Hi, everybody, Welcome to AITA Pod.

I'm Danny Vega.

I joined by the co hosts with the co most well, I guess he's like, I don't know what she is.

Our special guest today Sarah Levine.

Folks.

Hello.

I was listening to the podcast and it auto played to like the next episode, and then I was like, oh, that's me.

This is weird.

I have to shut it off now.

You don't listen to it if it's you on it, never well you should because those are some of the best episodes.

You know, you're just the Ai ta queen guys.

I just had to deal and I'm dealing with it.

I cannot believe this.

I won the reverse lottery.

A lottery, of course, is when you enter something improbable there's a one and a billion chance of winning, and then if you get it, something good happens.

Isn't that great?

You win a million dollars, you win ten million dollars, you finally buy yourself a you know, one hundred dogs and ten horses and sixteen cats.

But I won the reverse lottery, which is that I have two weddings and twenty twenty six two weddings and the whole year there's three hundred and sixty five days in a year.

Is that where we're still at Yeah, And both weddings are on the exact same date, and one is Sarah's.

That's so crazy.

I'm still mad.

I'm just like, there ain't no fucking way, man, there ain't no way.

That's so crazy.

I feel like that's like they say, if you're in a room with like a small number of people.

They're like, if you're in a room with like a small number of people, at least two of them will have the same birthday.

And you're like, how that math doesn't make any sense, there's so many days.

The birthday paradox is that if you're in a room with twenty three people, there is an over fifty percent chance that two of them will share the same birthday.

That's true.

That a math to me, I don't get how.

I feel you it's honestly crazy.

But my math is much worse.

My math is so much.

The Dandy Vega paradox.

If you have two weddings, you're fucked.

And also, like one of them is in Mexico and one is in New York, So it's that you're not you're not splitting it.

You know, I got to give my friend credit.

He didn't even I offered to split, and I think he knew.

He was like, I'm not gonna lie.

He wasn't pushy.

He was like, it's totally cool.

So he was very sweet about it.

And you know, he's a great guy.

He's very popular.

That was another aspect, you know.

I was like, you know, is he gonna be okay?

Right, because like, you can't leave the birthday party that no one attended, you know what I mean.

So you're saying, no one's gonna come to my wedding.

Oh I don't think anyone's going okay the big weddings in Mexico.

Girl, No, No.

But like my friend was in that situation recently.

I go, hey, man, where are you if they're coming through?

He was like, well, I was going to pop into this birthday party and then come over, but nobody showed up to the birthday party.

You can't leave, No, you're you know you'll get blood on your hands.

You stay, you stayd h.

It's it's so interesting because like, now you know I'm having a birthday party.

It used to be a huge point of anxiety for me and I just I didn't realize, like, you know, you just got to, like you got to be involved with people.

That's the secrets having people in your life.

It's being involved with people.

And there is no it's obvious.

Yes, but like my birthday used to always be a huge anxious thing because you know, I didn't know who was going to show up.

I didn't know if anyone was going to show up.

I feel like I've always gone to very populated birthday parties from you.

Oh thank you, yeah, thank you?

Are you making your own birthday bread?

No?

Not really, but the bread strategy is I I actually so, I'm in Arizona now celebrating Thanksgiving with mom and dad.

My brother's with his girlfriend in Chicago.

So kind of upsetting.

Wow, divided divided?

Yeah, I mean she's great, but I'm just like, because she got all I think she got a lot of siblings, So I'm like, you don't get to take my one sibling that needs to be a factor.

You took my brother.

She got sisters, and shit like her family's gonna they're gonna have a good time.

You lose that.

Three people is not enough to play games.

It's not really fun.

We need four.

Yeah, that stinks.

It stinks, and so you know, we need to work out some kind of deal because this is crazy.

Or we'll get a robot.

I don't know if the robots are advanced enough.

And that'll be kind of our temporary brother.

Get him for at least you get it for Christmas, or get that.

We get him for Christmas.

Yeah, we get him for Christmas.

But yeah, I got twelve loaves.

I left twelve loaves queued up in LA and I'm just like, I'm gonna I'm just gonna be doling these things out.

That's my that's my Christmas strategy.

It's it's just bread.

I ain't buying nothing for nobody, including myself.

I've been very good this year.

That's a great gift.

I would be happy to receive some homemade bread.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

I'll ship you some.

Oh I won't really because it'll be stale by time.

Probably a lot of money.

I started following this Instagram account that like had this maybe two or three recipe, two or thre ingredient bread or something like that.

I don't know, maybe not because that but that would be Matza, I feel like, but it looks like a very simple bread, and I was like, maybe I'm gonna make this, like maybe going to become like Danny and just be making bread.

We love bread, you know, water, flour, salt.

I mean, come on people.

Yeah, yeast isn't basy.

That's what it always does.

I know, I know, we'll see.

So we're playing the bread game.

Any any wedding updates from your side.

No, thanks, are pretty chill so far.

I mean, yeah, just we got all the big stuff out of the way.

Now it's kind of the lull.

That's great.

Yeah, the pre wedding wall.

Yeah, we have to still have to figure out like our first dance, any of the music.

So that's fun.

Well, there is one music's song that we unite on.

You and I have very very low musical overlap.

I fear, yeah, because you're cool.

I'm not really, you know.

I like like pop and like ed M, which is like weird music.

Do you I thought you were more into like hip hop and shit?

Yeah, I listen to everything.

I like pop.

I mean my Spotify rap this year is and we so whack.

It's gonna be like young Ma.

And also show tunes like.

It's oh show tunes no, but we like that song Paradise.

Remember that song.

Every time I listen to it, I think about.

You who sings it?

Bachi or some shit.

And it's about I probably know the song, but I don't know the title.

It's about like them in the city and they're in the city and there's like I don't know, they're in the city for the night.

I believe it.

I believe it everything.

It's about having fun in the city.

I love that it's about the city.

What is it call?

Is it called paradise?

I think it's called Paradise by Bachi?

Am I crazy BASSI Paradise?

Yeah?

Okay, oh yeah, I like Bozi.

Yeah.

So this was one song we agree on.

I hope you bump it at the wedding.

That's my point.

Oh okay, I'll put on the list talk to.

You, yes, talk to the DJ.

Exciting times.

We got some comments here.

Wonderful Jazzian, a very dedicated listener.

We love her.

She writes that my toddler knows where I am in the house just by listening to Danny's voice.

And it's really funny.

It's got a toddler.

There's some discussion.

I guess we went through a prego phase.

In the pod, Alicia writes that, yeah, the episodes in the four hundreds are so prego heavy.

As a six month pregnant person, I know my baby won't be taller than five foot eight since hearing Danny's voice in the womb.

And that's the best height, you know, that is the most meritocratic height you know.

And you might say, well, Danny, what if someone's shorter, doesn't isn't a shorter mail have a harder life.

But if a guy is shorter than five foot eight, that's a chick.

Bro, that's a chick.

Damn.

I'm gonna get canceled for that.

Never gonna come for you.

I'm just kidding, guys, and I'm and really we're united.

Five foot eight's and below were united.

We're all on the same team.

Never forget that, of course.

All right, Sarah, Well I want your opinion here we you know, I'm in my postcar era, you know, I God.

I First, I have a guilty confession.

I've really been enjoying the driverless way mo we have in LA.

There's no driver.

I love weird and Google owns them, so I hate to support the Olive arcs, but you know, and then I don't have to tip, and the robot is a very good driver.

It's very smooth.

Am Am.

I wrong for that A t A for liking the way mo.

I mean probably, I know.

That freaks me out to not have a person in the car are And also like you know, if you're like, your money is just going right to Google pretty much right, like there's no person intermediary that you're paying intermediary.

Yeah, but you just you just get it.

So I get in and it links to your Spotify, So I get in the way, mo, and I'm just I'm right.

As soon as I get in the car, it's like we're having fun in the city.

Every song is We're having fun in the city.

You know, oh my god.

Yeah.

But like I mean, no objectively bad thing, no offense would ever be like, yeah, come on in.

It's a terrible experience for you and also super dangerous and costs way more.

Like of course they're going to sweeten the pot by being like, yeah, we're gonna automatically connect to your Spotify, and also we've been data farming your smart thermostat at home, so we know what temperature to put in the car.

Like of course they're gonna do that.

I don't really have a dog in this fight, but.

Well, I mean that.

I mean, that's the whole Where do you go?

Where do you go these days?

You know you anywhere you go, anything you do, you're one of the oligarchs.

That's just where pretty much where it comes like good luck, good luck having a business and not paying one of these you know, these oligarchs.

Anyway, that's not the issue I'm trying to raise.

This is from our slash electric unicycle.

Some of you know about my pivot from the one wheel to the electric unicycle.

I'm actually riding both now fairly regularly.

And he has five of each.

Yeah, yeah, no, I only I only have one one wheel now and I have two electric unicycles, so I've I've been pretty reasonable.

So this is from the post Starbucks customer starves debate in Korea after charging electric unicycle inside cafe.

And there's a picture of the unicycle which is I don't know how how big.

I would say it's the size of like a very large backpack.

I feel like it's the size of those stools that are under the bar thing.

Yeah, it's like, well it's bigger than the stool, but yeah, I guess standing up would be it's laying down.

But yeah, so so people are upset.

And the theory is that, you know, people are annoyed by these things, and they're they're kind of suggesting that this is like unfair, right, like, oh, like somebody who's using a laptop that doesn't draw that much power, but now you're charging a whole ass electric vehicle at Starbucks.

Like, so one of the angles someone wrote is how is this hurting anyone indoors?

People spend hours on their laptops in there.

What's the difference?

Lots of so very deep between rights.

People just hate someone else getting something for free, even if it's only worth thirty five sets.

Interesting.

I mean, the difference is probably a large power difference.

But also it's Starbucks.

But those outlets get kind of competitive, so it's kind of hard to like say, this picture, doesn't it looks like not like it's not packed, but.

You know, I don't know, Yeah, I feel like we run into First of all, I think you pose a valley example.

We all go to Starbucks.

We can imagine maybe a Starbucks by college, you know, and it's busy season because as the exams are next week, and then some Joe Schmoe is going there and he's using a laptop outlet and an electric unicycle outlet, and to me, it's like, we'll read the room a bit, right, like this is clearly just not the vibe right now for you to be using multiple outlets.

That would be true of anything.

There is probably some risk as well of the unicycle, like causing a short.

I was thinking that were like those things start fires all the time.

I think you're not allowed to have them in New York City apartments because the e bikes would just like cause fires.

They do.

Certain models are basically poorly manufactured.

Mine is UL certified, so it's not gonna explode, of course, but right I personally don't love the explosions.

Hm hmm.

But yeah, I don't know.

I also feel like people do this slippery slope thing where it's like, well, what if everybody did that, and like, yeah, if everyone wrote an electric unicycle to Starbucks, it would be a problem.

But please let me know when I ever run into a single other person riding an electric unis like, no, that's not gonna you know, like that's ridiculous.

Yeah, I don't know.

Sometimes I'm just like our society is hanging by a thin thread because it's like, well, yeah, if one person does it, it's not a problem, but then when everybody does it, it is a problem.

So it's just like you're.

Just relying on not everybody like bringing their personal shit to the Starbucks to charge it so that they can avoid paying like, you know, five dollars on their electric bill.

Well, yeah, or we're using it.

Well, hold on a seton.

Wow, Okay, that got accusatory.

No, I'm just saying it's like it's not a problem as hell, it becomes a problem, but then it becomes a problem.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, are you going to get an electric unicycle?

I know I wouldn't.

You wouldn't.

Most people are going to get it.

They're probably about as popular as they're going to get.

I don't know.

Cars are expensive.

I don't like to drive.

We have a good subway system, but if I lived in la I would probably need a car or something else.

Sure, maybe it will become a problem.

I mean I'd love for it to be a problem.

Some might argue it's been a problem, right because we have these guys rationalized rights.

I'll never forget the day, I saw the guy in Starbucks bring an iMac and full size printer.

This guy was running a whole office in there.

That's hilarious.

Dude's the definition of not bothering anyone.

Some folks just love to complain.

This is a fascinating debate which we mostly call by spending money at the places we charge.

If they don't let us charge, we vote with our wallets and go elsewhere.

As soon as you spend money ninety five percent of place as we frequent our accommodating.

The problem we have is going to doctor's office to office buildings.

We're spending money is in the thing?

What I mean I did I've charged at the doctor's office.

I'm also like this person, well, this person doesn't live in America because we spend money at the doctor's office.

Well, yeah, I mean I think they mean no one's going to go to the doctor's office as a free loader.

Yeah, I mean.

No, but maybe you know, have a goat free water in there.

It's coffee.

You only have to deal with a couple of sick people.

True, But yeah, I mean, I think I think this goes back to there's other kind of common things at the coffee table.

You guys might know a classic AATA story where I sat at the table of a girl taking up an eight top at the brunch.

At the brunch yet, I remember that and I think guilty on that that I could have been more communicative and I should have said something.

But like, yeah, in general, I think if you're at a coffee shop and you're kind of taking an unreasonable amount of space and it's packed, like yeah, you're you're being an asshole, You're robbing someone else of that experience, Like, that's that's not really fair to me, it's not fair to the business.

But I think most of the time, if you're going to a coffee shop and there's plenty of empty seats, it's like, well, who really cares, Like, yeah, you're gonna cost them a couple pennies.

Yeah.

Also, it's a Starbucks, so who gives a fuck?

If it was like a Mom and Pop, oh, not the star place, I would be like boom, yeah, who as the fuck they can handle it.

I'm gonna all my stuff at Starbucks.

I'm gonna bring like my floor lamp, like I'm gonna yeah that's for power.

Again.

Power is pretty cheap, you know, But that is funny, Like, can you imagine bringing one of those like generators, like those huge batteries just letting it rip at Starbucks?

Yeah, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be turned on the space heater all night on Starbucks dime exactly.

I'm like, I'm on my fourth hot water, so you can't kick me out?

All right?

Right, all right, here's another here's another one from the news.

This, this is fascinating.

You guys know, I do kind of reckon myself a you know, an armchair lawyer.

Basically, this someone was sued for breaking up their marriage.

And her name is Brene Canard.

She's like, hey, right.

Yeah, she's an influencer.

She big three million followers on TikTok, seventy four k on Insta.

So she got sued and has to pay one hundred one point seventy five million dollars.

Why because she destroyed a Durham couple's marriage.

I forget whe Durham.

Is it in like Carolina?

Yeah, I don't really believe in the Carroll merge.

Those motherfuckers.

That's crazy.

To Dakota's first, we.

Don't yeah, exactly, we don't need separate Dakotas we don't need separate Carolinas.

It's getting very dramatic with these people.

But anyway, she gets tried under this.

This is a law in It's abolished in forty two states.

It's called alienation of affection.

Fascinating heart of our law.

It's from I guess the old times in the UK or whatever old you know yield Europe and a husband this and it comes from a misogynistic place, like all good laws do.

A husband could sue any man who had intercourse with his wife, regardless of her consent.

So basically it was built for men to essentially, you know, get the guys who fuck their wives.

Damn.

And now here we are in twenty twenty five and it's being used in the inverse way.

So is this feminism?

A woman, no suit?

A woman for fucking with her man's no two million dollars Sarah, that's crazy.

Who is this lady's lawyer?

I feel like you don't want to mess with her.

No, I mean her, I mean the other lady.

I'm like, you got a bad lawyer.

I feel the.

Thing is, it's a thing, and there's there's a history of cases in this state.

It's also like, wow, thank God, we were in this state?

Is that why we live in North Carolina?

Babe?

So that you can like what is going on here.

So the other really interesting thing about this to me is she was It was two counts.

It was alienation of affection, which could be anything.

You don't even need to have sex.

You can just basically fuck with someone enough that it pass in their marriage.

Oh my god, crazy that you're You're just gonna sue someone based on vibes?

Like, what the fuck, dude?

Vibe?

I mean, we're at vibe coding.

Let's do some vibe vibe lawsuiting, you know.

Vibe suing sean criminal conversation, real name of a real tort.

It's not a crime.

And conversation is an old euphemism for sexual intercourse.

I love this line from Wikipedia and old euphemism for sexual intercourse that is obsolete.

Accept as part of this term.

Oh that's all it has, just that one thing is left hanging on by a thread.

I like.

I like it as an excuse though, Babe, we weren't having sex.

It was just a little bit of conversation.

Seriously, two million dollars there is a Defenso this is interesting.

We talk This comes up a lot, right, like do you know if it's is it?

Is it legal if you don't know the crime?

Of course not right.

Just because you don't know it doesn't mean it's legal.

Right.

You can't be like, oh, I didn't know it was illegal to kill someone.

They don't care.

That's not going to get you off.

However, an alienation of affection, if the person doesn't know that the person was married, that actually is exculpatory.

Well that seems fair kind of.

I don't know, yeah, yeah, because that's it.

They had the intent to damage the marriage, So that's not there if they really don't know, if they truly don't know, Huh.

It's not a defense that the guilty spouse consented to the defendant's conduct, but it might be a defense of the defendant was not the active and aggressive seducer, which I.

Hope makes sense.

Yeah, it'll be crazy.

Yeah, this is a crazy law.

This should not exist.

Oh my god, I.

Don't know what's in the water north in North Carolina because I don't even think of that as lead.

Yeah, lead, No, that's that's soa bonkers.

So also it's like, I mean, clearly they just sued this woman because she was an influencer and she wanted her payday.

But I'm like, now it's literally on the public record that your man left you, like, and you're so salty about it that you had.

To sue for two million buckos.

I'm kind of I mean, yeah, like she can sleep easy at night, I guess with the two million dollars.

But she'd be sleeping she not charging her allergric units.

I go a Starbucks.

Tell you what fascinating?

Yeah, I mean it does.

I I you know, we've mentioned this a little bit, but like just the nature of what things should be illegal should be you know, dealt with by the state.

To me, your own personal matters, fucking cheating.

It's just I don't really want the government to be involved.

Bro.

That just seems a little crazy to me.

Yeah, that is nuts wild.

Well, folks, thanks for listening.

We've got a juicy f today, some really interesting situations.

Our second story of the day ATA for telling my son he basically caused his own breakup.

This is interesting to me.

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My friend twenty f and I twenty m are in a writing class together in college.

For a recent assignment, we were asked to write a short story using the prompt a secret diary.

I wrote my story.

Yeah, I wrote about a woman living in a small town in her inner thoughts.

Yes, that's what thoughts are.

This was a fiction prompt, and my understanding was supposed to be we were supposed to create a character and imagine their psyche.

My friend read my story and told me I wasn't allowed to write a story from the perspective of a woman, as I'm a dude.

I told her art is about understanding others and imagining the stories of people who are different so you can achieve a deeper understanding.

I also explained that writing female characters with care honors women.

She said, I didn't know what it was like.

Sarah just made a face of that.

She said, I didn't know what it was like to be a woman, So I shouldn't be writing about them.

I explained that you did not need to be something to get into the headspace of that person.

Examples, the actor who played Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't a murderer, but he could honor the mindset of a murderer.

Von Simon, the acclaimed feminist poet, is a man, but he writes poetry about feminism.

Or stand by Eminem.

Eminem was writing from the point of view of a superfan.

She kept saying I was wrong and I was being disrespectful to women.

Also possibly relevant, as we hooked up a month ago at a party and it was just a casual thing, but then I noticed she got a little weird after that.

But even so, I still think I should be able to explore whatever person's mindset I want for artistic expression without being shamed.

AI ta, Yeah, I just I have a feeling this is so much worse than the OP is trying to make it seem.

So much worse than the OP is trying.

To just like, whatever he wrote I feel like is probably bad, but whatever I suppose, I mean, it's kind of an interesting question that's had a lot in like writing forums, not really gender people.

You know, it's pretty accepted that you can like write from a gender that's not your own.

Men don't always do it well, but right, you can do it.

I think, like, you know, obviously, when people talk about like race or other like marginalized ididities, it gets very like, I don't know, it's just like a very it's a debate that people are always having.

But yeah, I mean, I think gender is pretty accepted to be like, yeah, you can do it.

But I think a lot of men think they're doing a good job and they're just not.

Yeah.

I mean, I think we str go a lot with this gendering it up known sin women be like men be like, you know, it's an interesting question.

I mean I once had a friend and this stuck with me.

He said, just write women like you write men, and that no one will have an issue with that.

So every woman I write is like my dick.

Is big, no, but yeah, like yeah, because I feel like a male writers will always be like her sumptuous breasts like blah blah blah, and like they always do like weird ass cringey shit like that.

I Nicki and I shouts out, we're reading this book, and I was like, I was reading the book, I didn't know anything about the author.

The author had like a gender neutral name, and I was like, I just fucking know that this author is a man.

Like I could tell because a protagonist was like a girl, but she was like like she was like being actively hunted by a murderer but was like too cool to be afraid and like all.

This other bullshit.

And I was just like, I just fucking know this was written by a man.

And I googled him and I felt so vindy cadd you nailed it.

Yeah.

Also, I just.

Love that the opie is like the first example he brought up is first of all, an actor, so that's not the same thing.

Talking about a serial killer.

I'm just like what the actor one lost me.

And then there's this von Simon who I looked up on Instagram.

Never heard of this person and he's like a gen Z poet with a lot of followers gen Z.

Okay, I mean to me, that's not even fitting the bill because they're feminists, so that's that isn't really exactly it.

No, like are they writing poems as a woman?

No, that wasn't No.

Yeah, so that no, So the gen zs love on Simon.

And all of examples are whack, like, no, totally whack, Like you're talking about a acting be a poet, and you can write about feminism and be a man.

And then the third thing is uh, like Eminem talking about a character who is still his same gender, Like you're just talking about writing from a different point of view that is not your own.

But that stands his gender.

So you're saying that doesn't count.

Yeah, it doesn't even it's not even like relevant.

I thought the Stan example was kind of worked for me because I was like, well, he's Eminem, he's famous, and he's right, he's essentially you could argue punching down right because he's making fun of or at least bringing to light Stan, who is his loser psycho.

I mean, that's a big mean about it, but right, this person who's quote unquote below him in this in this way.

But I feel like, of course I love the song Stan, and it's made me cry hm hm.

So I felt like that example kind of did work for me.

I'd beat I think there.

I think the op is just saying like, oh, you can only write this.

This gets like into a very reductive like argument that people try to hit back with and they'll be like, oh, so you can only write from like your exact live experience, and it's like, no, I don't agree with this girl's argument, but the argument is like no, but when you try to write from a marginalized identity that is not your identity, like you obviously don't know it, so there are probably things that you're.

Gonna get wrong.

And he is just pointing out like different examples that don't relate.

Like he could have just been like, oh, Steve Martin wrote a novel that was terrible.

I'm sorry from the point of view of this like woman, and it was bad, but he wrote the book anyways, he could say like, oh what about this book or like this, that and the other the book you is written by a woman.

It's you know, told through like Joe Goldberg's like internal narration.

Like there are real examples of this that this person could have pointed to, and instead they just like grasped nothing.

I feel like, yeah, I mean, I think where we can line up here is that there is obviously a way to do this that is not okay.

You know, propaganda is not okay, right, Like in other words, writing from someone else's point of view to forward your own values or message so that there's a way to do it that is perfectly fine and good, but there's definitely ways it can be wrong.

You know, like the example you're saying, I would say, if you're writing a bunch of women who are like my tits are so big and I'm obsessed with Dick, It's like that's propaganda.

That's something else.

Now you're forward, it's.

Not always even like propaganda, but it's just like people.

And this is why it is a debate is because it's like, yeah, you can do whatever you want.

But like if I'm i mean even like this book that I just.

Read, it's like I'm not offended by it and it's not propaganda, but it's just like I as a woman, I'm just like, yeah, this just doesn't feel accurate and it makes it not enjoyable because.

You're it's not bad.

I mean that's bad exactly.

It's bad, and that doesn't make its like propaganda or you're like pushing a certain agenda.

But it's just like you're limited by your own experience and you know you probably well, I don't know how someone who doesn't share your experiences is going to think necessarily because you're limited by your own worldview.

Right, Yeah, I mean I think the context here is important.

I mean, this is a student in a class.

This feels like a very normal thing to do.

I mean, you're right, there could be some picture painting, but it seems reasonable.

He simply wrote from a woman's perspective in the diary, So I'll see that as inherently problematic.

Do I have a problem with somebody writing historical fiction, a white guy writing historical fiction about slavery and not doing a lot of research, and then writing from a black person's perspective that it wasn't that bad.

Well, yeah, that's that's propaganda.

That's something else.

So now we're getting into like what you're doing is distorting.

There's even if it's not really with an agenda, it's just so sloppy that it's distorting.

Yeah.

So so okay, then we get to this other plot point.

She kept saying I was wrong and I was being disrespectful, and then op throws in this like, oh, we hooked up a month ago and it was just a casual thing.

Yeah, that's told me all I need to know.

This guy also said I also explained that writing female characters with care honors women.

I'm like, bitch, shut the no, what shut up?

Like, no, it doesn't what are you talking twenty, you're twenty.

You're twenty, and like, we don't need you.

That is so man'splainy, like we don't need you to do that.

There are so many female authors also, like real women who exist, Like we don't fucking need some twenty year old guy with his fake ass diary entry to honor us quote unquote, like shut the fuck up.

And I love women authors like JK.

Rowling and Iron Rand Oh my god, some of the best.

No, yeah, that well, I mean, yeah, they're twenty.

There's this is that like delusional egotism?

But yeah, to me, this does say that there was an interpersonal issue with them.

It sounds like a classic case of they hooked up, she wanted something more, and now she's hostile about it.

That's kind of my read.

I mean, that's I think the picture that he's trying to paint is like women are crazy?

Am I right?

I'm like, okay, yeah, that's fair.

Imagine that the woman in the short story is about a jilted lover who's he's trying to keep.

It's just a personal attack at her.

Yeah, that's his propaganda.

That's his propaganda.

Reasonable cookie nine three six nine nine.

Rights depends on how you wrote the woman.

Yes, woman can write a story from a male POV.

But if you're an asshole or not hinges on the depiction stereotypical tropes to shape your hair and yta, if it was respectful NTA.

I mean, I just don't think whatever, it doesn't really matter.

But I'm not getting respectful vibes from this guy.

So sarcastic Anne's right, this will shocker, I'm sure, but make sure she does.

Most novels have male and female main characters.

The stories are not written by two authors.

If you plan to keep writing right now.

Look at this guy being like, uh, you should inform this girl how books work.

Yeah, I kind of don't like this person.

No, that person is obnoxious as hell.

Aiita for writing as a woman as a man.

So you you're taking I don't know if I can go as far as you' on this, Sarah.

I just kind of feel like, what did she really do?

The friend read the story?

The friend read the story?

Was it even in public?

I don't have a problem with this, I think on its face, like there's nothing wrong with it.

He didn't do anything wrong, and it sounds like he showed her the story she had issues with it, sounds like she's wrong.

She characterized what he did as being disrespectful to women.

She didn't say I'm personally disrespected.

She didn't expect an apology.

Sounds like she got a little weird and testy, cantankerous.

But I have no charges against her.

It didn't sound like she tried to publicly shame him, or that this was in a public context, and we don't know what he read.

So as far as I'm concerned, she I be right, And so I'm I'm frankly at no assholes here.

No same.

I mean, I think, on its face, like this is a debate that's had all the time in writing communities, and like, yeah, people do it obviously all the time.

Some people aren't comfortable with it.

It's just like each person's, each author's like POV and comfort level.

So I don't really think anyone did anything wrong.

Aunt day for writing as a woman as a man.

I think we're lining up on this one.

It's no assholes here, folks.

Please rate review, subscribe to Patreon, pictreon dot com, slash ai ta pod joined today and you'll get an invite to Sarah's wedding.

Just that'd be crazy for the low low price of like, I don't know, it's got to be a good one hundred dollars a month.

An we'll get you in.

Yeah.

Anta, for telling my son he caused his own breakup.

My son never once went to see his long distance lover, who came to visit him nearly every month.

He refused to try despite my constant encouragement, in part because my wife insisted that she was afraid of his flying.

Eventually, the relationship ended and the girlfriend is now seeing someone else.

I explained to my kid that I knew why she had left, and that he was to blame because he'd made no attempt to maintain the connection.

He and my wife are now furious with me AATA for expressing it.

I continue to believe it was true.

What is this?

I had a lot of issues with this.

I don't even understand anything that's happening.

And also, long distance lover, why are you using that phrase?

Yeah?

Is she a girlfriend?

What is she is?

He is a mistress?

Yeah?

Yeah, I guess, I guess I kind of wanted to say, I think I don't like flying.

It makes me anxious, it makes me a wreck.

But you know, and I know some people who deal with flying issues.

But like, I guess it's important to psa this and say we're all don't like flying, we all don't like it, but like it's kind of part of life.

And it's really just like if you don't want to do it, and you're that serious about it, you need to be prepared to do some really ridiculous shit because it's it's normal.

It's normal to fly places, you do stuff with people.

It just is.

Yeah, we had one friend who like, in order to avoid like what is maybe a four hour flight took I want to say, a fourteen hour a drag and then drove like five more hours.

And hey, that's actually a great way to get yourself into the mindset of flying.

Is actually a really good deal.

Seriously, it just is people.

And I got I had a driving phase.

I mean, Lord knows, rest in peace, my Caremi hybrid.

I put forty thousand miles on that puppy, almost all long distance driving in three years.

And I drove.

I drove to Colorado, and I drove to Wyomi, I drove to Nebraska.

That's a state, is a familiar.

It's over one million miles.

It's like going in the moon.

Back from LA.

It's a wait, what No, how far is it from LA?

Like?

How many hours?

I don't know, twenty hours, I don't know if it's for it's too long.

Let me tell you.

It's so long that I'm never doing it again.

That's how long it is.

I think your first mistake was going to Nebraska.

But I hear, hey, they're sweet listeners there.

My dad has a weird cousin in Nebraska.

So yeah, everybody does.

That's where they make them.

Yeah, I guess.

So I want to say that because I also feel like, but but maybe that's not exactly the core here, because it's the wife insisting that she was afraid of his flying.

Isn't that a pilot?

Like he's really bad at it.

I don't know.

This whole thing was written so strangely.

Well, my issue with it, you know, playing it as it lays is father, It's like, well, where were you, man?

Where were you?

Like you can't just like it's kind of like you ever tell someone a story where you're like, yeah, you know, I really messed up.

I didn't put gas in my car, and then I was in a huge rush, and sure enough I ran out of gas and I was on the side of the highway.

And then they just look at you and they go, well, you should make sure to put gas in your car, right, I got that.

No, I know, I know, I learned a lesson.

I'm not here to share for your infinite wisdom, dear Oracle.

Well, I's been wondering.

I'm like, is the Sun confused about why they broke up?

Because it seems obvious.

But then again, like I don't know.

Yeah, I'm just like it seems to me that Dad is kind of like doubling down and tripling down, and it's like, does this need to be explained?

And why are you explaining it?

If it's over, it's over, So do we really need to like get in there?

Like if the Sun is asking, tell I know.

If he's like why, I don't understand, Like that's the one thing.

But I'm just like, is anybody doing that?

It really just sounds like Dad's rubbing it in his face and this is after you know, I'm sorry, but like I do I do believe from my understanding as an armchair parent.

You know, you want to present as a united front, and I think there can be some nuance there.

I think it's okay for mom to say I'm afraid of you flying.

I don't.

I don't have a huge problem with that.

I don't have a huge problem with that.

That's that could be reporting it makes me nervous when you fly.

I prefer you minimize it.

I think that's that's legal to say.

I don't.

I don't kind of love it because I don't.

I don't really love it.

I don't and I don't love The more I say it, the more I don't like it, because to me, it's like okay, Like, well now you're that takes a very very well defined boundary full if I may drop that bullshit person to be like okay, and those are your feelings and that's your problem, Like I'm not to cater to your anxieties.

I mean, not a lot of adults would respond that way.

Which way be like, well, I'm not gonna just be grounded because you're afraid of flying.

No one hundred adults would.

But do you think a child.

I think a child might be more susceptible to that that's a formula.

Yeah.

How old are these people?

We don't know.

I mean, I'm guessing he's young.

It did give like eighteen year old yeah, with some girl in neat online or something.

Yeah, And so I don't love that Mom did that.

I think if mom had couched it and said, look, you're welcome to do whatever you want.

I prefer you, guys, minimize the flying.

I prefer you guys, you know, not do that.

I prefer your dated girl that's here.

I don't love that.

Well, then I do feel like if he is a child, then I feel like that's fair.

I don't know about that.

I mean, that is all being a parent is like I prefer if you don't like cross the street without looking.

I'd prefer if you don't like go drink in a field in the middle of the next But this.

Is a person.

It's a relationship with a person.

I'm kind of like, what's the angle here?

We don't like the lover.

Is there an issue with the lover?

What's like the lover?

You know, I guess she is a lover, So how serious is it really?

But weird?

So I don't like mom, But I also don't like dad because Dad.

I feel like Dad was like, I my constant encouragement, you know, But but what was the nature of the encouragement.

If it was so much and so constant, then how come the wife's insistence that she was afraid of this flying was so successful?

How come she won?

Maybe she didn't And the kid is just like lazy and she just like is like, well, I can be in a relationship on my own terms, and my girlfriend is gonnaly to me, and I don't have to spend any money or time.

Yeah, going to visit her.

And then he like shocked Pikachu that it didn't work out.

Yeah, and then you know, one of the wolves, smelling blood right could sense the relationship weakening.

And then he said, oh, really your boyfriend, Oh really, Bart?

You think Bart cares about you?

How many times has he flown out here?

Rita?

I haven't seen Bart once.

Rita, You're flying out again to Tusca Lousa to see him?

You know.

I feel like it was just a natural thing.

It's like, yeah, you you know, part of it is showing up.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, this is so weird.

I kind of am feeling like Dad is the one pissing me off.

The most.

I just feel like he's very like sanctimonious.

He came here for us to tell him that he's not the asshole and that mom is.

And I'm like, no, I kind of don't feel like he was.

I feel like you needed to tell your son very clearly that your wife has her feelings.

But the flying is ultimately extremely safe.

It's the safest form commercial aircraft.

It's like, why is the mom getting blamed for the son's actions?

Like, okay, fine, exactly.

Dad is like saying you should visit her.

Mom is saying I don't like when you fly, but like the mom is not responsible.

Like as a mom, you probably don't like a lot of stuff that your kids do because it's fucking dumb.

But like the son is the one making the choice, So I don't really feel like mom factors into it.

Dad was there to mitigate.

Dad was there to mitigate.

If the charges on mom or that she was being a little manipulative, then I say, fine, but Dad was there to mitigate, and I don't feel like he did necessary fly ten ninety five NTA.

I guess he's been complaining and you served him some hard coold truth, you know.

I don't feel like you did.

I feel like you failed.

You failed to your dad.

You came in after the fact, and then we're like, see, look, look.

How I said.

He was constantly like being like, hey, you should probably go see her.

Mom's saying I don't like you flying.

Dad was saying you should probably go see her.

I think the sun just chose like the easiest route probably, and like but that's that.

But then but then dad comes in after I explained to my kid that I knew why she left and that he was to blame for it.

Oh really, well, why why are you explaining that.

You're explaining that because you didn't say it prior, did you?

But that's not true.

But that's not what he said.

He says he encouraged it.

He didn't say that he foresaw that it would end.

I mean, but.

So, I mean, I think if this son needs to have it spelled out to him of if you don't see your girlfriend, she will break up with you.

Like that actually to me is a level of meddling that is like too much as a parent.

But that's what I'm saying, Sarah, what is there to explain?

Nothing?

So I'm trying to land some dings on Dad.

I don't like Dad.

Oh.

Dad asserts that he was constantly encouraging, So in my view, why the fuck are you posting this?

There should be no question.

Then if you are truly a balance, a counter to mom, then this is one hundred percent on your son.

I feel like Dad posted this because he actually wanted us to ding his wife, when in reality it's him who's an asshole because he failed in his campaign and he should feel nothing, but he feels some kind of guilt.

You know why, because after the fact he rubbed it in his son's face and it was like, why did you need to do that?

That's like a level of mental gymnastics that I don't really know if I'm comfortable doing.

That's a lot.

I explained to my kid that I knew why she had left and that he was to blame for it because he made no attempt to maintain the connection.

I mean that seems true.

Ata for expressing it.

I mean no, I.

Don't really think so, unless it's like a thing where it's like nobody not a single soul.

Dad, Well, you know why she work up with you?

It's because that is what it seems like to me.

Yeah, I don't know.

It seems so obvious that it's just like, does Dad need to explain it?

And if he does, why I don't know.

I guess exactly because.

There's nothing in here.

I'm like, go girl, give us nothing.

AATA for telling my son he basically causes his own breakup.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure what that achieved.

I feel like was some then asking was there any question of what caused this?

Right?

I don't know.

I mean, I'm all about responsibility, and I just feel like, you know, Dad constantly encouraged.

But then and if he constantly encourage, how comes son never went?

It just feels like, according to dad.

So Dad's narrative is I constantly encourage him and his mother expressed a fear and then they broke up, and I said, see told you.

I guess yeah, I mean whatever, I don't know.

The situation is so dumb.

I can agree with you.

I don't know what I'm thinking.

So tell me how you agree with me, because now you're losing.

Now you're causing me to lose my footing.

Well, I'm just like this is such a nothing burger, Like we don't know the age of this person.

We don't know how long they were together, like how long is his flight?

Like how long is the sun?

Is the son confused about the breakup?

We don't really know anything.

Yeah, we really don't know very much.

Why are the son and the wife mad?

Are they mad because because he's being a dick and like it's not a mystery why they broke up and he keeps like hammering it.

Are they mad because they just can't accept any personal criticism, Like, we just don't know anything.

A day of telling my sonny basically causes him breakup.

Sarah's moved me to no essls here.

Honestly, yes, I think maybe maybe the wife's Yeah, I don't know, Yeah, maybe the wife.

Then if I have to say, because if you're saying that, then I'm saying, okay, dad is reality checking and he's mad.

The son is mad, which is understandable, but wife should not be mad at the reality check.

So that's the worst thing.

But I'll say no essls here overall?

All right, I guess Oh right, folks, thanks for listening.

We're gonna wrap up here on one that Sarah sent me.

I think this is a classic trip to Boozetown, Aita for expecting husband to make me a mimosa.

I, thirty two f offered to make my husband thirty six m breakfast.

I realized we didn't have bread, and my husband offered to walk to the corner store a couple bucks away and get some.

I thanked him for being willing, and when he came back, he had the bread and a few treats, including orange juice and champagne he doesn't drink.

I told him how thoughtful and sweet the surprises were.

As I continue to prep the kitchen.

Next thing I know, he's laying on the couch playing video games.

I asked him if he was going to make me a mimosa, to which he replied he was thinking I could do that.

I pressed him a little.

He said he didn't know how.

I said, why don't you look it up.

I tried to explain that well was sweet to get those items.

I felt like part of the gift would be pouring one for me.

I explained that I'm in the middle of trying to prep make breakfast for us and that his way of gifting this put work, however minimal, back on me.

He responded by saying that he should have only gotten the bread I even gave example of someone gifting strawberries and chocolate to make chocolate dip strawberries, but not actually making them.

Eventually he got up and made the mimosa, but he continued to grumble and communicate.

It was basically wrong of me to be frustrated by this, however, as it wasn't an acknowledgment that he could even see how I might feel that way, and he continued to make comments about how he shouldn't have even got me a surprise.

The positive feelings had been washed away, and I stopped making breakfast and we went to our own areas.

Now he's saying I was mean to him, and I'm ungrateful, So AITA for expecting communicating to my husband that if a gift requires fall through, that is typically on the gifter.

Jesus Christ.

I mean, yeah, this lady sounds exhausting.

It's weird because I thought that initially and on the reread and more on her side.

Really, I think, so, I okay, explain to me.

Well, I think there's a theory of reciprocity in an established relationship where it's kind of like, maybe just try and give back, you know a little bit.

You know.

So she offers to make breakfast.

Then they don't have bread.

Husband offers to walk to the corner store and get some.

Then he comes back and I'm like, you got the surprises.

But then he won't just take a second to make her drink because of the fucking video games.

I'm like, so you so I'm gonna sit here and make us breakfast.

I mean, it's kind of like he didn't really.

I mean, I guess he did go, but part of me is just like, well, yeah, make the damn mimosa, like kind of finish the deal here.

You're still getting a great deal because treating a mimosa for breakfast, like that's not anywhere near or comparable.

True.

But he also had to leave the house.

I'm like, that's to get bred.

I'm like, he did leave the house, that's something.

And yeah, I don't know.

If he drank, it would be one thing, but he doesn't drink, So part of me is like, and you expect him to make your drink for you, like relax, Yeah, And then I kind of feel like the explaining of it is like I'm tired, Like you're hammering home something that is like so not important.

I feel like what part.

Just like all of this, like oh, the gift and the reciprocity and the analogy, shit, the strawberries and like whatever, it's just and to me it's exhausting.

I guess.

I don't know.

I think it's just like it's a it's a I just I think it's hard for me to take the side of somebody whose partner starts to make them breakfast and then they're just gonna hit the couch and start gaming.

Like that's just a little bit like are we trading turn like we're taking turns being servants.

I don't know, it's a little odd to me.

It feels very much like I don't know, going off to my own land.

I don't know.

I guess I I.

Video games are not a good like stereotype.

So I get what you're saying.

The video game that has been is not a good stereotype.

He puts on a movie, I'm like, really, you're gonna put on a whole fucking movie right now?

Like he put on a movie.

No, I'm just saying, even if I change, Oh, he put on a movie, I'm like, well, you put on a whole fucking movie, Like why don't you send in the kitchen with me or like, I don't know, and I guess I'm biased because obviously if I have a girl over as a single man, it's like a whole big thing.

It's not like, you know, we live together, so there's a lot of comfort and familiarity here.

Mm hmm, I mean people live to a pe apart.

This went yta, you turned a nice little gesture from your husband into a petty fight, and what seems like you have control issues grow up in for yourself a drake, you're an adult.

I kind of feel the same way.

I mean, I will say I got a little bit of weaponizing competence where he was like, I bought you ingredients for a mimosa, Oh, but I can't make it for you because I don't know how.

I'm like, oh, really, so you know enough about mimosas to know that they are just two ingredients, but then you claim you you can't make it because you don't know how.

I didn't know you just combine the two ingredients, Like what kind of process are you envisioning?

And She's right, he could just look it up.

Like that felt like a little bit of excuses to me.

Really, yeah, maybe he doesn't know the exact ratios, but those don't exist.

But let's say whatever.

He's like, I don't know the right proportions or whatever.

That just seems like an excuse to not make it.

Apparently OPI edited the post and then it got removed by the moderator to say that she asked him, did not ask him to go to the store, and told him it wasn't necessary.

So it sounds like after getting buried in the comments, she tried to change the story.

So okay, So she asked him to get the bread or he offered to get the bread.

It doesn't really matter.

I think she asked him to get the bread, which I think hurt her case a lot.

Then Yeah, but but it does say I realized we didn't have bread, and my husband offered to walk to the store.

Yeah, she that's the editor.

Oh, I guess.

So one of the comments that it was edited, it changed it.

Yeah.

I mean everybody's saying, yta here, we got some e Sh'S you sound exhausting.

Honestly, I don't feel like this is worth causing an argument.

I don't think the comparison to chocolate covered strawberries is good.

Was he expected to make you every mimosa you were going to drink all because he brought the ingredients.

I kind of don't feel like it's good either, just because making a mimosa is so low lift, like strawberries.

You got to melt the strawberries and like I mean, melt the chocolate, dip the strawberries, put it in the fridge.

Like whatever.

Like that's like a high labor, labor intensive gift Like that would be obnoxious if someone was like, I got you a gift.

I made you cookies and then they just have.

Like flour butter chocolate chips, like that would be fucked up to be like, hey, I got you ingredients to make a mimosa.

Like I feel like that's kind of nice.

Yeah, I don't know.

She I could totally see how this might come across, but he was only ten feet away and he was still having conversation with me.

I would have happily brought the bottles in a glass to him.

The point was, I was in the middle of trying to do something nice for us and ask for his assistance to pour me a drink that he purposely got for me for this morning.

He could have said he would when food was readier in a few minutes or something.

It was how and it was just that he said.

No, that's like worse.

I don't know.

I feel like that that whole justification is like.

Worse to me.

I didn't need the bread.

I didn't ask him to get the bread.

I was fine to go forward to the breakfast without the bread.

He was kind by offering to get the bread.

I kind of feel like, even.

Though like so you would have waited like ten minutes or whatever to get your mimosa, you just wanted him to pour it for you because reasons like.

I feel like op is being difficult.

I feel like, what do you want?

What did you want?

And then it's like I don't want what's happening?

I know that much.

She lost me.

I was trying to take her side, but I just I was trying.

But it's like here, I got you cookies, and then you're like, oh, what, so you're not gonna unwrap it and put it on a plate for me, like and then you're just like fucking relaxed, Oh you're not going to put it in my mouth?

Like okay, you know, I got you the cookies.

And it's winter like leaving the house sucks, Like that's supposed to be the hard part.

That's that's why it's an asymmetric deal.

It's like, yeah, you're gonna leave the house and not only takes ten fifteen minutes, but you got to go out in the cold and talk to someone.

That's a whole thing.

So yeah, I'll take you forty minutes to make breakfast.

But that's the trade.

You don't have to go in the cold.

Right, And also, like you got to carry two heavy bottles home, like a champagne bottle.

And orange juice.

I guess.

I mean it's kind of heavy, so I wouldn't cook characterize that as heavy.

Yeah, heavier than bread.

Yes, it's heavier than bread.

Like he could have just come home with the bread.

That's how he could have to bread and that would have been fine, and then he got or something else and because he didn't prepare it, like now he's the asshole.

And it's like, bro, come on.

She sounds difficult.

I'm like, decide what you want.

What she should have said was, Hey, you know what I'd really enjoy if we made breakfast together today?

Would you be down?

Yeah?

To me?

Instead, it sounds like, hey, here's a gift.

By the way, did you know that you're going to be also giving me a gift right now?

And that's obnoxious.

Yeah, and that's why I'm alternate.

Then I'm going to.

Lecture you on gift giving.

You know what I mean?

Amen, Ai t a for expecting husband to make me and mosa.

I'm sorry, Op, I tried, but it's it's y ta for me.

Yeah.

Same, all right, folks, that's yeah, thanks so much for listening.

Let's love and we will see you next time.

I hope you have a happy holidays.

Bye bye.