It gets no better than this.

You are now in June to Perspective Us with Big Bang Bang.

Let's get straight to it.

Most of the time to get to it, you gotta go through it often second chances to make champions.

Welcome to Perspective Bank.

I'm the host Big Bank, and today I got a special, special special guest with me.

Man, a true story of resilience.

You know what I'm saying.

She took us second chance and ran with it.

So outside to my dog Bella, how you doing, beautiful good?

How are you?

Man?

I'm blessed, overly blessed.

That's right.

Well, and chick, how you feeling mentally and spiritually?

Mentally?

I feel amazing spiritually, the same thanking God that he woke us up this morning.

All right, well this start, I'll take us back to the Bay Area, Oakland, right, grew up there?

Yeah?

I grew up in Oakland, California, the Bay Area and the Acorn projects.

My mom was a functional addict.

Daddy used to roll with the Black Panthers.

My grandma was a queen pin You born in it, born in it, boring it?

How did you navigate through that?

Though?

As a child.

I had a lot of challenges, you know, being at My mom was a functional addict.

She made sure that we had food on the table, no doubt about it.

My father passed away when I was eleven years old, so I didn't realize what grief was until I got at this age and started breaking down the layers of trauma.

So it was unpacking it.

Yeah.

So how did just going through out that shape your perspective though on life of life?

I felt, you know, I used to suffer with abandonment issues, Like looking back now, I realized that God only send his strongest children through.

The toughest battles because you can handle it.

Yeah, because you can handle it.

So looking back at it, looking then out of understand it, like you know why I had to be the one to go through this?

Why?

And it wasn't raised in the two parent household, white picking fence.

But I can't even.

Complain because if you was, then nobody wouldn't even want to hear you talk.

Nobody wouldn't even want to see you.

You wouldn't even be to motivate nobody, Like like when they be trying to ask me go see certain therapists, like I have to ask the therapist have you been through this shit before you try to tell me somebody to book, right, you gotta be ab it.

Ben went through some shit to tell me some shit right exactly.

So looking at you people seeing that it's possible, right, girls that were going through anything and seeing so when they speak to you, they speaking, they hearing.

What do you call it?

H experience?

Experience?

What I finna say?

Who's your biggest influence growing up?

Like inside and outside of the family.

M I don't have no big influence inside the family besides my father.

Though my father was he was a great He was a great guy.

I used to be with him a lot.

But growing up, I would say mc light, Okay, I.

Love me to mc light.

Ain't mc hammer too.

I used to like EMC hammer too.

When you look back, what was your early warning signs, like that you knew you was finna fall viting to like go to the streets so you're finish?

Do that?

Like when you knew like I gotta go get my own.

Wow.

I used to work at Previding.

Previding was a credit card company, and I just felt like going to work every day wasn't cutting it for me.

And then I ran into I and ended up getting introduced to a girl og her name was we call her Smooch.

I got introduced to her and she was like, you want to make some money in five minutes?

And I was like, First, I was like kind of skeptical, like what this you know?

This older lady got going No, But then I was like, yeah, let me go try it.

So I went and tried it.

Make the money in five minutes and it was it was up from them.

Yeah.

So growing up, did you have your support system where you had to build your own support system?

I had support my mom despite her her being addicted to crack cocaine.

She was a functional addict, so she it was.

Still a regular schedule, going to school, food on the table, making sure we did our homework.

But it wasn't like education wasn't instilled in me at an early age.

It was like, if you go to school, you go to school.

If you don't, you don't.

So did you get caught up, like because you had to do some prison time?

Right?

Did you get caught up with the ship OG turned you onto or something else?

No?

I got caught up with the stuff she turned me on too.

Can you how did that feel knowing that you're like about changed forever, Like when did you know?

Was it the handcuffs or when you got that?

When did you know?

Like this shit I.

Knew from the beginning, like it don't last, like you think that all the glitz and glamour, like you going, you hustling every day, getting up, going every day.

And then I had, I ended up getting pregnant and I had a child.

I had, you know, so it was like things was different, Like his father was in and out of prison.

He wasn't there.

He was abusive.

So it was just like a light bulb, like you gotta get you know, this ain't gonna last, Bella, like you gotta get it together.

I feel like you're too far in and stop.

I was greed.

It was greed.

I was just greedy bank to be honest, Like the money was coming so fast and as fast as it was coming, as fast.

As it was going.

So that was your first offense, right.

No, My first offense was I was in Dreuvie, like you know, in and out of Julie for like my mom was a booster, so she showed she first showed me how the shoplift.

So I was in an I Julie for like stealing from Aunt Taylor to gap like and for running away from home, like little stuff like that.

But then when I as an adult, I ended up going I didn't go to jail, but one of my workers got caught and I ended up pleading to a feling.

Okay, so you went, you did federal.

Time, or you did I did federal time.

So they sentenced you.

You goideline.

You scored where your.

School was seventy something that I had some twenty four to eighty four months.

Oh I did seven years.

I did seven years.

Yeah, seven years, God damn it.

Thank you?

So how did you feel on sentencing day?

So the judge, the judging passed away.

His name is Robert Dumar, but he was like he couldn't understand it.

He was like, how could a young lady at your age get away with one hundred and twenty thousand dollars Rolex watches.

He was like, you need to be in Hollywood.

You should have been an actress.

He was pissed and he gave He was like eighty four months.

So I went back to the bullpen and I'm like, so one of the guys was like, how much time you got, ma?

And I was like eighty four months.

He was like, damn, who you killed?

I didn't know how you know, federal system work.

I didn't know.

I got back.

I sat down, I said yes, I said, this man gave me seven years.

And then at the time I had two kids.

I had a one year I believe my youngest son was one and my oldest one was like three or four.

So what that first night like, going to sleep with that time, what that felt like?

What the reality was hell?

Waking up in a cold sale like I couldn't believe it, but I knew that it'd catch up with me.

Like you know, everybody think that you go on these runs and you go, you go escape it, but red set in and then set in and the setting and.

And you get caught eventually.

Usually when people go to jail and shit like that for stending a period of time like that, they be like, you'd be surprised, wh'll be that for you?

And you should be surprised who don't So how many people that surprised you, that helped you, and surprised you that didn't help you.

My family wasn't there for me.

I was surprised.

Damn, no letters, no going to check on my kids.

No nothing.

I wasn't gonna see you nothing.

My mom held it down though, my mom, she held it down the whole eighty four months I was incarcerated.

So did you hold resentment towards them?

Do you fuck with them now where they say two shad?

Yeah, because it's like they it's like they was reaping some of the benefits, like you know, my little cousins, and they was babysitting for me, so they was getting everything up.

I'm like, that's the type of person I am.

We all go shine.

I'm not just the only one go shine.

We all go shine.

So paying for plastic surgeries, mortgage notes.

So now you're back outside and dust out and shi off you how you think they feel now?

I don't know, don't I don't know.

You know what, it's so crazy that you said that, because my little cousin, one of my favorite cousins, he reached out to me through a d M the other day.

Day.

He reached out to me through the d M the other day and was like, you might be busy, it's your cousin hit me.

Up, but.

For real, like yeah, no serious, Like it's like, you know.

So when did you how long did it take you to get adjusted.

Like shit, I'm here, I'm figure out how to.

I did a hard time, to be honest, thank I did.

Like my mom used to bring me contraband.

So first first.

I was in like uh, I was close to home.

I was in Dublin.

I was in Dublin, California, and I was getting visits like seeing my kids every weekend.

My mom started bringing me back little gloss pills.

Uh jurry because my restitution was so high.

So somebody dropped the dime mom, and they transferred to Wasteaker Minnesota.

Damn, what happened that?

What's the difference between what you just.

Said Watka and Washteaker Minnesota?

We were shoveling snowing was steak and Minnesota.

We put you out to work.

Yeah, in Dublin, we was close to home, sunny nice.

I got to see my kids, and I went to wash Seak.

It was it was terrible.

So you ain't so how long did it take you to did the snow shoving them?

You learn your lesson?

You know how this ship goes back.

You would have never learned your.

Listen to double no, I would have never learned my lesson to double I was so close to home, you know.

But yeah, the shoveling snow, Yeah, I learned my lesson far it was.

That was it.

I was like, oh, heck no, I cannot come back when I left out of it that I was like a size four.

I was so stressed out, damn.

Yeah.

And then that that kind of put a strain on mom coming down there every week or whatever from that because it was.

Far away, right, Yeah, she never No, I never got business there.

Yeah.

So yeah, that is you have no cell phone?

No, I don't have no cell phone.

I had cell phones in the prison.

Absolutely.

The women have cell phones everything in the prison.

Oh but did you turn into one of those people like man, I'm just gonna do.

My time when I got to Wasika.

Yeah, yeah, it was a rap.

So what was your prayer when I was in prison?

Yeah?

Period, Yeah, I really did.

I really can't say.

I had like a certain prayer that I just used to pray every d I was Christian in I'm Muslim now, but I was Christian.

I really can't say.

I just I used to just thank God every day for waking me up because just being in prison and seeing them women in there doing all that time someone did make it out.

You know a lot of old older women, a lot of Indians was where I was at in Wasika.

They was in there for like heinous crimes.

What problems did you make the god that you kept in the one that you broke?

You know how we make all these problems to the god with the situation?

Which one did you keep?

Which one did you bro I said I wasn't come home and do no more crime.

I did.

When I first came home, I got my feet way a little like for like six months and it wasn't what it was.

So I was like, yeah, this ain't it, but it's hard.

They got them to come back to it.

I came back to nothing.

I didn't have no help.

Like the girls who my homegirls they robbed me blind, to rob my whole house.

So I came home to nothing.

You know, I have to get it out of the mud once again by myself, single parents, you know, trying to get back on my feet, geting my children back.

And they send me to Virginia too.

After which, where's Virginia.

That's the snow Virginia's you know, Virginia.

That's the snow place where you should know.

I'm saying that like when I came home, they sent me to Virginia where I caught my case at Oh, I wasn't in California home confinement and some ship.

I was in a halfway house.

Damn yeah, damn.

So let me ask you some out of all that, do you feel like you developed more strength from all this ship?

Absolutely?

So.

You wouldn't trade You wouldn't trade that life.

No, what you mean?

I wouldn't trade that life?

You know.

I'm saying like, you know how people could go back and be like if I could do it all over, Oh no, I wouldn't do it.

No.

Never, You wouldn't do what I wouldn't do crime, no more, no no.

No.

What I say is are you happy that you went through the Oh?

Yes, I am happy.

Yeah.

It was a lesson and I feel like everything that happened in my life, it was all God's design, It was all his timing.

Your journey, Yeah, it was all my journey.

Yeah, because some people be wishing that, and I think that's what hold you back and give you trauma and how you fucked up when you be thinking like the ship that I went through make me who I am today, don't make me what I'm trying to say, the ship that I went through fucked me up instead of helping, you know what I'm saying.

That's how I feel.

I feel like all the ship I went through for me to be for this transition to be so marvelous, marvelous, you know what I'm saying, because being if I would have never been through it, Like most of the time people get our age or get my age and they ain't go through something, they'd be ready to kill themselves jump off a building because they ain't never the ship.

Now I'll be seeing the ship happened, I'd be like, man, that ain't nothing.

Should I go through nowing, I'll be like, come on with some more of that.

If that's not, yeah, no, let me see.

So how was it like just leaving your kids?

It was tough, but then not like when I look back now, I was like, I wasn't thinking about that when I was hustling.

You understand what I'm saying.

So it's like, don't get in here and be feeling sorry for yourself.

Now do this time and when you get you know, get your goals up, what you plan on doing when you come home, and do what's right when you get back out.

But I wasn't thinking about that then.

You know, I was so greedy.

I was knee deep in it.

I went from going into the candy store to start getting jewelry.

So it was like it was like you're going from one street to another.

Bella like you like the candy store.

How you you said you you're gonna try the jewelry store now?

So yeah, nah shit.

One thing about it, man, we gotta do We gotta do the feed our family.

Absolutely, and that's what we be thinking.

But really we greedy.

Yeah you understand what.

I'm saying, because you can get enough to God just being the niggas just can't stop exactly.

Yeah, I started a bit for a laundry man.

I was doing good, but I still was.

I was taking care.

I was used to be a people as pleaser.

Bank Like that's the worst person, man, because you never can please people.

You never can please people.

So what you like?

Everybody?

I'm what how you get there?

I don't know the God cause man, I was just like I don't know.

I just like, for I don't like to be the only one in the crew shining, like we all go shine.

You know what I'm saying, like that's how it's supposed to be.

But nowadays it's not like that.

It's like what they got gatekeepers, ain't you know?

But I don't know God for real he changed my heart because my heart is hard now, not like that, not like that.

I just like it's hard for me to let anybody in.

Its guarded.

It's guarded.

But no, they say no.

It's the best therapy though.

I'm saying no makes you feel good.

Yeah, saying and if a person can't respect that, then.

Hello, I just said so many yeses man, in my life, I ran out of them.

That is how I feel.

Let's get let's get such okay, we want When you walked out of prison, what was your biggest fear about re entering society?

Not having no money?

I'm telling you come home to that.

I literally think I literally came home to nothing.

Nothing, no material ship with the knowledge.

I came home with the knowledge, but I didn't have no clothes, no, no, nothing like I went to that halfway house empty handed.

And then I I used to I used to work out because I work out a lot, and I used to work out, and then I met this guy at the bus.

Stop and then it was on.

I was like, he was like, what you need?

I was like, I need an I D credit card.

It was.

I went back to I actually went back.

They sent me back to that.

I got a oh I had two phones in the halfway house and we couldn't have phones.

You got caught the phone and I got sent back.

I'm gonna tell you did what you got sent like two weeks.

Yeah.

I hate listening to authority.

That's why my sign I'm a Capricorn.

Oh yeah, you had to get your money, can get their money.

Man?

What it is?

How did the prison time change the way you like see relationships and trust?

It's hard for me to trust people, Like I was just saying, it's hard for me to let people in because like the people that was close to me turned state on me so fam like I think I robbed so many, like four times.

Like it's just hard.

Like people be wanting to like they be like like my my my publishing company.

Seane, he'd be like Bella, like people buy into you.

You gotta get on Instagram, you gotta do this.

But it's just I'm just so private because I just be like people the world is so cold now.

But it's a different world we're living in too.

It is it is bank.

It's just cruel.

Man, I get it.

I go through the same ship.

They be like, man, I had to turn my pay.

I had to tell my crew like page, I had a lot everybody my pay.

I left this ship down like sel much.

They were like, bro, them folks ain't took care pay.

You ain't trying to get it back.

Turn it back on, turn it back on.

Post that ship is.

Like so you run your own page here or nothing?

Court right sometimes, but you have to do.

You have to.

That's that's your what do you call it?

Business card?

That you got books?

Man?

You know what I'm saying.

She gota we can't.

It ain't gonna sell itself.

It ain't gonna sell it.

You gotta get out here and do this ship.

This ship is crazy.

Man.

The world un't changed.

We live afferent we do.

So what about like relationships like spouse?

Do you trust that not due to a certain extent?

You know how y'all?

You know how y'all man is y'all y'all be right, niggas gonna be niggas.

Y'all be going becky Sarah like it ain't it's so I'm used to I didn't messing with like dough boys, but the Doe boys because people always ask they like, well, if she messed with dough boys, then the niggas I mess with they had money, but they didn't have more money than me.

So I was the bread winner relationship.

So I'm at the point of my life now, bank, I don't want to do nothing you like, I got my own check.

Nigga, you gotta come with it with you for messing with me because I got my own money.

So like on the interview, I had an interview when I interviewed with lat like the comments that they was like, well, I don't want like you're failing you this, you that, But nigga, I got my own money.

I thought, you don't want no money, no nigga with money.

I never said I didn't want no man with the money.

I'm saying without money.

He had to have his own when he come messing with me.

Because I got my own money.

I'm not being I'm not taking care of no nigga no more.

That's out.

Oh yeah, maybe I was tricking.

I love it.

Like that back in the days, baby, but I do it too now.

Like my dude, like I do it.

Yeah, I like I like to take care of mine.

Yeah, I ain't just go ain't no slouch.

I ain't just about to sit back and receive gifts.

I'm just not like that.

But what you think makes it so hard for me to just be with one woman?

Though?

That's a good question.

That's a good question.

I think men like to explore their options, though I don't think.

I don't think a man never be satisfied.

I think all men always go, always want something more than what they have at home.

That's just my o peep.

But I don't think.

I don't think let me, let me, let me take up for us.

Now, okay, take up for us.

I ain't gonna say explore options.

I think niggas just like two continue.

But what I'm saying is because options is there's no option.

If I got one at home, this is my only option.

But this other ship, I fok with it here?

Now, why though, why not?

If you're not satisfied, leave her?

I'm not.

I'm satisfied.

It's one gumbo.

Mm hmmm, all one gumbo.

So you wanna throw, you want, throw what you want, the crab, the sausages.

I want the jack fruit, the toe food.

But I think I think me personally, and we're gonna were gonna try to unpack this and we're gonna get into it.

We're gonna try to unpack this right now.

Me personally, I think is just a man's nature.

Certain men.

Because the men, that's like what y'all saying, y'all don't like them?

What men that's like what we're saying, huh, what do you say?

Beautiful?

They do, but what I'm saying, but they're respectful.

The squares are some of them?

Some of them?

Yeah, God, she said they all do.

Yeah, that's true.

And then he that's just too different.

But you're too lame to be trying to have Yeah, seriously, but.

Yeah, don't they don't.

They do not care.

They do not.

But there is a one percent of guys that I know that don't cheat and don't be with all that.

But it'd be hard for them to find women.

I don't cheat.

Men.

Yeah, and I'm just saying I don't cheat either.

That's that's great.

It's hard to find women who don't cheat me because once they break up, they be like they need Tom Dickens.

Excuse my French, but you know yeah.

Nah, yeah, No.

The thing about women that they just slick.

Yeah, we are just slick.

You know what I'm saying.

They know how to men just dumb as fuck.

Yeah, I ain't gonna say that.

Niggas just impulsive.

So it's like, men don't feel like they're hurting you when they do something with another woman.

Why though, because I ain't done nothing to you.

I'm just being one hundred.

I'm just being one hundred.

Like, no, man don't feel don't give a fuck about cheating until he get caught you.

Some niggas got that ride.

Holmes smelling himself like, you know what I'm saying, But niggas don't really give a fuck.

I just give a fuck about hurting you when you're hurt, because I'm not thinking I'm hurting you, especially if I take care of you.

I'm loyal to you.

Loyalty and unfaithful to me is two different things.

They're in the same family, but it's two different things.

I don't agree with that.

Tell tell me why.

Yeah, that's true.

That's a good.

Unfaithful and loyalty is two different things to me.

That's a good knowledge.

I don't know.

I could be tripping like, what.

Is loyal to you?

Layaltis?

I always got your back.

I'm always uphold you.

One.

You ain't gonna make her look crazy in front of people like y'all out and another chick.

We'll beat the bitch up, bro, I'll beat you up.

Do that, Like I ain't confused about who I love stuff in the way, I'm gonna be stopping you.

She gonna know like, yeah, he loved me to make you feel better, right right?

What?

Like?

Who girl?

You better go on on?

I told you now, throw your hands over the back.

But that's that's to me, right.

But one thing about a woman, she would be if she was dealing with another guy and y'all get caught, she confusedes who she want to be with, Like she looking like, oh my god, I'm caught niggas looking like what you doing right here?

You know what I'm saying, turned straight to somebody else for his girl, right yeah.

Most of the time, but women they confused, like so, I don't think it's in a woman nature too.

They do it to deal with two different men, I don't think so, because they don't know how to decipher which one is which.

Not decipher They can't and they lay down and have relations, they can decipher which one.

They know, which one is better.

Yea, But what I'm saying they don't know, like saving I got, I got, I got my husband and take care as the family.

This is my security over here.

I love him for that.

And I got little baby leg over here.

Bustle her back out.

It's for fun, guy, be fun.

So I like both of them equally.

So when I get caught, I got emotions for both of these guys.

Y'all.

Y'all just have too many emotions.

Oh yeah, I'm very Yeah, I have a lot too, like me and.

Can I can care about you, baby, but I but that shit can stop right now because of her.

Yeah, yep, that's true.

That's true.

Like part that, like, do everything in your power to make sure she don't find out, baby, because that's the end of be all with us right now.

If you got a nigga that's out here just lying it both of them, then you did ad wrong.

Yeah.

But nowadays men can't keep it one honey like that.

Back in the day, niggas kept it one hunting like I got, I got Keisha, I got Shonda right here.

Nowadays, these niggas you be like, damn, bro, like what you're lying for?

What you're lying for?

Some of these women can't hand the truth.

I want the truth.

Let me, let me make my own decision if I want to stay, yes, let me decide.

But by the time I get ready to your truth, am I already locked in with your baby, and I'm scared to lose you.

Some niggas, Yeah, that's what I'm saying, Like, damn man, I can't tell the truth, and she fuck around.

My truth may cut you know, these nigga be tender too, So my truth make you feel like, especially when you're a boss such as yourself, you already lit, it's already turned.

So I tell you the truth, you're gonna feel as if, though, like that's gonna take some away from me.

Now you're gonna bump me down and you're gonna be feeling like your options are open.

Right.

The truth shall set you most but most women say they want true.

Most women want to be lied to.

I don't want to be lied to.

They want to They want to lie that they can believe.

Though, Yeah, a lot that feels like the truth, Like because and I always say this, y'all want to work their intuition to y'all advantage.

When you first meet a nigga, you know he's some bullshit, so your intuition ain't tell you what he capable of?

True, what happened with that?

But don't talk to like how your intuition don't tell you he ain't one of them?

I like him, yeah, immediately immediately.

No, that's true.

Like we meet a guy and be like, just because he ain't had me yet, that were all women feel like, yeah he yeah, he was like that with her, but he ain't.

Hand.

You can't change a man.

You cannot change your man.

You can't change nobody, nobody.

And men these days, I see they prefer holes.

I just said this because men love.

You can't get your heart broke with a whole.

Because I know what this is.

I know what she's capable of, But you got this bitch, I can't count on one hand, So now you fall into a different love for her.

I can get destroyed behind this, but it's oh, I know what she's capable of.

That's crazy.

She rolled your eyes, ain't.

I'm sorry?

That don't make sense though, Yep, that's true.

They don't really lose.

You just gotta get with the program the p.

Gram, right, he said, the man, but we all do life.

This girl was just shoving show snow.

Life is not fast.

Life.

It's a part of the journey.

It is.

It's a part of the journey.

No, but I said this yesterday on Big Fans when we record.

I feel like the only thing that sucks up relationship is comparison.

Everybody want the relationship that this person may have.

It's supposed to have.

You get with a person, and y'all get with each other, and we love each other the way we love each other.

Can't nobody to break that.

That's true.

I know what I got that they be looking on.

They be looking on Instagram and stuff, and man, that stuff.

So for Gayzy, it is bro because you never know what these people going.

Through and they make it look good.

He just bought her that that could be a makeup gift.

She can find out that nigga.

You know what I'm saying, like them balls or something I'm saying like it's so it's so fucked up bro for y'all, for y'all women, And I feel sorry for women because you either got to deal with a nigga that's some bull ship or a nigga, that's questionable.

It's crazy, bro, Like, how do we do this?

I want to help, You're gonna help.

I want to help bad because I got a lot of female friends and sisters and shit that just I see their loss thinking that that guy that they never seen before.

They never seen their uncle, their brother, their cousin, their dad, their granddad, they never seen that guy in the life before.

They still think that guy existence made up in their head.

Mm hmm.

That is that's a form of delusion.

Yeah, like where have you seen him at?

Mm hmm.

It's like you've seen have you seen something close?

We've never saw something up at them all he fake?

We never saw that perfect guy.

Nobody's perfect.

Everybody has faws.

But I disagree with that because you could be perfectly you.

You can now, that's the only part about it.

And what makes you fakes when you're trying to be somebody else for somebody else.

That's how people.

When people break up, they be mad at each other because they be like, I did all this for you, you know what I'm saying, So you aren't being you.

You bought to be mad if I leave a relationship.

I'm not upset because I was me.

It just didn't.

I didn't work for you.

Baby.

Now, if I did all this putting on and line and being this fake ass nigga coming out knowing want to come in out do all this fake ship for you here, you're gonna be mad that I faked.

I was fake as fuck and it didn't work.

That makes sense.

Let's get back to this moment you realize your life was about this.

Nah damn are hey?

Did you ever feel judged?

Though?

Absolutely?

So.

That's so with my story.

The reason why I wrote my book in.

Twenty ten and was inside when you wrote it.

I was incarcerated when I wrote it, and when I came home, I felt ashamed.

I felt like, I'm like, I don't want nobody know I was in prison like I was.

I was, and I was a cheer mom too.

We stayed in Las Vegas and my son, my my twenty one year old, he does competitive cheer, well, he used to, he does.

He don't do it no more.

But there's a lot of Caucasians, you know, and I was a cheer mom, so I was like, I would never tell him I've been incarcerated.

But I had this one friend.

I still have her to this day, her name Ramona Sellers.

And when I tell you, she's she's amazing.

That lady never judged me, that never, that lady never looked that mean no different.

She rich never looked at me, no different.

That lady invested in me.

That's to this day, that lady is my angel.

I really appreciate her.

But that's that's a true story.

And they just put cheers on my arm because what you're trying to hide is what people may absorb to you for what may make them be like, you know what, because like like if you tell a story, like if I never met you before and I see you tell me your story, but like, damn for real, you don't even look like a person that been through or came from where you came from and none of that shit.

So people gonna be like, this is a true testimony, This is a true hell.

Y'all want to I want to be a part of that, because you're a winner, no matter how much you think you lost, your fucking winner.

That shit don't come easy, it doesn't, you know what I'm saying.

Trying to be you, they wish they could have went through what you went through to be be this person today.

For real, I'll be shot to the top of the mountain.

Yeah, I shovel show.

I wrote.

I wrote books too, stayed up, I didn't stay right now.

I'm right here right, So what made you decide to write the books?

And so the book was originally called The Diamond Cluster Hustler because I used to get diamonds.

I used to get solitary stones and I don't know, just sitting in prison like idle time, Like I'm like, let me write a book.

So I start writing.

Now it's enough.

I have another book, but the movie coming before the book.

What's the name of it?

What the other book?

Oh, I don't have no name yet.

Yeah.

Beauty before Bars, Yeah I don't instead of this before Bars, Like what what what the name?

Like?

Break the name down to us.

So recidivism is not repeating the same cycle.

And Beauty before Bars came from I was everything was beautiful like you to me, Like everything was glamorous when I was out there hustling.

Everything was glitz and glamour, and then I got locked up.

So what type of story is in there?

Like it's a memory about my life.

Yeah, I overcame.

How did you pick the stories that you decided to because that you released like some vulnerable moments and.

Ship not really a little somewhat.

I don't know, Sean, what you think.

How did you how did you pick the ship that you wanted left to sit here?

Yeah?

Because he told me, like he was like, I didn't go into I didn't really go into detail.

I just was like, I'm just you gotta be your book gotta be a catchy moment, like damn, I want to know what's next.

So that's that's makes me My book is about what's next.

Like the feedback I receiving is they want a book too, they want a movie, so.

You're gonna let them just layers like Pilla.

Was it hard to write the book?

No, didn't take any told on your.

My mentor No, it was hard for me to release it.

Wow, I told you.

I was just I was.

It wasn't for my twenty one year old.

He was like, mom, you just never know who life you might change, who who impact how your your life might impact somebody else life.

So that's what made me go ahead.

And I had got on a I was on a podcast called Trapping Anonymous First Bank, and I went viral and I shut down.

I just was.

I was like, yeah, I can't take it.

I might got anxiety social media.

I have bad anziighty period.

I have bad anxiety period.

But I just like shut down.

I was like, I was like, nah, but when you you know, you know they say when you get nervous and you have some anxiety, I mean you're doing the right thing.

Oh I never heard that.

No real ship when whenever, whenever it's fear based, you're doing the right shit.

Because anything that's comfortable, like that ship when you when you got there, whatever y'all doing to game.

That was comfortable, that was comfortable.

It was it felt like I was waking up every morning.

Like yeah easy, yeah that's wrong ship.

And you're doing some ship that that's uncomfortable, that's the right ship.

Right.

You see how quick you go virus?

See how quick soon as you think that I don't want people to know your angel come you get you know what I'm saying.

I know, I know you had to have like a lot of people reach out to you with testimonies and shit in your d MS whatever, Like what's the biggest one that you got that kind of made you.

Feel like damn a single mom, This young lady she she's from Chicago.

She actually asked, was I coming to Chicago for a book signing?

But I counseled a book to her because I was getting a baby.

I was getting crazy flowers every time I go to my book signing.

It was just that's what you want.

Yeah, going on.

No, your manager's nightmare.

Man, don't you know?

It's just and it's so crazy because I got a crazy I got a stalk.

He that person looked me up on Spooky Ooh.

It's like an app where you can look you can find people.

It's like being verified.

You put your information in there and all your information come up spooky yo.

Yeah, I'm not proud, not I'm not I'm probably not pronouncing it correctly, but it's s p o E k oh.

I.

Yes, that man said he found me on their So it's just I don't know, mank I just.

I'm saying, fuck him.

You're right, but.

You are what is anointed?

You don't do that?

What are you gonna do?

No, you gotta do what Gun chosen you to do.

Yes, you're absolutely correct.

You said you and you stopped going to your book signed because you didn't want to love cause niggas bring a Flower that Love.

It was just it was kind of it was too much.

Every book sign in Texas, Atlanta.

Same person.

Yes, we don't even escort it.

Hello, but we still got to do a hell.

It was just I don't know, but yeah.

So it was a single mom from Chicago.

She says she was ready to commit suicide because she was she had she had to turn herself in.

I think.

She says she had to do like two years and she's a single mom.

And she says she read my book That's Dope, and it gave her inspiration to keep going.

So what was your what like writing a book?

What did you want people to feel like when I read this book?

Like when I read that book, when I get the book and read it, I'll need a sign to when I get the book and read it, what do you want me to take from it?

Or when I get my daughter to read it, what do you want her to take from it?

I want you to let's see, let me think about this resilient, resilient and also wait, let me think.

Like I want no, I really because my biggest thing is making an impact on someone else's life.

I don't care a bank, I don't care about the money.

I didn't been so many people that reached out to me from like big, big production companies, Like, it's not about the money, It's about the impact I leave on somebody else life.

I want them to know that.

Don't be afraid to tell your story.

Don't look at social media and think that everything is glitsen glamor, because it's not facts.

Don't be so quick to past judgment on nobody, because everybody have a story.

You never know.

I always tell my kids to always be kind because you never know what a person is going through in life.

So yeah, I just want to make an impact on somebody else's life.

That's why I told my story.

Nah, that's dope, but you gotta continue to tell it though, I do.

In your opinion, what's to like the most overlooked cause of women being inconcerated?

HM, I would say being a single parent.

Being a single parent cause women to be in I would say that being seen a single parent make you try to do by any means right, by any means necessary.

Well, for me, I want to say, for me, that's what it was.

Do you think the prison system is designed to rehabilitate or punish?

They don't rehabilitate you.

It's no.

I mean in federal prison.

Federal prison is a little different from I've never been in state, but in federal prison, at least we had classes that we can we can go to college.

I went to college room while I was incarcerated.

They had classes, but the classes was like for the drug program, using the drug program, using an ordapp.

Oh yeah, but they cut time off too, right.

Yeah, g twenty four, well eighteen or something eighteen months off?

You didn't you didn't qualify for that.

I did.

I got kicked out.

Yeah, what you do now?

Mom?

I was cirgregating the system.

My mom was sending me money on other people books like they was just I got restitutions.

So every time money had come in, they don't take it off my books.

So I have my mom.

My mom wasn't like she ain't like game tight, like she I'll put the money on so and so books over the phone.

I get a shot, like you get so many shots you getting kicked out of our DApp.

So yeah, let me ask you something, because you said you came home with nothing, right, what if you was if they put you in charge of like re enterance society, what would you do for people, Like like they said, Okay, Bella, we're gonna let you give us ideas on how to help people re enter society.

I have a nonprofit organization, and.

Our mission is to help single parent, single parent who's just coming home from being incarcerated.

Helped them reabilitate, like.

Resume writing, helped them filling out job applications, how to get uh how to get you know, money to get them apartments and things like that.

So yeah, that's what I would do.

Yeah, just like give them a full So the Halfway House don't help y'all.

The Halfway House don't help you at all.

You just they just we just got they just babysitting us basically.

But you have to get a job.

But you have to get a job.

Mm hmm you got a job?

Now?

Did you get a job?

Yeah?

How long you kept a job?

I worked at the at a gym, so.

I kept it for a while, and then I worked at this place called Baker's Crust.

It's like a banana bread in Virginia.

In Virginia, I was trying to get out of there.

I actually ended up staying out there because I met the guy and then we started dating and then I had a child from him.

So okay that the same guy touched on to the next move.

That's the same guy who ask for the credit card, I d yeah, back to work.

Yeah, well for about six we's going up top to New York because we were so close.

Yeah, it wasn't like it how it used to be though.

Damn, man, that shit is fucked up.

Though.

Man, you get out of jail and then it's like certach shit on your record, you can't stay certain places.

But you know what, I've never had that issue.

I've never had that issue.

They say they do a background check.

I've never had that issue.

Ship for me and you do.

Wow, I've never had that issue.

So then that she's like staying like us, just apply for condos and shit.

Yeah I got nice places.

Damn that might be for men, probably so because I never ran it too that issue.

Ever.

I got some old last year on my record.

They don't even want to let me get in all kinds of spots.

I just I don't know.

Yeah, if you could, if you could change one thing about the world today, what would it be?

Social media?

Get rid of that stuff?

Yes, you ran of it.

No, you know what I would change.

It's a curse.

It is.

It's a gift and a curse.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

I agree with that.

I agree with that too.

Do not judge it.

Okay, So let me tell you this bank.

So me and my sol I took my son to Crustaceans in LA just recently, and Stephen Curry and his wife came in there.

And my son, my, he's my eleven year old.

He's not like, he's real shy, real great kid.

And I said, I said, a scientist.

Don't look.

I said, but Stephen Curry just came in there, and he was like, is that the basketball player?

He played soccer?

And I was like yeah, I said, that's the basketball player.

He was like, mom, I want to get a picture of him so I can send it his DJ which is his best friend.

And I was like, we can't get no picture.

I said, I'm not taking you over there.

But I was with my CPA and her husband and I ended up snapping a picture, but it was bluery.

So the people next to us, it was a Caucasian group.

They were sitting next to us.

Jimmy feltin so they was all, you know, talking partying or whatever, and they was so intrigued by my son because he has two dimpos.

He's a very handsome kid.

Not just saying that, but but they was like, he's so handsome, black skippy.

And then they asked him.

They was like Jimmy Foulon asked him like, did you see who was who just walked up in here?

And he was like he was like yeah.

And then I asked miss Barbera, which is my CBA asked her her husband to take him over there because he wanted the picture.

I said, I'm not taking him over there, and then he was like, I take him over there.

So he took him over there.

Do you know Stephen Curry shunning it out of my son like he was like he no, straight up stuff was cool.

And me as a mom, he's with his wife.

He's with his wife and a bodyguard and I guess the bodyguard girlfriend.

So the bodyguard was sitting on one side, so the waitress was taking the order.

The bodyguard was sitting on one side, Stephen was on this side, and then the wife was right here, and then the other young.

Lady was right here.

And he was like what I no, so let me so, let me tell you so Jimmy Fallon was like, I was shocked.

I was.

I was furious, thought because I'm like, you know, when it come to your kid, you like, but I understand, I mean I understood, Like that's right.

So the way, so I got up and talked to waitress.

I said, you never know who who, You never know who a person is.

I said, don't you ever.

I just went off on a waitress.

Because he was.

Telling telling Miss Barbara's husband no too, like he like he don't want to be bothered right now, like.

He was a yeah.

So anyway, so I wanted one, went up there and went off on him and it came back and.

Sat down there.

Jimmy Fallon was like he came over and talked to my son.

He was like how long?

He was like, are you guys from l A.

We was like no, and then he was like how long are you guys here for?

I was like, we leave tomorrow.

And then he was like he wrote his number down, gave his email.

It's like next time, hit me up next time, and y'all you guys are in LA.

Whoever your son celebrity he want to see.

He's like, I'll bring him on the show and have him on the show.

Wow, yeah, yeah, and it'd always be that's cold.

So that's what I'm saying, Never judge a book by his cover because you just never know.

And you and my Neckadi Wood Stephen.

Carry get your head.

I'm I'm trying to.

Like, Yeah, so never judge a book by its cover.

How you said, expetition esthetician, Okay, exsteititian esthetician, really state appraisal.

Just a serial entrepreneur.

It's a serial entrepreneur.

How did you get into those things?

So?

I started off doing personal training when I first came home, and then from personal training I got my esthetition license because I had a medi spout.

Here in Atlanta and I lost my passion.

But that's because Okay, so I got my esthetician license so I could be body contouring for some years though I was into it, like I'm into like fitness, like looking good, like I like for people to look good, feel good about themselves.

You know, things like that.

But I did estheticians so I can get my end up getting my foobodyy license so I can do.

Body contouring.

That's like basically, after women get their body done, they got to keep it up sculpture back and listen, don't be mad at me, but.

This is my opinion.

I feel like women go get their body done and then that's it.

They don't keep it up.

From my experience on a medi spot, you go get you I got my body.

Well, I ain't gonna say I not even get my body done.

I got a tummy tuck in two thousand and three and I had a baby in twenty fourteen.

But it just goes to show like I still maintain like I did the I work out like crazy, like you would never know that I ever had a tummy tuck because I work out like I had a baby too.

And I snapped right back, you have to you have to take care of yourself.

They can just do it and this it and that's it.

No, you gotta you gotta maintain it.

So I lost my passion when my can Atlanta.

I'm like, all these women go get their body done.

And like I said, it's my opinion from experience, because you know, the comments section is start going crazy.

I lost my passion when I came to Atlanta.

I'm like, these people get their bodies on every year and they don't keep it up.

They just they just go back.

They just keep going back.

But once you go one time, you can you can you really can just continue.

Right and never go back.

I wanted two three.

So so.

You was trying to help people with confidence with that, With that right there, you feel like you was like, I'm gonna just help women bel confidence.

So that's what made me go get my esthetution license.

So what do you think your all around purpose?

Is my all around purpose in life?

Yeah?

Just period?

Why did God put you in?

I think that God put me here to to I feel like I'm gonna walk in testimony like I've been through so much.

Like you said, I don't look like what I've been through, But I don't want a person to make the same mistakes that I did.

I want them to know there's a light on it at the end of the tunnel, and you can be resilient at the end of it.

Like just because you've been in prison for seven years, just because you got that felling on your back, it don't mean nothing, fact at all, that's just a number.

Uh, it don't mean nothing.

You still can change your life.

Don't ever think that just because you haven't been through a situation, and it's always again, it's always a light at the end of the time, though, you can always change your life no matter what.

Do you think it's all mindset though I do.

I think it's all mindset.

You have to have a strong your willpower, have to be strong, and that's that's another thing guys don't like.

They kind of don't like strong women, alpha women.

I'm an alpha woman, so.

You know how that is.

Like, but alpha, what's the woman?

Let's break that down.

Okay, what is it?

You strong?

You strong, You're strong minded, you got your own.

Basically not saying because I used to always say bank, I used always say I do need a man, bella need a man, Okay, so I used to always say that, yeah, I need a man.

So sometimes women can be too strong for men, like they don't want to be.

What is that word I'm trying to use submissive?

Submissive?

Yeah, I think I think a woman that handles a business, I wouldn't call that an for woman.

I just call that a strong woman to handle a business.

I feel like me, I thought a woman was a woman who thinks that she's just very she's like conflict, Like, oh no, that's what I think.

No, I think I think like what challenging not comflet just challenging, challenge everything.

No combative, bro, no no, but most most combative women think they are for women if you give what I'm saying, So they sucking it up for whatever y'all say because we just you get what I'm saying, like everything like a nigga, like a dude, can't tell me nothing.

Oh yeah, that's not true.

That's not how awful woman is.

That's not true.

I'm just like I'm I used to be.

I'm so strong.

I don't want to be strong no more.

It's not that I don't want to be strong no more.

I just don't.

I want to be able to.

I want to be able to let my hair down.

Shet a load.

Yeah yeah, sure, the load I'm okay with.

You know, I'm okay with the fifty fifty.

You don't bother me.

I'm okay with it.

But I'm just tired of doing it all by myself.

Yeah, tired of being independent?

I am.

But but but yes, but you can't come in like you can be independent and be see more thing, let me say that that's true.

Most of the time, niggas meet you and you seem as though it's great with doing it by yourself.

No why, I'm just keeping it real.

I'm just keeping it real.

From just talking to women, it's like and it's like a let me see how I'm gonna say this.

It's like a pattern.

Basically, it's like you meet a woman that's you're a strong woman, right, and you've been doing yourself because you had no choice.

You had to do a lot of this shit yourself.

You had no choices.

So most of the women the room, but you got some women that get btter because they've been doing it so long in itself.

So they when they do meet a guy or start dating a guy that was willing to help, it's kind of like, I don't need you attitude.

I'm just keeping it with your keeping it one hundred with you.

Not not the women that's still trying to about the woman that has figured it out, Not the one that's had that's doing it because they have no choice.

Women that's doing it by choice, they kick it like you know what I'm saying, I don't need you for them but to lay down with you.

Basically, so now you you create men that like she is, she don't need me.

I ain't in an offer ain't in the nothing.

Oh yeah, huh uh.

We need you right, we need you men.

But men want to feel needed.

Though they do.

I notice that they do want to feel needed.

But I just I don't know.

I'm just not.

I feel like if if you're dating a person and they know you, you shouldn't have to as I do feel like.

That ainnything they should.

They know they woman, they know they person.

Or my baby like to get her nails done, hair done every two weeks.

That's that's yeah, that automatic my baby like, she like X, Y and Z.

I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go spurs on them.

But remind us sometimes it's good.

You have to remind me, you know what I'm saying.

Remind me sometimes yeah, yeah, that's true.

Yeah, because I may know, but then I may take I may just start forgetting Yeah, like not and it ain't even because sometimes dudes are sending money, but that ain't nothing.

But you gotta remind me, like you know, we ain't been out in a while.

You know you know what I'm saying.

I need time.

You gotta remind me.

Yeah, day night is important, flowers is important.

Too, But you gotta remind me of that I don't believe.

I don't want to give you that they gonna die, Babycause.

This ship by the Venus ones, they ain't gonna die.

Who sell them the Venus dot com.

It correctly remind you, Yeah.

Those don't die.

The ones that come in a pretty body, Yeah, those don't.

Die by a ready buy your tree, baby, let grow, let's plant you a tree, baby.

But because I think, let's go back to this what we were talking about earlier about me, Ambition is a motherfucker, right.

Some niggas ain't got it, some niggas do.

Some women ain't got it, some women do.

Ambition takes up a lot of your time.

It's hard to kind of be ambitious and in a relationship, it's kind of hard.

So if you know you got a real, true, purpose driven, ambitious person, you gotta remind this person as a woman, you got to remind him to, hey, what's off for a minute, I'm here, right, and not take it personal.

Don't get in your personal space and feel and feel attacked because I'm ambitious to take care of you, ambitions to take care of us, to be this person that my goals of me.

Right, But women are started taking this ship personal like some women and men, right, they'll take it personally because like it's the book I read, right, h four agreements And I always bring that book.

That book is amazing, isn't it.

Yeah, that you can keep on read.

From the end of the day.

We get on the plane in the morning and listen to it again fourteen.

And listen, that's the whole fourteen hours.

We flu Japan.

The mine, that shit gonna be loaded.

But but like I said, I'm gonna listen to that book.

I'm finna write down me some questions for my next interview.

You know what I'm saying.

But we don't have a time to think when we're ambitious.

That's why you need a powerful woman behind you.

Yes, that reminds you that it allowed you to be you and remind you like, Okay, don't crash out, you're doing well.

Remind me that I'm doing well.

Remind me who I ask to hear that exactly.

But if you all you're doing is what you're supposed to think about you with, all you're doing is taking me personal or literal, when all I'm doing is trying to my mission is for us.

But you're taking my mission literal, like I'm just neglecting you, which I'm not.

The whole reason why I'm doing this is for you us, right, I think it's just like I think so too.

We make assumptions, like you said judging book by cover, like coming how pitched off about some ship?

I can't even tell you because I don't want you pissed off.

I don't change your move.

But you're taking a person like you're always in the mood with me.

Basically, this ain't got ship to do with you, that's true.

I think that's a farm of insecurity.

Really, absolutely, what is it?

Yeah?

It ain't your bedding with wrong.

Sometimes they don't want to open up.

That's okay, though, it.

Ain't your bending with Yeah.

And if I can't tell you what wrong, it must be another bench or something something.

It's assumption.

That's make an assumption he told somebody, just not me, Like you gotta think what if I invested something and it crash?

Yeah, I can't tell you that, baby, because then I got you worried, because I know I'm a solution basis.

But I gotta figure it out exactly.

But see, if you tell her your woman's solution based too, she gonna figure it out too, like what we gotta do?

Yeah, so baby got to take out.

Just keep doing what you're doing.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Baby, Let me handle my business because for one, I don't even want you to know I just went out bad.

Let me figure my ship out.

You know what I'm saying to them when I because if I tell you this, right, I'm just speaking from a man point of view.

Let's say this, and I know we gotta get out of him.

Sorry, Hey, if I tell you I just reached our whole my whole bank roll, the next time I come up with an idea, but you remember what you did last time?

Right?

Yeah, work right, right, you're right, Yeah, you're right, you're right.

Agree, you.

Got to choose you once I figured this ship out, right, You know, I know what I'm doing because I've never let them got put out.

You know what I'm saying.

Yeah, No, that's bro, Like I can't tell you everything.

Boo right, that's true.

That's true.

So let me ask you a couple more questions.

What's your day of the habits like to keep.

You grounded and focus prayer and my children.

You get some form of meditation from like being in gym c like working out a ship.

Yes, that's my therapy.

Yeah, Lott's at six, personal trainer at eight?

You hard?

So why you don't Why you don't document that?

I used to and then I started getting bad feedback from some of my little Muslim sisters, Like the pictures was explicit me working out, Like I shouldn't post things like that on my Instagram.

Uh yeah, but how they look?

I mean, you know they are.

I'm saying, how do they look?

Oh?

They real modest?

I'm saying, are they able?

People tell you not to do things because they're not able to do what you can do?

No shade, but yeah, no, yeah, How you deal.

With moments and self doubt?

Like old on, let me say this to you before we get out of here.

You know, how many opinions have killed people's dreams?

Everybody got a lot opinion killed dreams, bro like everything.

Just think of any who's been who's done anything great, how many people told them not to do it?

That's really how you?

I said, How you deal with moments and self doubt?

How do I deal with MoMA self?

Do I write?

I journal a lot, I talk, you know, talk to God a lot.

I tried to shut out the noise because I know who I am now.

Then you know it was a lot of self doubt, fear.

But now I know who I am and I ain't I'm proud of who I am today.

I ain't ashamed about it.

I'm Bela and you're gonna accept it or rejected?

How do you want the world to remember you?

Like when it's all said and done, when they go and hist your books and they look up Bella with how you want them to feel and see you and be like, how do you want to be described while you're gone?

That girl was resilient.

She came back.

She did them seven years.

She made them mistakes, but look at her now, Look how she impacted the world?

Tell her story?

Really she didn't.

She didn't let up.

She kept going.

She put her best foot forward.

She didn't turn around, she didn't pass.

She didn't care what nobody else had to say.

She kept going.

One last question, well two more?

Who give you extreme validation?

Is your kids?

Like like, like the person that you make proud?

I know your fans are people that that that you you motivating ship?

I know that, dude, But like the person you looked too, like damn they proud of me.

I'm proud of me, my kids.

My kids is my everything.

I have three boys, so everything.

Yeah, and what's next?

What's next for Big Bella?

Ooh, y'all gotta tune in and see we got we got a lot of projects next coming.

In the movie.

Gonna put me in the movie.

We're gonna put them in the movie.

Show.

Okay, what y'all doing?

What?

What?

What the movie is gonna be about?

Y'all want?

Even when we're doing the book though, okay, life story type now it's space, it's face on life.

Let me.

Think it's like well post a month ago.

And then we started more interviews and got more open.

I went that and restructure everything.

So we're gonna get It's gonna make a cry, it's gonna make you laugh.

Ultimately, it's gonna make you feel her story.

It's gonna inspire.

That's real.

Ship.

Well, I think you're extremely dope.

And the book of the week to.

Today is Recidivism Beauty Be four Bars and you can get that at my website is w w W It's Bella barcode dot com.

Okay, and I'm gonna read it.

I want I want to, I want the audio though we get the audio.

You can get the audio audio in your voice and my voice.

I think that'll be dope.

Okay, no shouts out to Bella.

You will welcome any time to come than I think you're extremely dope.

I think your story is extra Dopezi.

That makes sure y'all go check in with Bella Man.

Even though she don't be posting like that, y'all still go follow.

Go the website, by the book, you go to the Big Fat Network.

Likes to strive and come into the Big Fat Network.

Perspective Bank, this was dope.

Another f episode of Perspectives with Big Bank.

Follow on Instagram at Big Bank et yo yo yo