Hi, everybody, Welcome to AITA Pod.

I'm Danty Vega.

I joined today by a lovely guest, a longtime listener, Mia.

Can I say your last name?

Ya?

Sure, Kats, That's fine, that's me.

So I just want everyone to know I were not really doing what is it called call in shows anymore?

But Mia begged me, and we've been friends.

I think we've been friends for I've been friends for four years.

Uh, you know, I was curious about this, and so I scrolled all the way back up in our Instagram messages and I think I first messaged you in twenty twenty two, So three years.

Three years, it's felt like four.

It's felt like forever.

No, but we've I honestly, Yeah, you're definitely in the top definitely in the top three listeners I've talked to the most and about everything life, the podcast, meta, the podcast itself, friendships, relationships, we've we've kind of been through.

It isn't it crazy to think of how many hours you spent on the phone talking yet we've never met.

Yeah, there's a couple of lists where I feel like I've had, like you've shown up in dreams.

I don't know if you have me sorry, but.

I feel like you've told me that I have no you.

Know what you have because there's a listener, sweet Tayla and she so I know a couple of personal details about her, like she's big on having clear teeth, so like in other words, like flossing between your teeth, like being able to breathe this in your teeth.

Right, Okay, you're the opposite.

So she's clean, you're gross.

Because I think of me not every night, but a lot of nights, because I'll have this panicked moment where I go, oh my god, I left my contact lens in and I was about to go to sleep with my contact lenses, which would probably make me blind forever, because you're not supposed to do that.

And I remember, and this is your claim that you have left in daily contacts for a month.

Is that your testimony today?

Probably longer.

I've left with them every night.

But okay, hear me out.

I've been doing this since sixth grade or perhaps seventh grade.

Okay.

I had a friend in middle school who I was like, oh my god, you don't take your contacts out.

She's like, no, I just sleep them in.

And I was like, you can do that.

And I've been doing it ever since, and I'm twenty six now and nothing bad has happened so far.

So I think that means nothing bad could ever happen.

Ever.

Probably that's not really how that works, but we'll give it to you.

They're your eyes.

I just love that you're like, yeah, let's see, I could take them out and spend you know, it's not cheap.

I'll give you that.

It's not cheap to replace the dailies.

Yeah, I get.

Your supply for like it was over one thousand dollars.

Oh, you got your supply of contract.

Yeah, I know that sounds right, but I'm like, but.

It's okay because I can stretch these babies out to last me like eight years.

I just think it's really funny that you're like, yeah, you know, worst case scenario, I'm blind forever.

It's like, well, you.

Know, I've got a good support system.

I've got You're not even gonna lean on your ears.

You're like, I got people around me.

Well, I'm happy I made this exception for you.

A Miya, you are a gem and a half.

Some say two gems.

You know it's it's contested, but you picked these situations so we're gonna we're gonna rip through them.

Okay, I'm excited, unless you do you have any talking points, I mean, yeah, you're.

Only super juice.

So I work as a seamstress at my day job in alterations, and I had a bride today who made me feel real good because she came in and she's picking up her dress and we'd taken it in in the sides and I could not zip it up, and that is every bride's worst nightmare, right, And so I'm calling in reinforcements, getting my coworkers to try to sin shit shut.

Best they can.

We'll like im wanna like wrestle with the zipper, and I'm making excuses and I'm saying, it's not you, it's not you, Like the zipper always gets stuck, which lowkey is true.

The zippers always get stuck at the damn wasteline.

And then I asked her, you know, did we take it in?

She said yes, and so I'm like, all right, I got this.

I'm gonna prefer dress surgery.

And then it was like for the next four hours of my shift, it was like a montage of me just doing everything I can to like let the dress out and all the possible scenes and it's complicated too, like it takes a long time, and I have her try back on and then I got to replace the zipper because I fucked it up from pulling it so hard.

And then at the very end, well, she had been.

Crying by the way, when I was like struggling with the zipper, because she's like, oh my god, I gained weight, you know, a month before my wedding, and she felt horrible.

And I got to give her a hug and rub her back and like, don't cry, or you'll make me cry too.

And no matter what happens, you're leaving feeling beautiful in your dress, whether you like.

It or not.

And it's making her laugh.

And so I had this whole work montage in my mind, forty music going on in the background, and then she came and picked out the dress again and it zipped buck.

It was such a good moment, and she and her mom are both gonna give me a good review.

Well, what a seamstress tale of success.

I'm excited for you.

Review five stars all the way.

That's right, guys, Please rate review, subscribe Joman on Patreon, Patreon dot com.

Slash a I t a po Leah, Leahnah.

Are you a happy Patreon subscriber?

Who's Leah?

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Me joining Patreon was what started our conversation on Instagram years ago, after I sent you the picture of this omegal screenshot.

You remember that?

Uh no, So that's how.

We started talking in the first place.

Was I sent you a screenshot that I had for my own megal days when I was in like seventh grade, and it was this guy who looked, you know, like he could be your cousin.

And he was saying, like, you have a pretty mouth or something.

And I was like, Larry, get back to work, you know, just being my silly, mean self.

And I sent you a screenshot of that was like, can you confirm that this is not you?

If you were like mea congratulations, You've just given me a heart attack.

That's hilarious.

Well, we loved it.

We love a good long and you don't.

And people, let me just be clear, you don't have to be a patron to flirt with me, to DM me whatever.

I'm not saying me.

It was flirting with that terrorism she inflicted.

You don't, but it helps, it helps.

It's five dollars ad free.

I think it's very reasonable.

Anyway, folks, we're going to get into these things.

Mia literally chose violence our second story of the day, AATA for punching a girl at a party after she grabbed me.

But first, folks, my jokes, ATA for saying I told you so when my boyfriend got beat up by my ex.

I added things with my ex a year ago and have been dating my boyfriend for six months.

My ex during this time has refused to move on and repeatedly sent me flirty text till I blocked him, as well as hitting on me in person blatantly in front of my boyfriend too.

I've told him multiple times that I'm not interested in that.

I love my new boyfriend he's but he's persisted.

This led to my boyfriend wanting to fight him for quote, disrespecting you and I and our relationship.

I always told him that this wasn't a good idea because violence is the an Vince isn't the answer.

But the real reason, the real reason not that is that as half that and also half because I know my ex would beat him in a fight.

X trains in the gym and does multiple martial arts whereas my boyfriend isn't really into fitness and is very skinny.

The ultimate soy boy versus MMA face off.

He finally told me last week he gonna fight my ex at a party they'll both be at Saturday.

I begged him and told him bluntly he's gonna lose and look bad.

He responded saying, oh, I'm a lot bigger than him.

He is quite tall, but MYX is average height, so he'll be so I'll be fine, he said.

I warned him, but he brushed it off.

Lo and beholds.

I was right.

He lost, he wasn't hurt too badly, aside from his ego.

He came to be upset and expected sympathy.

I just felt irritated and said that I told him exactly that this would happen, and he chose not to listen.

He's angry at me for not being for being on supportive, but I feel like I tried to warn him AATA.

So I think the first thing should take away from the story is that an average heighted man can be taller man in.

A fight, and I think that should make you feel good.

I'm not sure what you're referring to, since five foot eight is considered to be the gold standard height.

I actually think that the boyfriend is five foot eight and this little this little fighter boy is like five foot four, some adorable height like yourself.

Oh whatever makes you feel better.

That's just the facts.

It's the worldwide average.

Do not refute me.

Now, I'm with you.

Thank thank you, and we appreciate your support in the five foot eight community.

Yeah have you ever?

Have you ever been involved in something like this?

So, yeah, my ex boyfriend was five foot seven, is still a five foot ten.

He sounds beautiful.

I love him.

Handsome, strong, regal, like a horror.

Like a horse.

It's crazy.

And when we first started dating, he mentioned to me once.

I don't know if he was saying it as a joke, I don't remember, but he mentioned once that he would beat up my ex situationship for being.

Magic respectful to me.

And I said something like you, like, I appreciate the sentiment, but he could totally beat you in a fight.

And my boyfriend s time laid a boundary with me right there, like, don't say that shit because I'm obviously not really going to go fight him, but you're saying that just cuts me down, Like What he wanted to hear was even if realistically there's no way he could ever beat him in a fight, what he wanted to hear was, yeah, maybe, of course you could beat this guy in to fight.

Please fight for my honor, you know, And I respected that from there on.

Anytime he challenged a man, I'm like, you could take him in a second.

I would never say something like this, because fighting isn't in my nature, but I think I would say I will defeat him in a battle of sorts.

It won't be hand to hand combat, but.

Yeah, that's more intimidating, I think than saying i'll fight you, is I will defeat you.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm willing to go to links that I think normal people would not, and the mere threat of these things tends to suffice in the corporate.

Look, let's be honest.

I never really thought a person, but I have fought corporations and so far have taken zero l's.

That's great.

I'll be crazy.

I've also never fought a person, but I am very confident that even a toddler armed with a wrapping paper to to but if they set out to kill me, they could do it.

Yeah, you don't you don't seem prolific in the arena of fighting.

But but I'm not here to challenge you to a physical battle.

Though I'm curious.

I think for me, you know it is it is, And what I'm what I'm really talking about is you know, what is it to fight someone?

Now?

It's stupid, It's stupid behavior.

And I actually know a guy who's super jazz and now he's in whatever.

I forget that.

Let me just say enough with the martial arts.

They keep coming out with new ones.

It's like I liked karate, then they said jiu jitsu.

Now they're like muay Thai.

I'm like, that sounds like a drink.

Enough we have enough.

But no, anyway, he's a prolific fighter, and I mean in class, in the class right he goes to like fitness classes.

And I said, what would you do if somebody tried to fight you now that you become prolific in the in the martial art And he said, run?

What are you stupid?

And it's so true, it's so wise because let's the worst case scenario, I guess is that you really the worst case scenario is that you lose the fight and you still pick up some charges.

You pick up a misdemeanor and pick up a felony.

You're now you're in the system, you know, back in jail with the riff raff again.

Bro, Like, it's just you don't fight.

You don't fight people.

Yeah, I agree.

Whenever I hear this isn't the crowd that I surround myself with the so it's rare.

But whenever I do hear people threatening to fight another person, I'm like, didn't your mother ever teach you to use your words?

Some people are so unskilled in the area of communication, And I'm like, that's kind of a you problem, not the problem of the person whoever you're mad at.

Yeah, I mean I think you resort to sort of like white collar moves here, you know, like get a letter from a lawyer, like let's start sending boyfriend things that are like, you know, cease and desist.

Bro, get a restraining order, like you go the white collar route.

But yeah, I think this is a very like stupid idea of masculinity.

At this point.

We're not we're not in the woods fighting or the four or the jungle.

I don't really know what biome.

Is there e Is there ever a scenario where fighting for your girlfriend's honor is appropriate, you think.

No, not for our honor.

If if someone's physical, if it's like comes down to physical safety, then it's like, well, what are you gonna do if that's what it is?

Yeah, but for honor, No, I think that's ridiculous, you know.

I mean, isn't there something dishonorable about going to jail and then you potentially lose your job.

I think that's going to be a lot more of an issue.

I will say, for my boyfriend Christian, I have total faith that he would fight someone for me if it became necessary.

You know, he was scrappy when he was younger, and he's strong, you know, and so honestly, I feel safe when I go out with him because I know if anyone tries to fuck with me, he will protect me physically if it calls to it.

But I've told him, don't you.

Know, if some guy pinches my ass or somebody looks at me the wrong way, that doesn't mean going dec him in the face, because I don't want you to go to jail.

That's that's fucking things up for me, and that sounds scary, But I feel safe knowing that he would.

Yeah, that's good.

I mean it's good.

Everyone wants to have a you know, a giant, tall five to eight guy around to protect them, and I think that's perfectly normal.

But to get into the situation, you know, she told him he would lose, he went and did it.

That it said, you know, I am I am a like, damn girl, it is a little brutal.

She's just like, yeah, so it happened.

You yoursel baby.

Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.

I told you not to do it, and you did it.

What do you want from me?

Yeah?

I guess, So, I mean, what reaction what?

So I guess If I guess, I'm trying to imagine, would it be better if she had been like, I'm really sorry that happened, babe.

But yeah, I mean, now it's hard.

She warned him.

She because it was honestly, that was disrespectful to her.

Yeah, he went through with it, right because of his own toxic masculinity exactly.

It was completely an ego move.

I think what he should have at the very least started with was a hey, man, you need to back off.

You're being really disrespectful.

You're making my girlfriend uncomfortable.

She broke up with you for a reason.

Get out of our lives type shit.

Yeah, that's a good place to start.

And then that doesn't work, well, then you battle.

Yeah, I think you're right.

No, I mean as a as a very last resort.

But there's just so much you can do.

Like I don't want to involve the authorities.

I don't want to involve your employer.

I don't want to involve your parents, Like I don't want to do any of these things.

But there's a lot of things that I will have to do if you continue to engage in this behavior.

You know, parents is crazy.

Well, I mean, make me.

Call your mom.

I'm going to call your mom.

You don't let that, do you You're gonna let that.

Don't call my mom call your mom.

No, you're not my principal, you.

Know it's nobody wants to have their mom involved.

I actually did have the principle call my parents once when I was in high school because I this is before on iPhones they have the little like where it says I message when a text pops up instead of the content of the text.

This was before that was a feature, and so so my best friend Kayla texted me saying something about should I bring weed brownies to your birthday party?

And at the time, I was very morally against weed and I did not smoke.

I'd never tried it, and she knew that, and so it was just our dynamic, a jokey thing.

But I left my phone in my science classroom and a student saw that text pop up on my phone and reported it to the dean, and so I got called into the dean's office and they made me unlock my phone in front of them, and they just took my phone into a back room for like an.

Hour and a half of class time for.

Them to look through probably all my pictures, all my messages, all my social media to make sure.

I wasn't doing drugs.

And it wasn't until after that that they ended up calling my parents.

But they literally they came back out with my phone after looking through it, and they were like, you were right, that's just your dynamic with your friends, and we're sorry, and we still have to call your parents and let them know that we did this.

And so they called my dad and they're like, just you know, this happened today.

We didn't find anything.

My Dad's like, okay, thank you took my daughter out of class for an hour and a half for crazy result for nothing.

That's crazy tough topic.

Antay were saying, I told you say my boyfriend got beat up by my ex.

Top comment went loll how old are you guys?

Op?

He says high school?

But I'm thinking preschool.

Yeah, I mean for me, this is I kind of feel like it's not the asshole he is, but it's time served.

I mean I feel like he was humiliated it.

It's kind of a good feedback loop.

Yeah, if somebody tells you that you shouldn't fight someone, maybe you reflect on that.

Yeah, this is absurd behavior.

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Slash a a a pod that's better help HLP dot com slash Ai Ta pod Ai Ta Mea loves fighting Aita for punching a girl at a party after she grabbed me.

I twenty am a few days ago, was at a house party with some friends.

Nothing crazy music, drinks, people hanging out.

There was a girl there on nineteen a f I don't know her well, but she kept trying to talk to me and was drunk.

I wasn't interested.

I thought I made that obvious without being rude.

At what point, I was standing in the kitchen talking to a buddy and she came up behind me said something I didn't catch them straight up grabbed my crotch, not buffed into me.

I reacted without thinking and punched her right in the face.

It wasn't calculated or plan, just to reflex.

She fell back, started crying, and everything stopped.

People were yelling, asking what happened.

I told them exactly what she did.

Others understood some people did it.

You don't hit a girl ever, but I don't agree.

I didn't ask to be touched, and if anyone, regardless of gender, puts their hands on me like that, I'm gonna react.

I wasn't trying to be a hero dramatic.

I was violated, and I defended myself.

Now some people are calling me an asshole, and a couple even said I should be banned for future parties.

I'm not losing sleep over it, but I'm wondering if I really did go too far.

Aiita.

I like how he clarifies he doesn't lose sleep over it.

I don't actually care if I broke her nose, but yeah, I would still like to get reddit.

It's opinion.

This one is a tough.

One because obviously you can't just grab people by the crotch.

That's totally inappropriate.

He gave her several signals saying I'm not interested, don't fucking touch me, and she's like, well, I ave said junk, it can't even help it, and then she fucking assaults him.

It's like, yeah, bitch, natural consequences.

But the same time, I kind of don't trust the men who were like it was just instinct and I just hit the thing as hard as I could.

It's like, bro, if you're like walking through a haunted house and you get scared, you're not allowed to just punch the workers.

Or if you got a little kid who's like poking and prodding at you and annoying you, or jumps out at you or something, you don't just deck the kid in the face.

You know, you got to control impulses like that.

It would have been more appropriate for him to like push her away, but to punch her in the face if he's strong, that could kill her.

Yeah, I mean, you're you're going far with it, But yeah, I I like what you said, this is a very good example.

I hadn't gone there, you know.

I mean, I will tell people like, you can tickle me, but you can't tickle me by surprise.

I don't I don't want to be and I don't want to know what happens when you tickle me by surprise.

But if I like restrain my arms or like I know it's coming, I won't hurt anyone, and I could be tickled.

But yeah, tickle me by my surprise.

I'm gonna swipe at you.

I probably won't punch, but i'll hit you in the face.

I'll go for your face, like I'll go to make the tickling end as fast as possible.

That's a reaction.

I don't know, Like you know what I mean, Like it kind of depends how she grabs him.

I would say the reason I am, I am kind of going with you.

Though he doesn't actually say that he was in a lot of pain.

He doesn't mention the kind of grab.

I don't think it was that it hurt.

I think it was that he it pissed him off.

Yeah, it to me, it's giving anger problems, like if somebody slaps you and you slap them back.

I feel like that is getting very close to like knee jerk reaction.

That's just like so normal.

But the reaction you usually get, like when you get sack tapped, is you go and you cover, you cover, You don't reach out, You cover to prevent further damage.

Right, And I don't think he even thought he was at risk of damage.

I mean, clearly he wasn't thinking anything if it was just a knee jerk reaction.

But for him, it was just like, you know, a sexual assault.

I'm going to tell you something.

I don't think I've ever told anyone this, A gay, a gay man, a gay male comic grab my crotch one time.

It it was kind of like this, Like I mean I was I was like flirting, like in the way that I'm a flirty person, not like sexually or anything, but just you know, flirting like, oh, you're so amazing.

I don't know what I said some bullshit, and he just grabbed my cross randomly, and uh, I actually always found it kind of funny because like I never like, I'm not like if I were gay, i'd be a bottom.

I because I don't even understand I don't understand being a top I'm like, why would you.

That's just fucking a girl.

That's that's how I think.

I know it's not the same, but yeah, I was like, don't don't assault me that way.

It wasn't my thought.

But anyway, so what did you do?

Nothing?

I was just like that was weird.

Did you say anything?

No?

I mean it wasn't I mean, it wasn't cool.

Like if he did that to a woman, I'd be like, yeah, that was really fucked up, Like what the fuck is wrong with you?

But like he just kind of like put his hand on my crotch like I don't know, I had pants on.

It wasn't like he it wasn't like he felt all four inches down there, you know.

So Okay, here's the logistical question.

Hand like flat against the pants or did he did he clutch where he actually like made contact through the clothes.

I mean made contact.

I mean it's like a little you know, it's a little babito down there, like with pants and underwear like there, he couldn't have gotten any of a read on like the shape of it or he like he doesn't know that how much you might have it, yeah, or how much I enjoyed it.

I mean, it wasn't It was technically sexual obviously, and that it was a reach at my genitals, but like, there was nothing.

I would have had to have been like utterly erect to have clocked it in a sexual way, which I wasn't.

One of my best friends went through this too at work.

She and a female coworker of ours had been talking online and they kind of were developing a friendship that was talking about sex but not necessarily flirting, and then that coworker like cornered my best friend in the breakroom and just like scooped her pussy.

Oh my god, yeah, so so much that like her underwear snapped against her skin type shit, and it made her extremely uncomfortable.

And I probably told her at the time like yeah, dude, I would have decked her in the face.

So she did that to me, not that I actually would have, but I can understand the impulse because that that is very violating.

Yeah, I mean, I think the only room I could carve for op is like he was draking and he's young and stupid, but I think you got me on, like yeah, and I mean for me just even thinking about that incident and just that it was a grab it's hard for me to say that.

I think this was a normal knee jerk reaction.

Now, if she had slapped him and he slapped back, I would be comfortable calling that a reflex.

I don't know about that.

No, I think the initial shock of getting slapped leaves enough time to choose to slap back.

No, But for me, if someone slapped me, I'd be like, look, and then I slapped back.

That's me choosing to slap back.

You know, I don't agree with that someone slaps.

If somebody slaps you, like, what's it called sucker slaps you right like expected, you're not going to slap back.

I think you're going to slap back.

I wouldn't hold it again, I don't know.

I don't know if I would slap back, or I don't know if I would duck or back up or.

No, they got them or what in this situation they got you, Well you can duck, but you're ducking after getting smacked.

Honestly, I feel like I'd grab my cheek and start laughing.

I guess it depends on the context.

I think I am willing to say, and I'm interested if anyone can challenge this.

But like for me.

It's hard for me to say.

If someone is sucker slapped, they slap back, I can't hold that against them.

That's a slap for a slap, that's a reaction.

It's knee jerk.

It's not even like second degree where it's emotional.

It's just like it's just I don't know, it's it's it's like a knee jerk reaction.

But I would also flip this.

If a man and a woman are arguing and the woman slaps the man out of anger, ain't no fucking world where he is allowed to slap her back.

Well, that's honest.

You never put their hands on women in anger.

Ever, Well, that's a different situation.

That's not why I'm saying.

I said, a sucker slap it has to be a slap out of no where.

Okay, Okay, Yes.

Obviously I agree with you.

I do think I think it's not a one way.

In other words, it's not the same.

It's not the same for a man.

Look, a man did this to me.

It didn't traumatize me, didn't fuck with me.

Honestly, didn't he really bother me that much.

I kind of thought it was a It was like annoying if I'm being real, it wasn't flattering.

It was a little flattering, So who gives a shit for me?

I think it doesn't work the same way obviously, because men are stronger because of a million different reasons.

And I think you you won me over on this.

You don't have me over on a sucker slab.

We see him not to align there, But for me, I think this was an angry person who was intoxicated, and I think he has anger issues.

This is just way way too much of a reaction.

If he shoved her, I think I could.

I think I could be a little more like, well, she touches ding dong, he shoved.

That's fucked up but understandable.

Whereas punching her in the face.

It just the massing.

That's the other thing about the slap, right, it's one to one.

It's like you sap me, Yeah, I slap you.

We broke even you know yeah, And.

Slaps typically don't do any real damage unless you're hitting them like cupped hand over the ear, you swipe and hit their nose or something.

But a slap to the cheek, I mean it's gonna sting, but that's it.

Yeah, So so ata for punching a girl at a party after she grabbed me.

Yeah, I actually think this guy, this guy's this guy's nuts.

I think it's way way too much.

Bro.

You gotta calm down.

But I'm gonna say e sh because what she did is not cool either.

Oh I'm so trunk.

That gives me the right to just grab people's genitals.

Literally, go fuck yourself and go home.

Yeah, that's pick me behavior.

I was just listening to you guys talking about pick me behavior.

It is pick me, and it is it is, it is, essay.

So yeah, yeah, you're right, it's esa.

It's it's just that, I don't know.

Going to the face is just so far gone.

It's so far gone.

What I'm just a girl.

Well, I'm drunk, a.

Punching girl at a party after she grabbed me.

I'm saying esh, but I'm still leading heavily him.

I mean, this is a drunk girl being obnoxious.

I'm sorry.

That's my view.

That's my view.

I feel like everyone on Reddit went nta, though, which is crazy.

Nta, She's straight up sad.

You asked the same friends, if a guy had done that to a girl, she had the same reaction.

What would they think about that assault is assault.

She's in the wrong period.

That's just not true, though, bro, I'm sorry, that's just not true.

I mean, I appreciate that Reddit isn't wanting to have double standards about men versus women, But a man punching me in the face is a lot different than a woman punching a man in the face.

The punch is different, the grab is different.

I mean even just going to physical space, right, it's a difference.

If you know, a tremendous you know, five foot eight man kind of like puts a woman in a situation where she can't leave a room because he's in front of the door.

Like the fear that she's gonna feel is going to be a lot more than the reverse.

Like wait, wait say it again.

So imagine just no physical contact at all.

Right, but you take a five foot four woman, a five foot four woman, and a five foot whatever, let's let's just say a six foot man, right, and he won't let her leave, like he's standing in the doorway, so she has nowhere to go, like she's cornered, you know.

And there's guys, there's people who say, oh, well that's the same thing.

Well, well, no, It's not like a person who's six foot is not going to feel cornered by someone who's five foot four.

They're going to feel like, hey, like if you don't move, I'm going to throw you through a wall.

Like it's not the same.

The threat is not the same behavior right there, right, Like it's what's behind it that's so different.

You know, it's the whole dynamic that's what's different.

Yeah, maybe there's sorry.

I mean, I don't.

I guess I'm a little uncomfortable saying it because I'm like there are certain contacts where obviously it could be so far gone, but like, let's face it, reality is real here, right, It's like who commits the vast majority of essays that are like legally inform and who come on it's like it's met, it's met, Like.

Yeah, this this girl is about to go.

Rol needs to rein it in.

Like what she did is wrong and it's not okay and it's unacceptable.

But like it's not the same as if a guy did it.

It's just not yeah, yeah, we're aligned.

It's honestly, it's almost cracker to n word almost all right, let's go to a lighter note.

Enough of the fighting.

I guess this one's still kind of a fighting too.

There's violence in a sense, Aida for throwing a cup of cold water on my naked husband.

Husband got tested for ADHD, doesn't have it, has the kinds of problems that are associated with it.

He says, writing list, making a schedule, setting alarms is painful for him, and he'd rather deal with occasional emergencies rather than be proactive.

The specific problem he often forgets to push the shower diverter valve down.

You know the little rod on the tub faucet you pushed down to make water fill the tub, and you pull it up to make water come out of the shower.

For nearly twenty years, I've been asking him to push that down.

Since I was a teen.

I've been asking him to push that thing down.

So you guys were together when you were a teen.

At least twice a month, I have a very unpleasant wake up slash cold shower.

I turn the water on and I get a cold spray from the shower, And every time he's apologetic, and then a week or two later again happens again.

He will do better for a while, and then it slips in again.

He's always telling me that he's working on it, and hasn't he been better about it lately?

But somehow he's always working, always improving, but never stops.

Today I had it stepped in the shower boom, cold root awakening.

I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about three inches with cold water and walked out to where he was standing naked.

He just took off his pajamas that was going to take his shower after mine, without warning.

While he was looking down, I held that plastic cup in my hand, grasp me it tightly.

I jerk that mf in a forty five degree angle to get cold water all over his torso and face.

Did op just learn the term forty five degree angle?

It was just like I gotta rip this thing out.

I told him that as apologies were worth the paper they were written on, I was tired of listening to and congratulating himself for getting better.

It's been twenty years.

I told him that from now on, every time I'm taking cold shower, so is he.

I refuse to be a second class citizen in my own home.

I'm going to continue to surprise throw a cup of cold water on him.

Every time I get a surprise cold shower, I'm tired of it.

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Aita, you know what, I bet he ain't never going to forget again.

I'm just like, I don't understand is he taking baths?

There's a Q and A Why don't I just check myself.

I don't expect answer.

I don't expect him to leave it the way I want.

I expect him to leave things the way he found them.

When he walks into the bathroom, it's pushed down.

That's how I leave it, so he doesn't get blasted with cold water.

But he doesn't leave things away he found them and said he leaves the last ten or twenty percent as a task for me to clean up.

Are you understanding this because I'm not quite getting Yeah.

So here's here's a parallel example.

I think if you if you ask your partner to do the dishes and there said okay, sure, honey, and so they did all the dish, but they left all the food in the sink and the stains, and so now it's up to you, even though the dishes are done, to then scrub all the remaining stuff out of the sink.

No, but that's not my question.

Thank you.

But that's that's what I'm saying.

She's saying, I don't understand ten to twenty percent of the tax.

What I get that part.

I don't understand what the fuck she's talking about.

What the fuck is she taught?

Why is it different for him than for her?

Like?

What is this spigot?

Do you understand that part?

Yeah, So when he goes to take a shower, you have to pull the thing up to get it to come out of the.

Shower, not the bath, oh the water.

He leaves it pulled up so that when she goes and turns it on, it comes out of the shower and sprays around the head.

Oh, mine turns off automatically.

I feel like they all turn off automatically.

Well, this must be a fake situation.

Then, yeah, mine, whenever you kill the water, it goes boom and then the little thing falls, so it defaults to bath mode and then you have to pull it up.

That's the ux of my personal shower.

It's old technology, I guess.

I mean, I'm with you now on the analogy.

To me, it's like you leave things.

I mean, look, this is another like you could say, double standard, But I just think it's like, bro, Like, you got to do a couple things for women.

I think they're reasonable.

One is you leave the toilet seed down.

If there's a woman in the house, you do the toilet seed down.

You just do it.

I think it's reasonable.

Yeah.

Another is you leave it default in bath mode.

I think that's reasonable.

And what do you think about his I have ADHD and I can't make lists.

Thing that's that's absurd.

You can make lists, it's not physically painful.

I'd rather deal with the consequences later than have to make a list.

You're making her deal with the consequences.

Although I will say this in his defense, whenever I go to turn a shower on, I stick a hand.

Yeah, I don't put my whole body in the shower, because you gotta let the water heat up anyway, right, So don't you expect cold water to come out in the first place.

So you stick in a hand, turn the nozzle, and then if the water does come down from the shower, you got your arm wet.

That's not that egregious of an offense in that scenario.

So I don't know.

I don't know why she's like sticking her whole ass head in the shower to turn it on.

That's a good point, top comment.

Want yta For nearly twenty years, you could have learned to take two seconds to look at it yourself.

It's a you problem.

I'm honestly scratching my head at getting in the shower before the water goes on.

The initial shower water will be cold.

Plus he wants to stand their naked and cold waiting for the water to heat.

I mean, I think that is persuasive because unlike the toilet seat, which is like ready to rock, there is a loading period.

It has to load the hot water, it has to download.

It downloads the hot water from the internet, so there's like latency.

Can we get to the possibility that when someone has reached the level of a cup of cold water and there's pass's face, that it's not about the one minor annoyance.

Yeah see that's I mean, she.

Literally said, for twenty years she's been asking him to do this, and then he'll do it for you know, a few weeks at a time.

Oh, aren't you proud of me?

Aren't you proud of me?

It's like, I'll be proud of you if you continue doing it correctly exactly.

I don't like this guy.

See, I'm about to go the opposite way of minute.

I who wrote this post is clear, this is not quote.

My husband is a carrying and supportive member of the household nine nine percent of the time, but has this one blind spot.

This is I spent twenty years turning myself inside out to get this person to make baby steps and pulling his weight, and nothing ever gets better.

She feels trapped and powerless, so she's behaving like a petty asshole.

She should have left long ago.

Oh wait, no, I agree with that.

I thought I was gonna say something different.

Yeah, and didn't she respond to that, saying I think I might leave?

Oh?

Did?

She back to the Q and A why are you getting it?

Oh?

Somebody asked this question.

Explain your shower to me, folks, you're misunderstanding she leans.

Why does it say you're misunderstanding her situation?

Oh, somebody else figured it out.

She leans into try the water on, expecting it to come out of the spigot.

Instead, shower mode is in place, and the water sprays out of the shower and under our head.

Yeah, but why are you getting in the tub right, she I mean, makes no sense.

Why don't I leave it the way I found it?

Why don't you leave it up?

If he leaves it up?

If I left it the way things I found them, I would live in a sty I would also spend a great deal of energy making things messier, as I would literally be cleaning up to make space for myself and then undoing that work to put things back as a mess.

Okay, let's look at her comments.

Wow, she's getting downloaded to oblivion.

This reminds me of another situation that you and I have actually talked about before that has happened with X partners with mine, where I asked them, like, when you do the dishes, can you put them away in this configuration as I have it, because it makes sense, like the sets are together, the smaller dishes are on top of the larger dishes.

That way, you're not like rooting through trying to find the dish you're looking forks.

It's all out of order and things aren't toppling over because it's fucking steaf a weird.

And he would literally be like, you do it.

Then if you don't like how I do it, you do it.

And I'm like it takes no extra effort to just do it the way I'm asking you to do it.

Can you please just do it.

The way that's to make me get not gonna make me want to lose my fucking mind, because every time you do it wrong, then I have to go in and fix it or else risk the dishes falling out of the cabinet, or even just the annoyance of like having to root through and find the one that I'm looking for.

If it takes no extra effort to do what your partner is asking, and you're not doing it just out of principle, just to be spiteful, come on, dude, grow up.

I honestly, I think I'm gonna I'm gonna, I'm gonna go here.

I mean, you've got me against men right now.

You've really primed me to hate men, and I mean, look, let's face it.

Ope.

I don't know if she has a case here, but I'm on her side because I'm like, this guy's really annoying, he says, writing list, making a schedule, setting alarms is physically painful.

I feel like this is just the one thing she viscerally feels, and she does a million other things I think that comment's right.

This guy is like, oh no, it hurts to make a list.

Shut the fuck up, a nice incompetence.

Come on, it doesn't hurt to make a list or set an alarm.

It takes one actual freaking second.

Bro.

I like when people claim they have time blindness.

I can where's that you have a clock on you at all the time?

I have a supercomputer on you that can set alarms and reminders.

I'm telling you, I have this app that now they charge these evil every company now is like, it's eleven dollars a month.

It's eleven dollars a month, and we'll tell you what day of the week it is.

You're welcome.

But it sends me five reminders.

I'm not plugging them because I don't like their cash grab, but it sends me five reminders every time I put an event in.

That's what I need.

Five an hour before, three hours before, a day before, three days before boom.

And that's how I was able to meet with you, despite the fact that I'm time blind and a moron.

Nia.

Thank you for joining me today.

At if you're throwing a cup of cold water on my naked husband, I think we agree not the asshole he is.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, it was kind of I don't know, like she's not perfect in it, so she's got some flaws with how she handled the situation.

But honestly, yeah, I could see being super annoyed at this behavior too, So I will go with that.

She needs to go to therapy because she needs to figure out all the other shit she hates him for, because this is just this is just the cold tip of the iceberg.

And she literally told Reddit she's probably gonna dub him and they've been again.

I can't find that comment, but I believe it.

She said that.

Yeah, I wonder if she deleted it.

She was like, honestly, I'm thinking about it at this point.

It might be the only way to go divorced.

I can't find it in our comments, but I believe you.

We believe you, We believe women.

All right, folks, thanks for listening much, love mea, thanks for joining me.

We'll see us next time.

Nice thanks for having me.

Hi