What's up?

Everybody?

Welcome to adulting.

I'm Michelle Vito.

That's Jordan Carlos.

You know what it is.

Do you if you will soon?

If you don't, I'm very excited.

What's going on?

Friend?

Oh my goodness, so many things are going on.

But you know what I love.

I love that this episode is a live show.

Yes, I miss performing with.

You, the energy.

I miss performing with you.

I miss having rose in the green room before a little rosan green like, let's go, you know what I'm saying.

And then we have a little crue de tay.

And I don't know about you, but this is how I take my rose.

And a lot of people want to judge me, and other people want to join the party because it is what the fuck?

It is?

A big old cup.

I don't want a little wine cup.

I want like a big old cup that you might get like water in.

Fill that halfway with ice, and then fill rose up to the brim.

Give me a straw, like when you're on stage.

By the time you like get your cup and then put it to your mouth.

I don't want it.

That's taken too many steps.

I want a straw.

Okay, I want to know it's my straw because there's lipstick marks on it.

You know what it is too.

Do you remember Wendy Williams.

Wendy Williams if you were listening to this podcast in another country, thank you so much.

Okay, thank you some mother fucking much.

But like, if you don't know who Wendy Williams is, please get your life.

You know, she was the gossip queen, the entertainment reporter guru, and she really just sort of she almost.

Like invented a podcast before a podcast was invented.

That's that's a great way to look at it, you know what I mean.

She would do a twenty to twenty five minute host chat up the top by herself and ask someone who has been pitching a show for the last fifteen or twenty years, thank god, I do age.

Well, everyone says the same thing, I need a panel.

Your name is not enough.

And so the fact that Wendy Williams just like did her thing and it was just her, it wasn't his, will always be iconic and history making.

It was almost like a black girl magic Peewee herman pee Wee's playhouse.

Because like even the way she would take her cup, you know what it is, Jordan.

Even the way she would sip her cup and she'd be yeah, she'd make all those gross noises that usually I'm just like, ooh, sounds like a what bag of dicks?

But she would just like use it as like punctuation yes for something shady that she said, and I'm like, this is Geniaw's yes.

Also, her greeting was amazing.

Yeah, people love that.

They love the greeting.

The crowd loved it.

But I see what you're saying.

I do.

I love making the Rosemee moment.

All that to say, you need to like make a signature cocktail.

Even if you added a twist of lime and or orange, people would be like, that's a signature of PTE.

Really, yes, Like what would your drink be called?

It isn't just a big old glass of rose ice.

If you added like straw and hope on your face, if you added a splash of club soda and a line, people like put it in a can.

Now you got some Oh god, Yeah, but that's such like a real Housewives of New York Karen move.

If you tell me, I need to also like compliment it with like a yacht rock playlist I am going to quit this podcast, just kidding, but still like, nah, like, let's keep it, Gully.

I didn't say that.

Snoop Dogg also has a rose line.

I'm just like, yo, finally it's a secret rose line.

I have never heard of it.

What is this?

I don't know.

I knew about his lighters.

I knew about anything he does with Martha Stewart and Corona.

Yeah, that's all I know from Uncle Stoop.

What is your stage drink?

What is my stage drink?

It kind of changes.

Sometimes I'm a dark and stormy because that's my personality.

Oh oh ow y, my low key alter ego personality.

Give me the dark and stormy.

I usually just regret what I've brought up on stage and.

Just kind of like it's just a bunch of regret in a cup.

Kind of like have envy towards you sipping on rose.

I drink it way too fast, you do.

I'm up there and no one will help me, yes, I know.

And then you literally call for help.

You're just like, hey, can someone just throw me a beer?

At any beer I don't.

Care, just bounces off my head.

I know.

There's like a.

Mom, like a single mom in the audience who's like a substitute teacher.

She's like, I got it, and I'm like, wow, this really is community.

What you do on stage that I love that I cannot do is be high.

Oh yeah all the time.

I think it's important.

Like what am I supposed to twenty twenty four, I'm supposed to just go through this straight up no chaser, like are you not?

Wait?

Are we talking about like life or just the show?

Because now I'm getting compied.

I think life the show all.

Guaranting relationshiping the grocery store.

Come on, It's like, I feel as though you do need a good eddie.

So you take that like twenty thirty minutes before, so you have a nice kind of like you're not Yeah, so you're not like self conscious or whatever.

You're just like, oh my god.

You just said so I'm not self conscious?

Yeah, I am only self conscious when I take an eddie and I'm looking at our guests, I'm just like, I think you're really Now I turn into like Rosie the robot on the Jutsons.

Mister j what a deep old woman.

Cut you guys.

Pull my finger.

Here's a twenty dollars handshake.

Get me some cigarettes.

Robot, Oh my god, Okay, enough of this, enough of this, and more of that, you guys.

The New York robot on The Jetsons who lived in Billion Feet in the.

Air, speaking of New York robots, our guests, just kidding.

She is amazing, though, and she's Hella New York, and I am so glad she is back from la living in New York, and y'all gotta hear all about it.

Please help us.

Welcome Sidney Washington from wherever the fuck you are.

Right now, Lisa in Suft Podcast.

Yes, clean it, AirPods day dirty.

What's that?

Brother makes noise?

Make some noise.

A lot going on, a lot going on right.

Now, y'all emotional?

You should be.

Philip emojis a lot, you guys.

He's going on.

We come to adult Welcome.

Oh my gosh.

If you don't know, this is DJ don Will right over here on the Longs and twos.

Stop best stuff, best Brooklyn.

That's see on the air one.

What's going on the show.

If you don't know, this is Jordan Carlos and his tight ass jeans.

It's okay, okay, can't.

You turn my mike up?

Turn my mic up?

Please test test tests.

Jordan Carlos and his.

T Yes for you.

This is this like a power move?

A power move?

Yeah, these are just new clothes.

I don't if if that makes you feel a certain way, I don't know what to tell you.

You power to it.

I'm exciting.

You know what it is too.

It's like when we first started the show in twenty seventeen, when I was first along.

What we said we were gonna say you is not what we said we were gonna say, you know.

But you know what it is.

It's like because you used to wear like Jeeves would tape on the crutch, and now.

I can I can do that again.

If it makes you feel more.

It's like you've been through your own queer eye episode and somehow you're making better food.

You've got nice clothes, you're using all the coupons that Macy's on a Wednesday.

So I'm just saying I'm very excited for you.

It's like a it's what we call a glow up girl.

Oh, it's a glow up bitch.

Thank you everybody.

I don't I don't know, I don't know.

I don't want to talk about that at all.

What I do want to talk about, though, is that tonight is a special night.

I don't know if you guys have heard of the internets or heard a variety Deadline Hollywood or anything like that, but but broadcast loud was the fact that this person right here, Mischelle Butteau, is getting.

A well deserved second season.

So what should do is raise your glass to her?

Ain't that cod damn right?

Take a bow, Michelle, take a fucking bow?

Sheers.

She brought the book.

She brought the book.

Speech speech, speech, speech, speech, speech, speech, speech speech.

Say something to them, did I just get married?

What happens?

Oh?

My goodness.

I don't even know who the fuck y'all are, but I feel like I know you.

It's very weird.

I don't know if you've been to the show before, but I feel like you know my shit.

And I appreciate that shit, you know what I mean.

It's like, it's like when you do something for free for so long, if everybody in your family is like, are you okay?

Why do you keep doing this shit for free?

Why do you have to fly out the next day to miss like family events to do this thing that you believe that you should be doing.

It's fucking crazy.

So now it's like, thank god I age.

Well because I'm just like I did it because of this like messages I get of people like coming out or wearing color or.

Do you know what I mean, which is just be wearing blacks and.

Even though they could put a yellow on, that's crazy, or like one that really touched me is like this is the first time I laughed since my mom died.

Shit like that.

So like one season, two hits, and I see all these black shows getting canceled, I'm like, fuck, yes, we are doing like we are all doing it.

Yes, I was on the fuck it.

I was on Holdah and Jenna today.

I didn't say fuck at all.

That was very exciting for me.

And they were like, Michelle, how does it feel to be nominated for seven NAACP Image Awards and how hodah, you know what Jenna.

Jenna wants to know?

I shall never know.

Well, I called her Jenny by accident one time.

That's a mistake.

Oh whatever, bitch, it's very early in the morning.

I was like, man, you know, awards don't matter because you're only in competition with yourself and you just want to make really good content.

And also fuck that is amazing.

Watch my shit, pay me more money.

I'm tired.

Oh my god, I'm excited.

My right nipple is hard.

So what's up, Harry?

I mean, like, how does that feel?

How does it feel to have your faith and talent rewarded like that?

I mean, our show is in all countries.

Netflix is in one hundred and ninety countries.

Wow.

So for me, I could be funny as the day is long, but I'm like, what are these black, brown, fat queer stories I can fucking do to make the world fucking sing?

You know what I mean?

Yeah, sang.

So it's just it's nice.

It's just nice having backfat and having people listen to you.

It's fucking great.

Fucking biscuits out fucking what And they're like, what do you think?

I'm like, give me a minute, I'm so digesting.

I think.

I think it's definitely not happening to me, but I feel like it's happening to me.

What the second season, I'm like, I got a second seasons survival.

All of our wins, right, like this, all of our wins.

Truly, you gotta be happy for your fucking friends.

You, Like, I remember I remember going to a bookstore with you.

I remember when you wrote Survival of the Thickest.

I know that was blackout.

I was like, how did they do it?

Like type writer in Chicago, you were like that meme of the cat on the on the keyboard.

I was like Michelle Harry and You're like you're like.

Get on the pipe, get on the plate.

That's like like you had that energy of top Chef that you talk about all the time.

We were just trying to finish and oh my god, I forgot I said that.

You know what it is because all these TikTok videos.

Everyone's like so cute and mindful and they're like, hm, I just put a little doll up see that, and they like rinse it through their head.

And that's not me getting ready.

I'm like, oh my god, oh my god.

But you got that ship in it, got bought, you made this.

I mean like, yeah, let's move on.

Jordan' no, it feels like this is your life.

See how we don't like talking about ourselves, all right?

Yeah?

Things about okay?

Okay.

Asked me how my weekend.

Was, Jordan, Yes, how is your weekend?

It was pretty nice?

And went down to Charleston.

Charleston people in South Carolina.

No, okay, that's a big nobody from South Nobody.

Nobody wants to claim Charleston, South Carolina.

So you went to the South on purpose?

I went to the Yes, this is what I had to go to wed Charleston, not to be confused with Charleston.

Yeah.

Yeah, so has an airports, a place has an air more of an airstrip.

And but it was nice.

Isn't nice because you're from the South and you're like, this is a nice break.

Yeah, I got grits.

It was like, uh, how do.

You like your grits?

But how do I like g How do I like?

I like?

I like homedy grits And what does that mean?

Well, it's harmony is a kind of a kind of grit it's polenta.

New Yorkers They're like, oh okay, I told my cousin.

Vinnie, all right, that is so lame.

There's like, at least Johnny.

There's different kinds of grits.

But I like mine definitely.

With shrimp on him, it was thank you so much for your support.

And did they give you like five shrimp because I'm always like I need more shrimp?

No, when please like Peach's hot house gives me the three shirt.

I was like, I waited forty two minutes for three shrimp.

I could have brought my shrimp cooked that shit while I was waiting for that.

Not even grits, poor ridge.

It was porge.

It's not New York, you know.

So it's like they're not like delicately putting two shrimp on one grit.

It's like, you know, it was like nine shrimp on grit.

It was amazing dish.

Yeah, it was amazing.

It was like ten bucks.

Look at people, They're like, oh my god, yeah, what is this lace?

The first time I went to Virginia, I bought a round of drinks for everybody.

It was like forty people.

It was like seventeen dollars.

You know what I know?

I saw this in the Accused.

I'm not feelings rich?

Yes?

Is that a pimpbow machine?

I'm fucking out Like I like a little bougie shit, you know what I mean?

I want to I want to overpriced cocktail with like a dried preserved limon like that's what I want.

I want to board tenda and a boat side like on purpose.

Like he likes it.

Oh, he don't even have to wear a bow tide.

That's just what he likes to wear to feel fancy, you know what I mean, He's gonna ask me what kind of flavor profile like making a fucking drink.

There might be some steam coming off of the overpriced fucking ice cube, that's what I like.

Yeah, so you got your little ten dollars stripping grits and that's why you like Charleston.

No, I mean I thought it was a funny.

It's a funny ass place.

It's a funny ass place.

It's very easy.

People go around in golf carts there.

Oh fuck, that sounds like dirty feet in a Walmart.

I do not feel like this is You're not selling.

Me on this is there a big here's the craziest part.

What crazy?

Okay?

If you go around Charleston, it's a huge preserved area.

There's beautiful old architecture from yeah yeah, yeah, people are named Pattie.

They had a bad like what.

I was like, Wow, these these these homes are so beautiful, they're so people.

They're like we built all of this yeah for free, right and just for them to be like, Oh, we love we love the old architecture, we love that time period.

We just want to preserving an amber.

Always like it's on some get out.

Ship, but I supposed to say it's give and get out, giving get out.

I went to a beautiful, bougie black wedding.

It was like, really nice.

I love black love.

That's nice.

It was Yes, did your white wife have fun?

Did my wife?

Yeah?

She would have.

Yes, she had a ball.

We got to check it.

Electric slide on one.

No, she's moved.

She does like chutch Us slide, but like, uh, she knowslide.

She does Chocha slide and that new one that I listened to me and like that new slide.

The kids are doing a new slide out there.

I don't know if you know about it, but now you do, all right.

No, when white people get invited to a black wedding, they feel like they've achieved something or unshocked.

They're like, I will thank you.

Yeah, No, she was, she was one of There was definitely a smattering of the way.

We count corse account.

We want to know that we dominate the situation, right, So but it was really fun.

It was really fun.

The most fun part was is a beautiful ornate like kind of like a black wedding, very very fort green, and and as we're coming out, there's all these white terists that were just like, oh my god, and then like taking pictures of us and our way.

They're like, look at them organized and doing it so well, dressed, so clean and not these are Southern people.

So uh, can I tell you what that was.

Breaking in the media for so long?

I used to edit the local news back in the day.

Don't worry about it.

What And I was like, I'm too cute for this.

I need a fucking window.

But and y'all probably know the story because I feel like y'all been here before.

But I really want to be an entertainment reporter a lah.

What's her name?

Mary Hart with like the shoulder pads and the red lipt.

I'm sorry, anybody fucking free medopausal, thank you so much.

I get you.

But and I had a professor tell me I was too fat to be on camera, and so I was like, I guess I'll just work in production.

Why do you see anyone like me?

So I was like, I guess he's right.

All this it was this point, Oh, I had a teacher who also said, anytime you can edit just black people existing without a crime, do that because we don't see enough of it ever, right, And he told me that shit in like nineteen ninety eight, and I never forgot it, you know what I mean.

So even in my show's the Bible of the Thickest.

All the episodes available on Netflix right now, it's for season two.

If you look, like down to the subway signs, I'm like, I want brown titties, and so you'll see like a bit of an exercise bra with a little ass crack on top, because I'm like, we need to see brown bodies of all shapes and sizes, period.

So how was the rest of your trip?

It was great?

I mean to conclude, it was fantastic.

It was the merging of two.

Did you have a bow tie?

It's giving family feud?

It was no.

I mean I didn't have a bow tie, but I definitely was dressed like southern.

It was like, I wore a pink shit in the blue jacket.

And does your Southern accent come out?

When I can't do it around these people, I want you to do it.

Well, I mean it's different, like, well, there's different accents in different parts of the countries.

This isn't an SNL audition, just do it.

I mean like a Trialston.

Everybody in Charleston was like, they were like, what you want a drink this evening?

You know they I did like they were vampires.

They were just like, what would you like a little canna play this evening?

So scary, it's so scary.

Rice would be and Rice, That's that's their vibe.

And it was Texas.

Texas is more like all right, all right, all right, you know like that's that's that's Texas.

Right, Yeah?

Can you do a Southern accent on?

Why?

Sure?

Can?

I grew up right outside of Kentucky, so.

Oh fuck you guys.

Okay, yeah, we made it out.

We followed the North Star.

We can't.

I mean he's from Cincinnati.

That's beloved country right there.

Wait, I'm fixing to say something too.

That's good.

I am fixing.

What do you want to say?

Harp loves me, Oscar nominations so the color purple.

I've been fighting all my life.

We have so much show for you and so much titty.

It is very exciting, No truly, thank you so much for coming.

Makes some noise.

Have you've been here before?

Wow?

Okay, make some noise if it's your first time all right, what the fu took you so long?

I love this for you, Thank you so much.

If you guys ever get hot, overheated, there's like a little seat over here, sit on the floor if you can.

Like one time, somebody fainted and I was like, I don't want to touch him, but please help.

I would have.

I would have.

Usually it's people over there.

It's yeah, like you would never last on an episode of Survivor.

Is this seat open?

There's a seat here.

There's a seat here.

Anybody single, live in.

Single who wants to sit next to my friend Amanda?

All right?

In nineties kind of world.

I'm glad.

I got my god, that's right, that's where it stopped.

Raise your hand.

If there's a seat next to you, raise your hands.

Because everybody, there's a lot of people here.

Anybody want to sit your big booty down?

Come on, ladies, back aches are real.

Oh my god, my lower back is like, who the fuck are you, bitch?

I'm so excited about our guests.

She's amazing.

I've known her in the New York comedy scene for a good fucking while.

She's an amazing actress.

She's just she was just in the premiere of Abbot element.

You heard of it?

Yes, please give it hilarious, Yes for New York.

Let me do it a.

Little rusty, Okay, please give it up for the one and only Sydney Washington.

Yes, yes, yes, look amazing.

Hell Hello, Hi, welcome back from Los Angeles, friend who glad to be back there?

Now?

Right?

Oh?

Yes very much?

So can we just get into it?

Yeah, Sydney moved to Los Angeles for love, but it didn't work out.

Don't do it, y'all, don't do it.

Did you know that you would do that for love?

I had no clue because I'm like a New Yorker till I die, Like I was gonna get a New York tattoo like on my neck.

Like I'm the type of person that's like I love New York so much.

Okay, but you did it for love.

I did it for love.

I did it.

And she had a three bedroom apartment and a printer and you know.

Like who asked to like, who, how do you move in with somebody?

I mean, the thing is okay, hold on, no, that's a good question.

That's a good question.

Testifying it was during like the pandemic quarantine.

It was like the second quarter of it.

So had a lot of quarters.

Yeah, yeah, and so and so after a year and a half of like doing long distance and like, you know, I'm not really like I don't want to go back and forth.

It was like, naturally you said you're gonna take care of everything.

I'm gonna go over there.

Oh you're not on board?

Yes, Oh y'all independent you know I and d E P.

You know.

Okay to Fairy Child both made bills, bills bills and independent ladies.

A lot of signals.

The writings was on the wrong not explain it.

Oh my god, Okay, wait, can we can we go through this term called you haul?

Yes, yes, they say the lesbians do it.

But like you hauling is when you basically go out and date with somebody and you're, like us, moving right away.

I can't confirm or deny, but I do know the love is so strong that like we make sure we bring all our things with us when we're on a date.

If it work out, then I'm with you and then I'm over there.

But what.

I'm saying, like it's a beautiful thing.

I think, you know, women tend to be not to like fucking gender be a moment but like, I love working with women and or decisive people who know what it's like to take care of someone besides themself because they get it done, done, done done, They get it done.

You know what I mean?

Yes, I can't relate, but it did.

You are doing it.

What is the hardest part about living with someone that you never lived with before?

You got to understand that you are the problem.

You are definitely the problem every single time.

It's gonna be you, Mabe, it's you, and you don't want to admit it, but you're like, but I got like good cheekbones and my friends love me.

Look at all these followers.

The followers don't know.

You a fucking mess.

So yeah, what.

Kind of mess are we talking?

Like?

Physically or emotionally?

Oh girl, there's a lot to unpack.

Okay, So okay, I'm gonna say I'm yes, unboxed.

I'm that girl that when we're doing the makeup and we throwing everything on the desk, we certain things out like it's a treasure, ye, a hunting thing, and then I'm getting ready and.

Then I'll leave it there.

I'll leave it there.

I'm not one of those people that get things done and then put them away?

Who's like that?

Who is there anybody in the room who doesn't.

There's there's people, there's two.

Okay, that's what it is.

Yeah, I mean I love you for a lot of different reasons, but this is when our friendship was really still defied.

Did a show in Philly?

It was Philly, right, Yes, put my makeup on sitting on the floor on a towel on the floor because that's where the mirror us.

Shout out to them, what does that mean?

What do you mean?

It's on the floor.

And my makeup case had all like like foundation marks and shit in it.

And I was like embarrassed because you were right there and I was like, oh, it's so messy, and you said something along the lines of it's supposed to be if it's clean, you're a psycho.

Yes, yes.

Have you ever seen those people that you see their makeup bag and it's just everything is pristine?

Yeah, something is dead in the trunk.

That's what I'm saying.

That's how I feel.

I could be wrong.

What is dating life like when you have so much personality?

Do people know how to handle like fucking happiness and personality and just realness?

They are like you have so much personality because you're not getting anything else done.

It's just the personality.

But the personality is carrying the whole thing.

Have you hung out with somebody who's like they got everything together except the personality.

Yes, you're like, I wish you were a mess, babe.

I wish you were.

This conversation would be a lot better.

We were doing more things, you know, do you tell why you laughing?

Okay, so true if somebody had their stuff together, but like a negligible personality, Like, is it all about personality for you?

Using big words?

Yeah, I think this is what you should be looking for, somebody who's not exactly like you, because that's that's weird.

You should have an opposite.

So I'm the personality.

I don't need you to do that, babe.

I need you to make sure.

That things are on auto pay and.

Things are getting delivered properly.

You you know the last four digits of my social security Like that's important things?

Yeah, right, yeah, that's very important.

You feel like it's just me on his boat.

You're playing you're playing your role.

You're playing your role, that's what you're saying.

What do you think?

What do you think people need to do to just like date better, because there's a lot of apps, there's a lot of options, there's a lot going on, there's a lot of you know, I don't want to say chaos, but distraction.

Right, So what do you think, like, if people really want to like not even nail down a relationship, but have a good ass date, what should they be doing before they leave the house.

They gotta pray.

There's not enough praying going on before we leave the house, y'all.

It's just it's a fact that's probably going out the house with just vibes.

It is not enough.

You're gonna have to speak to somebody.

You're the universe, the crystal, the r takes.

It takes talking to the Lord.

It's it does Lord, because well, well, first of all, we go on the date and we have all these expectations.

Throw them out, throw them out.

We're going on a date.

We're seeing how it is, this is not this might not be my person.

This might be my person that knows the per that I'm supposed to be with.

Oh shit, everybody just shut their minds got blown right now, Like I never thought of that shit.

They're definitely playing three D chests with their minds.

Yeah, do you follow someone on social media after a first date?

No?

I think we need to stop following people that you're interested in because at the end of the day, what they put on social media is not for you.

It's for whoever is into them, but not into them like romantically.

It's like for us, we're doing it as a business, so it has nothing to do with like showing you the the nooks and crannies of who we are.

Really.

Yeah, it's just to like, you know, this is like a resume.

I'm throwing stuff out whatever, This is.

Not who I really am.

Yeah, So you want more mystery, I do.

I don't need to know it all.

I want to say that to my friends too.

I'm like, babe, I'm about to unfollow you because it's too much.

People don't want mystery anymore.

They just want the truth.

Like I went, I went to a party this again with a friend.

They will remain nameless.

I was like, Hey, we're gonna go up to this party.

It's a little you got friends.

Yeah, tons, uh, I know, I don't look it, but uh now, anyway, my friend goes.

I looked up the house.

I looked at it on street easy and did a tour of the house.

Why are you so creepy?

I don't know.

I was like, I was like, why why do you need to know about the spare bathroom?

You know what I'm saying?

Why do you need to know about the study?

People want to know way too fucking musch know.

I mean, like, God, are people are y'all doing that?

Are y'all were not saying it out loud?

Don't do that?

You are y'all going into someone's bathroom for the first time and opening up the medicine cabinet.

Look at the hundred Yes, if it's an open party, if it's a party, then wow, Nurse Jackie, calm the fuck down.

Bring your own mess.

To the party.

This bringing your own drugs at a party as an adult, that's at people do that.

This is a question because of the thing that we also experienced in Philly together.

Do you pop off in terms of because that pop off could be anything.

Trust Younger.

Yes, when Sydney opened for me in Philly, I popped off.

You did you dom was there?

I popped the funk off?

Yes, Sometimes some.

People just bring the Jersey Mall parking lot fucking out of you.

And that's what.

And I didn't want to because I'm a mother, a wife or daughter.

I'm a mid friend.

You a blue check, you blue check bitch, So you know you can't you use somebody important, so you can't just do what a normal person who works at CBS can do.

Yeah, I'm not trying to be on bossa.

But what happened?

Should we say?

I think we should.

Say what the hell?

Okay you said?

You say because it's too it's still too raw.

Off.

Okay, So I just gonna let y'all know we and Philly people are eating filet mignon, or they cutting stuff up, they drinking.

It's like dinners and whatnot, and it's given like town hall energy.

And Michelle is.

Like killing I mean, you are Your hour is so freaking good.

I'm on the edge of my seat.

Thank you so much.

Friend, I'm on the edge of my seat.

And then you know who else is in their seat?

A man and he was playing He.

Was on his phone.

He was on his phone.

He had to ask him forty feminines into the show.

Yes, what are you doing?

He goes, I'm playing scrabble?

Was he was he doing well or not?

He fixed his lips to say that, and he was not single.

That's the thing that really blew mind.

His wife was sitting across right there, pretty in the front, and I was like, you don't deserve this, because I was like, you don't deserve to be treated like this, and sir, you don't deserve this woman because if you can't respect the fucking woman that she wanted to see tonight, then you can't respect anything.

Yeah, and how could she ever put her face in his crotch when he is like that?

Yeah, it's a real question, do you know what I mean?

And I was I was trying to get him to leave.

He would not.

He would not leave because he was embarrassed.

I think he was embarrassed, but also, you know, he might have caught a Charlie horse.

He couldn't.

He didn't want to get up.

It's forty five minutes in.

You're sweet.

I'm trying.

I'm trying to give him a benefit of doubt.

But yeah, but yeah, I cussed him out because I was like, I really had to read him, like my whole ass IMDb page should be like if you don't know this, they appreciate it, Get the fuck up and give your seat to someone.

Who does.

And I think I bought his wife a drink.

I don't know if it made it because I was like, you need to be drunk in order to look at him.

You're doing really good work there, for sure.

I am a big titty angel.

Yes you are there.

We praised, We praised, you know, Hallulu now not necessarily on stage.

But do you pop off?

Have you popped?

What's the last pop off?

You know?

I hate to say this out loud, but I was raised was like really god fearing church going elders.

So they never had the strength to pop off.

And I internalize that they never see what happened, and they were like, you know, what God wants is what God needs, and so they would never let people know, like, hey, you shouldn't talk to me like that, you shouldn't do this.

And so I kind of grew up kind of taking shit sometimes.

And also I've been a waitress in many bars, and so you know the things that y'all probably don't accept, I'll be like, well, you know they twelve, Yeah, your master's in, so yeah, I don't pop off.

And also I'm sober, so I just have patience, so I do not I should pop off more I really should you deserve don't let the turtle that fool you, like if you really get me where it comes off.

But for the most part, I always get people that been for the doubt.

You never know what people are going through, Like I always overthink and I'm like, well, you know, maybe they lost they chihuahua to day, so like it's maybe they goldfish died.

I don't know, but I should I should pop off more.

Did you do this as a New Yorker As a.

New Yorker, Yeah, I have all the all of their patients because I've seen my friends pop off just watching them.

Like you probably didn't need to do that, not today, not today.

But I feel like you should stand up for yourself more and you should not take ship from especially people who are coming to see you or people in relationships or friends.

So if you gotta go, you don't do it imaginary not not real, not real people.

We know.

That is fine.

That's I didn't God, I guess I've never seen you pop off.

No, No, I don't really, I don't really do.

If anything, I try to distance myself because I feel like I am a blame like loving light, I am somebody that you would want to be around.

So if you get me to that point where I'm not me, it's like it makes me look bad for me, you know what I mean.

And I'm doing this for.

Me, so I'd rather just look at your well, I'll get somebody to handle my light work and be like, oh my god, I love that for you.

That's also like it's such a telltale sign in a relationship is like how you fight, Yeah, do you know what I mean?

It's like not how you make up for me.

At least, because you should always there should always be a makeup even if it's not going to work out.

But it's like, how do you fight?

Like what do you.

Say when you are actually feeling some like feelings of anger?

And it's just like, and this is why you really have to love on your kids if you can, like if you are like able to, because I can look at someone and be like, yo, my father never even talked to me like that, So why the fuck would I take this from you?

You know what I mean?

Like, you got love on your kids, no matter what, love on other people's kids too.

It really fucking takes a village sometimes, you know, Like I may straight up eye contact with everybody under fifteen at Target.

I'm just like, how you doing because Target's gotta be hard.

It's like, look at all this shit I want, and my mom just wants to beat my ass.

I'm just like nice sneakers, you know what I mean.

Well, we got some questions from the oidings.

To answer the questions from the audience, Yes, okay, it's very long, so you've redone.

Okay, my husband and I stopped having sex.

Oh shit, we open our marriage and now we are divorcing.

Yep.

Absolutely, I could have told you dad.

If I'm there's more side, understand what I'm talking about.

I don't know what's going over here on that side, but they.

Know there's a question.

Here's a question here.

What should we have done instead that might have saved the marriage?

Keep it closed, babe, keep it closed.

Therapy yeah, therapy, yeah, get it.

Get an emotional translation.

I mean, yeah, all that, yeah, I mean, honestly, it's.

Also it was supposed to happen, Like your marriage is not about the sex alone.

You know, that was just one of the things.

There's other things you didn't put on the car.

Maybe the car is not big enough.

There's also one person that's always gonna get laid more.

You know what I'm saying, Like, if you open your marriage, one person is gonna be like crickets crickets and the other one is gonna be like fucking lying around the block.

Uh, don't you know what I'm saying, Like.

What was talking about over here?

They they don't get.

It because truth hurts.

Yeah, people are like that would never happen to me, and that's not what it's like.

But but the truth is one person is more attractive than another, and and well I.

Wouldn't say that in my situation.

We're both hot and.

Yeah, yeah we got yeah, we gotta keep it real.

Were both hot, but I was depressed, so I didn't I didn't have the strength to really gallivant the way I was supposed to.

It was galivant.

I think you shouldn't open your marriage.

I think that, Yeah, exactly what Michelle said.

Therapy would have helped in that moment, because.

Please express yourself and give yourself Like the moment, the language, the vocabulary to say this isn't working for X, Y and Z.

It's not because of the sex.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

But we also put a lot of pressure on his sex stuff like sometimes you get to a point in your life you're like, I'm I'm really so good.

Yeah, I'm so good, Like don't touch me, Like I don't want to touch myself right now?

Can you get back up off me?

It's okay, but we stressed each other out, like you know, I should be having sex full times?

Yeah?

Who you doing that?

Okay?

Oh sorry, my bad?

Am I shaming the people who.

Are doing bad?

Who has sex at least four times a week?

Oh?

My god?

Side over here and they're like what.

Because I will say, like sex is much like exercising, right, like, but but your body changes, right, It's like especially if it becomes if you need more of an emotional thing than a physical thing, like you take what you need.

And I think because society is just like are you fucking enough blow jobs?

How do I make my wife?

Like it's like what the you know?

That is all funny, But then people go home and judge themselves to say, I'm supposed to have sex because this is what the government like advertising, hold on the government propaganda for you to have sex.

You heard it here first.

It's like the government, it's always celebrated to what Joe Biden is always like jo I had to stop stop sliding d Joe Biden, and that's a stimulus package.

The whole ass point is.

You said that the magic Joe Biden, the person who's getting the least amount of sex, is like, y'all gotta do it for me.

For me I was done twenty years ago.

Yeah for me.

No, But I'm saying, at any time in life, you just take what the fuck you need.

Like I remember actors coming on set for Season one and they did a great job, and I would do some small talk and they're like, yeah, you know, I should have been like more successful long time.

It's like, stop that ship.

I don't know who told you that, but stop telling yourself that, oh I should have more.

So you do what you want.

If this is really your life, partner, then you have time to figure your shit out.

Like so, just I don't know, give yourself some grace is all I'm saying.

Especially from the government.

Yeah, don't pay them taxes just yet.

Just wait go a motto, you know, no rush.

This is some I love this question because it feels like a nerd wrote it, because it says context.

I did not write the question.

Context context clues I love three hours from my parents, but we aren't on good terms.

I'm trans non binary.

Congratulations Ey.

Then it says, question, Okay, how do I tell my parents that I don't want to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with them anymore?

Word word that's that's tough.

But I feel you.

It's hard.

I saw this.

Sorry to always refer to insta, but here we are.

I saw a moth story on Instagram where this guy transitioned and the first thing he said in his story is that my mom was born with four daughters and died with one son and three daughters.

And as he was transitioning and he was getting shited from the family, he kept a very close relationship with his mom because they were always close and it was hard for her, but she just wanted to learn the language and figure out, like what it felt like and really approached him with so much like kindness and curiosity.

And she said which really struck me too.

She was like, I'm going through this too, like I'm losing something and gaining something.

Too, So I want to know where you're at.

And you know, I'm not saying that it might be like that with your parents, but like what Sydney was saying to like understand what someone was going through and give them grace because like parents are.

They just don't understand.

But it's really like understanding what generation they're from and like speaking whatever language they speak on their planet sometimes like that's how you can just get through the fucking day.

But also like there's so many great meet up holidays like Friendsgiving and shit, like you could just be busy and you know, take some time for yourself.

I definitely agree with the given family and your parents grace.

Sometimes you got to Amazon overnight mail to grace because it'd be hard because it's like, you know, I think a lot of it is the pressures, like, oh, families have to be together on these holidays, but I feel like that's not true if I see you enough and I don't want to be with you on Thanksgiving, which we really should not be celeburning anyway.

But no, no, you're no there.

But it's like then you should be able to take that day off and be with whoever you want to be, or do it on oom.

I don't know, but it's just like I don't want to be stressed out over the cranberry sauce.

So yeah, you know what I like to I like anyone in my life that doesn't understand trans or non binary or jennerical, whatever the fuck it is.

I just send them like a poem from a log or something to read, you know what I mean, or whatever the fuck it is.

So you know, because I feel like it for me, at least, it starts with the arts.

So I'm just like, look at this beautiful ass thing that we could talk about later.

So I don't know if that helps, but you know, you can come over my house.

For Christmas and you got a nice house.

I got a nice fat.

Yet wear matching socks because you gotta take your shoes off.

Yeah, absolutely, right.

At the door, waiting on the invite.

All right, How often is the question is?

Yeah?

This pertinct question?

How often should I mop my floors?

Oh?

One dog, no kids, three adults, hard wood?

That's a flex.

Okay, one dog?

What's it?

One dog, no kids, three adults, hardwood.

Uh, it's like it's like little notes here, Jesus, I'm worried that you don't mop your floors.

Don't worry that you don't.

Yeah, that's funnies is happening.

And ship Oh I won't be hurt.

Oh no, did he cut your mic?

Was it the sound?

I don't ask this question.

The government doesn't want the truth to be heard.

They don't want the truth about mopping to come out.

Honestly, you're supposed to mop your floors at least once a week.

So yuck.

I would say that you probably want to mop your thank you and thank let's let's hear it for the text right now.

Coming through.

You're doing good man, you're looking yeah, thank you for doing your job.

Yay.

He's like in the Nascar pits right now.

He's just like when they're fucking the car.

Just take that's a production degree is coming in hand, dude.

Oh okay, we'll get it.

We'll get it.

Last question, This is so fun, it is, This is fun.

How would you describe your twenties?

Love, survival and tickets?

Thank you so much?

How would you describe your twenties?

Oh?

Fun?

How would you describe your twenties?

You go first, because you're gonna judge me, me or Jordan who.

Was lit?

Listen, let me tell you.

Nobody can tell me anything.

Okay.

I had just got expelled from college.

Shout out to clarks and what was free?

I was free.

Once you once you have to leave college not on your own terms, You're like, what is what worst could happen?

So I ended up working at a nightclub and making tons of money, making tons of friends.

I traveled, I did drugs, I hooked up, you know, like I really lived, and so I had a I wish that I would have saved my money.

I wish I would have saved my mind.

I wish I wouldn't have had sex with certain people, but sure sure yeah, like yes, yeah, like I no, I wish I didn't mainly have sex with men.

But other than that, you want to shout it was amazing.

Yeah yeah wh wait.

Wait what was the turning point where you're like, no more for men?

Yeah, wooh girl, you got two hours?

No No, I just I just I felt like my heart wasn't in it, you know what I mean, Like I was just doing the riga moreau of like being with them, but I just felt like there was such a disconnect because you know, they they brain wasn't on.

But also like there I felt like I realized I was like I can have a better like connection with somebody in with their soul rather than just hooking up so.

I think I was.

I think it was thirty two where I was like, I think I'm really down with the ladies.

I think I'm supposed to be with them.

Yeah, I felt my mom to my most self.

Yeah, oh I love that for you.

I relapsed recently.

But that's that's all right, that's okay.

We all got to go through it.

You know what I mean.

It happened.

What you gotta do.

Yeah, you get broken up with during pride, and you you let it, you pop off.

That's when I popped off.

That's the popped off.

That's you know, that's why I popped off.

Michelle, Yeah, that's a pop walk look at her and he said, wait, hold on now, I didn't know.

I didn't get the memo.

That's I'm sorry.

I did.

I popped off on the pod right now.

So sorry.

Oh yeah, it's an exclusive.

Me in my twenties.

Uh.

I think I was too honest.

People didn't Yeah, too honest.

Really I was too honest.

Wait, you didn't know how to harness the honesty?

I yeah, And then I found stand up.

I was like, this is good, right, So you were kind of oversharing, and.

But also I was telling people what they didn't want to hear no, no, people need that.

People need it some tops, most people they need truths well told, that's what they mean.

But but sometimes they can't take it like without a little you.

Know, were they asking you for your truth or.

This sounds crazy.

I didn't know who I was, but I knew I was amazing.

Yeah, you know, I just didn't like Catholicism was strong.

Thank you so much, that's my mom se.

Yeah, I didn't know who I was.

Definitely out drinking and fucking, but I also didn't think I like could do you know what I mean?

Because big girls were like like we were supposed to be so thankful.

Somebody saw and I was just like, I'm gonna break that dick off.

Let's go, Like I need to be on napkins.

It's amazing.

Yeah, it was fun, I said.

I said yes to a lot of stuff, you know, but I also like money, so I like to work.

I didn't want to like be on the struggle bus.

You know.

It wasn't even because other comedians were struggling.

It's like, you know, like my uncle's like in their fifties, sixty seventies, still fucking struggling, still having a ton of kids, and I'm just like.

I don't want to be that.

I like Zora, so I don't even know what word that is, but that's me and my ty.

I had fun you were you were embracing life.

I love that.

What was I like in my twenties?

Uh jeez, who were we?

You know?

Oh you was good?

All right?

Yeah.

I was a kid in the city with a checking account and I drove I honestly like, I had a good job.

I lived in the village, had I drove a vintage BMW.

I was I was chaos and and uh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

It's hitting him.

You need to just like process that.

Yeah yeah, I was doing that.

And I was going to places that people like go to now like all the time, Like people go to Mexico City.

I went there in two thousand and four and now and now people are like CDMX.

Have you heard of CDMAX?

I'm like yeah, And they don't call it that all right, that Portugal did that two thousand and four, people are all like, now, like, let's go to Lisbon.

What I'm telling you is I'm mad at you, all right.

I know it was I was funny and I had a job, but I didn't want to do that job.

And then I like got out of it like Shashank Redemption and just like busted out.

And where did you work?

I worked on Madison Avenue.

I was like it was an advertising Okay, yeah, I was that's what I want.

Sorry.

I was a copywriter.

I was the black and they'd be like, we have a new urban campaign.

Can you work on that for us?

So that was my job, But I didn't feel like coming home and being the only black one.

Oh my god, it just well I'm used to it.

It was just like I I was the only black kid in school all the time in the class, and then it was like in college, was like the only black person hanging out, and then it was it just felt like it was more of a continuation of that.

When you're the only.

Black person in a space, it's like you are in another country speaking their language, and so you actually like have to like funnel this shit and be like, Okay, how do I save it for them to process and not think I'm aggressive.

So like if I'm taking my time to speak, it's because I'm trying to think of how I should say it to you for you to like actually hear it, which.

Is fucking exhausting.

Yeah, yeah, you know, And so I don't want to do that, Like I don't want to do that anymore.

Oh yeah, you know what I mean.

I just fucking don't.

Yeah, And I feel like not to be like the next generation.

But like it feels like it's getting better.

It is getting better.

It's so much better in Charleston.

But definitely, we we asked we got to move on.

We asked every guest what's the most adult thing you want to do for yourself this year that you haven't had a chance to do with it could be big or small or petty.

What you want to do, what you want to do.

Want to be a ball this year?

I'm doing it actively cutting people off.

I'm not good at it.

I usually keep I'm a squatter when it comes to like friendships and just jobs and things that like probably don't I should have gotten out years ago.

This year, I'm like, hey, if you're not bringing me joy, if you're not I'm not learning from you, if not giving me money, if it's not if you're not there, like, if you're not, if it's not really working for me, why am I trying to do all this hard heavy lifting to keep this afloat by ye you know.

Shit, bond webbits don't know each other.

You can stay here on the premiere.

I'm abbing elementary up for Sydney Washington.

Yes, right, oh, Sydney Washington.

Yes.

And that's a strong name, you know what I mean, Sidney Washington.

Yes, that's a good ass name.

Truly, truly, I mean it's on the Mount Rushmore of names, and it's on Mount Rushmore's.

She's just like super cool, collected gird yes, but then also down to earth, like, how does she do it?

I don't know.

She's a total babe, She's a total package.

She is giving all black girl reboot of Barbie Let's motherfucking go.

If you guys are unfamiliar with her and her podcasts and her stuff, please go just look up Sydney Washington.

She is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

She's the holiday week.

She's not only Hanukah and Christmas, she's also quansa bitch and she even has a gift receipt if you want to go back to Macy's if you don't like.

What you have, what is happening?

Life's happeningody exactly listen and which is every month.

If you like us and you like what you hear, tell people to fucking listen to the show.

Pass it along.

You know what I mean?

Sharing is caring.

Also, dare I say, Jordan, yes?

Should they rate and review the show?

Yes?

I feel very vulnerable.

Just make sure that it's between four and five stars.

Rate and review our show.

That's almost like asking if someone does this bathing suit look good on me?

It's like why would I do that?

But okay, yeah, loaded, so loaded, But we're ready.

Let's go.

We can always take more love.

And by the way, please, speaking of love, we love love love for you to go check out some of our merch at the exactly Right store dot com.

We have a lot.

I love the wine glasses.

You know what I love about our wineglasses because this is what a bitch does.

I can fill the rose to the fucking brim and it's still it's giving you like it's giving you an eleven and a half ounce.

Poor you add some ice to that rose and it doesn't ruin the integrity of the rose.

It only gets better.

And that's how I'm not only do I mom, that's how I walk through Life.

Thank everybody for listening.

Don't forget to wash your hands, especially into your fingernails, because you're nasty.

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is g how Lee.

Art Associate producer is Christina Chamberlain.

This episode was mixed by John Bradley.

Our guest booker is Patrick Cottner.

Additional production support from Hannah Kyle Crichton.

Theme song and live show DJing is by DJ Don will.

Our live producer is Makala Konozovich.

Artwork by Jamie Bechtel.

Photography by Heis vander Most.

Executive produced by Karen Kilgera, Georgia Hartstar and Daniel Kramer.

Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pod.

Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.

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