's you know.

It gets hard, It gets really hard.

I had once I had a kid, and I had a friend write me a letter that.

Told me that I was being selfish for not hanging out with him.

A letter.

A letter.

I was like, you're a sociopath and and he felt like left out and I was like, well that tells me you're a narcissist.

But it's helpful, you know.

It's after that.

It wasn't like we broke up, but I knew who that person was from then on, you know, like, yeah, I mean I'm gonna cry all right talking about friend and who to keep making the circle smaller.

It's like it's tough to do, it really is, but I'm glad that you're able to do.

That's why I have a meatball party so I can see all the crazies one time a year.

I don't really talk to anyone, talk amongst yourselves, Bye bye, see you later.

But it's very lovely.

It's sort of like what people do for Christmas, but it's my own made up holiday and it's delicious, and it's delicious and we have a good time.

Okay, so we okay, it's my one friend in the back that comes to people party.

So uh.

We ask every guest what's the most adult thing you want to do for yourself that you haven't had time yet.

It could be anything big or small.

What grown ass thing do I want to do for myself?

This?

People have said, like Shaikhul said, like I want to drink a Capri on the Island of Capri, Like, whanted you drink a Caprice?

Son?

Well wearing Caprice?

Well wearing Caprice you don't have.

That's a very hard one.

Why would you put that one out there?

That's like the Oscar winning?

So can you do better than that?

Or truly anything?

I know?

I know?

Can you just talk amongst yourself?

A show?

It's a good show.

This is fun.

This part of the audience amazing.

A little chat.

They're going to get drinks later and really sort it out about I love the peeps in the back.

People were great.

Thank you for coming all the way from Iowa for this.

Did you really come over leaning.

On the bar?

Everyone?

You guys are really doing it the bar.

But you know what, the real m vps aren't leaning on anything.

They're just out here fucking with there's stance.

Oh my gosh, their knees are fucked.

They are they definitely go to t k T s the day up to get the tip, like that's what it's giving.

And I like that.

I like that t k T Actually are you ready?

Are you ready?

Please?

What do you want to do?

The first thing that I would say?

The first thing like I kept thinking.

I was like, I don't even know, but my parents are hitting the age where they just like like I kept trying to explain.

I'm like, Mom, I have a fire escape.

I'm really excited, and she couldn't understand it.

I'm like, it's the metal stairs outside of the window.

And I was just so mad at her.

And then my sister was like pretty woman.

She goes, oh, you have a pretty woman thing, and then she got it.

But I was so frustrated, and I think my adult thing is I'm not going to be frustrated with where my parents are at.

Like I'm just that, yes, yea, at your peace.

They're just like, so I moved and I'm near this restaurant I like, and I told my dad, I go, I like to order this from here, and he goes, but how did you go there?

You mean la?

I go, no, no, it's in New York.

He goes, but you lived in Brooklyn.

I go, and I got so mad, But next time I'm going to be like, you're right, I'd never been and I was stuck in Brooklyn, and I don't.

Know how to explain to you that I've been to a restaurant outside my burrow, Like I don't know how to do this right now, but I can't be mad at you.

So that's my Yeah, where they're at, Lee's a trick.

Everybody's you know what, I forgot that Liza has done the show before when we were just doing a live show and it wasn't a podcast.

Until I was like sitting next to her on stage, I'm like, oh my goodness, what in the big titty deja vu was going one?

And this is what I love about her, And this is what I love about people like her, especially creatives.

What she does is kind of like what we do.

It's kind of like learning a language or learning how to drive in New York.

You learn all the rules and then you learn how to break them and make them your own, right.

And that's why I fucking love her.

And you can only be that funny when you have been through some painful shit, and so you can look at someone you don't even have to know what they go through, but you just know that they've gone through something.

Just to be that dark and fucking funny.

Oh absolutely, I fucking love her.

But yes, you guys got to check out her podcast if you haven't, That's Messed Up and SUV puc SVU podcasts.

I want to be like SWV, like you know, every time I have to say s VU, I'm like Sisters with Voices WV.

The sixteen year old black girl comes out on me.

I'm just like double you, double V.

It's a lot.

It's a lot.

I know, we go to different places.

It's like it's Law and Order SUV.

It's s WV.

You know it, yes, yes, yeah, so it's it's called That's Messed Up, and it's an homage, a comical homage to Law and Order s VU.

The Marishka Hardens gay of it all.

So please check it out.

It's so funny.

Don't try and do that.

Now you're gonna try and just say everybody's last name, this motherfucker, you know what.

The irony is not lost on me that the podcast name is That's Messed Up and I Messed it Up?

Okay, okay, as the middle child.

I can be a little corrective.

It's true, A little, a bit, yeah, a bit, a smidge, a smitge a scooch.

Leu's go.

Dollup.

I'm gonna have like no energy and no voice by the time I see my kids today.

That's what's gonna happen.

Bye, everyone, we love you.

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is g how Lee.

Art Associate producer is Christina Chamberlain.

This episode was mixed by John Bradley.

Our guest booker is Patrick Cotner.

Additional production support from Hannah Kyle Crichton.

Theme song and live show djang is by DJ Don Will.

Our live producer is Makala Konozovich.

Artwork by Jamie Bechtel.

Photography by Heis vander Most.

Executive produced by Karen Kilgera, Georgia Hartstark and Daniel Kramer.

Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pod.

Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.

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