Hey guys, this is Octavia and this is the podcast Cultural Lit.

And today it's a little bit of a rant for me, but it goes along with what I've been talking about lately.

We're unpacking a movement that's rewriting the narrative for black women globally, and something that's been on my mind for a while now, the concept of soft life.

And what it means specifically for black women.

If you've been anywhere on social media lately, you've likely seen this term floating around from TikTok to Instagram to Twitter.

Black women are leading conversations about choosing ease, softness, and intentional living, but what does it actually mean?

What does it look like in practice?

And how does it show up in the books we read, especially in romance novels where black women are the lead characters.

Today we're talking about all of that.

We're talking about the evolution from struggle, love narratives to luxury care and intentional romance real.

We are looking at how social media is shaping what love and ease should look like for black women, And we are examining why there's such a visceral reaction when black women visibly choose comfort and ease.

The Duchess Megan of Sussex discourse being a perfect example.

This isn't just about bath salt in scented candles.

It's about dismantling centuries of expectation, redefining worth, and claiming joy as a birthright.

I'm also excited to discuss some of the thoughts about Kennedy.

Ryan's upcoming novel, can't Get Enough, which features Hendrix, who I've been waiting on, a character who embodies the soft life ethos in so many ways.

This is the third book in Ryan's Skyland series set to be released on May 13th, 2025, and I was so fortunate enough to grab a copy, even though I already pre-ordered my physical copy.

Okay, so grab your favorite beverage, get comfortable, and let's jump in.

Before we cover Romance book specifically, I want to talk about something that's been happening in real time that perfectly illustrates society's complicated relationship with black women, choosing ease and comfort.

The response to Duchess Megan Sussex new Netflix show with Love.

Megan, if you haven't heard about it, the show premiered just recently on Netflix.

In each episode, the Duchess of Sussex shares her favorite recipes her hosting tips with friends in this gorgeous California country house setting.

Pretty standard lifestyle content, the kind of thing we've seen from Martha Stewart and Ina Garden and Nella Lawson for decades.

The show has been a hit holding steadily in Netflix, top 10, with viewers searching frantically for every pot knife and apron featured.

Netflix has already renewed it for a second season, but the response from some quarters has been, uh, telling comments, calling her fake narcissistic, not an original idea in her overinflated mind.

British tabs like the sun posting, tiktoks calling the show cringe.

The virtual is palpable and it makes you wonder what exactly is so threatening about a black woman frosting Honey lemon cake.

About a black woman living a life of comfort and ease about a black woman, having staff enjoying beautiful surroundings and sharing that aesthetic with viewers.

To me, the disdain is rooted in our societies inability to watch black women live a life of ease.

We're not supposed to cut fresh flowers or make rainbow fruit trays for our children.

We are not allowed the luxury of time or autonomy.

We can't enjoy tender kisses on our foreheads from our spouses.

Megan represents something that makes people deeply uncomfortable.

A black woman who has chosen a path of comfort, beauty, and ease.

As TikTok or Auntie Buffy said in defense of the show.

This is what the girls wanna see.

It's called aspirational television.

People are mad because they can't accept a black woman having nice things and enjoying them publicly.

This isn't just about a Netflix show.

It reveals a much deeper cultural discomfort with black women prioritizing themselves, their comfort and their joy.

It's exactly why the concept of soft life has resonated so powerfully with so many black women because it represents a necessary reclaiming.

So what exactly is this soft life that's become such a cultural touch point?

Let's begin with a definition.

The soft life is a lifestyle trend that emerged from African digital communities, particularly Nigeria around 2021.

It's a rejection of the grind culture, a prioritization of peace, and a radical embrace of ease.

For black women, it's a rebellion.

To understand why this is revolutionary, we must rewind.

Enslaved black women were forced to labor through pregnancy, nurture white children before their own and endure violence without protest.

Post emancipation, the mammy archetype, the selfless, strong sexless character became a tool to justify exploitation.

And then fast forward to today, black women are still expected to be the backbone of families, workplaces, and movements Often at the cost of our health, The soft life is about intentionally pursuing an easy and peaceful existence.

It's a lifestyle of comfort and relaxation with minimal challenges and stress.

The ultimate goal is to thrive and enjoy life without having to endure unnecessary hardships, pain, or burdens.

But here's what the soft life is not.

It's not about flamboyant expressions of materialism or wealth, typically associated with a life of leisure.

It's about what day-to-day ease could look like.

a life of simplicity, benefiting peace, tenderness, vulnerability, slow living.

Intentionality and purpose.

Black women all over the world have been embracing this concept.

Olympic Track Star, Raven Rogers has spoken about how pursuing a soft life made her a better athlete and person.

SSA advocates for self living through her music and social media.

Simone Biles Owen showed the world what prioritizing yourself looks like when she stepped back from the Tokyo Olympics in 2021, putting her mental health first.

That was a powerful moment of choosing softness over expectation.

And then there's Duchess Megan of Sussex.

whose Netflix show with love Megan, a cozy aesthetic celebration of hosting and homemaking ignited Ol critics called her Pretentious Out of Touch, but when Martha Stewart does the same, she's lauded as a lifestyle guru.

The difference.

Megan's refusal to perform struggle as a black woman, but the subtext is very clear.

Black women must be either martyrs or mammies.

Never complex, never soft.

Megan's crime isn't her wealth, it's her audacity to exist outside the narrow road.

Society allows us The soft life is how modern day black women are fighting against stress, trauma, depression, and racism.

It's about reclaiming our livelihood and incorporating balance into our lives.

It means making decisions that lead to our enjoyment and asking the question, what does it truly mean to live outside the struggle of survival?

To truly obtain a soft life, we must unlearn being identified as quote unquote strong black women.

But how do we do that?

When, as Malcolm X said, the most disrespected person in America is the black woman.

And that brings us to an important piece of the puzzle, the harmful, strong black woman archetype that we've all been conditioned to accept and embody as children.

Young black girls are taught that we must show up and be better than others.

We're told that being resilient and enduring pain is a personal victory and triumph.

We have to work twice as hard and prove ourselves in society, but at what cost?

Black women face significant health risks because of this expectation.

The chronic stress that comes from just living day to day.

The wear and tear of doing it all leads to serious health issues.

Studies show that black women experience a 26% higher chance of coronary heart disease, partly due to the racism we face in employment.

Housing in interactions with police, and if a black woman chooses to bring a child into the world, she faces the highest maternal mortality rate in the United States, 69 0.9 per every 100,000 live births, almost three times the rate of white women.

We are 40% more likely to experience hypertension by the age of 35.

The quote unquote strong black woman isn't a compliment.

It's a death sentence.

And then there's the economic toll.

Black women make 67 cents for every dollar paid to white non-Hispanic men.

Okay.

We face wage gap differences, socioeconomic disparities, systematic issues, gender bias, occupational segregation, and lack of career advancement.

Taraji p Henson recently vocalized this frustration when discussing her pay throughout her successful active career.

Quote, I'm just tired of working so hard, being gracious at what I do, getting paid a fraction of the cost.

Many of us felt that in our souls, because we live it every day, the expectation of strength has not protected us.

It's harmed us, and that's why the soft life movement is so revolutionary.

It's not just about luxury, it's about survival.

It's about saying, I deserve to live, not just exist.

I deserve peace, not just endurance.

And this is where I kind of wanna pivot to how romance novels, particularly those featuring black women protagonists, have become important blueprints for imagining what a soft life could look like.

They show us black women being pampered, loved, prioritized, and loved intentionally.

There's been a beautiful evolution in Black Romance.

Over the years we've moved away from narrative centered exclusively on pain and endurance to stories that celebrate joy, ease and intentional love.

These books don't just entertain us.

They expand our imagination about what's possible In Tia Williams seven days in June.

Tia gives us a story of healing, passion, and emotional safety.

Evil.

Mercy is a single mother with chronic pain who finds her way back to her first.

Love a man who sees all of her and loves her completely.

It's a book that shows that softness isn't just about material comfort, it's about emotional safety too.

And then in Kennedy, Ryans before I let go, the first book in the Skyland series, she explores soft love, second chances, and emotional death.

it follows Yasmine and Josiah as they find their way back to each other after divorce and devastating loss.

This book shows us that softness can also include the bravery to be vulnerable again after Heartbreak.

Pharaoh Rashaan iss, the Boyfriend Project shows us black women choosing themselves first, forming a sisterhood based on mutual support after they've discovered they've been catfished by the same man.

It's about creating the conditions for softness in your life by establishing boundaries and surrounding yourself with people who affirm your worth.

Honor Ray Fanon Jeffers, the love songs of We deis takes us on a journey of softness, legacy, and self-discovery that spans generations.

It reminds us that choosing a life can be an act of reclamation after generations of hardship.

It reminds us that choosing a soft life can be an act of reclamation after generations of hardship.

And in Tia Williams, a love song for Ricky.

Wow.

It gives us opulence, intentional love and finding joy.

The main character discovers a different way of being through a romance with a man who introduces her to a world of sensuality and beauty she never knew existed.

And then talking about the epitome of what the soft life can look like.

Let's talk about Kennedy.

Ryan's upcoming book Can't Get Enough.

This is the third in her Skyland series, and I was lucky enough to receive an advanced reader copy.

And let me tell you, Hendricks Barry is the soft life personified.

I.

Hendricks is what many would call a rich auntie.

She's successful, self-made.

She lives luxuriously and is childless by choice.

She's plus size brown skin and completely comfortable in her skin.

She's the kind of character we don't often get to see centered in romance novels.

A woman who has built her life exactly how she wants it.

And what makes her story particularly powerful is that Kennedy Ryan doesn't shy away from the complexities.

Hendricks may have wealth and success, but she's also dealing with her mother's advancing Alzheimer's and the responsibilities of caregiving.

this juxtaposition, shows us something important.

That the soft life isn't about the absence of challenges.

It's about creating a space for joy and ease, even while navigating life's inevitable difficulties.

Maverick Bell.

Yeah, he's one of my new favorite book boyfriends.

But he's particularly noteworthy in how he approaches loving Hendricks.

He's intentional, he's attentive and completely serious about her from the beginning.

He pursues her with purpose and consistency.

There's no guessing, no games, just the man who sees a woman he wants and makes it clear through his actions as well as his words.

One reader called him the best parts of Keenan Ross, cannon Holt and Judah Cross.

And if you're familiar with Kennedy, Ryan's other works, you know that's high praise.

Indeed.

Maverick represents the kind of partner who facilitates a woman's soft life, not through financial support Because Hendricks is doing fine in that department, but through emotional presence and unwavering support, their relationship gives us a beautiful example of what grownup love can look like.

Passionate but stable.

Exciting but reliable.

They face challenges together, particularly around Hendrick's mother's health and her own fear of vulnerability, But there's never any doubt about their commitment to each other's wellbeing and happiness.

This is what so many of us are craving, not just in fiction, but in our real lives.

Partners who are invested in our peace and comfort, who see supporting our joy as part of loving us as well.

L and then.

I want to address something very important.

The misconception that the soft life is only accessible to those with wealth or privilege.

That simply isn't true.

Softness isn't a privilege, it's a right.

Every black woman deserves care, ease and tenderness regardless of income level or social status.

and Mavyret Bell in can't get enough.

Exemplifies that.

Society has conditioned us to believe that black women should be quote unquote strong instead of soft.

That we should endure rather than rest, that we should give endlessly rather than receive.

This conditioning serves everyone except us.

The truth is that soft love isn't about wealth.

It's about being valued.

Care for and prioritize.

It's about having our needs recognized and met, whether by ourselves or by those who love us.

It's about creating environments where we can be vulnerable, where we can rest, where we can experience joy without guilt.

And romance novels challenge harmful narratives about what black women should accept in love.

They show us black women setting boundaries, walking away from relationships that don't serve us, and finding partners who are invested in their happiness.

These aren't just fictional scenarios.

They're permission slips.

They tell us you deserve this too.

When we talk about luxury and love, what are we really talking about?

It's multifaceted.

There is emotional luxury.

There's a luxury of time and attention, and yes, sometimes there was material luxury too.

Emotional luxury is having a partner who understands your needs and meeting them consistently.

It's being with someone who makes space for your feelings, who supports your dreams, who shows up for you in ways that matter.

It's having someone who checks in, who remembers the little things, who celebrates your birthday, who makes you feel safe enough to be your full self.

Then there's the luxury of time and attention in our busy world.

Someone choosing to give you their undivided focus is increasingly rare.

Having a partner who prioritizes quality time with you, not just in 30 minute acceptance.

Who isn't constantly distracted by their phone or other obligations when you're together, who makes plans and keeps them.

There's a form of luxury that has nothing to do with money.

And yes, there can be material aspects to luxury, and love as well, travel, leisure, self-care experiences shared together.

But these aren't prerequisites for a self-love life.

They're enhancements, not foundations.

What we're seeing now is the rise of black women dating with high standards and walking away from quote unquote struggled.

Love the idea that relationships have to be difficult to be valid or valuable.

We are recognizing that love shouldn't deplete us.

It should replenish us.

Romance novels teach us about boundaries, self-worth, and not settling.

They show us women who know their value and the men who recognize it too.

They give us examples of relationships where both people are invested in each other's happiness and wellbeing, where love and care flow in both directions.

This is the standard we deserve, not as an aspiration, but as a baseline.

So how do we move toward embodying the soft life philosophy in our own lives?

I know it can seem daunting, especially when we've been conditioned to prioritize everyone else's needs.

Above our own Licensed psychologist Taisha Caldwell Harvey, founder of the Black Girl Doctor, reminds us that a one size fits all approach to mental health care and wellness is ineffective because our experiences of stress and is triggers very significantly based on our individual identities.

This means your soft life might look different from mine, and that's perfectly fine.

Here are some practical steps we can all take.

First Therapy can be an incredibly valuable tool if it's accessible to you.

Having a space to unpack patterns and beliefs that keep us trapped in cycles of overworked self neglect can be transformative.

Prioritize your mental and emotional health by getting enough sleep, eating well, and moving your body in ways that feel good.

Remember that self-care isn't selfish.

It's necessary.

Create small pockets of softness in your day.

maybe it's a 10 minute meditation, journaling, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea time being finite.

we'll never get these moments back.

Set a word for the year.

Create goals and check in monthly to see how you're progressing.

Having the intention behind your actions helps align your daily choices with your deeper values, connect with community and particularly other black women who understand your experiences and support your journey toward ease and comfort travel when you can, even if it's just to a nearby town you've never explored.

Experiencing new places can shift perspective in powerful ways.

Treat yourself to small luxuries, a bubble bath flowers for your home, a massage when possible.

These aren't frivolous.

They're reminders that you deserve beauty and comfort in your life.

A soft life for black women provides creativity, slowness, and freedom.

It allows you to reclaim time and pour into our mental health with intention behind everything we do.

It it's not about having it all.

It's about defining what all means to you and pursuing it unapologetically.

And I want to leave you with some specific book recommendations that embody the soft life ethos and show black women being loved.

Well, and I've mentioned several of these before, but here's a more comprehensive list.

Seven days in June by Tia Williams, a story of healing, passion, and emotional safety.

Before I let go by Kennedy Ryan, soft love, second chances and emotional death.

Can't get enough by Kennedy Ryan.

As you can tell, I'm a Kennedy Ryan fan, but it's the ultimate Rich Auntie gets her happy.

Ending The Boyfriend Project by Pharaoh rashaan, black women Choosing Themselves first.

A Love song for Ricky Wildes by Tia Williams Opulence, intentional Love and Finding Joy, honey and Spice Campus Romance with Sharp Dialogue and Tender Moments.

You made a fool of death with your beauty.

This one was a journey through grief, tort, new Love The Wedding Date.

It's a series by JM Guillory.

Fun affirming romances where black women are cherished.

Get a Life.

Chloe Brown by T Hibbard, a chronically ill black woman, finds a partner who supports her exactly as she is.

Each of these books shows us different facets of what soft love can look like.

They give us black women who are fully realized complex individuals, finding partners who value them completely As Nina Simone said, an artist's duty, as far as I'm concerned, is to reflect the times, the rise of soft life.

Romance novels featuring black women characters reflects our collective desire for care, ease, and intentional love.

They're not just entertainment, They're roadmaps towards a different way of being rather than dealing with stress.

Trauma, depression, and racism as an inevitable part of black womanhood, we deserve day-to-day lives of ease.

We deserve partners who are invested in our comfort and joy.

We deserve communities that support our wholeness.

The soft life isn't selfish.

It's sustainable.

It's not indulgent.

It's essential For too long, black women have carried everyone else's burdens while neglecting our own needs.

The soft life movement is about rectifying that imbalance.

So I encourage you to ask yourself, what would a soft life look like for me?

what small steps can I take today toward more ease and intentionality?

What does luxury and love mean to me specifically?

and most importantly, how can I begin to practice the radical act of believing I deserve these things, not as distant aspirations, but as my birthright.

And that's all for today.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the soft life and what it means to you.

What books have given you a soft life vibe?

Drop a comment or DME on Instagram at becoming Octavia with your favorites.

Next episode, I'm gonna dive into another interesting question.

Should black women date outside their quote unquote type to find love?

Make sure you subscribe so you don't miss it.

Until next time, remember, choosing softness isn't a weakness, it's wisdom.