Hi, everybody, Welcome to a I T A pod.

I'm Danny Vega, joined by the ex co host of comost Sarah Levee.

How are you the only time it's okay to talk to your exes people as if it's co hosts.

Don't get confused, that's true.

Actually I talked to both both my ex co hosts, both named Danny.

We love that you love a d You start a pod and you go, give me a Danny.

Literally, I can't do it without a Danny.

It's impossible.

How is Danny?

He's good?

Yeah, King, I love that I'm bad.

So maybe you're one for two.

No, I'm I don't know what I I had.

Well, I had a little twist of fate today.

I've been working so hard on my little sour dough.

It's a fickle, fickle Oh the yeasty boys are and you know I've made some loaves.

Everybody will eat it like it's fine.

It's it's edible bread.

But it doesn't look Instagram ready.

It doesn't look like this beautiful kind of like bouldous, crunchy, wonderful boulet.

I don't know how you say it, if it's bull or boulet I don't know.

It's one of those bool anyway.

So today I made my sour dough and I got this beautiful bull.

I get so excited.

I'm just I'm like, oh my god, it's the day is finally here.

I've finally done it.

I've made like artisanal sour dough and I finally tried it.

And it was the worst bread I've ever made.

No, just a chewy, gummy nightmare, just not sour bland.

How does that like happen?

Like is it raw or like underproved?

I got the two terms I've heard from the British bay off.

Yeah, I think it was actually overproofed because it's hard.

It it takes hot.

Let me say, sour does a diva.

It's like sit with me, babe, say with me three four nine hours because give me a cigarette and some drama because we got all the time in the world.

Honey, You're like Jesus man, can you just like proof your ass?

Yeah, it's like, oh, you want bread two days from now?

Cool?

No, for real, for fucking real, Yeah, because you have to let it sit for forty eight hours.

But I guess you don't get that sour unless it's got some whole wheat or rye in there.

But see the whole wheat in the rye was keeping me from my poofy bull.

So it's just I'm always fighting against against the yeast and the bacteria armies.

Oh bread, and then you can't eat too much of it.

These are the battles I fight.

So what's up with you?

What is up with me?

Uh?

Nothing.

We're sending our saved the dates soon.

The only good kind of here we go, the.

Only good kind.

Yeah, we kind of like, I feel like we did something kind of risky in that we ordered a proof and then I didn't like we didn't like the coloring filter on the photograph, so we ordered another proof without it.

And then I was like, oh, I feel like we should put our wedding website on there.

So I tinkered with a little bit of the font sizes, like added the wedding website, and I was like, I just don't have it at me to do another fucking proof, So we just ordered a hundred of them.

Bucket raw ong in it like hopefully it's fine.

I'm sure it's gonna be great.

Yeah, it's not that serious anyway.

It doesn't make me that I'll stay on your fridge forever.

Yeah, I mean I cleared my fridge recently.

It was busy, busy with the ephemura of the past.

Mm hm.

My friend taught me that word, and so I bust it out.

Sometimes that's a good word.

Ephemerah.

I feel like I finally got rid of like all the holiday car It's I was like, okay, am I ever going to look at this again?

Now?

Yeah?

I mean I keep most of it.

I have a big bin filled with my memories because you know, one day I want to upload myself to the cloud when I.

Die, just upload your consciousness.

So I can live on as a really shitty AI that people ask questions about, like what what the fuck?

What?

That's not the answer at all.

That's what AI is.

Now, Can you just give bread facts and like.

Yeasts, Yeah, this is how to make bread.

Wrong if you do do?

Yeah, I feel like we didn't give your std thing enough.

So okay, wait, so.

What it's not that serious?

It's not that serious, but it's you know, we're marching closer to the big event, yes, having like yeah, are you are you anxious?

Are you sleepless?

Are you what's going through your head?

Is it like a focused intensity.

Yeah, honestly, nothing like Yeah, not that I don't like care, but I am in a phase right now I don't care, which is good, I feel like because I just don't want to be stressed at all.

So yeah, that's where I'm at.

I don't know.

We had our tasting, which was really fun.

Tasting the food that they're going to serve.

Yeah, we tasted like their whole menu, and I think we end up choosing like, you know, one appetizer, a couple of entrees.

We tried like all the why was I gonna call it happy hour?

The cocktail hour?

Like, we tried those little past appies, the drinks, so everything was really good.

I just don't like my venue.

It's fine, I just I don't like the venue.

But the venue, the type of venue that I wanted, was either like a million fucking dollars or just too small for our guest size.

So I don't know.

Yeah, now that I'm just like, well, I'm not gonna have the aesthetic that I wanted.

Like I just kind of stopped caring.

Is that bad?

I mean, I think I think you get caught up on the details.

But in the end, weddings about the people who are there and enjoyah enjoying.

Them, right, I'm just like whatever, it's just a party.

Like, it's just a party, a party.

We say some words beforehand, so I'm just like, I don't know, I'm not really putting this pressure on myself for it to be like the best night of my life because it is going to be fun.

So yeah, we'll see.

My mom is very stressed and like trying to like not trying to.

She's shrying not to, but she ends up sort of like putting it all, trying to, yeah, like put all her stress on me somehow, And I'm just like, this is annoying, Like if you can't be more stressed than me, Like I'm the person doing all the stuff and I'm the person getting married.

Like it's illegal, that's illegal.

Mom, Relax.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

I hope.

I hope your venue wins you back over.

But it is kind of funnier if I know you hate it.

I don't hate it, but it just makes me sad.

That's kind of worse.

But I know everybody else is gonna like it.

That's the thing that's kind of why I just like ended up giving up because it was like between two places, and one like I liked and thought it was charming, but I was also like, it's kind of cheesy looking, and then the other one was like kind of soulless, but I could see people thinking it a chic, so I just went with that one.

There we go, yeah, before we go to ai Ta Town.

Sarah sent me this yesterday.

It's from two x chromosomes, which is a subreddit I do enjoy.

It's kind of what would you say, Sarah, it's kind of feminist.

It is feminist.

I went on that site because I was like, I don't know, I was like in a mood to be depressed and yeah what I was looking for?

Yeah, I think, yeah, well here, let's do it.

This is the post I get more food when I pre order at a restaurant under a male name.

I was recently complaining to a coworker about how I always get less beans than I wish for when I order in person at on the restaurants like Chipotle.

My coworker said that a friend of his started pre ordering at restaurants under a male name or a gender neutral name, and now she gets way more food.

So I gave it a shot and welcome to getting more food.

Wow, this really surprised me, so I figured i'd share.

I went back to ordering under my own name because I felt bad.

But as a betweet, petite woman with a fast metabolism, it's frustrating having to pay for extra portions when men get that much just for being men.

See, I never would have ever thought to do this.

So what is what is on the spot?

Mean?

Like they made they.

Like you go up to the calendar, like they see you, they can see you're a small woman.

Yeah.

I read a book called Delusions of Gender, and you know, this woman was a mega gender you know, specialist expert is all she thought about.

And she said she thought she was having a boy, and then she she learned it as a girl and right away she went from being like, who's my soccer boy to being like, oh, my little princess is so small, you know, like already changing her tonality with the child.

Yeah, that's so interesting.

So yeah, I mean I felt like this this is uh, that's how I see it going down.

I guess it's like, oh, you know Abigail dis ordered, you know, like they're actual like or just came in for Abigail Ah it's probably a little white girl, you know what I mean, give her.

It's just crazy because I would have never thought I would have never thought this happened.

And honestly, at first I thought this was funny.

But this has actually kind of ruined my day a bit because you're just like, the depth, the depth of the implicit bias went to a place that I didn't even think it existed.

Why didn't I think that?

I don't know.

I guess I just don't like order to go at fast cattle restaurants often, if at all, Like I usually will go up to the counter.

I also, I don't know, I don't eat that much, so like I feel like I would never need a double portion of carneitias or whatever we're talking about.

But yeah, just pretty depressing.

I'm sorry it ruined your day.

I don't love to hear that.

It didn't like ruin my day.

That's dramatic, but it did make me.

It just does.

It actually just makes me feel sad.

Like I thought it was funny, but and it is like kind of low level and silly.

But you're like, wow, it even goes to the low level of silly places, and that's kind of sad and also the places that you don't even know about, Like I would have never ever have thought about this before.

Well, I think it's a lighthearted uh parable about implicit bias, you know, and it's such a great I like it because it's such a great example of like I don't think, I don't think this is a bad person doing this right, you know, over there and uh, you know Tuscaloosa chipolet Jimmy is getting the order and he sees Abagail ordered, and you know, he just thinks of her, maybe he visualizes her.

He just kind of like it.

Just it's unconscious or very subconscious, and he just does it a little smaller.

Then he sees Chad come in and he thinks, oh, Chad, that's like a bad you know, a football player.

Yeah, maybe I should try this order for Chad.

What is like the most the name that would get you the most food?

Chad is a good one.

Uh you you just write your name is I'm going to kill everyone in the Chipotle.

There we go, Ted Bundy, if we have an order for Ted.

Shack comes to mind.

Andre the Giant isn't he dead?

Freaking?

Uh?

The sun?

Yes, the sun is here.

Hi yes, order for Lucifer, please.

Lucifer, the Milky Way galaxy.

I don't know I've actually largest celestial objects.

You ever stay up that late?

What is it?

The sign?

There's some crazy shit?

No the sun?

What are you crazy?

The sun is so small?

Oh you mean nearby?

Well, I just mean, like, is a galaxy an object?

Because that seems like a collection of many objects.

Oh, that's fair.

There's people who have heated debates about such questions.

It's probably a black hole or some fucking huge star.

Or your mom just kidding out of all there we go.

But yeah, it's interesting that this.

But yeah, I was thinking, like, okay, but this is relatively circumscribed because I do believe if you go to a restaurant, there's no naming, you know what I mean, They're going like table thirty eight.

So it's it's kind of a I mean, yeah thing where you get the name.

Yeah, And like I mean, I was thinking, you know, on my sushi orders, they're not going to give me more sushi, although I'll try, because you know, you I got nothing to lose.

But and on a restaurant, you know, they have their little frozen hamburger they take out of the fucking freezer, and it's like the hockey puck size.

There's not really room.

Maybe they'll give you like a bigger scoop or fries, but not really because no, it's like you put the table on the ticket.

You don't know who's getting that shit.

Their chef doesn't know.

Yeah, you're right.

So this is a very specific thing and it's a weird thing.

Let me say that, because yeah, everything else has kind of fixed portion sizes, and you see these like things about Chipotle people complaining about and it's valid, but it's just it is weird.

Everything else is like you're gonna order a burger, You're gonna get a burger.

Well, it is supposed to be fixed because it's like one scoop.

Yeah, you have the spoon, you make the scoop like it's supposed to be one on one in one.

Well, if you get into baking, you learn you never measure stuff by the cup or buy the scoop.

That's crazy.

Well, you do weight.

You have to do weight, because who fucking knows, there's a big scoop, a little scoops.

Times to get some air in your scoop.

That it's the airy scoop.

No good, no good.

Maybe that's what's happening to Abigail.

She gets the airy scoops what somehow.

I actually, I mean this might be privileged talking, but just because you know, I do have enough money for food and when when when Neo baby over here, I'm a Nepo baby.

When I go to the food store and then they give me so much, sometimes I wish like they give me less.

Okay, I do wish I could go to restaurants and order half portions of things because sometimes I'm like, I don't want to spend twenty five dollars on a burger that I'm going to cut in half and eat the fries and then I take it home.

But then it's like I would just rather have half that.

Thing, yeah, or like stuff that's like really unhealthy.

I'm like, I want there, I need to get like a micro cake slice.

Yeah.

I always do a kid's kid's cup of ice cream because I just have no self control.

So there's the kid's cup ata for getting more food.

And I career at a restaurant at her middle name that wasn't what it was called.

But more power to the women who tell Chipotle that they're Chad or you know, shipmongus, whatever it is you got to do.

You know, let's start a movement.

Do it?

Get more food?

Yeah?

Now, this was an interesting ATA Sarah sent along.

Our second story is at for telling my boyfriend he can't buy a dirt bike first, please review subscribe ATA for having a micro wedding.

Now.

Husband and I got married four months ago.

We've been together nine years.

Neither one of us has ever been interested in a large wedding day.

We have small immediate families, but larger wide wider families and friendship groups.

After the engagement autumn of last year, we decided to go with a sooner rather than later micro wedding ceremony.

Both sets of parents and siblings plus the one current partner of a sibling only to a ten totaling ten including ourselves.

Wow.

So eight people.

Around Easter we were married in our local registry had a nice meal.

Contrary to the title of this post or my future comments, we still wouldn't have had it any other way.

Personally, best day of my life so far.

Once we decided we would be doing our wedding, we scheduled in a party style day to celebrate with wider friends with sending out the information for this to the wider friends of family, which happened before the wedding.

We had formed them at this time that this party would be after the wedding day and that this is our way of bringing our loved ones together celebrate in a bit of a different way than normal.

Years before we were even engaged, we joke with friends and family that we'd wanted to just turn up and be married.

After sending out these invites, we received a lot of messages saying that they knew from back then that we'd be having a small ceremony and that they're looking forward to the party in the autumn.

At this time, no one gave off the impression that they'd been hurt by our choice.

Naively, since we decided to not involve anyone in the day in the day bar bar parents and siblings, and we are having the party celebration aspect later on, we assumed that no one would have the opportunity to feel left out.

There's no step parents or half siblings.

That all grandparents have passed, so there's generally no one who was excluded from the ceremony in that sense.

Cut to this month, two friends of ours for many years got engaged at the start of the summer.

We found out from a mutual friend that the saves and dates had been sent out for a wedding day late next year, but we hadn't got one.

From speaking to the couple shortly after their engagement, this is going to be a big one day wedding in which they expected to exceed two hundred and fifty guests.

Well, the next time we saw the couple, before we could even bring it up, they said that they didn't want to get wires crossed that we would not be invited to their wedding.

Woof, it's been a hard decision, but given we'd had our ceremony had chosen not to include them in it, they now understood how our friendship sat it didn't feel obliged to include us in their planning.

As a result, this led to a long and emotional conversation at which we tried in vain to reiterate that our decisions were not related to friendship levels.

We came away from the conversation respecting their decision, but affirming they're still invited to our celebration.

Later in the year, in speaking with a friend about this situation, yesterday, she said that if she was being brutally honest, had she and her husband been married after us they got married a couple of years ago, she'd now think twice about inviting us to the wedding, because while she knows there was never going to be a big ceremony, it was still sad for her that she didn't get to see that moment, and if she was feeling vindictive or if it came down to numbers, she'd feel less obliged to include us in the day.

Although this was a much more balanced conversation than the first on the topic, I've come away surprised that we've inadvertently hurt people we care about deeply because of this choice.

A ia I change.

This is on relationship advice, but whatever.

Yeah, it was just on weddings or something.

But this is interesting because like I don't really understand, like, listen, everybody has a right to their feelings, blah blah blah, But like, I don't think any one friend has a right to be offended necessarily because all the friends were excluded.

So it's kind of like that to me seems like a very clean dividing line.

Yeah, I don't quite think that's the objection.

Though the first group of friends seem to say that more, which I thought was whack.

Yeah, I don't think that's a good attitude to have, and that's frankly very self centered.

And I think most people will be easy going to just be like, Okay, you wanted a small wedding, you're having a celebration.

I'm invited to that whatever, And that's a reasonable response.

Here's the thing, Like, on the one hand, I do It's like I don't know because on the one hand, I think they divided this like perfectly.

I think there's kind of like no arguments.

Like if you were a first cousin and you got offended, I could give you like some leeway because that's still family.

But this was only immediate family.

Like it just feels very It wasn't like oh this one close friend and like whatever.

But then I think about, well, if you want a micro wedding, why also have a big celebration.

Yeah exactly.

It's like you kind of are still saying like I kind of hate this term, but chosen family you got Like you're kind of saying like, my family is the only ones I want at my wedding.

Well, you are saying that, you are saying that, you are saying that, and there was a wedding's and I think that's fair.

I think that's like totally fair.

But then it is also just like, well then what is the rationale?

But I get okay, But then part of me like, I do get it, because like you know, when you have a wedding, to plan a micro wedding, I'm sure was like reasonable, Well, if you were to then try to have a wedding with a reception and a ceremony for like two hundred people or whatever, like that cost is just astronomical, So if it was coming from a cost perspective, I would understand.

They don't say that that's why, So I'm kind of like assuming that that's really not the reason.

Yeah, it really kind of seems to be fair to the poster.

I think they were more wrote this as a PSA to people to be like, hey, totally this is going to have implications, so yeah, change it to an aita.

But I actually just thought it was really interesting.

I don't think it makes you an asshole to do this, but I do think that the people who are hurt, I think hurt might be the wrong word folks.

That's how Opie's frameding, like they were hurt by your choice.

It's like really hurt necessarily, but like you're kind of conveying like still like yeah, I didn't invite you to my wedding, Like that's still ultimately being conveyed.

There's really no way around that.

It's true.

I don't know, though.

I don't know because it's like I could I could understand like the micro wedding and then the reception, because like you could throw a much cheaper party for like two hundred people, but once you say it's a wedding, it's like a million dollars more.

But yeah, I don't know.

I just feel like the first group of friends is being like really vindictive.

I do think they're being vindictive.

The first group lost me.

But I think it's like you have the room you're doing.

Sorry to interrupt, but like you have the room, you're doing this big traditional wedding, like you're still invited to their party, so so yeah, you are just being vindictive.

But the other people, the.

Other people are kind of not wrong, you know.

It's like it's just not the same.

I mean, look, I'm doing the math in my head, right now, Okay, I have some friends.

They're very you know, they're like, you know, we have we have different orbits with my friends, you know, like you're I actually don't know anything about planets.

This is a dangerous what's the first planet, Mercury, Yeah, Mercury, Like I want to invite my Mercury's.

What's the second one?

Venus?

They got over there Earth, that's a third planet, you know.

But we got some friends over there, and like Urinus and Sadder, they're way the fuck out there.

But this is horbit.

And I've got a couple Saturns out here, you know.

And one of them invited me to their real wedding.

Invited me to their real lass wedding.

It was at a bit of beautiful, and the other one invited me to their celebration.

And when I think about emotionally, the pressure to reciprocate, when I think about my wedding, when I marry one of my one wheels, I think there is I feel it, I feel it in my heart more pressure to invite the real wedding person.

Now that's kind of a good point, And I wonder, if I wonder how much of that is because weddings are expensive, and like parties are also expensive, but a fraction of the cost and just like less pressure.

Like you're just like, because a lot of my friends did this thing, but that was because of the pandemic.

So I'm obviously not begrudging anybody, but like a bunch of my friends like eloped and then did a party later on, and I guess there was kind of less pressure to go.

Yeah, I mean, I think the pandemic was an extraordinary, obviously thing.

Yeah, but I think, look, here's here's the thing.

And I think I think a lot of us, you know, myself included, are like, tradition is bullshit, These are arbitrary.

But with time I've come to realize, like, not every tradition is bullshit.

And I do believe decorum as its place.

I do, yeah, And I think what you call it a celebration, it's just a big party.

You're not bringing the decorum, you're not bringing the seriousness, you're not bringing the gravity toss.

And that's that's your right, it's your day.

It's just that when I'm going to do that for my thing and you didn't do it for your thing, and you didn't invite me to, or you didn't invite me to that part.

It's just like, yeah, it's like it's going to be a thing.

It's gonna be a thing.

You're going to have to me.

This whole post is well, well, well, if it's not the qus of my actions, it's like.

Yeah, I mean I get Iop is like surprised by this reaction, but now that you say it, I guess it's just like, yeah, like just a big party.

It's like, look, the people who want to be there will be there, But I guess for the people on the fringes, they're kind of like, well, this is like this could be a birthday party, this could be like anything, and they don't.

It's like this could just be any other event that they like maybe don't want to go to that badly.

Whereas for a wedding, you're like a final pay like five hundred dollars to fly there, and you know they're three hundred dollars for a hotel.

But if it was just a party, you're kind of like, m I could skip it.

Yeah exactly, that's a fucking party.

So you're having a party.

And I also think it's kind of I don't know, wild to message that to your guests of Hey, we had this wedding you weren't invited, but we would like to celebrate with you later.

Yeah, I mean it gets conveyed, you know.

I don't know that they said it quite like that without.

Me, of course not, but they literally were like, oh, we did have a micro wedding, like the actual ceremony, and now we're like, I don't know.

Obviously it's like you can't have it a secret because that would just be terrible and blow up in your face.

But I'm just like I don't know how to message that, and just like we eloped and now come celebrate with us.

I don't know.

Yeah, I mean there, I don't know how you did you say we're having a celebration and I know, like why are you married?

Like the question's going to come up.

I do kind of think like none of neither of these people are really that good friends, because if any of my friends did that, I'd be stoked, Like you know, I just I yeah, I think it is unfortunately revealing, but I think that's true about like weddings in general, like even if you do the whole ceremony thing.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I think what this is it's just made of like, yeah, you do stuff like this, and yeah, I think you nailed it.

People on the it's going to affect the people on the fringes, and ultimately, like you can't really you got to leave people out.

Let me say that, by the way, it's okay to leave people out sometimes.

I know we talked about excluding people is mean, but like, to be honest, having a wedding with two hundred and fifty people, it's like it's absurd.

That sounds terrible because then you just like have to spend your whole time saying hi to people.

Exactly, and that gets ridiculous too.

And then it's like, well, what are we really here for?

Are we here to?

Are you here to tell everyone that you got a bunch of friends?

Is that what you need?

Like I believe, well, unless it's like a culturally like a big wedding, you know what I mean.

Yeah, it's there, right, but I mean it just does get a little ridiculous, Like we all have the same twenty four hours in a day.

You expect me to believe you're close to this many motherfuckers like haard Oh.

Then no, it's like always just a family thing.

Of like, and I'm running into this with my family and its just like, is fucking annoying because it's like, oh, you went to this friend that you don't even talk to anymore's child's wedding like two years ago, so that means I got to invite them.

But they went to my brother's wedding five years ago, So shouldn't the chain end, like the obligation change would be over.

But it just like ping pongs back and forth until everybody fucking dies.

Like it's ridiculous.

Yeah, I mean, that's that's what's weird to me.

Like, I mean, I guess I'll deal with it.

But like parents being like I want you know, you got to invite this guy.

I'm like, I don't want to invite your your guy.

Why I know that's your guy.

Isn't that to do with me?

It's annoying.

I'm trying to be really cutthroat about it.

But like, if your parents are contributing, unfortunately, it's kind of like you only have so much room to say no exactly.

They buy their way in.

It gets to such a point interesting discussion.

Let's get to aita town Ai ta for telling my boyfriend he can't buy a dirt bike.

Me twenty eight f in my partner twenty five m just had a fight about him buying a dirt bike.

We've been together for two years and recently decided to move in together to my apartment as we wanted to get serious about saving for a house.

Contacts.

I make fifty five k and he makes about eighty five to one hundo oh difference also relevant.

He has made some big purchases, including this year, including a car, new car, motorcycle, all the gear, including a two thousand dollars helmet.

He also owes about thirteen hundred for an upcoming vacation or planning on taking next month, which he had told me he will pay later.

Before we committed to living together, we decided to do a one month trial to make sure my apartment would work for the both.

That's funny.

He told me he didn't have enough money to pay for two places at once, or even contribute a few hundred dollars to help offset the extra costs, so I offered to pay the bills and rents at my place for the first month while he covered things at his until he moved in.

I had some emergency expenses this year that had unfortunately drained my savings.

So we both knew that me paying for everything but the two of us would be tight.

But I thought it was just a month and there was no use in us both being stressed about money.

And I never expected him to help or offer to help with my personal expenses, but just to be aware that I'm not in a position where I have much cushion to take on extra costs.

Okay, so she's just paying the bills and rents at her place.

It seems like they're both paying their own rents while he's living in her apartment for one.

Month because it's a trial.

Okay, So we get to the dirt bike.

Recently, he saw a reel about many dirt bikes and was talking about how funny we be and how it's only thirteen hundred dollars.

I was annoyed because he had previously told me he didn't have the money to help with our shared expenses or pay me back for the trip, and asked if he had the money for the bike, and he laughed and told me he has about forty grand, which was shocking to me.

I snapped and told him that if he had the money to blow thirteen hundred on a dumb toy as a joke.

He had the money to help with the bills or at least pay what he owes me.

Now here's where I became an asshole.

I lost my shit and went off about his spending habits.

I told him he just bought a motorcycle not even a year ago, and he'd only been able to ride it for five months, plus a new car, plus thousands on gear and mods.

Now he wants some other loud toy that we don't even have room to store.

I snapped and told him he spends the money hand over fists on stupid stuff on a whim, and after two weeks of having his dirt bike, he'd be on to the next obnoxious thing.

And said, it's so messed up that you expect your girlfriend to struggle pay all the bills while you live here rent free and blow all your money on fun things for yourself, and pointed out iron half of what he does.

He's annoyed because I'm going back on my word, and he says we made a deal that I pay for things this month, and I shouldn't police how he spends his money, and if he has the money should spend it on what he wants, and he'll contribute to the shared expenses when his lease ends.

We agreed.

As we agreed, I feel taken advantage of because I made that deal because he told me he didn't have the money to contribute to our place while paying for his apartment.

At the same time, I feel like he knew he had the money to help pay for some of the expenses this month, or at least paying me what he owes me for the trip, but he purposely misled me and let me struggle and stress over making ends meet.

AIA, Okay, was this on two X chromosomes because I'm about to go into a rage blackout?

I no, No, I don't think so.

I think this was a really ita.

Wow.

I don't even know what to say, but I mean, I don't even think we needed to read that situation.

Once I saw she makes fifty five k, he makes one hundred k a year and they're moving into her apartment, I was like, Nope, immediately, Nope, there's no good reason for that, Like unless she lives in the coolest area and there are no other apartments in that area.

No, because because she lives in a worse apartment because she had probably because she has a lower income.

And yeah, I'm just like, what is the reason for that?

That does seem odd?

Yeah, it was immediately.

I was just like, immediately, that's like a red flag where it's just like what's going on?

And then I mean the one month trial, I was just kind of like, well, listen, now, this is why you have a trial.

Yeah, I guess I'm a little confused as it seems like she can't afford it.

That's where I'm getting confused.

Why she's so tight.

So that's a good question.

And like, frankly, I don't necessary like I kind of think her rent is kind of a sunk cost in this trial where it's like he should contribute, but if he genuinely he didn't have the money to pay like one point five rents, let's say I could understand, but he clearly does have the money, but if he didn't, it's like okay, well, like you know, look as long as like groceries are being split up evenly, which I doubt they are, but let's say they are.

You know, people love to like nickel and dime of like, oh, your boyfriend stays over one night a week, like he has to pay more for the electricity bills and you just like get a grip like that's just not how these utilities work.

But yeah, I mean yeah, everything else is just I'm ready to throw out the A word, the FA word.

I mean this is this feels financially abusive.

Interesting.

I don't know if I quite see it that way, but I think we're on the same page.

I mean, I'm just like, bro, like you're just putting your girl in a tough spot.

And why is she fronting thirteen hundred dollars for their vacation?

Yeah, you over the thirteen hundred.

Like, don't make someone chas you for money when you have forty grand liquid.

That's fucked up.

But yeah, mainly I'm just like, yeah, I don't I just don't understand this attitude of like being so penny pinchy and difficult about money.

It's like it's sick.

It's sick people are It's like, bro, like, why why would you let her struggle like that?

Like help her out?

I mean that's why I think it's abusive.

Like I think this is someone who doesn't actually see their partner as an equal, uh, and like just wants to take advantage of them, like he's doing it repeatedly.

Yeah, I mean he's all The fact that he's there is also very difficult.

I'm like, so this is a trial, but you're there, so it's like you are using it kind does yeah do something?

Yeah?

And like again, she makes so much less than you, Why is she putting down money for this vacation?

Like you're saying you can't afford it it, So you're you're lying about how much money you have.

Why you're lying to avoid paying for this.

I hope she cancels that trip, kicks him out.

At least it is a trial and you don't have a lease or anything together.

She thinks she's the asshole, because I mean, yeah, I just don't think she was the asshole at all.

Like she was just like, yeah, you spend her responsibly, Like I don't, Yeah, that's not it.

I don't care.

I'm not gonna call her that whole.

I think she's yeah, I mean she's reacting viscerally because it's like he's just so gitting in her face with how much money he has.

You have a motorcycle and you're buying a stupid thirteen hundred dollars dirt bike.

You know, it's like help help, Why aren't you helping?

He's annoyed.

Yes, he's annoyed because I'm going back on my word because we made a deal that I pay for things this month, and I shouldn't police how he spends his money, Like his money is his money, but her money is also his money.

Like fuck this guy.

Yeah, I think this is just even though the arrangement is a little bit weird, I just feel like he needs to do more.

Yeah, no kidding, but he's being like a baby.

I don't know if I'm doing more.

I don't know if I'm for this trial period stuff either.

I don't know how I feel about that.

No, but in this case, I'm kind of glad they did a trial period because hopefully she can realize that this is not someone she should move in with before they're actually like tied with a lease and legal documents and stuff.

Yeah it's worse.

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

I'm kind of like, if you feel like you need a trial period, it's kind of like it's giving like prenup when you don't need a prenup.

I'm like, either commit to living together and don't live together.

You're gonna do it or not, like you're gonna have to work through some stuff.

I kind of think everybody should have a prenup.

But I agree with you on the second half of what you're.

Saying, Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just think if you're already going to going into like a lease, which is a one year agreement with like such cold feet, like maybe this is a sign deep down that you know that this is not going to work out.

Like when I moved in with Ryan.

You know, obviously people are I believe you should have lived together before marriage, like whatever the Christian influencers could come from me, I don't care.

But like at the end of the day, like there weren't any huge surprises.

I would say, yeah, because we had been dating a lot of time, and like I'm like, I kind of understand how you live.

Like I wasn't like, oh my god, he does this like really weird thing.

Yeah, you knew the vibes.

I kind of knew the vibes.

These are young people.

I mean, this guy's brain just finished loading.

So I think he's being a douche.

I think I think.

Honestly, like, oh she's older than him.

Yeah, I don't love that.

It's act he's acting like fuck this guy.

Being very rigid and like legalistic as he's being I'm like, well, well, I have some understanding for her situation and to drop up money is real here.

I feel like a gap between fifty five K and one hundred K is like kind of like the gap that gap.

That's a big gap, because the gap between one hundred K and two hundred K, for instance, is much bigger.

But that's that's where money becomes less.

Real money is very raw.

Fifty five K that is a real money.

Yeah, that's why I'm saying.

I'm like, you have two people are going to move into a fifty five K apartment versus her moving into his apartment, which, like I mean, I don't know, because maybe he's he sounds like he could be in debt or just like spends really terribly, So maybe he lives in a shoe box so that he can afford his spending habits.

But I don't know.

Realistically, I'm just like, with that income, you can probably afford a bigger place.

Antia for time.

My boyfriend he can't buy a doorbike.

I think there's really no disagreement here.

We're on the same page, not the asshole he is.

Yeah, all right, folks for going back to shed town with this interesting neighbor conflict.

Oh my god, okay.

Ai ta for putting up a camera during my neighbor's pool build and then overhearing him say he hates us.

I'm baffled by a recent encounter with my neighbor what I overheard.

I live in the US suburbs and it's summer.

Replaced my ac in March, which was a significant investment.

Are new six months neighbors.

In May.

They informed us they were putting in a pool.

This is our first encounter with them.

Pool company asked to use the path between our houses and gave us a poorly written liability waiver with inconsistent references.

I saw that as opportunity to be a good neighbor and reworded it to be more clear, sent it back, which they appreciated.

A few days later, the neighbor's wife asked to me in person to discuss the timeline it concerns.

My wife mentioned our new AC unit and asked that machinery avoid the condenser.

We also requested their work vehicles not park in front of our house, since we have regular services that need access.

I have an old Google camera that I used for a video feed of the AC unit in case anything happened.

I put it in a window in a conspicuous occasion so everyone knew it was there.

Over the summer, nothing happened and we had no contact.

Last week, my wife asked about repairs to our grass and sprinklers.

The neighbor's wife said the project was delayed but should finish in a few weeks.

All were polite.

This brings us to our most recent encounter.

Yesterday, around five pm, a work vehicle with a trailer arrives and parks directly in front of our driveway.

The workers opened the trailer and started doing their work.

The truck was labeled for a specific service and another crew had been on site recently to perform the same service.

I was mildly curious, as I didn't think it was the same company as my wife and I had out to take our evening walk with our dog.

My wife asks how long will they be there, and they respond they are about to leave.

The interaction was no more than five seconds.

As we arrive home, they are leaving a neighbors heading inside the house.

We have a driveway camera.

I was curious if I could listen to their convo and hear why another company was here.

Yes, I was nosy.

What I hear is not that it's my neverbitating about us to these workers.

He talks bad about us, mentions the camera.

I can hear him say, man, I do not like those these new neighbors, both of them.

We debated a bit.

I don't know what he means by that.

We came to the conclusion it means us and his other neighbors.

I've taken aback.

We've barely spoken.

My wife has had maybe five back and forth taxa one in person combo.

We've never spoken to him personally.

My daughter says she has talked to him once and passing hello.

I'm honestly not sure what I should do.

As I see it.

We've done nothing to him.

There's never been a personal interaction.

So I'm here to ask a bunch of internet folks.

Aiita.

I mean, we have as much info as you, sir, and you have no infos.

So what do you want us to do?

Yeah, I have some suspense about what this person did.

I mean, this is like like you're clearly nosy, Like you put a camera to look at your AC.

Unit, okay, and you found nothing that was intense.

No, that's what I'm saying.

I'm like, that's weird.

Yeah, I'm on your side.

Yes, yes, I'm like, it's not a precious heirloom or something like, it's your AC unit.

It's an AC unit.

The other serious, the other thing they bothered me is gave us a poorly written liability waiver.

I saw that as an opportunity to be a good neighbor, and reworded it to be more clear and sends it back.

I mean, well, I think that's like a little bit condescending, but also like, I'm not going to sign some shitty legal document no liability.

I'm not mad at him for doing that.

I think that's reasonable.

I wanted to be well worded in the well that I'm more just like, I don't think that was an opportunity to be a good neighbor.

I think that was an opportunity to fix a legal document that you had an issue with, which is totally valid, but not good neighborly.

Yeah.

And coming from that position of like, oh, I'm being a good neighbor, it does feel kind of haughty.

Exactly.

It's like oh, yeah, you're such a good person.

Like, no, you're just protecting your own ass, which you should do.

But honestly, this guy's kind of like why not they like me.

I'm like, well, I think I know why you don't have a personal relationship and you haven't exactly been easy going anything wrong, But like I kind of feel like this is something you would jokingly say.

You're like, yeah, I hate these people.

It's always something with them that's true, And like you're literally keeping tabs of what companies they've hired to do what portion of the work, and now you have to listen like your nosy, and like they can like your nosy and you're not that slick, they can clearly pick up on it.

Yeah, I mean, like I think this is like I think a debate we've had before along the lines of like passive aggression, but like setting up a camera in that way, it's like I put the way for a video feed up the AC unit.

I guess that's OK.

I gotta watch my precious AC unit when I'm out.

That just signals that it's like you like you obviously are waiting for your neighbors or they're like construction team to like do something that's gonna fuck up your ac unit.

The other thing the OP does is insists that they not park in front of his house.

Now, I've seen a lot of tiktoks about this because people will park in front of someone's house and then someone comes down and goes, you can't park here, and they're like, yeah, I can, now you can't park here as it is our house.

No, I know it's your house, but I can park here.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm not your driveway.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're like, we have regular services that need access.

What services?

Literally when you read that part, yeah, I was like, seriously, what services do you have?

You know the truck is blocking your driveway, then it's a problem.

You tell them to move it.

But yeah, like I think if you're having a party, you kind of warn your neighbors, like, hey, you know people are gonna be parking down the street.

Yeah.

I honestly feel like that might be it because like, yeah, probably like this guy and his wife's like, well, I mean he's just covering his ass all right now.

He's saying we can't park in front of his house.

That's not his right to say no.

But it's okay to park in front of other people's houses, Like, fucking we live in a society.

That's how I feel about the shed as well.

We live in a society.

Top comment rights nothing because the person I'm honestly not sure what I should do.

Nothing, there's nothing to do.

Not everyone is gonna like you.

They're not coming up to your face and causing problems.

They were talking to contractors and had no reason to believe you'd hear the conversation, So just move on.

My wife is considering a confront of the neighbor's wife, right, so.

Oh, oh my god.

So they already don't like you, but your wife is going to go tell them that you overheard them on your spy camera.

Yeah that's gonna go great.

Yeah no, don't do that, just be nicer.

Oh my god.

Yeah, I just really do feel like this.

This person is just like, why do my neighbors hate me?

Besides all the stuff I did that wasn't likable at all relatable.

That's so real, you know, like you just really did nothing to curry favor.

I don't think like we accept all the legitimate reasons.

I think that's just someone who's like really not aware, like, yeah, you really think all of these like petty things that you did when undetected, like we could tell based on an account that was probably written to favor you.

Yeah, even with your picture painting bullshit.

We're like, nah, I don't think so.

Yeah, don't park in front of my house as an asshole position watching your ac unit like as aescension being or the Crown Jewels is weird.

You cross the line.

I don't think you and your wife are as play as you think you are.

Yeah, I agree, Yeah, I mean I just feel like these little things are aggressive, they're they're it's giving difficult, you know, and I maintain what I've been saying along these lines.

I'm like, you really probably don't want to be on your neighbor's bad side.

I just think that's a bad idea.

Yeah, I think so too, you.

Know, like bring some cookies over, bring some sugar over, do something, get on their good side, and then like like you know or like I don't know, it's just recognizing too, Like people are not gonna like you if you set up a camera to redo your thing, Like that's not gonna gain you any points.

Ridiculous.

I don't feel like that I don't feel like this this op like necessarily did anything wrong.

I do feel like it's a YTA time served.

I mean, listening to the conversation is kind of I think that's a little fucked up.

Yeah, but I think it's like you kind of played stupid games.

You want a stupid prize, don't go use that stupid prize to like force a confrontation.

Play another stupid game.

Yeah, just just take your prize and go.

You're done, You're done playing the carnivals.

Close.

YTA time served.

Another asshole neighbor eats the dust.

Sarah, Thanks for joining me today.

Thanks for having me.

This was fun.

You will be invited to my non micro wedding.

Hell yeah macro wedding baby.

Yeah.

All right, folks, we'll see you next time.

Bye.

Aye,