Born and enough to still water all over well because you're like, actually.

Like I don't know why it's not turning off, it's not turning Okay, here we go.

Oh my god, that actually we can make it felt.

Like when I went to my bloody Valentine concert and there was actually at least four separate occasions where I thought I was.

Going to have a stroke.

Also, are we recording.

Kai, Yeah, let me make sure it's some focus.

Do paparazzi?

I don't know, but like you, getting access to this was the worst, the worst thing to ever fucking like you're the last person who needs the access.

To this on your fucking phone.

Also, welcome to this episode of Emerging thee enter Calm.

Because of last week's issues, we really sat down.

Actually, no, we now we can get into it.

We can, we can get it.

Guys.

We were fucking scammed crazy No, Shade won't name names of anybody in the in so they can't come for us.

But we were scammed.

Me, so they can't come for us.

When they came into our home and destroyed a room and they paid them to.

Do it, they oh god, it it really frustrates me in.

A way that its way more mad than it makes me.

Okay, you're gonna have to like something, You're gonna have to give with the light.

I'm turning it back on.

I'm just making it solid.

This reminds me of the hospital.

Yeah, oh my god, I set my first nudes in a hospital.

My little cousin was being born.

I met up with my first grinder day in a hospital.

No, that can't be true.

Yeah, he was a patient in the bed.

I'm being dead serious.

What.

Yeah, I was there for my what's her name, I can't say her name, my babysitters, kidney stones.

I felt really bad for her.

Bitch got on grinder found.

Man, How did I not ever know about this?

I'm making this uh, the fact that this is like.

Because you've told stories where I'm like.

I like, you're pretty like for that old sign you read where it was like, imagine living in like the olden days and having to wake your horse up for some pussy, Like your horse would hate your I would have.

Hated me when I was sixteen.

My words would have hated me.

When I was sixteen.

It's crazy.

When I was sixteen, I was ungrainder.

Yeah, when I went to the hospital, Well, I guess I sent my first nude and it was just someone who I thought was gay, which I've talked about before, and it was like.

I took the.

Nude and the pie literally read in my little cousin into the world, and then went into the bathroom and lifted my shirt, like took my shirt off and like took my boobs out.

You were trying to do skin this game meat.

The meat.

Cut down my ball.

A lot of stuff has changed a lot of stuff.

Oh yeah, okay, So basically what happened was we hired this crew of people to come in and make our podcast studio a home.

We wanted to be able to come in here, exist in it, love in it.

We were like, okay, it gets to a point where we've been doing this now for four years and every space we have is the worst space on the planet for this in terms of vibe, like.

Worst in terms of the kitchen was a vibe.

Actually, I'll give us the kitchen, but the kitchen to point where Audio.

Having to move that table, that five hundred pound table every fucking day.

No, So we sort of shout out to us PhNO making a joke when you said that she missed the kitchen.

Oh yeah, we're growing, we're learning every day.

You just made the joke, though, No, he was.

He was pointing out that we didn't make the joke.

Get celebrated, but.

You didn't even let us get past it and let it sit and be like you were remembering it.

That's like the joke was so prominent and you had to use all of your self controlled not to make the joke belong in the kitchen.

Nice.

I'm just saying, what's the point of like being a feminist if you're not getting congratulated for it constantly?

No, exactly, I wish would be celebrated.

Yeah, yeah, Flowers, he's not dead yet.

I saw someone say.

I saw someone say, the new performative mail isn't claro anymore.

It's carrying around a bouquet of carrots with the grass on the end and a begette.

Yes.

No, the new performative is any man with access to the Internet, like you just shouldn't fucking be on.

There, like, oh dude, oh my god, ew the idea.

It's actually kind of fucked up.

I think I do just navigate relationships and my life as a man because of my like disdain for men.

But I when you think about it, the way I view men in relationships is so the way men view women and it makes me so happy.

And I will never fucking change.

Because hey, don't change, never change, be you dude.

I was talking to.

About like putting himself on camera and how he's never done that and it made him so uncomfortable.

Blah blah blah.

I'm not kidding a mass spreading.

Like literally I hear that.

I'm like a man who literally has like no desire to ever be caught on camera.

Wow, a movie, rare breed, Why the fuck are you going to the perform Like going to the performative contest is performing, which I guess, yeah, like the whole thing is.

It's the point, but like, oh, it literally freaks me out because like it's too real, do you know what I mean?

It's like this is funny, but a lot of you guys are just straight guys who actually you know too much information?

Like and all women really want is to be seen and to be understood.

No, all women want is meant to use the patriarchy to their advantage and make more money than me and take me fucking outside, bitch.

No, literally, fly me around in a jet.

Challenge, like, oh my god, all all of the like, oh my gosh, no, I'm so for Like.

Wait, guys, I'm a popular learner.

I'm a popular learner.

Oh I thought you said you're a popular learner and I was.

Like, what no, I did?

I did miss?

Like you only learn things when it's popular.

Is that that's actually real?

Though?

I do feel like that's real.

That is like actually a thing.

Yeah it is.

Where are people anyway?

You guys got fucked over with the studio?

Is that not major?

We did get fucked over with the studio.

They came in.

We told them drilling those fucking walls because we're renting this space.

We said, we don't give a fuck.

Drill into the walls, cause damage.

We'll eat it later or get it repainted.

We don't give a fuck, Like make it look professional and nice.

Well, the day they came and installed this shit, bitch, y'all, they put up literal foam panels.

Guys, if you knew how much we paid these dudes to do this, you would be appalled by the work that was given to us.

Y'all.

They put these these phone panels up, and as they were leaving the house, they were like, oh, by the way, some of them might fall off the wall, just like put them back up, just like stick them back up on the wall, y'all.

One had already fallen and they hadn't even left yet.

No, a budget that were drooping off the wall already, Like no, it was crazy.

It was to me.

The most upsetting part was the fact that, like you could see peaks of the wall, they didn't do it like nice.

It genuinely felt like if I took.

If I took two milligrams of a violance, two and if you're not privy, two is not enough to get me from here to fucking Pasadena.

Like it's not that's not fucking it's not working, it's not doing its job.

I could have taken two milligrams, stood outside, smoked the fucking blunt.

How to Margarita came in here and done a fire job compared to what the fuck happens?

Well, I leave, I leave for two days and then I come back and I'm not joking, I'm we should.

Now you get to explain why you cried.

Yeah, so that like that kind of why that's where it all like, Yeah, the floodcates verse for Drew I.

Get home and like, I come back in the studio because I was like, you know what it's like?

No, that bad, and I want to see what like is going on.

Legitimately, forty percent of the panels had fallen off the wall in two fucking days, and like, I just I literally, do you.

Have an episode with them on the ground and frame.

No.

I did a good job at coming in here and pushing them all back there, because every single time we recorded, I had to push panels into the walls.

But I'll show We'll insert the video horrifying.

And if you remember that picture of me like sobbing a few episodes ago, it's because I'm just tired of getting taken advantage of.

I'm tired of getting scammed.

I trust too easily, give myself away too much.

I like, I can't, I cannot keep doing that to myself because that was fucking ridiculous.

Well, there is just something in well, okay, a few things.

One.

I feel like I was so chill about it because my whole life is literally like, oh, you want.

To do what to me?

Okay?

What like like I'm just like, go ahead, I'm used to that.

Also, I think I just found it so funny because like literally the confidence these dudes had was like they were I just can't believe it, but yeah, it was awesome.

And then when they took when we had the.

The tiles removed, it literally destroyed the wall.

Like you can see that one of.

The walls used to be green like this guy's, which is actually really eerie.

Why was ever, like a minute it was brown.

This whole room was brown, which is like, this is a tiny room.

That would be so suffocating.

But guys, the reason they didn't do what we have now was because they were like renter friendly option, y'all.

We took those panels off and ironically caused one thousand dollars in damage that yeah, we had to pay out of pocket to get fixed because they had to sand the walls all the way down and then re fucking paint them faster them like it was.

Oh, it was horrible.

It was last week.

Came in here and did it.

Though he did not play.

I wish I met that dude.

I would like to shake his hand.

He was.

He was really sick.

He did the damn thing.

He got contacted literally the night before and was like, yeah, I'll be there in the morning.

Yep.

And then the the people we hired to do this stuff now absolutely fucking killed it, got it done in eight minutes, like came and measured, which I feel like should have been like a thing from the start.

But I was so blown away that they came in here before measure something.

That's I think that's almost why I can't be mad, because I look back at when things like that happen, I'm like, yeah, you just came in at the perfect storm of like we were already dealing with a million things.

You pulled up, you were so fucking confident and about it, and.

You got us.

I'm like, I'm like, I almost am like, you know what, fucking kudos, But you won't get me again, bitch.

And you're lucky I didn't fucking see you again, because I would slap the fuck out of you.

Because I don't treat my manager like that.

Like that's that's the craziest.

YABO dude had with us, bitch, suck my dick and balls from the back after I run a mile, so it's all fucking stinky and sweaty up in there, like fuck.

You, no, dude, it's But even in that regard, I'm like damn dude, true scammers, Like we're kind of running out of that if you think about it.

Like now, I was saying to someone the other day, I can give props to somebody who's doing scamming in my face now, which is crazy, but like, I don't know, I've just I've always had a respect for scammers though, But that's also because like I wouldn't have had like a camera for YouTube without boosters and scammers.

So I really do, like I genuinely, and I'm not even kidding.

I think that's like such a necessary part of.

Like of the world.

But scamming has gotten way too fucking easy because you dumb bitches can do it from your fucking type.

The type of scamming I like now is the one where it's like a seventeen year old white kid makes a masterclass course on how to make money and then scams a bunch of other fourteen, fifteen and sixteen year old rich white kids into giving them three thousand dollars, which I'm like, okay, yeah, scam them, please, but like, don't scam my grandma, Like, please don't scam my grandma.

Well yeah, yeah, duh.

Scamming is like overall bad.

But I don't know, I like, I really do have a respect because to me, like to be a scammer, you have to be just like you have to have a sort of motivation that like is just being misplaced.

And I genuinely think a lot of scammers turn into great entrepreneurs because.

Like all you need is like sign the fucked up deal.

I just need the platform.

Like that's like how I view certain scammers.

To me, I don't respect the motherfuckers who did this to us because in my head, I'm like, once you're in this playing field of making that amount of money, that's when your fucking ego and pride should kick in and.

Be like whoa again, See, that's when it's.

Like should shift and be like if I do this right, I get to use this as like a building block.

But to me, it's also proof that that is a malfunction of white DNA.

But that's a whole other conversation.

Also partially not Kay's fault that the camera went out of focus last episode.

The camera that they got us is potentially the worst worst fucking piece of shit I've ever used in my life.

It's it's impressive how fucking.

Terrible that it was on auto focus.

Yeah, it's it's impressive how bad it is.

And like I see Kaid neurotically checking it now and it's like he felt so bad.

But like, honestly, it was fierce there I said it the.

Blurry, Yeah, it was fucking awesome, Mitch, I didn't have my glasses.

Oh my god, on crossers.

Seriously, I'm actually fried.

Like it's no, you're literally frying, where were they?

In my face?

You're literally like Eve, you.

Know how you make fun of me for looking in the refrigerator and I can't.

Find my glasses to see, so back up.

But no, and yet every time I go to the refrigerator, I'm like, where's the QP mayo?

Every single time I put it in the exact same place and I can't find it.

Ins of white DNA, and now we're getting into malfunction of male DNA, which is literally it's like that girl.

There's this woman on TikTok who she talks we.

Talk about malfunctions of female female DNA.

I can't think of one personally.

Yeah, honestly, there, okay, I can think of a few.

Bitches are crazy.

My bitch, go loco go loco aribaba.

Oh my god, y'all, I seriously need to start talking to my mom on the phone more often.

How does my hair look without the hat?

Should I put it back on?

Should I put it?

Yeah?

Hey, you look like a straight character from Pokemon right now.

Oh.

I didn't even realize the said gay guy on it.

It just felt like.

You know when certain people have nameplates and you know them so well, so you get the nameplate you don't even read it, like if you would know a stranger for you with the hat.

I'm just confused why the church app would have gay guy on the front.

I thought the church hits.

They're like rebranding the church.

The church is losing followers right now, so they're going through a rebrand.

Since we're talking about gay in church, I think we really need to talk about the twink server worker at Chick fil a pipeline.

If you every single like, okay, every gay guy is not a flight attendant, but every male flight attendant is a gay guy.

It's like every single worker at Chick fil A is probably gay if you're a man.

Yeah, I will say most all, yeah, most of the guys I in track with there are little gay guys.

And if you're a Chick fil A worker, respect like you're hustling and getting your.

Money, but you're taking the system from the inside of Yeah, you're you're stealing from the corp.

I mean, like, where else are you gonna work?

There's kind of like what corporation doesn't employ gay people?

And then they're like, no, you.

Need to go to Chick fil A, Guys, I have homework.

Go to Chick fil A, go inside and order a meal.

And if the server that's taking your order is a man, he's gay.

And like, I'm telling.

You, how is that homework?

So like I'm just saying, go see for yourself.

But don't know, don't.

Don't order, just don't just go into the get to the front of the line and just like like start in order and be like yeah, actually, never.

Mind, figure out a way to dine and dash from.

I could figure that out.

Wait was it you saying that you could steal You used to steal Starbucks?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a really good one.

That was fierce.

Yeah.

I would steal makeup is my thing.

I would steal percosets out of my friends parents, medicine cabinets.

That is insane.

I remember watching you for You and I was like, uh uh, who's fucking nasty?

Badass kids?

Do that?

Whole time I lived.

With Yeah, the whole time.

Did you ever like look at my stuff?

If I've been in your house, I've looked at your stuff.

No, in my bathroom, Like do you ever go in my bathroom in my medicine cabinet?

No, I genuinely don't.

Ironically, I respect her privacy, and if I do start going through it, I feel lucky and stop.

I don't that, But if I.

Do, I feel really guilty.

Because I am over exaggerating, Like if I respect you, I won't go through your ship, like I haven't gone through your ship, Kai, let's go, And I hadn't gone through.

Which I was like, again, I really am.

But even before old Weed, I smoke, I've always just been a bit fried where I couldn't give a fuck to look through.

Like does that make sense?

It's more just like that doesn't cross.

I'm like, I mean I'll look at tax returns.

I guess.

I'm also just not living in my body.

When I enter spaces, I'm literally a ghost.

And why is it a felony for me to open mail that isn't mine, Like wait, Like.

I've always wondered that it was kind of a.

Big because what if I was getting like tax information, social security?

Like any fanie, you should be as fuck are.

You in my house touching my ship?

Like actually, it should be a felony if you come to my house and annoy the fuck out.

Of me like this should it should be a miss the Waner elliot.

Should we talk about the worst fifteen minutes of my life that happened this week?

You were involved?

Okay?

Yeah, what happened?

Okay, so yeah it was horrible.

It was more like three minutes I lied, No, last twelve minutes of crying.

No, we I had like a really bad day, or I had like a decent day.

But I think I was just like burnt out because I was just like tending to this set build for like twelve hours a day, three days in a row, and it felt like everything that could go wrong with going wrong.

Like we were getting revealed our like new sound panels, and we walked into the kitchen and our refrigerators just spraying water everywhere, and it's like it's like, girl, like we have a happy moment.

It was like oh, finally after so much stress, and then you go in and you just hear like.

Yeah.

One of the workers were like, hey, by the way, your kitchen's flooded, and I was like, oh my god, here we go, Here we fucking go.

But yeah, I was just having like a really rough night, and I convinced Josh and ya.

I was like, let's go to like Kava because I really I'm really into Kava right now.

So when he guys convince, what he means is he kind of like.

Threw a little like like I'm going to kill myself with me.

He was like, no, final go alone.

But I am in the kind of mood that like I'll think about killing myself the whole time, and.

I might do it this time.

Might I might actually do it?

But no, the way I was feeling like, I was genuinely like I.

Was, yeah, I believe you.

I just like felt bad because I've been so chill.

So I'm like, oh, but it's because you're like dead sober all the time.

So it's like when that stuff happens and trustes me out, I'm like, wow, this is a blunt.

I don't I want to smoke a blarant So I convinced Indian Josh to go to Cavo with me, which earlier that day I had been tried someone tried to convince me that cava was bad, which like I did read the article and it is like really dirty.

And someone found a live, a living frog in their kava, which is like crazy, Like how does that happen?

I found uh my burger from Wendy's in like two thousand and seven, and guess what we kept eating fucking Wendy.

Yeah no, Wendy's nuts drag across your face.

But isn't it crazy?

If I had a phone back then I would have taken a picture like I was fully like I was fully cognitive.

You have tweeted it.

Oh bitch, I that would have went everywhere, like oh, you would have made it vich dot com.

You would have been trending number one.

Yeah, I'm getting fucking like No, I would have gone interviewed by the local news like that was the type of time, Like that was happening in two thousand.

You would have been.

Girl survives flying.

Eating a fly.

But basically I convinced Anya to take me to Kaba, but I was the one driving because Enya was blind.

We go I get my cava.

Then I'm like, you know what, I want to Coca Cola Freestyle machine soda.

So I go to the movies.

Don't buy a ticket to a movie, and I just walk in and get a fucking or what was it, mister pib.

I get a mister Pip with vanilla and cherry.

No, I get a vanilla cherry mister pip.

It's good every time.

And then I got ya a soda as well.

And then oh my god, I was back at the scene of the crime with more.

Didn't I fung in my hand?

Well, yeah, they wouldn't let me.

They wouldn't let me bring my cava in.

I was like, bitch, I'm not even going to a fucking movie.

And they were the theater.

Yes, yeah, they like And I was like, girl, fuck you.

As I'm walking by, I see someone take a kava bag out of a La Boo Boo PopMart bag like they like pull it out, and I'm like, okay, like this is literally like this isoops.

You make us jump through for fucking what?

Like what type of food is covered?

It's like bowls of.

Bush, yeah, basically, but it's so yummy, like all the sauces like, and I eat it and I don't get like diabolically tired.

So I'm like, this is my new this is my new thing.

I'm gonna eat it every single day of my life for the rest of my life.

It was really bad for you.

Yeah, but and you need to stop at the weed store.

Always.

Always it's if we're out, it's we need to stop at the weed store.

So we stop at the weed store and then I pull into a handicap spot and then I get guilty, and I'm like, what if someone handicap actually needs a spot?

So I drive like three parking spaces up and we text in you and we're like, hey, we like pulled three parking spaces up, like just turn to the left and walk over there.

And you didn't have her phone.

So she sat like in front of the store sobbing because she thought we were pranking.

Okay, okay, okay, no, no, no, because that's like that makes it seem like I immediately started crying.

Mind you, I had it had my glasses for like a week at this point, and this was like kind of like the day where I was like, tomorrow, this must be solved.

Because the next day I went and I got contacts, especially after this.

Experiment experience, because I was like, this is too much, this is too much.

But I was like already kind of had a headache, like we were having a good time.

But I was like, oh my god, I can't wait to literally.

Go home, crack open this fucking uncle Ernie's, kick my feet up, and have my DNTI fung like that's gonna be such a vibe.

And I didn't bring my phone into the dispensary.

All I had was my.

ID and my debit card on me, and I didn't bring my phone or my wallet, so and I can't see.

So I go in get my stuff and I come back out and I go to the spot Drew's at and he's not there, and I was like, uh.

At first, I was like, okay, he.

Definitely moved because it was a handicap spot, like that did cross my mind.

But I like look up and down the street, and I'm like, oh fuck, I actually really can't tell, Like I can't see.

What cars are what.

So then I saw a car that kind of looked like mine, at least to me.

What that means is I saw a car with.

Newer led like headlights that was like to the right or whatever.

Like I just saw a car.

I went up to it, and as I got closer, I was like, that is not my car.

So I like got kind of close to this car.

Salt was that the right car.

I was like, Okay, actually, I'm just gonna go stand back in that spot because like maybe they loop back around.

And then I like went back and I'm standing there, and also it's been so hot in LA and I'm like, I'm already naturally very sweaty.

When I start to get like anxious or just I sweat really easily, which I think is just now, Like I have to live with that because of my prozac.

So it's either I kill myself or I sweat for the rest of my life.

I think sweating's worth it.

Is it though?

Like is it?

But I was standing there and I just couldn't see anything, and I was getting so uncomfortable because I was like, wait, I wonder if they're trolling.

And there was this I didn't explain this to you.

There was a seven eleven across the.

Street, and I was like, I wonder if he like went to seven eleven to get snacks or something.

And I was just standing there and I had no phone, no anything, and I was just like, I put the bag on the floor, and I was just standing there for maybe like seven minutes had passed, and then I started tearing up and kind of having a panic attack because I was like, fuck, dude, I don't have my phone or my Clanwhile, me.

And Josh are in the car like having one of the greatest conversations we've ever had, and we're like, damn, it's taken in a long ass time to get this weed.

And then we're like I realized, I'm like, oh my god, Enya's music is still playing off her phone.

She left her fucking phone, and I know she's freaking out.

So I get out and I walk up to you, and you immediately start like sobbing, and like I would have been scared too, well said.

Because this one guy in a nasty ass fucking hat who I couldn't really like.

That was the other thing is because I don't want my glasses, bitch, I can't even see your fucking face like that pisses me off.

But this guy kept walking back.

He walked back and forth three times, which that was making me uncomfortable, and then only men were walking past me, and I was like, ah, like fuck, and I was just literally panicking, like I was just about to have a panic attack.

And then I saw Drew, and then I was like, oh my god, I can release and cry because people were walking by and like also dead staring at me, which I guess, yeah, because it's twenty twenty.

Five sexy girl.

I don't think I was serving sexy.

I was like, you were, you always give sex.

I don't know.

I think I looked panicked, like I cause I'm like standing here like obviously uncomfortable, and like also starting to sweat profusely because I'm like having a panic attack.

And then I saw Drew, and then I ignored Drew and like walked really fast to the car because I was starting to cry.

And we had to walk past a restaurant, and I was like, I can't believe these people were walking past.

Are gonna think like me and my boyfriend are in a fight right now?

Yeah?

No, I really did give that.

But then we get home, everything starts cooling down, everything's chilling out.

We're sitting on the floor of my room.

I'm eating my cava, Ya's eating her dent typhoon Josh is eating her his chicken strips.

We're drinking our SODA's it low key turns into the best night of my life because we start watching Freaky Friday.

Like it turns into like literally such a special moment for me.

Well, Enya does this thing when she sits on the floor of my room or anywhere in my room actually, where she gets a Topo Chico, takes two SIPs of it and then sets it in the middle of the floor.

I think she's kicked over and she did it last night.

She kicks over her topo Chiesa has one of us.

He has no fucking coasters in his room, all this fucking wood furniture that he's so scared of fucking up because his bum ass fucked up already.

So now you're like, you're like, hi with the camera right now, hella focus?

Oh yeah, because I'm like, these are my babies, these are my children, these are my children.

Life is meant to have stains.

Like your drawers green.

This charge it's like a due by chouck it in there.

Yeah, like all the hairs, Oh wait, all of the hairs are the little like crunchy bits and then the discharge is the falling out like baby, but we uh are just having a key and you kicks her soda over every single night.

Sorry, I'm getting my groundings back where I am in the story.

Oh so we're sitting there, my phone starts blowing up like and I'm like, girl, what the fuck is happening?

And I charge it on the other side of the room, So I like get up and go check my phone.

Enya has her Topo Chico in the middle of the floor, so as I get up, I kicked the Topo Chico over and it just happens to land directly on my Apple TV remote.

The Apple TV remote didn't get wet, and it did posit.

TV and it like flipped through the channels.

It like put it on some like creepy fucking like murdered dog that was like weird, like look he was telling us something.

Well, no, it was really creepy because it was right when the like the switch was happening in Freaky Friday, and we like, literally Earth was happening, like our world was also like falling, Yeah it was.

And then by the time we got back to cleaning up, we sat back down and it was like this weird scene in a bedroom and like this white lady like.

In the cover.

They're like, wait, I don't remember this se We.

Were like, why is Jamie and Beth?

Yeah?

What the fuck happened?

So I run over to my phone kick over the Topo Chico on the Apple TV remote.

Enya stands up with one of her chocolate bow buns from uh Din Typhoon and drips chocolate onto my brand new, brand spanking new, vintage nineteen sixties fucking mid century modern chair that I got that I'm so proud of, absolutely stained the fabric on it, tobochiko spilling on it.

Later, I like at them, they don't even give.

A But then so she stains that Apple TV remote is soaking in Topo Chico.

Then five minutes.

Late, who kicked the ship over?

Mind you?

Who put it in the middle of my fucking floor?

Who doesn't have coasters in their room?

So I'm not allowed with the amount of times I'm going to put something on?

Oh but if I don't sleep in his room.

I get yelled at.

I yelled at, I get punished.

I scream at her, No, it's actually bad.

I have to change my sheets because my sister comes into town.

Can Sophia just sleep in.

Bed with us.

Yeah, of course I'll sleep in the middle.

No, I'm sleeping in the middle next to my two baddies.

It's too hot for that.

Actually, actually me and your sister are going to be the only one sleeping in my bed.

I'm not even kidding.

I was thinking about that.

I was like, oh, because she has to sleep in that bad everyone's got to take it.

It's it's literally like it's you gotta take a spin.

Take it for a spin.

But as that's all going on, my phone is blowing up.

The Tabo Chico's covered, the chocolate's covered.

Bitch fucking a Zole just projectile vomit all over my white duvet cover, and I'm just like, oh, like literally everything is going wrong, Like literally everything.

Bad is the tiniest little spit up here.

He's got shaken up, I think all the commotion.

Also, literally two days ago, Azul was sitting in bed next to me.

He starts throwing up, so I show him off the bed.

He throws up on the carpet.

He gets back up into my fucking bed and throws up in the exact same fucking spot.

Also, to be clear, I've taken a zol to the doctor for throwing up.

He just he's fine, Yeah, he just eats too fast.

He eats too.

Fast, and I think he's too anxious, so he just gets literally like.

Guys, I have every right could be upset that Enya's cat throws up in my bed twice a week, right, and when I tried to lock him out, the asshole.

And I try to lock him out and Enya gets mad at me.

He's like, oh, come on, he's shaved.

He shaved.

Fucking mean to him, Like, that's our child, bro, Like, don't be.

Rude to him.

I just like, don't want cats.

When you have children, they will upset you.

They will annoy you, and you will have to accept them as they are.

And I am just training you for that.

I'm kicking out my child.

If he comes out as gay, that's not cool.

I don't want him having you.

Don't want him to take your spot.

It's like no kids by then, it won't be as rare too, so that.

Everyone's gonna be gay.

By the time we all have kids, it'll be more rare to have a straight kid, so it'll be like oof the kid on the cover of the street what's it called.

Gay straight boo boo.

That's what they're trying to make us think.

That's what they want us to think.

Mmm mmmmmmm that's what their brainwashing is into.

Oh my god, I've been watching this thing called Dancing with the Devil and it's a.

TikTok cult thing.

Oh yeah, I have so many thoughts.

Like literally yesterday was I was sitting at home alone cracking the fuck up.

Not because there's anything funny about getting your life stolen by somebody like that.

But cram.

But like I just can't believe religious Like I can't believe what religion can do to people like and it only makes me laugh because I just don't understand because I I.

Was the most genius scam of all time organized religion.

Religion.

No, it's insane and it's.

Have your spirituality but organized religion.

I raise my eyebrow at you.

But that's what I'm saying is like I would consider myself like a spiritual like kind of religious person, like I do in a lot of ways.

Like I don't know, maybe it's I've just like.

Was born with a natural degaff that I'm just extremely indifferent in terms of heaven or hell, like somebody threatening me with how threatening me with the idea of going to Helle not even that.

But I'm like, I don't know what the fuck that is, Bitch, I haven't been there, like all for all line, you haven't been there.

I haven't been there.

Like okay, all of the best entertainers are gonna be there.

Might be an amazing time.

Oh my god, Giffen, I'm gonna tell you fu.

Yeah.

Oh this is me and and you have been doing this.

Yeah, that's my ship right there.

If something's like good, or you like something or you want something, or like you're having a good time, it's that's right there.

Also, it's just like I'm riding that wave.

And it comes from the girl that is, like, am I the only girl that doesn't like punkin Spice Latte?

Is Like, give me a caramel frappuccino with sprinkles in it, that's my ship.

Rate give me a.

Double chocolate chip prappuccino.

Mmmm, that's my ship right there.

God.

I love her.

She's someone that I hold very close to my heart punkin Spice Latte in the real world.

When she lost her mom, it was really genuinely devastating for me.

Like I felt so bad, But she also processed it in such an advanced way, and I don't even think she realizes how advanced like her guilt processing was.

I was like, yeah, yeah, I was like, wow, you're like final boss.

Human grief is so nasty because it literally is.

Some people are meant to handle it and some people aren't, and like no one, no one can handle it, not a single person on this god for saken Earth can handle it.

When my brother died, I didn't give a fuck.

I literally didn't care.

That's so true.

Yeah, you went to Fire Island right after.

I know, and then I hit Provincetown next.

Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

And I was fucking under that bridge or whatever, the pier, the creepy pier.

Yeah, it's party was fun.

What did I had?

Oh?

I had to.

I shaved off my mustache for that funeral for.

Somebody you did?

You were really hell bent, which I think is nice.

It's like, I think I just needed something to like focus on, like hyperfix it on, so I didn't think about my dead brother.

I don't know.

I got my nails done for my mom's femal.

Did you leave the were they short?

The two nails.

Were they lesbian nails?

I would never like and to each their own, but that's not really my like, that's not.

That's wait we have the how do we do?

That's not my ship?

Right?

Yeah?

Oh Bobby and weaving that like Bobby and weaving.

That like next, next, because I'm just like, I'm not going to say that.

No, grieving is so fucking weird.

It is.

It is so fucking weird because it happened to you last night and it happened to me like a week ago.

Like you'll see something and like my knew jerk thought is like, oh my god, I need to call Sam and tell him about this, and then like I just completely forget that he's like dead is dust?

Like literally, I mean he's literally dust.

And Ann I mean, yeah, we need to do the earn bit, Like now that we're in here, we really have to do it.

Where was I?

Oh I was going to do that same bit with my hair yesterday or two days ago.

I got a haircut, which is always awful for me because I feel like they steal my hair.

He's not paying them to do it, Like, so why are you taking my hair away from me?

Give it back?

Give it back, but I like.

Literally almost slipped on my own hair walking out, and I looked down at it and I was like, what would anyone do if I caught down to my own like split ends?

And I was like, well, remember that one haircut guy that had a crush on me and like swept my hair into a heart?

Know I was he literally molested me, No shade, Like he literally like started like a autoerotic asphyxiation.

You start calling him for what it is.

Some of you bitches are molesting people casually and like, back up, back, back up, because you're not shooting your shot.

You're literally like you're touching me.

You're touching me.

It's scaring me.

It's scaring me.

Well, guys, now, literally, why are you touching me?

Two days ago, Saturday.

Saturday, Saturday, Sunday Saturday, I woke up like not like I woke up like in such a good mood, but for some reason, I was just like so emotional, Like I like literally was scrolling on Instagram reels.

Guy of your Day was weird.

I was scrolling on Instagram reels and yeah, you.

Mimic holding your phone.

You hold it like this like it's like water.

Yeah, it's a water droplet.

I was scrolling on Instagram reels and for some reason, my feed started pushing me bird content and I think it was because I was liking them, because for the first time in my life, I kind of started respecting birds.

No exactly, and there was this side of my life.

I respect for Yeah, I used to be scared of them.

There's like this video of this, like bird courting another, like a female bird, like doing this, like the tricks in the sky made my tears, like it made me tear up, and I was like wow, like nature is beautiful.

And then I scrolled down a couple of times and then it's just like a slideshow of like the beauty you have birds and I scroll through it and I dead ass had tears fall because I was like wow, like God's creation like this kind of eats Like whoa, this is crazy.

And then I proceeded to stay on my phone for three full hours in a row, and I can show you evidence, like the entire three hours I was on Instagram scroll.

Yes, Instagram like screen time was crazy.

I woke up or I went to bed at three am, woke up at seven am, and then was on my phone the entire day and I was on my phone from midnight to three am.

Yeah, around ten thirty am he sent me a business proposal and I ignored it.

Like six manic as text about like a business we should start.

Yeah, I was like, I was like, oh, I'm going to enter like my art gallery era.

I was like, in your if I started an art gallery, you can open your coffee shop in the art gallery.

Oh that's what.

Uh.

When I first moved to La, I had that really bad depressive episode and I was convinced I was going to quit and work my way up the ladder and start being a barista at my favorite coffee shop.

So I would go and hang out there every day and like lightly became friends with everyone who worked there, and they probably just thought it was crazy.

Yeah, but it was my passion.

My screen time on Saturday was fourteen hours and twenty two minutes.

I need to like, that's bad.

I can't lie it was.

It was really bad.

And for my week it was like eleven hours I think on average, Mate, no, it was more like ten hours.

But yeah, that was a very dark day.

And mind you, I even was like social and I don't know how I was on my phone like even still granted.

I mean yesterday was pretty bad for me.

I do have like the feature on where I don't walk my phone, so it like kind of stays open.

But yeah, it's so interesting looking at the data.

I just like, I'm still caught up on the cult thing I was watching.

Y'all need to watch it.

It's so interesting.

What is Dancing with the Devil.

It's this dude who started a religious cult in like twenty ten and then ended up recruiting like these dancers from TikTok and they became huge.

He had a whole production company or management company called like seven M or some shit.

I don't know if it's still a thing.

I think there are still people in it.

And it's crazy because what he was describing was kind of like like press play like adjacent.

It's just like literally scam.

See that kind of scammer.

I don't agree with though, because I'm like, you're literally illusion Like religious scam is like oldest trick in the book, like fucking.

Don't take advantage of like children.

Yeah, don't take advantage of children and people who are like down on their luck in that way, like you're such a fucking loser.

You're supposed to be taking advantage of people who like have a surplus of money and like no intelligence or backbone, Like that's who you get to fuck with.

Ooh, someone ring the doorbell.

Oh it's the guy.

Where were we?

Where were we?

Where?

Where we?

Oh?

Yeah?

My screen time was literally fifteen hours on Saturday, which is just batshit crazy.

Well yesterday, which is pretty bad, but I was cleaning.

And it's also giving like the freaking weekend.

Years every week, and my overall screen time has been pretty bad though.

Like I've been on my phone.

Remember how like I had that era where like my screen time was like three to four hours a day because I was using that app.

Well, I figured out a way to bypass it.

And I haven't even just deleted the app off my phone.

I just like an ape like without even thinking about it, just like scroll down.

Yeah no literally, and I like turn it off when it shuts my apps down, and I'm just like, girl, fuck, you know, I'm using this app.

But like I say about Soda, when I quit Soda, my life did not change at all.

My body did not change the only thing that changed was I was sad that I wasn't drinking soda, So it actually was a net negative for me.

Same with screen time.

The only thing that changes.

I was sad that I wasn't on my phone, and I was probably doing worst shit to fill that fucking void than just scrolling mindlessly on my phone.

I love my phone.

What were you doing in the meantime?

Like, can you even remember?

No?

I literally I literally could not tell you, Like I was probably journaling or something like that's so bad for you.

I was probably talking to a therapist, like yuck.

You're probably spending time with your friends and like making memories.

Yeah.

Yeah, my screen time was really down when all of our family was coming into town.

And then it like Skywalker, it up the second I got free will.

It's like rebound relapse.

It's like it's like the ultimate form of decompression is making myself really fucking anxious and looking at my phone and getting so worked up and like weirded out by what I'm seeing on my phone that I have to go back outside and over exert myself.

So then it's like this awesome cycle that never.

Ends exactly exactly.

Oh, but there was a I have to keep going back to this cult documentary.

I haven't finished it yet, But I got to like episode three or something, and like, this is nothing to the people in it.

But there was a point where there are like arguments that are happening that like made me laugh out loud because I'm like, I'm actually just watching two sisters argue in the realist way, like what the fuck does this have to do with the cult?

Like the things y'all are beefing about is really just like some shit.

Me and my sister would be backing the things you lied about.

But it was so like just crazy because like the sister said she was gonna be there early for her like niece's birthday party, but then showed up two hours late and didn't apologize.

And they're like in this cafe yelling at each other about it in this documentary.

And I was like in my bathroom getting ready for bed, and I had like.

And then I.

Reheard what was happening, and I was standing there in my bathroom looking at my laptop and I was like, if anyone heard this, Like what does this have to do with the fucking colt?

Like I'm literally just eavesdropping.

And with that being said, I need a new season of Mormon Secret Lives.

Of more.

Yes, I fully agree.

Also, the piano tuner guy is the most gentle human being I've ever interacted with in my life.

And his aura is crazy, like he's so sweet, like he is literally so nice, and he could tell I was like dumb as fuck, and.

It was like, I mean, your outfit right now is serving super.

I literally, like five minutes into talking to him, I was like you and it says gay guy, I'm like, this is this is awesome and great, like this is really funny.

I like that the way in which we're married, it's literally, oh, what's that trend that?

It's like rules of our unspoken rules of our relationship?

What are the unspoken rules of unspoken.

Rule of our relationship is I'll get the appointment or like a handy man or something like this where it's like I'll do the like back and forth, but once that man is here to do his job, I'm not speaking to that man like like.

But unspoken rule, unspoken rule of our relationship is you leave all of your clothes on the floor of the laundry room and inside the washer and the dryer.

Unspoken rule of our relationship is you're a bitch maid and I'm a boss.

Like what the boss does, what a boss does.

Unspoken rules though, Like that's that's a really good one.

Like what's another one?

Like if I get coffee in the morning, you make the bed.

If you get coffee in the morning, I make the bed.

Well, no, you kind of just make the bed all the time because it's your bed.

So yeah, when you make the bed, I still unmake it and make it.

Like it's like neurotic about the way he makes his fucking bed.

So making his bed is kind of useless.

Because but it's the thought that counts, and I genuinely appreciate it every time.

I'm like, oh that was sweet.

Like this week, Drew got up and went and got us coffee, so I made the bed because I wake up and there's not a body next to me, I'm like, ooh.

Unspoken rule is that if we get food, we eat it on the floor of my room, no no matter what.

Now, like we just like.

The unspoken rule of our marriages, I have to sleep in Drew's bed or else.

That means like he's gonna think I'm mad at him, and it's like kind of weird and it's I.

Never once thought that.

I don't think you've ever thought that, but like that's also what I think.

I'm like, oh my god, this is weird, Like it just like it's not actually weird, but it does become like it like weirdly has to be a conversation because I'm both.

It's like I'll be like, oh, I'm not sleeping in your bed tonight and he's like aw why and I'm like, oh, I don't know, and then it's like no, and I'm like, you're right.

The main reason is it's like either I haven't slept in a bed alone in weeks or you haven't slept in a bed alone in weeks, and we're like, we need to sleep in a bed alone, Like we need to take that pony for a ride.

What's an unspoken rule of mining Kaia's relationship is if he if I'm hitting it, he can't look at me.

Yeah, it's missionary.

Yeah that's really really painful.

Oh my god.

Unspoken rule of our relationship is if we go out, whoever drives out of the house has to drive back.

Oh literally, and whoever drives the other person pays for parking.

Yeah.

Simple, but that's just like common courtesy that shouldn't be how it is.

Remember when you up and you had a spider in your hair.

Oh yeah, there was a spider in my bonnet.

I woke up and I left with the spider in her hair overnight in her bonnet, and you know that that spider thought it hit the fucking lottery too.

It was like, damn, this is like this is nice, Like it's warm in.

Here, like I'm limited by chocolate.

Yeah, no, literally, it's like warm in here, Like this is like I can make webs in this fucking rat nest, like this is lit.

And then he woke up in the morning and just got ripped to fucking shrill.

Oh what's worse is he definitely he was like still having the night of his life because I when I sleep in Drew's bed, I like have my bonnet on and it always comes off, but I like will put it on.

I'll put my head under He has two pillows.

I'll put my head on the first pillow and then the other pillow.

I like kind of have like up there and at some point it will fall on my head and then just by natural, like I don't know, like I'll just end up getting my head up and my bonnet gets left behind, so it was left in the bonnet and then I got I woke up.

I was like, oh, that's so annoying, and I wanted to like maybe go back to sleep.

So I like lifted the pillow.

And grabbed it, and like it flew out onto my lap and it was still kind of moving, and then I beat the funk out of it.

It was a daddy long leg too.

Daddy, Hey, daddy, Daddy, daddy, daddy.

The lives have gone too far.

Literally, like there's the gay Spider, the Daddy Spider.

Y'all know that one song that you've heard on the internet for the last like seven years that it's like, y'all know that song?

No, yes, you do?

The last melody kind of unlocked something, but I still don't know, Wait what that part I do?

But I still don't know.

Dude, Oh yeah, of course.

And then they get low and then they go into the whole thing right here.

How many times does that sound been used?

I feel like it's.

Like, at least it's literally like what was soundscape three thousand or whatever from YouTube?

Soundscape zero zero?

Yeah, that's that the modern version of that.

What were you gonna say about that.

I just wanted to sing it, Honestly, I wanted to see if y'all could guess it from you singing it.

But now that you heard me sing it and then you heard the song, you know what I was doing.

Well.

That's like when they like play the Laurel Ye anything whichever, when you read.

First green needle, brainstorm, green needle green a rainstorm, Yanny, Yanny, Laurel, Laurel Yanny.

Hey, my name is Carmen Winstead.

I literally can't wait till you're like geriatric in dementia.

Dude, I'm gonna have dementia early.

Oh yeah, we know.

Get on the Olympic now.

Ozempic undoes it?

Yeah, I gotta get back on the wagon that I fell off the ozempic.

We can tell it's.

Catching back up.

I can't believe, like, one, how many people are actually on ozempic and two, how many people are bullying people who obviously got off of ozempic because they were bullied into a position where Ozmpic felt like the only option, but then they got yelled at for being too skinny and being on ozmpic, and then they got off ozembic.

It's projection and insecurity.

Do it for yourself, babe.

Oh a lot of y'all just need to like tap into my sims or something, or like.

Yeah, y'all need to y'all need to like literally start.

Dude.

Hobbies are just dead.

That's why how we've gotten here.

And I've been saying it.

Like I have a hobby.

Every meal, shut the fuck up every meal.

No, No, I'm not.

I'm not kidding, Hi, do not.

I write down all the calories, all the macronutrients, and then I.

Weigh all my thing, eating disorder.

It's a hobby.

I'm a man, It's a hobby.

It's so sad that men got that hobby so late.

I know, we were pretty late to that one.

Yeah, it's so annoying because like now it feels like hearing men talk about eating disorders and like beauty standards now feels like when a woman is twenty two and meets a guy who's the same age who just did mushrooms and is like, dude, the world is like so like alive.

Like it feels like that same reaction of like yeah, like oh, this would have been a fun conversation if I was like thirteen again, like but now, like we're not finding anything new.

I just have to sit there and.

Be like what johnno Amyan made in Japan?

The YouTuber No look her up, you know her, but that that she stayed in her lane.

She minded her fucking business.

She stood on business, and she is still to this day creating some of the greatest content the ever the Internet's ever seen.

She is a special human being and we must protect her.

And I need to see fancams of her because she didn't know Emmy e m m Y made in Japan.

I think she changed her name to Emmy made.

Our WiFi sucks.

Oh yeah, No, she's she's no, she's fierce, like she's fierce as fuck like her.

I rediscovered her last night on the Raindrop No, she's fine ship, She's fine shit for real and like she made the rain Drop cake and that was like probably one of the first videos I saw of hers.

And I looked it up again last night and I was like, Wow, she like really did her things?

You just go did She's like, what's her nuts?

Before like mister Beast became like her target.

Oh yeah, Like and you know what, she was doing the work because we were like mister Beast's evil mister beasts evil.

She said, mister beasts evil, boom evil.

Al my yeah, me, oh my gosh, no one who was FK?

So she was saying, where's the thinkers?

Where's the thinkers?

Right here right there?

Where are the new thinkers?

Bro?

If people knew what I was thinking all the time, I actually know no.

One, guys.

The last thing I want to bring up, the last thing that I'll say because it's boring, and I wait till the end of the episode every single episode to talk about basketball.

But I finally got to see Tyrane Stokes play in person.

He's the number one ranked high school basketball recruit.

And it was a very special night and we made eye contact like three times.

Oh my gosh, wait you know that?

Yeah, John Morant that was cool.

And King Ship that was actually sick.

But I said, I would.

Say, it's kind of one of the guys where I hang out with guys and you are like, I'm like, guys are always like, dude, She's so cool.

She's one of the boys.

She's like, drink beer.

She'll drink beer with me.

She'll drink beer and talk down on women.

You want to fuck your homeboy, you're gay.

And show nudes.

I think I'm going to get into an unsolicited nude sending.

Yeah, a couple of years ago.

That if somebody, if somebody posts the proof boom small claims court, why are you posting my nudes?

That's like a Nathan for Nathan Fielder a bit.

Yeah, but Tyranne Stokes, he's cool and he's actually good at basketball, and it was really crazy seeing how much better he.

Was to a basketball game to get drunk.

That just seems like a good place.

Let's go to the MAVs.

Let's go to the MAVs Lakers game in l A and you blackout probably before I mean probably like November or something like.

No, I I only do.

I only want to get drunk like that.

I think in the summer.

By the time fall time comes it really I think I play Silent Hill every winter and fall because there's no other way to describe exactly how my brain starts to feel.

So then drinking isn't as much fun because I get really sad.

Yeah, I get all melancholy.

Drink with my day.

I found out my drink of choice and for the first time I remember, I was like, oh, I think I could be an alcoholic like I think I think I could unlock it, like this is really special and really all I have to do is.

The way I wish I recorded you in the car because you did.

Oh yeah.

We left a meeting with our agents and Drew had.

Two vodka martinis extra fucking stinky and dirty, and then after that I had a latte.

Bitch.

I was euphoric, like I haven't felt that good in so long, and I realized, like, oh, it's because the alcohol is doing what it does for other people for me right now.

And then I replicated it with two Express of martinis at Lucky Strike, and I felt just as good.

But every single time I do that, though too martinis and some coffee, my stomach hurts the worst it's ever hurt in my entire life.

As I'm trying to polosiz, I literally saw a TikTok like that.

Oh fuck, I don't think I liked it.

It's a given.

It's take a yin and a yang.

In the moment, I feel great, but before I sleep, I feel vile.

Yeah, and you stay up, you stay up really late.

Yeah, it was up till five am, but I did drink those Express of martinis late.

It was like it was already like midnight.

My gosh, you're like smiling at it like you're in love with me.

I am in love with you.

I'm in love with you.

Whoa, I'm in love with you.

And then we saw Kai.

Oh yeah we did see Kai.

What do you mean?

What do you mean you saw me?

You were on TV.

That's not what I look like.

That's literally, you know what.

That is what I think I look like.

To be my house, I'm literally this is you.

And then I'm Stan like I'm standing Drew is what's his nuts?

And do you know the trolley problem?

Wait?

No, wait, what's the dad's name?

Uh?

Stan?

Is it not Stan the dad?

Can you shut the funk off?

What was I looking?

More?

Yeah?

Never speak to her?

Was fucked up, and it was really sweet.

We got like dinner with our agents who we hadn't seen in a long time, and without them we would literally be like dust Bunny and Randy Marsh Randy, Yeah, you're right.

One of our agents ordered Drew like a specific martini and it literally had Drew so hype and.

I was saying ship to those people that I should have never spoken about.

That's for close friends and relationships.

Only No, you've been on like a weird tangent or not tangent.

Your trust has obviously been tainted.

Oh I don't trust anyone anymore.

Yeah, but that's like sad to me because it makes you so special.

Is your vulnerability.

Our vulnerability is and that's why you're thrown in my fucking face though it gets used against me.

Guys.

You want to see how tan I am?

Oh yeah, no, you look good.

Well, look at your chest, let's see the back.

You are tan.

But I think this light is not doing you justice because you literally stood and got closer to the light and you looked the white as you wait, guy, and you put on like a glowing.

Okay, that was the episode.

Thank you guys for tuning in.

My media is Grins by Charlie XCX.

And then I did a double feature and watched F one and then twenty seconds later went in saw Naked Gun.

Everyone was right, that movie was made for me.

It's fucking hilarious and it did inspire me in a lot of ways.

It was very special, no literally, and then F one was cool.

It wasn't as good as Naked Gun or Top Gun though, wait, F one, Top Gun, Naked gun.

One with my top gun, naked gun.

Shooting buns were taking pictures with my camera.

Sony FX mimy picture from FX picked up.

My show.

Is how to teleport Jane remover to each of his own trees rusin the second time around, Shalamar, feel Cash, Coo Bain, Why Carly Simon Madonna

Bye m hm