You know what, I think we need to start doing what athletes rappers?

Why do I feel like you're gonna say the.

Career, But you.

Need to stop getting with these girls that's waiting at the front of the line at the club.

Get you one of these ghetto girls.

I'm telling you need to go to the ghetto and get one.

This is the taking over the game, all right, everybody, Welcome to Truth after Dark.

Do you think that men or women are more toxic?

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Hello, beautiful people, welcome to another episode of the Truth After Dark.

I'm your host, Azar Faaraday.

And I'm the Truth paul A Pierce.

Okay, the A stands for Anthony.

You feeling good tonight.

You got the feet out, you got the ring on?

Honey, you got you're relax, You're after dark?

I love it.

I love it.

Okay, you have the ring on it.

I've never seen that.

Yeah, I never brought this out.

Okay, ring I gotten.

Uh, they gave it to me at an exhibition game in China.

Okay, crap, it's.

Not the championship ring.

But it looks nice.

All work.

It is nice.

It's very nice.

So today we have a very special episode because we are going to actually be talking about all of our fan topics and questions that they have submitted.

So I'm super excited because everything you'll hear today is from a fan.

So if you submitted a question, then listen for it on this episode because we might be answering your question tonight.

So we'll get right, we'll get started.

So one of the first questions that someone asked was why rappers, athletes, and celebrities recycle the same women?

And I do see that a lot.

I notice like the same women are the same women that be getting dated all the time.

And it's like, I wonder why.

I'll tell you this.

I think they recycle the same women because they are all like in the same circle.

Because like, think about this, most rappers, athletes and celebs try to they like the most beautiful women, right, who are always in the same spots that they are in, right, you know what I'm saying.

And then like you see an athlete or celebrity or a rapper, he walk into the clubs, she's gonna be pushing this in, positioning herself to be right there.

Okay, he'd be right there and her girls.

And then if you notice that the beautiful girls, they always become friends with other beautiful girls, so they call themselves.

Let me give me a crew.

So then if they got a crew, like two or three girls, say a celebrity walking to the club, he see them like, hey, y'all, come with me, come sit in my section.

They always positioning in themselves and then they'd be like, you know, what's up what's up?

And then you know, it's just that it's like every city is like that, the girls.

And then most of the time these girls that be that be with the other beautiful girls, they not they friends, like, but they really become.

Friends with them just for that reason.

Yeah, they'd be like, I'm gonna get me some cool I'm gonna give me a bad crew so you know, we can get at these tables.

Girl, We're gonna go to La Vegas, New York, and I'm gonna snatch me at one of these ballers because we're gonna get in and you know, and it's over there.

It's it's it's never ending there every city.

And then sometimes you know, these cats don't even know this is what's his name X or this, but then when they find out, it's like, I ain't tripping.

Yeah, It's like how Kanye or like whoever, like rappers always talk about how like they want a woman that's not all touched or being with all these men.

But I feel like, well, Kanye now is with somebody who probably nobody touched.

But I still feel like you men get with these same women that position themselves to meet them because they're rich and famous and then they're upset and they're complaining about women, and it's like, well, you're not meeting a woman that cares about you.

They're literally positioning themselves to meet you, hanging out with women to meet you, going to the club to meet you.

Not because of your personality, not because they like who you are as a person.

No, they're gonna catch the first person, yeah that they get.

And then they be on the internet.

And all these people complaining and she did this and she was lying, she did you was d da da, And it's like, why do you think that you're not meeting women of quality and substance.

Not to say none of those women are, because some might be, but a lot of them just wants you for X, Y and Z and to give a name for themselves too.

That's why they be blasting man and doing this, because you want a name for yourself and you want to.

Create that that that name.

So I just say, you know, man, they have to try to branch out and figure some other shit out because the same women recycling that it ran through is getting played.

No.

But the thing is, they look at this generation and even in past generations, they look at it as a flex They look at it like, oh, this is what's the name?

Next man she mine?

Now, So say a rapper got your eggs, she gonna rap about it to that athlete.

He's gonna post it.

Oh, I snatched your You know what.

If you can snatch how you get them is how you lose them.

If you snatch someone up, someone else can snatch your too.

Once you fall off, once something happens, she's onto the next.

It's just period.

But now I'm up.

Now, I'm up, I'm up one you know what, I'm I'm up what And don't let it be like an ops like oh ask me, like ooh that's the obsolet asks let me go, let me you know, let me see what.

You know what, Jay Cole says, Shout out to the LA women, Shout out to the LA hoes.

Real men can tell the difference.

Shout out to it that knows.

Real people recognize real That's all I'm gonna say about that.

And I feel like that's why we're in a gender war.

And this is actually the next question that people are asking, what is up with the gender wars between men and women?

And where do you think that this is stemming from?

Like every a lot of people were talking about this in the comments when we asked about what we should speak on.

Yeah, I think just the gender wars.

We're fighting for like a median ground because it's like, you know, we have these topics too about who's the who's the prize.

Or who's you know who who.

Gets what and who gets this?

And yeah, sorry, heard it right, But like the gender war is like about whose role is what, And it's getting to the point of where we like men are struggling.

It's a power struggle because you have more women who are doing their thing now and more masculine women.

So now there's a clash between the masculine man and the masculine and there's.

Way more feminine men period point.

Men are painting nowsing dresses, rappers, like.

All these men are becoming very extremely Yes, absolutely.

And I feel like I think that the roles have reversed and there's way more femininine and way more masculine women.

And I think that there will always be that power struggle when you have those roles reversed, because that's not how it's meant to be.

Period point.

Well, the key for a masculine man is to find a feminine.

Woman and you know it works that way.

Yeah, those two work.

And then for the feminine man to find a masculine woman because know I've friends that, you know, I know a man that just let his woman run everything.

And I was like, oh, yeah, she wear the drawers.

In this one.

I see who wear the pants in this relationship.

But that's what works.

He needs to that, he needs that structure from her.

And it's like damn.

And as a man like myself who watches that, And I didn't understand it at first because.

I was like, man, letting her run over.

You and like, man, whatever, you know, this is what it is, you know, And she says, I can't go there.

I can't.

Like I'm like, damn, I gotta be in my room when she calls.

When we're on the road, I'm like, dog, don't you make the money, don't you don't you run the household?

Damn?

Like what like, come on, dog?

But that's what worked and kept them together.

But then I just never get it because I never saw that growing up or you know, man was always taught to be the man, you know, and it was just like am you know?

So you know, but it is what it is.

And like you said, we're living in a times where more men have a lot of feminine tendencies and a lot of femininity that need a masculine woman.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

But I want to be clear because I feel like people also conflate the two where they're like, if a man is vulnerable, he's feminine, and I don't agree with that, like or if a man can speak on things emotionally, then he's feminine, like they have so much like oh, if a man isn't doing hookah, that.

Long longer exists like it used to, because more men show their feelings than everything.

No, no, no, But like you said, you said.

I have said that, but I'm saying that there's a lot of women who still on the internet every day.

Oh, if he's smoking hookah, he's he's fat, sassy.

If he's put his mouth on a hook and sucking it, that's a sassy man.

If he's drinking, see sassy, right, That's what.

I'm trying to.

My point is that's you.

But what I'm saying is there's a lot of people on the Internet that are conflating what's sassy and what's a man.

And it's like you can't.

And I feel like it's the same thing with women.

I feel like women who are more like independent or like are working and doing things and trying to like be a boss in this world, they're like, oh, you're masculine, but it's not true.

Like there's a lot of dynamics and aspects to women and men that people are just labeling these days so loosely, and it's like, you don't know this person and how they are in their intimate relationships.

So I think we just for the gender war.

Do you feel like you're a part of the problem with the gender war with your platform and what you say.

Sometimes I am like, maybe I do say some things that come across like a but like I love the old school ways.

Yeah, that's because that's where I come from.

And I'm older and so things have changed and I have to start adjusting to like how things are and how women are talked to and treated and the things that are said and and and you know, and I understand that.

Am I gonna shy away of my beliefs, not completely, but I will bend, you know, I will bend them, and I'll make adjustments.

But uh, you know, I know I've come on this platform and kind of offended uh women, But like on the overall, when you look at the big picture of it, this is like not me speaking all the time.

This is me kind of like speaking for the men that I hear this stuff from.

You know what I'm saying, And that's like, these are like the guys who talk like this that I sometimes be around, And so like when I call an older woman cooked, I'm hearing it.

You know, I'm hearing it from these men.

I'm like they constantly saying it.

So I'm like, damn, is it a belief?

Is it really that you know what I'm saying?

And you kind of like sometimes are a product of your environment.

So I feel like, though, too, it holds weight if it's coming from you versus maybe all these people.

You're creating a voice for them, and you're creating a platform for them.

So I would say you could correct them instead of condone what they're saying.

Well, it's not all negativity, But you know, I sometimes I say things that men want to say but don't say.

Yeah, I can agree with you.

You know what I'm saying.

They feel how I feel, but I don't know how to express it.

And so what they'll do, they'll play it in front of their women.

I actually heard guys like, I have to play this for my girl.

I don't know how to say it, so I had her listen to it.

He you know, that's what you know.

I'm trying to give men, uh, the men who are afraid or who men who are just kind of like not as outspoken as I am, a voice to like, hey be a man, chussed up, chet out bro.

So you think that includes you telling men to h It's a lot of things that you say you like example like example like cheat on your girl.

I don't believe that.

So I'm playing this in front of my girl because I cheated on her.

Paul Pierce is saying, cheat on a girl to prove if you love them.

I'm playing this for my girl because she's older and I want to make her feel away.

Oh you're cooked or you're old past thirty?

What is that?

How is that positive for me?

That's not positive and it's not good advice to deliberately cheat on your girl.

It's like some men that I've been around that found out if their women really love them, stuck around through that, and that's where that kind of came from.

It wasn't me giving those instructions, but it was like, there's different ways to find out if you're a woman loves you, you know, especially and this is this is like for men more in my position, I think, because we absolutely deal with fakeness and women that chase the money and chase the fame and chase the cloud.

And it's like, damn, all right, you you chasing something that's like dirty, like and we know it too, but we are dumb as men.

Going on.

We're dumb, like we're dummies as men because we're so visual and we're like, oh like that, you don't know if you like that, you're just looking at that.

Oh I'm gonna look at you can look at I'm gonna marry her.

You don't know that, doll.

You just looking at her her looks and you see her how she hold her cup once you like, man, you're gonna get yourself in trouble with that, you know what I'm saying.

And that's what we don't realize.

And so you know, as men, especially men of like high value or you know, men in a kind of like leadership position or men in like celebrity type of role it's like, how do.

You really know?

Can I ask you a question?

Yes, of course?

Do you believe in like intuition?

Do I believe in intuition?

Yeah?

I have a very strong.

Okay, So having a strong intuition should definitely play a part in knowing if your woman loves you, right, because I feel like, for me, when I'm around somebody long enough, I can tell if they're genuine and I can tell if they're fake.

And I think you basically said that you know, but you're dumb because you're you want the look right.

Well, so, well, we like other things, your qualities like that a woman brings like well, you know, it's a lot of guys in my opposition that know they're with girls that's in it for the money.

But she does all the right things and so you live with it.

You live with it.

But you know, you.

Know, damn you know what she cool?

You know she's doing all this and then being nine day you know, and you like that good feeling right now, but you know when shit turns left, man, she ain't gonna hold you down.

Right, So that's more of a you problem than it is of the men.

And that position also feel like, you know they got the pick of the litter, So like, once this wear off, I get one just like this.

That's it's like a lease.

If you want, or you can actually use your intuition and decide that you're gonna be with somebody that actually loves you instead of trying to do all these tests for someone who you already know doesn't even rock with you like that, I think that's the difference.

I feel like people know, and people decide to stay, and then they become jaded and hurt for the next person.

And then what happens is you're the right person, but you become the wrong person because.

You've been hurt and jaded and lied.

To, and now your trust is broken, and the right woman might come in your life and you might mess that whole thing up because you are still living with all the past of all the women who did you dirty, and now you're projecting that onto this new person who's actually in it for the love.

So you're really.

Causing harm to yourself by staying in things that no longer serve you and staying around people who are.

Not in it for you.

And I can imagine it's hard being someone who has all these things, but at the same time, it's like you should use your intuition as a person.

This is what I will tell you.

Men look for women that like they say, all right, especially I'm talking for like the guys who are like celebrities because we brought that to athlete celebrities and rappers like you know, they looks for of women that they can share memories with, like because it gets to the points like he fly your friends everywhere, your boys, and it's just like, damn, I want to share this with a woman.

You know, you don't want to do the shit by yourself.

You want to like, damn, I want to have this experience with a woman.

You know.

You know when I started getting older, I was like, man, I need to be able to share this.

I want to go someplace, you know, travel the world and do something, and I need somebody.

And even though he knows she in it for that, I just want somebody there to see it, to share it with.

It was like it was at that point not sad.

It is sad.

It is sad, but you're in that position.

It's sad when you look at guys think about this.

You look at guys like Kevin Durant, who's like one of the most famous basketball player, one of the greatest basketball players that ever lived.

And you know he's not married, no kids, but he like says, like, man, it's hard out here, Likeabama, like trust a woman like that, just like know what I am, know what I do, know what I can do for her, and do all these things.

And it's like, man, how do you like settle down with somebody who is gonna be loving you.

For who you are?

And that's Guss Like, all right, whatever, you know what, I'm gonna just do me.

You know, I know a lot of athletes like that.

Like now we're in a generation where the athletes they not they're not going no more.

They like, man, I'll be single the rest of my life.

I'll spend my bread on me and my family, and I ain't even tripping off these holes.

Yeah.

What I will say is I think even as a woman, that is uh for women who are genuine and actually want genuine love.

I think that's why women like me, even like I would rather be with someone who is not all of that and has that chip on their shoulder, you know.

And it's just like a regular person who doesn't want to test you and see if you really love them.

You're saying celebrities athletes.

I'm not saying the celebrities.

At regular people high value men too, whatever that means.

I hate when people say high value men cause it's just like high value man, high value women someone whoever.

That's different for everyone.

It's perspective, perception is reality.

What I look at is high value.

You may not see it that way.

So for me, someone that just has a normal life that isn't like this person's trying to use me.

I'm going to test everything about them, like where it's like yo, like I'm why do I come into a relationship having to prove myself.

Or prove I love you?

I love you every second when it's like in reality, how is that fear for the counterpart?

You know, like you guys, as celebrities and athletes, choose to be with women who don't love you because you're lonely and you want to share memories and you don't really value having that real partnership.

It seems like so it feels like maybe that is a good match because it's the same thing.

If you do get a real woman that really rocks with you, then she has to be up against a test every day, like do you love me?

Like you know what I mean?

So it just seems like may that's that's the cheat code.

Maybe that is the cheat code.

You know what?

I think we need to start doing athletes, rappers.

Why do I feel you're gonna say the.

Career.

But you need to stop getting with these girls that's waiting at the front of the line at the club.

Get you one of these ghetto girls.

I'm telling you need to go to the ghetto and get one.

I'm trying to tell you she is gonna.

Rock with you.

She's gonna mess with you.

She gonna mess with you because of who you are, but she gonna be so appreciative because she ain't been messing with all these other rappers and celebrities.

Get you one of them decent girls from the hood.

I'm talking about this.

She do everything, cut clean, do all that.

She live in a one bedroom apartment with like five people with her mama still with her mama.

You need and she sleep on the couch.

Find you on like that.

That's what you really need to do.

That one right there ain't gonna never leave you and you can, Hey, you can make her.

You gonna uplift her I'm crying.

You're trying to tell you you can uplift that one.

It don't matter what race either, you ain't got it ain't gotta be black, it could be any race.

They them ones, go shoot them the ones that's gonna be man, find you one that's sleeping on the couch.

If she ain't sleeping on the couch, then man, that ain't the one.

She ain't never gonna leave you because you don't want to go back to sleeping, to go back to that couch.

So that's the same scenario.

You're creating another woman that's dependent on you for.

She's gonna appreciate the ones that sleep on the couch, is gonna hold accountability, and that's gonna hold her.

It's gonna they're gonna give you that double a baseball accountability.

You're so accountabilities and.

What's the other a appreciation?

Appreciation?

Right?

Anyway, So now moving on another their person wants to talk about what what about the friends that you have who could never be single, Like they're hopping from relationship to relationship, they never are single.

They never take time to heal, they never.

Take time with themselves, Like, what what do you think about that?

Well, I think those people have attachment issues absolutely.

Yeah, they just like they are lost when somebody because they've been in long term relationships two three years plus and they used to somebody being there, and then when they don't have that, they jump something in the jumping into something real quick, and they make bad decisions most of the time.

Do you feel like you have ever been like that?

Yeah, okay, I've made bad decisions, like I think you learned.

I've been like that.

No bad decisions, you know, but the only way you get better is to make bad decisions.

Yeah, but also not just make bad decisions, but recognize your decisions and understand that everything you've been through is learning lesson.

So you know, you got to take that time for yourself.

Until you take that time for yourself, you don't really know what you like and what you want and what you'll tolerate and what you want to deal with period because you're so used to being in a relationship that you don't know how to set boundaries or understand the things that you want, you know, like I did not and I did.

I was one of those people when I was younger, and I've always was in like long relationships until I finally like took time for myself.

And once I took that time, it made me make better decisions about my partners.

This is what I would say for you men and women when you are like that, this is what I will say, don't stop looking for a relationship and stop.

Looking for love period.

I swear every girl I've ever been with I wasn't even looking for her.

Yeah.

It just smacked me in the face.

And you know, I always been a relationship guy, and I was in a journey to where I was like, man, I want to be alone.

I'm never gonn get in a relationship error again, and I'm never I love my piece and I like being sitting on the couch watching TV and nobody complaining about this, needing attention for this.

And you know, like when I go pick up my my my remote, it's not where I put it because she done moved it.

You know, you like, damn, that's feel good.

That feel good, like when somebody around that's moving your shit like that.

People hate that.

But then it was just like damn, it smacks you in the face.

And every time you like, damn, I wasn't even intending on being with this chick.

It's like I wasn't even like looking for that shit, and then it's just like wow, next thing, you know.

You like with somebody.

So like, you know, when you have an opportunity to heal, heal, do your shit.

Go by yourself, go to restaurant, eat by yourself, go have a drink by yourself, go to the movies by yourself.

Travel by yourself.

It's just a peace of mind.

It helps you just like reset and look at the world different and you know that you're like.

You can exhale.

That's a great feeling.

And then when that one person comes to your house, you ain't even gonna be looking for it.

It's gonna be like right there.

So and they also say, like, if you go to the grocery store hungry, you'll pick anything, you'll make bad decisions.

But if you're already satiated and then you go right for you satiated.

Okay, I learned a new word.

I don't know what that means.

It means like you're not fool and you're not hungry, you're satisfied.

Yeah, like you're.

Saying, give me a new word, satiated.

Yeah, So when you are satiated and you go you can't go looking for something.

When you're desperate, you're gonna pick anybody.

First of all, you shouldn't be looking, or you shouldn't be chasing, because chasing is the opposite of attraction.

You should be attracting everything that comes to you.

So you have to get out of that space of like desperation.

Yeah, that's real.

You gat me some good words, You got.

Me some anyway, good advice.

This is the Daily Fantasy segment brought to you by Price Picks, where you can win real cash by playing Daily Fantasy.

Use code TAD and get fifty dollars instantly in lineups when you play your first five.

So today for our segment, you have to tell me what is your fantasy when it comes to a woman in a relationship or not just a woman that you're dealing with.

Ah, my fantasy, well, my fantasy is more foot rubs, more feeding me, and less talk.

More more or less the fantasy right there?

So do men just want women not to talk or just talk less?

Because that's what I hear men say all the time.

They're just like shut up.

So you just don't want a woman to say nothing at this point, just talk.

Less, talk less?

But what does that mean, because I think that I'm going to do more talk less and do more.

Okay, that's crazy, less and more, Okay, I heard that.

I think for me, I would say my fantasy would be more communication less less like what's the word for people who hold shit in?

Like less holding stuff in, more communicating it and moving past it.

That's what I feel because I feel like men they have a problem with like holding it and holding it and holding it and then they're pissed off and then that it creates resentment when you could just tell someone little stuff like hey, I hate.

When you do that.

Okay, I didn't know that.

You know that's a big thing.

Yeah, okay, so more of.

What more communication less withdrawing, communication less holding stuff.

In and building resentment.

Yeah, because in all my relationship men don't do that.

Yeah, that's a fantasy.

I fantasize about having someone that's vulnerable and communicative.

Yes, and women love that.

It doesn't have to be rubbing feet down.

But if I'm gonna do something like that, then more romance.

The more romance candles, okay, like sweet thoughtful things, candles, flowers like once a month flowers.

I don't think that's a lot to ask for, like little stuff that makes a woman feel like feminine and like happy, like oh wow, you thought of me, you know what I mean?

Just little stuff.

It doesn't have to even include money, you know, just little stuff.

I would think more romances imports it in a relationship.

If a man was like, hey, I'm gonna give you so much money every two.

I think that's romance.

Roman as well as you're taking care of me, I think.

I think, yes, if a man is taking care of you and stuff like, that's romance.

But even when I'm just talking about like little things of just like being thoughtful, and I think women should be that way too.

I don't think it's just a man.

I think women should do little gifts and little thoughtful things, and I think men should do that too.

And again, it doesn't have to involve money.

It could just be like I.

Cooked for you and lit the candles up, or I ran you a bath and there's rose petals in there.

I picked you a flower from outside.

Yeah, little stuff.

I think romance.

True romance is something that doesn't.

Cost anything exactly.

I agree.

So like flowers cost you can.

Go pick flowers where outside?

So what do you what do you special gas.

So what about like running a bath that doesn't cost taking someone off, about oiling them down, massaging them, putting so don't have.

Oil, then just rub them.

Down and then get some put on a favorite movie like little cute stuff.

Just having like have a subscription for something.

Well if you don't have, like you have a subscription people have, that's not nothing to do with nothing.

You're not getting the suspection I'll tell you.

Tell me doesn't cost tell me romantic because everything you're doing about saying costs something at some point.

Okay, you tell me so like rubs, Okay, back rub.

Scratches, you know what I'm saying, Like, say, if I paint it like your fingernails because girls always gonna have fingernail polished.

Always painting your fingernails is crazy?

Whatnot?

That's not all.

I don't rock with that because you for me, I go to a nail artist to get my.

About to get your nails down tomorrow.

He was like, let me try to do it and you'll just sitting there.

Okay, I think that's setting to the fire.

Okay, that costs money.

What kind of man are you to have a fireplace?

You have to have a house and a fireplace.

But you already got the subscription for the movie then, so.

Don't try to run me.

You already have an oil or a lotion if you're not putting on lotion as a black man already.

Or an oil, I don't wear.

You wear oils or something for sure.

I'm sure you wear a yeah, so don't try it.

You can do.

You can do things without money.

And I think like rubbing someone down is a daily thing, like in a relationship.

I'm rubbing my person down every day that I see them.

So I don't know that that's romance.

I think it is.

It's not.

It's intimate, it's romance, but it's like something that I'm daily.

Gonna be doing around my life.

The words, yeah, I think thoughtful words are nice.

But I think with men sometimes like y'all want us to talk less.

So sometimes like as a woman, you'll say all these things thoughtful and the band will just be like cool.

Thumbs up, great, like you be whatever.

A woman say more of that.

We need men to say more thoughtful things, like if a man was to come and just be like babe, I love you.

This that like to a woman means so much because men don't.

Do that often.

So it's like little things like showing your appreciation through words and communication for a woman is.

Like wow, he said that.

That hits.

So that doesn't cost a time.

Okay, So anyways, free game for y'all.

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So another thing.

Is what do you think the difference is between having a trauma bond?

Do you know what like a trauma bond is?

Tell me what a trauma bond?

So, trauma bonding is basically when you meet someone and you guys are both in it.

Like let's say you're in a really bad space and you meet someone else and they might have a lot of bad stuff going on or they're a negative person, and you guys bond over that trauma.

So you have this attachment based on.

All of your trauma and it's this negative relationship, but it's not really real love, right, So what.

Do you have you been in a trauma bonded relationship?

No?

I think trauma bonding as you explain.

It is like more of like.

Girls do that with each other all the time.

First of all, they bond over each other, trying y'all go out and sit like six of y'all going through the goddamn same things and just be like telling men like how bad they are.

And they Now she meet a man that's going through the same thing he went through with their relationship.

That's like that's unhealthy.

Yeah, but relationships are like that too, where two people either bond or their trauma, or one person manipulates the other person based on their trauma.

Oh yeah, man do that all the time, then take advantage of the.

Girl all the trauma traumatized.

He gonna take her and oh yeah, we're gonna do hey, hey.

Yeah exactly.

I for sure had been in a trauma bonded relationship before, and I feel like, you.

Know, yeah, but I was like kind of like like.

I was in a messed up state of mind.

Yeah, and then I was definitely in a relationship where I felt like, you know, it was a trauma.

Bond it was a relationship.

It was a full relationship.

I don't I don't have like a lot of hookups.

It was a full relationship.

For years and it was definitely trauma bonded and as a relationship, I wasn't getting better.

Sometimes you have to take inventory of a relationship, like am I getting.

Better or worse in this situation?

And I gained all that weight, not to say that that's his fault.

So the trauma bonding had you doing that.

I'm not going to blame him.

I always am gonna blame myself.

Yeah, yeah, it's never going to be.

But it was definitely a trauma bonding situation.

He saw that I'm traumatized.

He was like, oh, and he took advantage of that and really manipulated me.

And it was bad intent.

It may not have been his intention to do that, but I feel like it was based off of everything that went down.

I can definitely know for sure he could.

Have liked you, because you could for sure.

So like, like, let's stop coming out here and it's using this internet and social media to say, oh, that's trauma binding, that's love bombing.

Like, no, I know what you're saying about people misusing narcissistics, but I will say that I genuinely know that that was that situation.

It was it was genuinely and I'm not going to sit on here and explain why.

But I did therapy and did a lot of work.

That situation was definitely that, and women and men deal with that situation.

You can't just dismiss.

It just because people up with new terms everything that's not about trauma, Bond.

I never heard of that growing up, Yeah, because I've never heard of that in the last you know, I did hear.

About that growing up white people.

That's because in the black and brown communities, it was stigmatized to know anything about mental health, to talk about mental health, to talk about.

Stigmatized it.

Stigmatiz is not a big word anyway.

Okay, So another thing is that someone wanted to know is why are having so young Miami?

Actually recently, I don't know if it's a recent post, but it resurfaced.

She was talking about how she'll have a baby with a man if she got pregnant at any moment, but she won't marry up.

And she's like, I don't get why people want to get married and not have a baby.

So there's this whole idea that having a baby is a less commitment than marriage, and I could disagree with that.

I feel like having a baby is a huge commitment.

I could divorce you and not have a kid and never have to talk to you again.

Yeah, it might be some stuff with like money.

I get that a man has to deal with or whatever, but when it comes to a baby, that's the rest of your life that you're dealing with that kid in that person.

No matter what, you're always going to be connected to that person.

That's my fear because I don't have a kid, and that's been one of my fears of like, if I have a kid with this person, I have to look at this person for the rest.

Of my life.

I don't know that I want to do that.

But would I get married possibly.

That's still a fear of mine.

But yeah, because you could divorce someone you.

Don't know if you want to look at your kid, not.

The kid, the man that don't have to you do have to have to put you have.

To look at that man and deal with that man.

Why wouldn't you Because I never deal with my father.

That's horrible.

But it's not a have two things, because that's do you.

Have to deal with the mother of your children like.

I choose to because that's the man I am, right, But there's so many cases to where these men and women don't even allow it.

Women don't even like I don't even want you to see your father.

I'm moving, I'm moving away, but I.

Would never do that.

That's you, that's you.

You can't speak for just you.

I need to speak to what really happens like a lot.

You know, it happens a lot.

But what I'm saying is, if you're a decent person, you would not keep your child away.

It doesn't make you not a decent person.

Keeping your child away from the parents, the kid, it does make you.

Just it's just like it's selfish.

It's a very selfish decision.

Say that, Okay, so a.

Bad person or decent it's just maybe it is selfish.

It's a very selfish like the kid, like.

You see how like, all right, I'm not with the guy, but this is the joy of my world, and based on how he treated me and how he was I don't even want him to mess up this joy.

And this girl's got to move away.

But that's not right.

We don't know what's right.

I know that.

Your dad, if they want to be in your child's life and they're not going to harm the child, or they're.

Not like domestically abusive or crazy.

You should give them the opportunity to have a relationship with their father or their mother.

I think that that's a very he's toxic.

A criminal.

You guys understand the circumstances that come into it to women.

I just say, what did you say?

I said, unless there're circumstances that will harm.

The child, Well, it doesn't mean that's that's because you there's things, doesn't mean you're going to harm the child like you act like criminals harm childs hard kids like he might be doing other things.

Just he just a criminal, but he might.

You know what I'm saying.

You gotta understand.

I've seen this.

I've been around it.

Like it's like and women take these kids away from men and just be like I loved you, I just wanted a child and move away.

Never like it happens.

I'm not saying that it doesn't happen.

I'm saying that for me and my opinion on what I feel like is more of a commitment.

I think having a child is more of a commitment to marriage.

That is me now.

Having a whole child that I raised that I happen.

People are saying that, oh I have a baby by a man, but I won't marry a man.

It's much it's way more of a bigger commitment to get married.

I don't know, marriage versus a kid is more stressful.

We're not talking about stressful.

We're talking about it.

Oh, that's that's what the commitment makes it's stressful.

The commitment makes it stressful.

So you believe that having a kid is more is less of a commitment.

I just say that.

I'm asking you.

That's the question that I'm asking.

So babies versus there's commitment.

No, So the baby commitment is for the rest of your life.

But that's more of a beautiful thing.

Then when you get married, you gonna have feelings up and down.

You're gonna have resentment that comes into play if y'all break up.

There's like like most of the time, mothers and their kid are not like that.

So the baby makes more sense than the marriage.

Okay, that's your opinion.

It's just my opinion.

And I think you have your everything you name about marriage is very.

Like negative a marriage.

Yeah, you have a very negative.

The commitment to marriage is more stressful because you have ups and downs more so than But like as a mother, as a father, Like you don't understand how much joy that a kid brings.

Believe on bad days, like when you're having a bad day, it reflects on the marriage, It doesn't.

It don't reflect It reflects more in the marriage than the kid, because the kid gonna make you smile more so than your partner.

Your partner is just gonna be like over there, like going through it with you.

M that's said, Okay, it's not sad, it's life.

No.

I mean, I think that your view on things can be from maybe your experiences or whatever it is.

But I will say that for me, I'm just thinking, like, and this is what the person was saying in the comments, like babies are such a big deal, Like I take raising a child so seriously, like and even just my nieces and my nephews that I helped raise and stuff like that, Like.

I it's not the same thing.

Trust No, I know it's not the same as having a child.

But I'm just saying, well, you can't speak on my view on it because I'm speaking from a woman's point of view because I've seen that.

How you can't speak from a because I've seen it, but you're not it, so you have to speak from a man's.

Point of view.

No, I can speak on a woman's point of view when i've seen her.

I've seen it all the time around the kid.

Okay, that's fine.

So that goes into dating people with kids.

Do you feel like child supports if one of the parents remarries.

So let's say, like you're paying someone child support and she remarries another man.

Should that Should your child support change?

Man?

I don't even know that's a good question.

If she remarries, should y'all child support change?

I don't think men should be paying child support anyway, Okay.

I think it should be like it should be like half the duties is more important than the child support, I think.

Okay, I agree with that.

If you keep the child for a month, I get them for a month.

I agree.

When they're with you, you pay for what they need.

When they with me, I pay for what they need.

I agree with that, you know, I.

Just think half the duty h And I don't think child support should.

Be a thing.

I think child support is for men who are not child's life at all, so like, and it's not by choice, like the woman taking the baby away, it's their choice.

They don't want to be in the child's life for whatever reason.

I think then they should pay child support because they're not supporting the kid financially.

But I think if a dad or mother is like present and we're both getting the child fifty fifty, I don't get it.

I don't understand.

Like if we have fifty fifty.

Customers, Yeah, I don't get that either.

And I got to pay child support.

I don't get that either, Like, so I only have to pay for my time with the child.

I have to pay for your time with the child, Like, it don't make sense to me.

It doesn't make sense to me either.

If I'm being honest, I've always wondered that.

I'm like, if you're available.

Stupid, I'm taking if I have half the time with them, I'll pay for my half of the time when I'm.

With that child, food, clothing, all of that.

Now it's your turn.

Yeah, if that's what half custody is, Yeah, I don't get it.

Yeah.

Well, and then Erica actually our friend Erica, she asked what about dating.

People with kids who have bitter baby moms or.

Baby daddies, Like, how do you feel about that or how do you navigate that?

Ask the question when we're talking.

Dealing with dating people and dealing with dating someone who has like kids.

And a bitter baby mom or bitter baby dad.

Yeah, I'm looking for the question.

I'm saying, like, how do you deal with How would you I don't know, I know what I'm saying, but what would you give someone advice on?

Like how would you navigate that situation if you're dealing with someone who has like who is I guess maybe upset that you have another girl or like that person knowing that might be upset, you.

Know, Like I think at the end of the day, like you have to do and have conversation and say, hey, we're in this together.

Yeah, we have to do this for our kids.

We're raising them together.

Like I understand we're not together no more, but we have a kid together.

Like it's toxic for them to see us arguing or me not seeing the kid.

That's toxic, Like, let's do what's best for the kid, Like we always it's selfish when one of the other ones is bitter.

They don't want to do stuff because the other one's bitter, and it's like, dude, lady, like, remember the most important fact in all of this is the kids, and you ain't got to deal with each other, you know what.

You ain't even got to get out the car here, drop them off right here.

Boom.

I got it, like if you don't want to see my face.

You know a lot of you know what, you know what families do that got money.

They have like a house to where that's where the kid and you and that kid stay and they have their own house.

So the father have a house, the mama got a house where they see the kid, father or something.

They stay over here.

That's some rich families that they.

Have one house where the father goes over there when they're with the kids, and the mother goes over there when they're with the kids.

Is that what it is?

Yeah, something like that.

I see what you do so the kids don't have to move around?

Is that what it is?

No, no, no, no no, they have a house just

No?

for that.

It's rich, some rich stuff.

No, I'm curious now for.

What that's when I that's when I spend my time with the kid at this house because I have a girl and I'm not with the kid full time, but I'll spend my time over here with the kid to where I'm not.

They do stuff like that.

I've seen it.

That's crazy.

Then, So but when does the girl?

When do you just always keep the girl over there?

Do you never implement the girl with the kids eventually?

Okay, that's interesting.

Okay anyway, so yeah, thank you guys for joining another episode of the Truth after Dark.

We appreciate you, guys, and we appreciate you guys in questions.

That you want us to talk about in topics.

Continue to tell us the things that you would like to hear from us and give us feedback because we always are looking for that.

Yes, definitely, we have some stuff we wanted to go over, but we'll bring that to you next week.

Yeah, if we didn't answer your question, look out for it next week.

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This is the taking over the game, all right, everybody, welcome to Truth after Dark.

Do you think that men or women are more toxic