Oh my god, I do love that.

Award season is like way way over, but it is so nice watching everybody just like dress up in their finest because it is giving prom for actors.

Yeah, oh my gosh, and everyone's just like, who are you wearing?

Who are you wearing?

And I just wish people would be like, oh, ampig, help in my face?

Do you know what I mean?

Oh?

Yeah, I love a good red carpet.

You know, I've had brushes with fame.

You know what I'm saying.

I've had brushes, I've had combs.

There was a moment, a moment, but I was definitely occupied, you know what I'm saying, Oh my god.

A young uh and I were both in the carpet.

I was interviewing people, asking your standard questions, who.

Are you wearing?

What are you wearing?

What's the story for the night?

You know?

And it was for a movie.

You can look it up.

It's called Uh, It'll come to me.

But I think it's something like no, oh, no, oh gosh.

This is what it's like telling a story in your forties.

Yes it is.

Hey, everyone, welcome to adulting.

I'm a Shelby to This is Jordan Carlos, and we're really just trying to get through the day.

When you were in your forties, it just feels like a game of trivia and you don't know the answer.

It is giving jeopardy, it is giving.

Life has an emotional panic room, and you just need the next clue to get to the next thing.

I got it.

It's called Trust the Man and it starked David Dukovney and let me just say this.

Okay, so was in it and I just changed it on a diamond, said who am I wearing?

And she was like what cock?

And so now we're having a little parley back and forth, and I'm like, what's happening right now?

I Am actually like she's looking at me.

This is crazy.

She's looking into my soul.

Her publicist is grabbing her arm and pulling her away, and she said, I'll see you after the movie, and nice.

I was like, I don't have a ticket.

And so that was the end of it.

But let me tell you something, okay, hm, when this nerd gets in gear, okay, dangerous.

Yeah, what really makes me sad is like when people are surprised by you.

But then like, what makes me even more says when you're surprised by yourself.

You gotta going on, friend.

You're great, You're a good person, you got good skin, you're attractive, you got a sturdy gate, you could touch your toes.

Thank you, like it's true.

Yeah, it's all true, but you know it's just New York will tell you otherwise.

Do you have a gap in your teeth?

I have two gaps.

I'm Afrikaan.

You know Afrikaan.

I got two gaps.

We got two guys top end bottom.

You got gat That is a lot of personality.

It's a lot of character.

You have a gap is giving Eddie Murphy upstairs and down.

So like you go, boy, the only.

Person that can roast me better than anybody else.

It's my best friend, shall be told.

Michelle comes on, what did you call me?

Waldough?

The other day?

I was like, I was like, I'm looking too tough.

I'm looking too tough.

I walked out.

I have these new glasses.

I'm throwing them away because they're like they do give weares Waldough and I can never unsee it.

Thank you so much, Michelle.

Yes, it's only because I love you so much.

Okay, you guys, we have a fabulous episode ahead.

Of us.

I mean, I love truth tellers, I love art I love artists, I love people that use their platform for good.

And you know I love me some icn So here we go is Queen Jean.

Everyone, Hello, Why I love queen.

It's so nice to meet you.

I'm Michelle.

This is Jordan.

Welcome to adulting.

I'm so excited.

I've read so much about you.

I'm just like, she's the most adult person in this episode right now, because it's giving.

I do a lot of work, but I still have fun boots.

Yeah, you know, like have you always been like that?

Are you always like I got this work ethic, and I'm also like gonna do me, I.

Would say, so, I mean, I think I learned very quickly trying to please everybody is not going to be it.

And also, you know, I don't have to buy into like respectability, especially when they don't actually respect me as like a person.

So I just show up and move as me, unapologetically.

And at times, I know, obviously sometimes we have to like decode put on a different mass right in certain spaces.

But oftentimes the thing.

That actually irks me is like when folks are like, oh my god, you're so articulate.

You mean, I guess it's a compliment, but I'm also just like, are we not articulate?

Like can we not?

Like it's not it's not you know, I get your funny for female, You're very articulate, Jordan, don't do it.

I apologize.

I think I'm just so acutely aware of Like you know, I think it's very easy to like be swallowed or engulfed into exceptionalism and ultimately that you're exceptional to somehow be valid, to like have your rights and your identity, your humanity honored.

And I think that's like bogus.

You can be exactly who you are and still receive equal and fair treatment, you know, even if the world is there.

Thank you, the podcast is over.

Oh my god, we're good.

I mean, yeah, for real.

Now, I feel like this speaks to I mean, this speaks to more than both of us.

It is a word because Jordan and I often talk about being the only black student in a school, and you know what that meant at the time, and what the carryover is and how we don't, you know, want to put stuff that we went through on our children, and also we want our children to go to a good school, But why does that mean a white school?

And like, you know what good actually means?

And you know, my dad's from Haiti.

I know your Haitian.

What part of hate are you from?

Jac Men?

Oh my goodness, beautiful, my dad's okay, okay, yeah.

So it's giving all beach all the time, which I love, but you know, I'm definitely sometimes I feel like peripherally Haitian because when my dad came here, it was all about assimilation.

And so it was like, you know, don't learn Creole, learn French, like you know, and if you don't learn French, just fine, just like get good grades, cover your freckles straight in your hair.

It was like assimilate in a way that didn't feel right or healthy.

And then behind closed doors, everybody was just celebrating everything.

So I'm just like, oh, being proud of ourself all together as a family is a secret, you know.

And so it was just I think, I I not.

I think I know that I'm still working through it.

And this is why I have a microphone in front of my face every day for money, because you know, if I can make one person feel less lonely.

What was it like coming here as a young in and just being thrown in the world of whatever the fuck this is.

I think I've always been as my parents to define like artistic.

Wow, oh yeah, you're not about to become dot you have to be Okay, So it didn't work out.

That far for me anyways.

I was like, yeah, that's not me.

But I think it was undeniable, like just the social disparities and the race disparities.

Uh.

And that was like is and has always been so blatant.

And I think trying to figure out now, like you know, as an adult, right, like how do you show up and hold on to your truth and not lean into these like archetypes, Like whatever systemic barriers there are.

I don't let that barricade my own dream to my own pursuits.

Wait where did you grow up exactly when your family came.

In so uh Huntsville and then I and then I moved to Florida, Florida.

Oh my god, I went to college in Florida.

What part of what part of Miami were talking?

Okay?

Hi Aaliyah Opal Luck, Hya open lock Hyaliga is a place to be.

Yeah.

I went to Saint Thomas University off a two six or one exit away from Flomo Plomo Florida Memorial.

If y'all don't know, that's the hood.

Ship is a community.

I don't even know college.

Yeah, Flom.

That's the first time I really heard gunshots properly at a party number one, number two, I mean the mail strip reviews.

I said, Oh, okay, wo what wa wa wow, that's the first time I had alis A two.

Oh wow, okay, is that the blue one?

That's the blue one?

Yeah?

Word no hypnoticus blue alic like.

I think it was orange or red.

I don't remember what it looked like when I was vomiting it.

I think I was definitely of the four Local Generation era.

Oh my god, poor Loco, the.

Little the little bull in the brown paper bag.

I feel like the bulls only in a bag, of course, so they can sell it regular.

Yeah, the bottle comes with a bag.

Yeah.

Mad Dog, Mad.

Dog twenty twenty.

It was only the purple flavor left all the time.

I mean, my right eye just got a heartbeat thinking about those times.

I'm so glad I made it out wow, out alive, but also out.

I was just gonna say they didn't allow those drinks in study hall where I was, but I'd heard about them.

That's why it was like alis As blue blue, right, You're like, no, it's good to know people were having fun.

I love living in Miami.

I talk about it in my book because you know, I grew up in Jersey and my dad always called like Jersey and the rest of the country, like people say it's a melting pot, but he always called it a salad because no matter how much he makes it, the color still separate.

What I loved about Miami is that it really felt like a true melting pot where you you I mean, you could see someone else like Paris, Hilton and they don't speak no English.

They're from Cuba, you know what I mean.

It was just like the diversity was diversifying everywhere, and I loved hearing other languages more than English and still be in America.

I realized I couldn't stay there because it felt small town after a while, But Miami's in my heart.

My parents are still there.

Beautiful.

Yeah, what did you love Miami or were you just like I'm good on it.

I think I was like I'm ready to fly, yeah, and like ten, I was like, yeah, I'm ready to lead.

I think I have always really desired like unrestricted expression.

I you know, definitely grew up church and so I felt like I felt like, if I stayed home, I would have to like stay in line with whatever dreams, you know, our parents were getting had for us.

And so I justinately was like, Oh my god, I gotta get a out of here.

I gotta run away, and like part of that was me feeling like, Oh, if I run away, I can finally be free.

I can like finally like reveal to the world my truth.

Yeah.

I wish I could have just did that wherever I was, and I'm so grateful to see there are many community members and family, folks, friends, colleagues who did stay and we're like, no, this is exactly who I am.

I'm here too, and I'm gonna be exactly who I am.

And you're gonna see me at the kmart, You're gonna see me at the little Rite Aid.

You know you're gonna see me.

Forget publics.

Now you're in Florida.

Oh my god, we love publics.

I love the Sandwich count of Republics.

What's the name of the donuts, the hot donuts, the hot donuts.

Yeah, there's like a big k chrispy Kreme, Christy Creme, Yeah, Miami subs.

Oh baby, let's go Wynn Dixie, who got the coupons?

Yea?

When, oh my god, oh what you said when Dixie like that?

Dumb that my keats.

I didn't even know that I left home to give myself license to grow.

I just thought it was something that people did, like from what I saw in the movies.

But everybody I knew was staying home.

Thank God, I wasn't smart enough to get into Rutgers or whatever the fuck they told me because I left.

And I feel like making a decision for yourself at a young age is also an education.

Yeah, truly.

I just want to ask you also because you said that, like James Baldwin was very inspirational to you, and I have to say, Queen, like when you were speaking, it does feel like you you had a bit of like James Baldwin's cadence.

Is James Baldwin just like baked into your psyche?

Like I mean, because I love the way James Baldwin talks.

You know, he was always like and so it was important that as a black man in this you know, like I loved how we talked like what are his writings and or like his work that has stayed with you and what feeds you to this day like in your.

Word oh two part two part question, Queen.

Sorry, okay, So I will say absolutely.

I think growing up it was really important and inspiring to see a very loving, openly queer black man be so respected and revered and be able to show up and to check whiteness anywhere, right.

So I was always like, yup, get them, and so I felt seen.

And I also felt excited to like learn more about their journey, like their constant exodus or exodus to Europe and to UH and to really survey the landscape that is America, right or the United plantation of the States of America, whatever, And so it was really profound as a young person, uh to feel like, okay, like no, this person is speaking to me directly.

At times.

I remember reading like Giamana's Room, Let's the Survival.

I mean, there are so many moments of their trajectory or or that that resonated for me in different parts of my life.

Yeah, I will say, you know.

Their conversation with Nikki Giovanni around police reality is it.

I feel like that's always going to be in my bone marrow only because they synthesized it in so profound right of thought but so simple right, and that a cop is a cop and ultimately too.

And I want to mess this up, but you know, we can get along, right, or we can agree, as long as what we're agreeing to doesn't deny my humanity.

I don't want to mess up that quote.

Lord, No, that's okay.

Yeah, while you're processing, I will give you one of my favorite quotes.

Yes, he has a debate.

He had a debate at Oxford with It was between him and William F.

Buckley, who was a leading conservative mind of the time.

And Baldwin said something that will forever be burned on my brain, which was to be African American is to be African with no memory and American with no privilege.

And I was like, boo, like it forever stayed on my like burned on my brain, and that you appreciate Bowen's work.

I was like, okay, we don't get along great now.

Yeah, Oh my goodness, what sign are you, queen, because she's looking at it cow.

Oh my god, my kids are capricorn.

Okay, I'm getting it.

It's the hard worker.

It's it's like, let's get it right.

I don't want to mess it up because I love it.

I love it.

It's like I'm watching everything.

I could probably do it better.

We know I could do it better, but you know, I know you well.

You know.

Sometimes we'll entertain other offerings professional, personal.

But the quote that really I it's we can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and my right to exist.

And I think that that speaks volumes, It continues to speak to the ongoing crisises right in this world, current and the constant struggles, the conflicts, And I'm like, okay, conflict sounds like you know, you want peanut butter jelly, or you want to any sandwich to me, you know, But conflicts, I think is just used to actually speak to I think generational traumas and generational gaps of violence that have yet to be reckoned, have yet to be resolved.

There's yet to be any type of restitution, and so therefore we find ourselves constantly in a cycle of harm, of disagreement, dispute, and ultimately we find ourselves fighting to exist and then there are people that are like, well, what do you mean There's no problem here, you know, said Niki Hayle.

Somebody's like, well, there's no racism in America, and I'm like, so so so active denial of it.

Also, my okay, babe, if you're denying.

That, yes, it's gaslighting.

Yeah, I have a theory.

This is why we age well, because we're gonna constantly be gas lit.

That's all.

So we get questions from the audience.

It's about adulting, and it could be big or small.

We don't really check them.

Maybe we should, but anyways, we're gonna we try to answer them.

But I can't wait to hear what you say, Jordan, do you have the first one?

Call it?

What's your name?

Where you're calling from?

Just kidding, just kidding.

So this is a bit of a pivot from our very uh you know, petty talk.

But here we go.

I got a ton of holiday cards this year from friends and family.

Is it weird to send it out?

A holiday card as a single person with just a cat?

I feel left out of the fun since I don't have a partner or children.

Wow, my goodness, I mean, what do you say, Queen?

Okay, I think we gotta shift the attitude respectively.

We gotta shift the attitude period.

We have to present ourselves right in a way that is welcome and invite so that the other spirits and you know, so that energies can come and find us.

So I feel that whomever you are, sibling, how you doing, I feel that I would invite you to go ahead to the olden males.

Right, do they have some big km right?

Anyways?

You know, have your friends do a little photo shoot back dropped.

You know, look, it's been COVID, so we know how to make it pop in love, yes, love, take your photo shoot, feature yourself, feature your cat, Feature something that makes me happy, heels, whatever it is.

I mean literally, I think in a way we have to still lead with who we are, and I think like shining away from that just you know, yeah, like like we'll get skipped over in a way, right, absolutely.

And don't insult your cat.

She's like I have nothing.

I was just gonna say, she's insulting the cat.

Having a partner does not define your worth.

It's giving.

I need someone, I need a hands hole to make me happy.

You are responsible for your happiness.

Everything else is just motherfucking extra.

So you know, go to Pinterest and find a cute little like mom and cat, you know, theme picture and just blow everybody's picture out the motherfucking water.

Like.

So, I love what you're saying, shift your energy, but also I just want this person to have a better opinion of themselves because that's essentially the only opinion that matters, you know, I don't know.

I mean, look, I'll say this.

I've been waiting this entire time, you know, to find a king to sit up in this kingdom.

What I will say is I definitely like having my own kingdom, so you know, but if that does come or you know, king sibling or monarch, okay, if they're able to be in stride with me, yeah that'd be awesome.

But I don't Yeah, I definitely don't need that.

Okay, Yeah, no rush like slow summer, let it happen.

Come on, woman king.

Because you know, as we've seen on the internet, you don't want to just find anybody and move a man because baby, I no, don't do it.

Don't.

And also can we just can I just say if you if you've made it to the podcast this far, and thank you so much, for listening.

But I don't think your relationship should be content for social media, like, don't do that.

Like I'm excited for you that you found somebody, but every other post does not have to be what you guys are eating.

That feels dangerous.

Next question, what's the best way to ask someone if they're clean aka free from STDs?

Can you request that a new sexual partner get tested?

What say you?

Queen o.

Queen on the spot?

Questions all over the place?

Quick, oh, come on, let's do it.

Let's I told you?

Yeah no, And this is very important.

And I think too that this extends to all communities, right, all all backgrounds of people on various people I'll use the people.

We have to be very upfront, and I think oftentimes we get caught up in the like okay, well, I don't want to say anything to mess up the vibeck of the vibe will be really messed up in like two weeks if things ain't feeling right.

So we have to be earnest and be like, hey, uh yeah, this was great, I'm feeling you.

This vibe is right, Hey babe, if the thing's okay, you know, yeah, it could be soft, it could be like you don't have to like be like you know, uh, definitely don't don't like, don't be a cop about it.

Yeah, but I think it's giving, you know, I really want to continue like this moment.

However, let me check in with you real quick, like is everything copoesthetic?

Yeah, that's so important, and or let's put a condoment, you know.

Yeah, I know a lot of folks love the pure sensation, and I think that's fine, but I think you need to know somebody a little bit longer.

However, this is not to you know, do what you want is your body, you know, your body your business.

However, if you want to check in, I think that's like completely safe.

I love that, Like same page.

It's like it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

And so I think we just know a lot more, not only about our bodies, but like what our bodies can do and get and give.

And so I feel like there's a stigma if you allow there to be a stigma, you know.

And so I think asking somebody if they're clean or when the last time they've been tested is okay because then you can look in their face and see if they lie in.

Yeah, I think I would also, I think if you're clean, I think that has a lot of negative So I feel like, maybe like, let's not go there.

I don't know.

Sometimes I think if you're clean feels as if somehow like what we're about to do is CD soiled, is like wrong or so I think that we I think we can just adjust the language a little bit too.

I mean that will be my reaction.

What you mean good exactly?

And let me just say one thing, whatever happened to the pure sexual rush of going to quest diagnosed, stick with your partner, you know what I'm saying, and finding out the results together.

That blows my hair back.

I'm just like, wow, the man at the clinics said, we're good and let's get it on.

Let's go celebrate.

No yeah, I mean yeah, I mean okay, go ahead.

No no no, no, no no, because I was gonna say something else, but maybe it's not.

No, please say or you say what you want to say.

I feel like that's really beautiful, and I think that absolutely, I think that that is something that we should aspire, right, well, we can be that comfortable with ourselves and potential future partners.

But I'll be honest and say that, you know sometimes look, we're human, Okay, we're flesh and we're trying to get bitten or chewed up or how are we?

So I feel like oftentimes, like I've noticed too, like where people exist in like a very sudden current immediate right type of connections.

You know, you could be on your little g app, you can be on the sniffles, right.

I think that type of inquiry may not happen because it feels like things are so immediate.

So immedia, yeah, you're right, you're right.

I think if it is moremediate like and no one's reading the like the details, right, I just.

Want to say for anyone who's listening who isn't like quote unquote clean or SDD free like whatever's going on, I just want everybody else to know you're not a bad person.

There's nothing wrong with you.

It's okay, and there's ways around stuff.

Yeah, and you can have pleasure, you know, safely.

Yeah.

I think you know, we don't know people's underlying issues and shit, and so we just want to be as safe as possible.

But yeah, man, I mean I met my husband through one night stand and we're not promised tomorrow.

So I'm also just like sitting spin on something if you can, because we've got to enjoy our bodies.

So we have one last question for you, Queen.

We ask all of our guests, what's the most adult thing you want to do for yourself this year that you haven't had time to do.

It could be big or small or petty.

It could be petty pendergrass, it don't matter.

What is the adult thing.

The adult thing that I want to do is a look into child services, like I want to become like a mom.

Am I going to cry?

Who the fuck is cutting onions?

Am I going to cry?

And I think it's been something that I've been really hesitant about, and I've just kind of been going back my mind a lot, a lot, and I realize the beauty and the power of being able to bring a young life into this world.

I also recognize my hesitation has also been like knowing the type of world that you know these kids will have to grow up in and truly feeling like I don't want to give you one more thing to destroy.

It's something that I'm always so acutely aware of, but knowing that there's so much joy, beauty and possibility that this life can also inspire.

This life can also transform me and everyone else around them.

And I would love to to like be able to you know, share my own like art history, our culture.

Yes, you know there are black queer folks in this world, but a lot oftentimes you know, they're like kind of buried.

And so I want for my kids and my family to not only be proud, but to actually be able to celebrate who we are same and all of our facets, all of our identities.

That is very adult.

Yeah, and you know, I know we just met, but if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or you just want to like chit chat and just bitch about family planning, just call me or text me, because you know, I kind of been down that road.

And so, yeah, it is very daunting to even make the decision do I want to have a family or not, considering what the world is.

But when there's like more of us than them, I feel like that is also power.

And you're right, there is too many things to enjoy.

And you know, if we can find ways to actually live our truth and be happy, then we can find ways around the government and health insurance or because it's not healthy and it's not insuring anything.

So what we're doing all of that stuff.

So yeah, I mean, congratulations on just even thinking about it.

That's exciting.

Wow, that's the most grown as adult that's grown.

Thank you.

It was such a pleasure meeting you.

I hope you can hang out soon.

Yeah.

Look, I've been trying to find all the good Haitian spots, all the good.

Let's go, let's go.

I'm dying a little garbage can I will do that with you.

I'm not, but yeah, I want to start.

Come on, come on, everybody, Thank you so much.

Wow wee wo wee, wow wowe, wowie wowie.

That was awesome.

Y'all were talking in Kreole halftime.

I didn't understand what was going on.

We didn't say anything, but you know what I do, Like my dad has to mention now it's so hard to say.

It's say, it's impossible to like understand but appreciate your parents while they're here, because you know, my dad is a Haitian when my mom's the Jamaican one, and so I do miss like a curmudgeony.

It's giving Archie Bunker, but Haitian both life get it Haitian and so my dad would always say saw, which just means what are you talking about?

But you would say it like and here she goes again, and I would always get so offended and be like what my mom would be like, don't be so sensitive.

I'm just like, can I get a fire extendi?

Sure?

Because the gaslighting somewhat?

Please call nine to one one.

I love it keeping it on theme.

Yeah, s parle sawap swa saw.

I love that.

I just I just miss him saying that ship.

It's very fun.

But anyways, I love meeting other Haitian royalty, especially in Brooklyn because the streets are paved with gold.

Can I say something?

I would admit something to you.

Never had Haitian food in my life.

I always wanted to eat it.

First time caller, longtimes listener, Where do I start what?

I've never had it?

I've never had it.

You are a.

Brother that lives in Brooklyn that can speak French.

I know, but I'm like, what is.

I think?

Me, you and Queen should all go out and we should film it because content is everything.

It hasn't happened unless it's on Instagram.

Thank you guys so much for listening and hanging with us.

I hope you I don't know.

I hope you learned a little bit.

I hope you feel entertained and lighter or heavier, whatever the fuck you needed.

I hope you got it today.

I know I did.

Now I gotta go brash shopping because it real.

Bye, sew up, Parley, Parley.

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is g how Lee.

Art Associate producer is Christina Chamberlain.

This episode was mixed by John Bradley.

Our guest booker is Patrick Cotner.

Additional production support from Hannah Kyle Crichton.

Theme song and live show DJing is by DJ Don will.

Our live producer is Makala Konozovich.

Artwork by Jamie Bechtel.

Photography by Heis vander Most.

Executive produced by Karen Kilgera, Georgia Hartstar and Daniel Kramer.

Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pod.

Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.

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