We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording on today.

Well, hello, and welcome to a whole new episode and a whole new era really of Eat, Sleep Repeat.

I'm Kelly McCarran, and today I am thrilled to introduce you to the lovely last keeping key seat warm over the next few months, Bethany Stanford Brown.

I know it would have been far more impactful for her to actually say her own name and introduce herself, but there were quite a few technical difficulties when recording our first step together.

Actually, I can't even try to rope Beth into this.

It was purely me trying to set up the night before, and then I just thought, you know what, I'm sure it'll be fine the way that I've set it up, It'll be fine.

It'll be fine.

Narrator of life.

It was not fine.

And then I knew I was watching Beth and I should have pushed her in front of the mic more, but I didn't.

Once again on me so throwing and out throwing solo today, and please bear with me while I muddle my way through a few things.

I promise you.

While today's episode is.

A little bit of A.

It's got some teething issues.

If you will, I promise you I will have it sorted for next week.

Technology and me are not friends.

If anyone that is type A did come into my garage right now, which is the studio, you would have an absolute conniption.

But that doesn't matter.

What does matter is Beth, So let me tell you about her.

Beth is an og shitter, and some other og shitters may remember her from one of our very first episodes called Fucking Milestones or something along those lines, where Beth came on just to reassure us and to talk about our own experience that we all knew, but sometimes it's nice to hear about it.

All kids really do meet them at different times because they are different people, and she's very very well equipped to chat on such a topic.

Beth is far more equipped than both Ken and I had to be honest to talk on many parenting topic because she doesn't have one kid like me or two kids like Key.

No.

Beth has four kids, four boys.

She has Teddy who is seven, Louis who is five, Alfie three, and August sixteen months.

She always wanted three.

August was a very pleasant surprise.

Because friendly a reminder, breastfeeding and the pull out method are not great contraceptive options.

So how did I get to know Beth?

Well, obviously, she was on the pod a while back, I think like a year and a half back or whenever.

But after having August only six weeks later, actually, Beth decided to join a local netball team because she'd heard some lunatic.

She listens to a podcast.

It's her favorite podcast, and there's one lunatic that hosts the podcast and she never shuts up about netball.

Oh, Netball's so good for you in so many ways.

Everyone that needs an outlet should be doing netball.

Anyway, after listening to this lunatic on a favorite podcast talk about netball for so long, she just thought, Okay, why the hell not, I'm going to give it a go joined her local team.

Guess who happened to be on her team.

Yes, indeed it was the lunatic.

And I am referring to myself as such.

And it's actually one of those things where I mean, I'm not woo woo, but sometimes I am woo woo, which is probably what people that are really well on the wu woo train say.

But I do think that sometimes you are meant to meet each other and you meant to be in each other's lives.

And oh gosh, she's going to hear this and know that I've said that about her.

But she really is just such a good person, and I've gotten to know her so well over the time that we've been playing netball together.

And as I've mentioned on my socials, I'm not just netball friends with the girls now.

We are outside like we do other things like trivia and drinks and such, so you know, I'm also joining a Stitch and Bitch evening with them.

So anyway, that's how I know Beth, and Key has always been a fan because she thought she was really great on the EP where she talked about the fack and milestones several times while it had obviously just being bombed straight out of my brain.

That's how it all happened.

I mean, the actual story of her coming on the pod doing the interview is obviously that's kind of like a long, boring story that I don't think anyone really cares about.

But what you do care about is getting to know her, I'm sure.

And when I was thinking about how to introduce Beth, to the shitter is to you listening at home.

I wanted to do an EP where you could get to know her because I want you to get nice and comfy.

Obviously, it is a very beautiful community here.

We talk about lots of personal things, and you're going to get to know her and about her life quite organically over the next few months while she's just naturally talking.

But I just thought, gosh, what's a crash course in getting to know her.

She's got a fantastic sense of humor, she's warm, she's really vulnerable.

So, in true ESR fashion, I decided, okay, let's do something a little bit unhinged.

Please, Beth, can you please bring five tales of misfortune, five tales of parentsarranting horror stories to the pod?

Because what a better way for the shitters to get to know you?

And she did.

She actually bought eight to had to cut the poor girl off.

Let us begin with tail number one, Beth's experience with the pool at the zoo.

When I was filer treating Louis So my second child, I took him an outfit to the zoo.

So I had a probably about a two and ten month year old.

I hate it when people do that almost three year old?

All right.

I used to hate it when people did that until I had a one year old.

The difference between thirteen months and twenty three months was a baby and a small boy.

That's true.

It's a bit ridiculous when kids are older.

But yeah, I get it when kids are young.

I think you have a two year grace window.

Above two, I feel like we have to break up with months.

I'm a stickler for a detail.

Was it Sydney Zoo?

Also?

So it was so wronga bold choice with two kids, as it is when you're by yourself.

But I thought, in that moment, I was so sure that I was absolutely thriving, thriving.

We entered, I pre booked the tickets, I got the tickets, We went to the cafe.

I sat down at the cafe, ordered a coffee for me, baby Chino for Lulu.

ALFI was in the pram.

It was all sweet.

We were doing great.

Wait where was Teddy?

Teddy was at daycare?

Okay, see you've got so many kids.

I'm like, what's going to take as a world?

Get used to wear all of them?

Shit, I still forget.

I'll be like, which one is that?

So Teddy was somewhere else.

They also look the same, which I mean they're siblings, but just for the.

Future reference, there's the big boys, which is Teddy and Lulu.

There's the middle boys, which is Lulu and Alfi, and then the baby boys and the little boys, and that's Alfie in August.

Alfie and Len are the same age.

Alfi and Lenna the same age.

Yeah, but you would think that they're miles apart, even how different they are.

Alfi does not stop talking, and Lenny's like.

But also Alfie looks like a circle like Alfie's so baby is it's so cute.

Face is just so bad.

Like they're the same height, his body stretched.

Out, but his face is.

He's still got a big baby face.

Such a baby face.

It's so cute.

All right.

So you're at the zoo, You've ordered your coffee, you're thriving.

Absolutely thriving, eating some banana bread, happy as Larry.

When I see Louis do that kind of face, and every mother knows that face right, the face where they're kind of going a little bit red.

You can see the strain in their eyes.

It's not a good face.

Am I doing a good job?

And then a smell kind of starts to fill the cafe, and.

I was like, fuck, he's not wearing an happy No, he's.

A nundi'es he's toilet trend.

So Louis was what I believed at this point in time, a very well toilet trained kid until he got the look.

Until he got the look, I could see him grimacing.

And then we stood up, and then I saw a bold fall down the side of his track pants, all the way down.

So he hadn't even said mummy, need to poo.

No, there was no communication.

There was no communication provided pinos.

He wasn't going to get a toe on the way out, no soupernir from the souvenir shop.

But the problem was I had no spare clothes.

This is me thriving, by the way, this is absolutely thriving.

I had no spare clothes.

And when I got to the bathroom to tidy up the mess, I realized I also had no wipes.

Oh, even though I had a baby.

You had no baby wipes.

But baby wipes and the zoo does not sell baby.

Wipe which seems like are real.

You could sell those for like twenty dollars a pack, and people would purchase them Torongo Zoo, if you're listening, that is a money maker.

Yeah, any kid friendly park place.

Should just have a wipe's dispenser that you pay like ten cents.

For because you will make a fortune.

Yep.

I'm not even like saying that you should just have them for free for the goodness of your own heart.

No, no, no, this is a money making machine.

This is a tap and go for the silly buckers.

Also me, I've done it many a time that do not pack wipes.

I just trust that the other mums will, Like last week when we were out of cafe, when anyone got a nappyppy because I just truck because then he's like I need to pooh and he wants to do it a nappy.

I trusted that one of the other mums would have one.

We did.

We did, he found but we had one story exactly we had.

It's another story for another day.

So we were already at the zoo.

We bought the tickets.

There was no turning back.

They're not cheap.

They're not cheap.

They were about one hundred dollars for the three of us.

So it's amazing how resourceful that you can be when you've paid one hundred dollars for tickets and are only on the government paid prontal week.

Ye.

So I took both boys to the bathroom and the nugget.

At least was a nugget.

No, no, okay, sorry I misused the word nugget.

It was a capital pee poo like it was, it was a pooh.

I stripped Louis down.

I scraped the poo off using the toilet paper.

You know that toilet paper that's like one sheet per draw.

Yeah, so I used that.

It's not abrasive.

It's abrasive, but it's all are not built for strong pools.

It's like a pea toilet paper.

Yeah.

And it also doesn't fare well because I'm thinking you could mix it with like you could run it under a bit of water, but it would simply disintegrate straight away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I put the unders in the sanitary bin and I had to spot clean the pants and dry them using the hand dryer.

He put them back on.

Okay.

I scrubbed my hands until they almost bled, and we went to the zoo.

You mcguided that shit, literally, I.

Pretty much had to.

Yeah.

If mcguy ever dealt in only pool emergencies.

Were there no other parents said though, like I feel no, I went by myself.

No, I mean like other people, civilians out in the wild.

Would you do you feel like you would just walk up to a stranger and be like, do you have a wipe?

If she looked friendly, I would go up to another mum.

If I saw someone with a pram and I was in that state, I think I would, Yeah, that would make more legitab.

Once you're already in the bathroom with a naked three arrow Oh yeah, I was in like there was no going back.

Yeah, actually, and you know what, I've definitely had my period, like got my public and done like a toilet paper plug.

Rather than ask a stranger for a tampo, I would.

Ask a stranger for a tampon more than I would parade my naked three year old around us.

And for what?

All right, how crazy would I look?

Anyone?

Please?

But you don't look crazy though, you just look like.

There was one time when Lenny was a baby, and he he must have been six.

We couldn't go to daycare, but he wasn't that sick that I was like worried about.

I don't actually know what the reason was, but I had a U beauty record that I had to go to, so I just took him and hoped for the best and such a lovely female environment, like he was just handed around.

This was when he was happy to go to a stranger.

He did a poo and I had packed not one thing, and someone had to like just wrap him up with a blanket.

And I went back to the car and I just felt like I'd already been making so many excuses for different things, and I just got into the car and burst into tears because I just thought, I just felt like the biggest failure in that moment that I just was like, what sort of mum doesn't even take spare clothes and a nappy to work if you're taking your child to work, Well, Beth doesn't take it to the zoo, But it happens to all of us.

I feel like that is the secret that nobody says out loud.

We've all done it.

Everyone has fucking failed.

Everyone has failed.

And ended up in a public situation with a pool.

Yeah, and had to wrap youI ck up like fish and chips, like just wrap them in anything.

I thought you were going to say that they put like a pad on a pair of underpants.

Oh, that's what I would have done.

I would have taken off my underpants, put a pad on, and like put it to baby and gotten hair elastic.

Feet from memory, Huggies had sponsored but they just weren't the right size.

But someone maguided that, and from memory it was Lee who also managed to get him to sleep that anyway, we digress number two.

Okay, so this one is a little bit more recent.

It's about my eldest, so Teddy, and what he called the butterfly.

So what but you'll go, oh, okay.

So Ted's really obsessed with Captain Underpants at the moment.

He really wants to create his own comic book.

So he's obsessed with the idea of creating his own comic book.

He's quite creative.

That's cool, It's very cool.

He hasn't invented his own character.

It's called the butt to Fly, emphasis obviously on the word but because also children find anything to do with pooh and bums really funny, which I kind of get.

I get it funny.

The Butterfli's powered by farts and scares bad guys away with the smell.

Oh yep, okay, So like.

The drawing had like green clowns.

He thought it was funny.

I love the creativity.

I encouraged him to share his story with my mates at a barbecue on Sunday.

The butterflies now evolved.

It also has a penis and a pajama and a pajamer a pajama.

He's got a bit of a speech impediment.

Lots of them do, and I actually find it very endearing.

And then he calls slippers sleepers, sleepers.

I love it.

So the farts now come out of the vagina.

No, the pajama, the pajama, So the farts come out of the pajama, and the dude dool none saw how so the penis.

But it is a butterfly.

So my friends were not prepared for this.

They all have toddlers.

Yeah, okay, yeah, this is a seven year old.

And then you've got a seven year old presenting his comic to them about yeah yeah.

So everyone was very shocked and we had to just like back him out of the room quietly.

Oh there you go, keep drawing, keep turing your vagina's private.

Patimas God unlucky, it wasn't like a hairy pajama or.

Like just like a detailed chlong or something like.

And he's the kid from super Bad during the dicks, So.

In saying that my three year old's bestie, he's obsessed with drawing doodles, and my girlfriend's an MRI technician, so he's showing him pictures of like X rays of dood Oh very cute.

Oh okay, it's fascinated by doodles.

I love it.

This one is about when I lost Louis.

Oh, I've never heard this story in detail, and I actually am very interested.

This isn't humiliating, though, this is sad and scary.

Oh it gets I feel like, oh, well, it's funny now because he's fine.

Okay, he was really fine.

So I lose Louis all the time.

But he's a runner.

He's a runner.

Justin sometimes goes away from work.

That's my husband.

And when I was thirty five weeks pregnant with August, my youngest, we were like just hanging around the house.

We're all on the trampoline, just like chatting.

So me alfie weeks on the trampoline.

That's one way to get the baby out.

It's a risk.

Yeah, I wasn't bouncing.

I was just sitting.

Okay, I'm imagining a very giant balloon just gone wing, not ouch.

So we were outside.

Louis had randomly taken off his pants.

He's got sensory issues, so if he gets anything wet, he removes his pants.

That's fine.

He announced he was gonna hide from me, but quite quietly, so I didn't really notice until he was gone.

I was on the trampoline.

By the time I got everyone off the trampoline, my enormous self off the trampoline, I noticed that our front door.

Was wide, Oh my god, and like, by.

No means that we live on a main road, but cars still tear through it.

So like I don't know what I was imagining, but essentially instant panic.

I picked up Alfie because I was like, I can't lose two running around the house like a crazy person screaming his name.

I ran out onto the street and like I was in like a street car named Desire.

I am screaming as loud as I can, and I'm like really hoping a neighbor comes and helps me or finds my the.

Ginormous pregnant person hysterically.

I mean, I've never seen you pregnant but you're quite short, so I.

Imagine I'm not small when I'm breaking No.

I'm imagining like a Kimmy k like running around, but then also like cry screaming.

Yeah.

Yeah, in the middle of the ring, like not even on the curb, like in the middle of the streets.

So I was really lucky we barefoot.

Yeah no, I'm Justui was also half naked, that's right.

Okay, so I really thought like an opportunistic pedophile has driven past at the exact moment that Lulu has left the house, yeah, and scooped and taking him away.

Okay.

I was greeted by my neighbor.

We live in a duplex, so another person came around and was like, normally they're just inside the house.

Do you want to go take another look?

But the doors open, I know, yeah, but I walked inside and there he was, Oh that little shit, I know, but he started crying, which made me feel like awful, And then he said the reason he didn't come out was because I was yelling too much.

So that was a really good mum moment.

These are really sad, sorry, and there's no punchlines.

No, but no, but it is still like the vision of you screaming like a lunatic in the middle of the street, and then the neighbor going, why don't you just check bless your neighbor though fast.

I know, I know.

I was very lucky because I was like, not going back inside, I would be around the street.

Well, the two options were that they're going to get hit by a car, because.

Yeah, I thought that's yeah.

It was very terrifying, but he was found.

I lost him yesterday too at the park and he was hiding behind a tree playing, making like a little garden thing.

Didn't know that he panicked you too.

And it was because I didn't want to repeat of the street car named Desire.

I was quietly walking around the park.

Loollu Lulu.

Oh, I I did my hissing thing to Teddy, so I'm like, turn your father's missing curve wound him and luckily, like I called Justin as well.

He was working from home and he skateboarded.

Over oh, because he had all the time in the world.

And then he ended up finding him because he was just like skating around the neighborhood.

Okay, because of course he was, yes, so.

That that is what happens when I lose Lulu that is yep.

Okay, one of the kids is a runner.

Lit the kids is a runner.

Oh and it's the same one that is a shitter too, all right, yeah, Lulu, that.

Was the one and only time he shot like he's no alfie, which will come Okay.

The other story I have is about how I announce my pregnancy to the world in my delivery.

What So, when I was pregnant with said I got induced and I was not backwards in coming forwards with asking for every kind of pain relief in the world.

So I had the gas, I had morphine.

You need morphine if you're having an epi durol.

But I thought I wanted to sample the west.

Yeah, so sin, you're paying good money.

I was.

I was in a private exactly, You're in a private health That's why I'm like, you request everything.

I request everything.

I was public.

Yeah, I just wanted the full corner copia of pain leaf.

So I had the morphine quite quickly after having the morphine, Like you know, if you've been induced, it's really intense, it's a lot of pain.

Quite quickly, yeah, it was a lot.

I had the morphine and then I quickly got an epi durol.

As well, but that didn't stop me sucking on the gas.

So as high as a.

Ciet off the gas, was it making you vomit or not?

Oh?

Yeah, I vomited the same cheese toasty you know, meant to eat while you've had an EPI durol.

Oh okay, yep.

But I had a dud and midwife who just kept feeding me cheese toasty.

So I had about six cheese toasties that I vomited up every time.

I did six cheese toasties when you were pregnant.

Yeah, because I kept kept leaving my stomach.

Oh yeah, yeah, okay, so and.

Then she'd be like, oh, you need your strength, you need your strength, go have another one.

So I did.

The midwives said to me, they're like, it's now time.

I didn't have a long labor.

I was very lucky.

It was about ten hours, we said, so not a big drama.

Just so that's not short labor.

Though, Oh no, it's not.

My friend gave Bertha on the toilet.

We should have it all year.

Yeah, Oh definitely.

I've got my girlfriend that literally lives around the corner all three of her pregnancy.

She had to be like, no, no, I'm in labor and no you're not, and then oh, the heads out, like we could get some stories on this.

Yeah, but so the midwives were like, it's time, you're gonna meet your baby.

As I said, indulged in the painkillers, was quite off my face.

I'm wearing only the like hospital gown at this point and no unders because they broke my waters, and they said to me, They're like, it's time.

Do you want to just like gently move the robe down a bit so that you can do skin to skin when it comes out.

It's like, great, sounds amazing.

I'm there for it.

But apparently I didn't say that.

What I said, quite loudly to the room was tits out, bad jat, let's do this.

Yeah you did some minutes later, tits out, like ped my robe down.

Because as if gently moved, No, you don't care.

I wanted to vagina is crowning to the world, because if you care about a nipple.

I know, I know.

I loved it though a lot of friends who like give birth in sports bras.

Though I've seen influences do that.

But then I just assumed that that was because they were filming it.

Oh, maybe I did not film it.

I did not want to see that, but I.

Really wanted to see it.

Oh really yeah, but I wouldn't have cared if I was naked because anyway, so shareing tits out, let's do this.

You're ready?

He quickly came out.

How many pushes are not many?

It was ten minutes of pushing?

Oh, like he was.

He was ready.

But he did do a labial hair, which is quite a deep.

Yeah.

But anyway, it wasn't the water birth that I had anticipated.

But it was tits out, bad chot, but it.

Was titch out, bad jout, and it was very unbrand.

What do you mean, oh, the way that you delivered.

I was thinking, then you like posted a photo because you were so high.

That Oh my god, can you imagine?

No, I don't know.

People have done crazy things.

I didn't even like the photo they took after like the midwife to them.

I always feel really sad when people say that, really, you literally just did the most powerful, incredible thing that another person can do, but you thought you looked what ugly?

Yeah, or you didn't like that.

And I think that that is because of the instagrammable after photo that everyone shares.

But that's not the photo that is actually taken after.

If I looked at that photo now, I'd probably like it more.

But in the moment, I was like, oh, that didn't look how I anticipated it would look.

Everyone share in the Facebook group.

Let's all share out.

Let's be proud of our first photo, and let's all share them.

The uglier the better, because you know what, Like I said, it is the most powerful thing that a person can do.

So fuck, who cares what you look like?

The photo of me meeting Lenny, actually he looks more ridiculous than me because his head's a little red cone.

I look so bad if I look at it objectively, But it's beautiful.

It is beautiful.

We should be proud of those photos.

With the photo of me the day that I could stand a couple of days after, Oh my gosh, I'm piteous, but I am a powerful beast of a person.

We should be proud of those photos.

Yes, this is very earnest.

This is not humiliating enough.

Less earnest, more humiliation.

My kids play soccer.

I'm the opposite of a good soccer mom Essentially.

We turn up.

I do turn up.

I do turn up.

Sometimes I leave to go to netball.

But it was soccer training.

I just picked up Alfie from daycare.

This is I was pretty sure I was still on mat leave app it's been toilet training for twelve months.

So he's totting along the path.

I've got the pram.

We're tottering along, happy as can be.

He's not wearing undies because I didn't pack enough undies for daycare, so.

He's free Bawling's okay, those shorts.

Let's say, well, that seems like it's important to the.

That's an important detail.

Remember that the very soon and he's totally fine.

I'm really chill.

I don't mind him not wearing underes.

It's not a big deal.

Until a fully formed shit falls from the side of his leg.

There was no straining.

It just fell out of his body like it had either been there for a while.

I mean, it would be nice to be that regular.

It was like he was a dog on the footpath as we were walking.

But even dogs drop and squat.

I know, it just felt how did it even get out of the butt?

Chicks like there is logistically this is a feat.

I feel like it was hanging there by th red oh for a while.

Yeah, and then the direction of walking yeah, made it.

Okay, yep.

So there's a pool on this on the footpath of this oval.

That is a toddler's not a dog.

That is a toddler's not dogs.

And I'm a good dog parent dog owner.

I always pick up the poos.

Though, I wasn't walking.

My dog, so I walking your toddler.

I was walking my toddler, and I had no doggy poo bags.

I sided it up to some of my new friends from soccer and asked them if they had a doggy pooh bag.

Sadly, no one had a doggy poo bag.

Were they like, oh, but you didn't bring your dog, And also no one had a dog, so it.

Was an odd question.

A baby.

You know people, some people put their.

Baby nappies and things.

I'm not one of those minds.

Neither of might seems like an unnecessary step to me.

I'm kind of disgusting.

I'll just chuck it in the bit.

I'm also like, I want to say that it's a sustainability thing.

It does seem very wasteful waste on top of the west.

Yeah, it prevents the breakdown of the nappies, I would say, because it's plastic on top of something that already struggles to break down in the environment.

Yeah, I've always like to me sane as well.

Exactly just put it in the bin, like how laz Also.

You're meant to empty the poo from the nappy into the toilet.

What I've never won some that in my life.

Okay, I've heard sustainability like I have some crispy What are the mums who were almoned mums eco echo people?

Yeah, tip the contents of like not of disposable nappies into the toilet.

Well, if they were truly cunchy, they would be using the wipe piati ones.

Or I could never do the wipe.

I'm not a white No.

I like to do what I can, but I know I can't.

I shall not be doing that.

I will want that.

I will do that when the billionaires stop using their private jets.

How about that?

So I had this conundrum.

I had this conundrum of a poo and I had to rifle through my bag and they ended up picking it up with a packet of tiny turties.

Genius, perfect size.

Really did you eat them first?

No?

They were empty, Oh it was rubbish from my bag.

That's actually genius.

It was quite good.

Yeah, but then I had to carry the poop and then I had to scrub over hands until their blade.

Again, it's not like you ended up just kicking it to the side and hoping for the best.

But it's a human pooh.

I know I'm probably exposing myself, but I would possibly do that with a dog poo if I was really desperate.

But if you could kick it into a bush or something, yeah, you absolutely, I think most people would probably do that.

Don't leave it there, but if there's a bush you could.

Yeah, it's compost, yeah, exactly.

You don't leave it on the foot path.

Never.

I don't even care.

My cat's shit in the backyard garden.

I don't care.

Yeah, it's gross, but like it's compost, it's good for the garden.

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

But a human pool, I feel like his next level.

That's a medical waste.

I don't know there's a term for.

There's probably illegal anyway.

Boxy Digenko, that's the story I was thinking of.

Oh, when someone shit outside her office.

So I'm like, I can't be leaving human poos.

If the cops came, they could DNA test it.

And Alfie could get a criminal.

Record three shitting in the park, Oh Alfrod.

Lifting a human poo with your tiny teddy bag.

While the other.

Soccer soccer moms who are like, they're not no, they're not that fancy, they're all kind of out of that stage.

Yeah, I feel like I'm really like clinging onto the baby, thinking that's what happens when you have so many kids, is we.

Do you have a baby still plus a seven year old, so you're.

Kind of when he's seven now in August.

When you straddle that many ages, I feel like sometimes it's harder to be relatable, like when you're making new friends, that's what's really hard to se mess.

No, I think that makes you way more relatable and you can have friends of all different ages, and I think that that's one of the reasons why the shit isn't going to love you so much, because whether or not you've got toddler's baby or an older kid.

Beth will have the stories and also tips and advice because you have so many of them, and you also just get on with it.

You're very much so a hustler, like you'll just I find her incredible.

She gets up in the morning to go to the gym before the kids get up.

Remember that time that you got.

I was like, oh, I drive to do a pilates class with you because I'm desperate to get back in like I want to.

You should join appolarateis.

But then Beth's like, oh, because I said, do you always go to the really grossly early one and you go No.

On Saturdays, I do the late class at seven am, and I was like, what, that's the late class?

You sleep in until six thirty, Beth.

Every single day this week I have not emerged from my bed till late thirty.

That would be so nice.

I am not a morning person, but I'm probably up.

Oh yeah, no, I am asleep.

That should be noted.

I'm not just lazy.

I am still up at a stupid hour, which is why I then to sleep in, otherwise I would get no bloody sleep anyway, not about me.

I have one about vomit, just to like really break up.

Okay, good go on.

So I don't know whether I've told you I've had not.

I wouldn't consider my pregnancies challenging, but I've had hyperemesis four times.

I was very lucky because I had two COVID pregnancies, right, Yes, So Teddy, I was very, very sick.

I was kind of lucky in that I had a lot of bleeding, so I was like on and off work for a lot.

So because I was in hospital, in and out of hospital quite.

A bit, okay, because of the bleeding and the HG.

HG, so I was in and out of hospital heats so I kind of was getting fluids all the time.

And like, I was heavily medicated.

So I was on the medication that they give you.

When I was pregnant with Seddy, they always said it was medication that they give you when you give cancer.

There was moments they give you, the key moments and kind of morphed.

By the time I was pregnant with Gas, it was very much like, oh, yeah, this is the HG mets but they give you yeah.

And I think it was because of Kate Middleton, right, because Kate Middleton had HG.

Everyone had to have HG.

But anyway, so I had two COVID pregnancies, so I was working from home for two pregnants, okay, which kind of allowed me to work a lot of the time for my bed or I would like I would be so close to the toilet that I could vomit constantly.

And because I was on such a heavy dose of the zoffren, I was on eight milligrams of zoffron three times a day, which means essentially I didn't pooh for a very.

Other constantiation daily shots.

And I was on it, Yeah, every couple of hours.

Yeah, you have to be.

But I hg though, but I.

Vomited like, I vomited everything I ate for twenty weeks and.

I vomited like once or twice a day.

Being pregnant is disgusting.

I took me for five pregnancies to discover that being pregnant because I really I never ever, ever, ever ever want to be pregnant again.

So there will be no fifth baby.

There will be pregnant, absolutely no fifth baby.

He's getting a snip, so good, well, he said.

His boss calls it like getting hit with two brit.

Men are such pussies.

Like the amount of shit it's less than like day two of our period.

I've seen blokes afterwards.

They're just there's nothing wrong with you.

He'll be absolutely fine.

And I think, like, and.

We don't need another gas.

We do not need another like He's amazing, but I absolutely could not be pregnant again.

It was the biggest surprise enough finding out I was pregnant with gas, which I found out in the toilet on the way to work.

How go to a pregnancy guess I couldn't believe.

I was so sure it would be negative.

But I was like ten days late, which is a lot, which is a lot, and I'm regular regular, like I'm twenty eight days to the day, and I yeah, found out in the toilet, in the toilet in like Winyard station, oh, Townhall station.

I was like, I should just take it.

It's gonna be negative.

One hundred percent is gonna be negative.

There's no way, you know, I've just had a flu or something.

That's means I'm just off, no suppose.

And I had to walk into work and I'm like white as a sheet.

Yeah, he was not good, And like I was like so sure that we were going to have to not have him, but Justin was like, one hundred let's do it.

We'll just figure it out, because having four kids is a lot.

It's like too many.

Like I've heard though, and I don't know if this is just what some people say, but that anything after three is actually just like you can just take it because it's like, oh, well, just adding to the klan three focks you.

But then fourth, fifth, six, like apparently it just doesn't make a difference.

You just need a bigger car.

Yeah, and we were lucky.

We bought a bigger car before we had our fie.

Oh yeah, what if you got Oh no, you've got that beast.

I've got a big car.

We've digressed.

We've digressed.

So you don't have complicated pregnancies, but you do have HG which sounds complicated.

Okay, you're working, working, and it was particularly bad when I was pregnant with August, really bad.

Ended up having to take some time off work.

I'd block out.

I was working from home for the first trimester and a half and just really really vomity.

That's a very serious corporate job, which seems off brand once you get to know her a little bit.

It was a weird thing to be off work, especially when everyone was coming back to the office as well, so it was very obvious, like I had to tell people really early that I was pregnant, but at home we actually hadn't told the boys either.

We didn't tell the boys until like, probably I was thirteen weeks pregnant because it took me a long time.

To adjust and mentally prepare yourself, I'd.

Say, to being pregnant, we just weren't.

I told a lot of people at work because obviously I had to take the time at home, but I hadn't told my kids.

But I was vomiting all the time.

Yeah, but kids don't know what that means.

No, they don't know that it means pregnancy.

Did you want a girl?

Oh?

Yeah, of course, of course.

I wanted a girl so much that I did the reverse logic on the NIPT test to try and work out whether the percentage chances they would be wrong.

I'd be okay, yeah, so you did it, and then go, for fuck's sake, seriously, another boy.

Well, at least I sound out.

I always say that, I'm like, if you've got any preference, please find out.

Yeah.

Well I didn't find out with Alfi.

He was the only one I didn't find out with.

And then after a very traumatic labor him being a boy, I was like, are you fucking serious?

He's awesome as well, but he is like a capital bee boy.

I always say, I'm like, it's okay that we feel that way about their genitals, about their gender, and people say, oh, but what about when they hear this or read that, those kids know how fucking loved they are.

It's a small glitch in time where we wished something else.

It doesn't mean anything twenty years down the track.

And Teddy often says to me, I wish I had a sister, And I was like, did me too?

Yeah?

Me too.

Do you want to carrier?

Because I am not doing that.

Yeah, you can have your own daughter one day, which will be great.

Yeah, but I'm not doing it.

I try.

I often say I try.

I tried five times.

So hates the man.

It's the man, like the reason that we have all the boys.

It's justin.

Yeah.

On Luke's side, there's only one girl and there's so many children.

One girl, he's a twin.

There's another set of twins.

Then he's like, mom's a twin.

There are so many twins and so many boys.

If I felt pregnant again, I wouldn't get a girl.

I'd get fucking twin boys.

Yeah, imagine me trying to cope with twin boys.

Oh, there's too many boys, that's too many dicks in one day, it's too many the same sized person exactly.

I never want twins.

No lucas.

What if you have twin girls.

I also don't want.

Twin goalsh, my god, can you imagine them in high school?

They'd be awful.

Okay, back on tracks.

So you're vomiting a lot, vomiting a lot.

Vomiting constantly.

After everything I eat, I vomit.

I have a cup of tea, I vomit.

And I say to the kids, because we haven't told them that I'm pregnant, I am like, mommy just has a really upset coming.

Oh and so they're asking me to do things and I'm going but I'm really sorry, Mommy, can't do that.

I just I'm feeling really sick.

I've got a tummy.

My tummy doesn't feel well, like I can't go bounce on the trampoline.

So this becomes law in our house.

Mummy and her saw tummy.

No, just having a saw tummy.

You don't have to do oh, no anything.

Now we can't go to bed, I've got a salt tummy.

Can't brutch the teeth, I've got a salt tummy, can't get dressed, I've got naked children running around my house saying that they have a saw tummy.

That's why they're gonna.

They're eating chocolate.

I have to sweet the chocolate because I I've got a sew tummy.

I have to It's tommy mummy, my saw tummy.

I need bear bigies and freddles.

I need a lollipop for my saw tummy.

Yeah.

So, needless to say, once we told them, we explained, but then they started feeling like they could probably grow babies in their own tummy.

So instead of like you know how the really cute daycare stories where they're like, mummy's having a baby, My kids are going to daycare saying they're having babies in their tummy.

Oh, and then the teachers are probably.

Like what yeah, yeah, but the teachers are always confused by me.

Yeah, imagining you arriving with all of them and you're also you've already been to the gym, You've got to go to work, to your very corporate job.

I just hats off.

But those teachers must just be like what, But they all don't care.

So of course I turned up the other day with all of them to drop them off.

They were like, we need to talk about Alfred's behavior.

Like does it look like I mean the time, seriously, we need to talk about Alfred's behavior for Christ's sake.

It's very bad at emotionally regulating.

Oh like he's three.

Three what three year old is good and emotionally regulating?

Or probably the girls coloring in the corner.

Yeah, well it's certainly not.

The child's rowing rocks.

Definitely not.

And also he's not biting anyone anymore so or pushing.

Yeah, no, we're still pulling.

It would get very angry, and like he's like the Hulk.

He dresses the Hulk for book weeks, three days in a row, and never has a child match their costume.

More like he's so cute, so sweet, so lovely, but so angry.

People just like expect so much from kids sometimes.

Yeah, educators too, Like what is the solution?

I would love to do an episode on like working through problems with daycare education better.

Actual problems versus.

Yeah, he's got a lot of feelings.

He's three.

See Lenny doesn't at daycare.

He's very well behaved because he saves it.

Oh that's steady until he comes home.

Okay, So we just need to all thank Beth for sharing very vulnerable, sharing her tales of unhinged misfortune.

I'm sure everyone has gotten to know her a little bit better.

She will be back.

We both will regular episode programming ish as much as we have a regular program anyway.

This podcast was produced badly by yours truly, Kelly McCarran, with audio production always done so well by Maddie Joanno.

Have a great week.

Bye.