Finding Your People: Building Real Relationships in the Lifestyle === [00:00:00] This week on Hot Couple Chronicles, we have officially left the Swinger Society and it went well and we wish them well, and we are here to cheer them on, but it's time to do our own thing. And we just don't want, we wanna do our own thing. That's unfortunately, the first blame to everything is always, well, it's because you're, you were swingers. Because you were poly. It's because you tried something new. Sometimes you lose sight when things get wild and crazy and insane. Bad. And when you see people struggling and going through stuff, it's hard to not question like why Don't make it weird period. Like that honestly sums that up. You're gonna have to learn how to say no in the lifestyle. You can't just say yes to everything always all the time, and you're gonna have to be okay with hearing no too. Yeah, I'm in my no toxic friendship era period, so at least I'm not toxic like. The first hint of toxic in anyone, and we're not gonna be friends right now. Welcome to Hot Couple Chronicles, a [00:01:00] podcast exploring the swinging lifestyle. Our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes intended for mature audiences. While we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment, please be aware that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions. We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to prioritize communication, consent, and respect in their relationships. Remember, everyone's journey is unique, so take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't. Thank you for joining us on our adventure. I am Russ. And I'm Ashley. And this is Hot Couple Chronicles. Happy Wednesday. Happy [00:02:00] Wednesday. Season three. Episode one, episode one another 16 episodes of Nonsense. Nonsense. You're welcome. No, I feel like I'm excited for this season. We have a lot of fun stuff coming. We've all, yeah, we have already had a lot of stuff planned. Yeah. We pretty much have the whole season already set up, so as long as everything goes perfectly, which it never does. So give or take, we have everything kind of laid out already and a lot of new guests, a lot of people wanna be on the podcast and have a lot to say and I'm excited to hear we wanna get a lot of people on that can just different people just to share their journey. A lot of people see some of these people like on social media, but really haven't talked to them. Yeah. They see, they don't know their stories a whole lot. Yeah. I'm excited 'cause I, that was the intention when we first started the podcast was to , just make. People on our podcast as real as possible show people that we're just normal, regular, everyday humans. [00:03:00] And so we've always wanted to have guests that people can relate to and people, stuff people wanna learn about that are actually interested in the lifestyle. And yeah, we're excited. We have a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff planned. It's been a lot going on since we've ended the podcast. That last podcast episode was very raw and emotional and there's a lot going on there. And I just wanted to say we filmed that episode in December of last year. And so between December and when we put it out in May. There was a lot that had happened between then and a lot of growth and a lot of processing and A lot of accepting and so don't worry, I know a lot of people reached out. They were worried about me and I swear I have since processed a lot of that stuff and it's, it's not as, as hard and heavy as it was when we filmed that episode. And I sat on it for a really long time. 'cause I wasn't sure if I wanted to just scrap it. I didn't know if it would get the message out that I wanted to get out there. And [00:04:00] I wanted to reiterate that everything is out of love. And we have officially, yesterday when this is being filmed, what is it? May 26th, 27th? Yeah. We are filming this. We have officially left the Swinger Society and it went well and we wish them well and we are here to cheer them on, but it's time to do our own thing and we just don't want. We wanna do our own thing. Yeah. We just, we want our, just paths are going a different way and you know, you grow apart from people and people change and stuff changes and we just are really, really excited to just do us whatever we want, just do us and do hot couple stuff. And we're excited to see, we have a lot of, a lot of fun stuff coming up. A lot of big plans and things are moving in a really good direction. And yeah, I've been going through it though. I've been going through it this last few months have been emotionally, like we said, we are filming this now at the end of May. And this probably won't come out [00:05:00] until. End of June or July when you're hearing this. But a lot has happened in the, oh yeah. It's kind of a lot's been going on. It's been bananas. It's one of those, if you know, you know, and if you know who we are, you probably know of our friends and you know, our circles and everybody that we've known in this journey. And it's been some wild stuff going on. There's been, relationships ending and unfortunately. New relationships beginning, new relationships beginning. And unfortunately we're all content creators and on social media. And so when little things, not little things, but stuff like that that happens to monogamous people. Yeah. You know, when it happens, when you're on social media and you're non-monogamous, it amplifies. So it happens all the time in a monogamous relationships. Yeah. But when something like this happens in the non-monogamous world, especially when they're on social media, especially when you're a public figure. It's, it goes a little bit [00:06:00] extreme. Yeah. Everybody's blames the lifestyle and it's a free for all. Well, wait a minute. Yeah. That's unfortunately the first blame to everything is always, well, it's because you're, you were swingers. Because you were poly is because you tried something new. And that's not, yeah. That's not it. That's not it. Did it probably accelerate? Yes, it accelerated it and stuff, but, but there was again, always some kind of issue there. There was, yeah. There was something going on. Like say this exposes fractures in relationships. Yeah. And, but this time it broke. Yeah. And it happens. It happens. It's okay. And it happens and people grow and change and things aren't always the same. And so I, but we love them all. We love all of them very much. We are very close, very close with them. And we just wish them well. We really hope that they're okay and. You know, we know what everyone else knows and it's none of our business and it's not, has nothing to do with us. So it, yeah, we're not very nosy people [00:07:00] or in people's business, so it's just, we kind of let them, they have to figure it out. We're Switzerland, we, yeah. We just let them know that we're here if they need somebody, and then we let them navigate it themselves. Well, and we, we are cheering them all on. We hope for the best and hope they have the best life ever and we love all of them. And, it's just, it's been a crazy wild ride. This last year has been absolutely wild for just a lot of people who we met when we first jumped into all of this. So it's been crazy and, and really that when it comes to, like we talk, we see groups and we talk about different groups and events. Yeah. Organizers. They were the first modern group. Yeah. Back in oh yeah. Four or five years ago. Oh yeah. Not that long ago. And so, and we were within that. And so we've gone through this journey with a lot of these people for the last five years. Yeah. No, [00:08:00] yeah. It's, I'm not sure where it's headed. And honestly, lately, the past month, I, if anyone follows my socials month or so, I've been kind of quiet and haven't really said much. It's just this constant battle of like, where is this headed? And sometimes I come to this point where it's is it headed anywhere? And you can't help. I'm definitely like, I'm. I soak it all in emotionally and I have a lot of empathy for all of people and stuff and I just feel it real hard. So when stuff big happens, I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it and my heart hurts when people all over just feeling hurt or sad or, so it's like a lot of, I've been going through that and just trying to narrow down what is this all for and what is the big picture? Sometimes you lose sight when things get wild and crazy and insane and bad and when you see people struggling and going through stuff, it's hard to not question like [00:09:00] why? Just gotta remind yourself the why. Yeah. Keep pushing through. And that's really been where my head's been at and I've just paused and taken a break and really tried to, I've been trying to just kinda remember our purpose here. What was our whole reason behind doing the podcast and doing social media? And social media is nasty and that's the part of it that I hate the most is social media. But that's the biggest part of what I do is social media. So it's this constant battle of seeing it in your face all the time. The hate and just the negative. When gets to me, sometimes. You, your video just hits all the, checks all the marks and the algorithm and it goes viral, it goes across people's page that don't necessarily are in the lifestyle or don't wanna see it, and they feel the need, they have to comment. That's still saying, I'll never understand that. Like they, no one understands that, you know, you can just scroll. [00:10:00] And not seeing it anymore takes so much less. But you watching it and then commenting is gonna put us on your feed more often. The more you're gonna see it then I know. And so it's hard not to soak all of those things up and just to really not, I have a tendency to just wanna shut it all down and run like hide and I end up hermiting. And you're in the hermit phase. Yeah, I'm in the hermit, hermit place right now and I've left all group chats. I've just kind of removed myself. I haven't really been on social media. I've been trying to put the phone down and, which I think is good. In moderation, but it's probably the hardest I've ever hid for the longest amount of time. So I'm climbing out. There's a lot, I have a lot of stuff coming up and like I told him the other day, I was like, I really think once I get in my, I, I've been gone for, a month or two. You haven't really, I haven't really done anything. You ever gone any to any events or anything. I've really been home and it's been a lot of heavy family stuff too. So it's been a lot of, like we had our oldest son graduate [00:11:00] and a lot of family coming outta town and a lot of people and a lot of that personal stuff and navigating kids and summer starting and school ending and getting them through school and getting one graduated. It was just a lot emotionally with the, and physically everything with the kids and planning parties and family time and vacations coming and personally there's a lot of stuff going on and then you have this other aspect of it that's, you're also what I do full time. So it's just trying to balance it all, and it happens every, every few months or so. I just gotta be reminded of the why and I was like, hopefully once we, I get outta the house and back around my people in the community and in my element, again, I'll feel, feel a little bit better and I'll always remember the why. I always remember. It takes those interactions and meeting the people too, that's what keeps me, that's what really got us into this period. Are the people going and [00:12:00] meeting people and as, hearing their why. They, why is, why they can't be public or what they're scared their fears or what they like, what they don't like, yeah. It's these connections we meet with these other peoples that really drove this social media and the podcast and I've been just like, even just creating tiktoks and reels and just content itself, I've just been like blanking. Like I don't, I feel like I've said all I need, I can say, and it just feels like a broken record. And I do feel like I've repeated myself a million times in the last five years. So it's like, where do I want to, like where do I need to touch on still? What do I need to get, get better at? What do I need to also, 'cause we are very much stale. When things happen, within the public, social media swinger world since we are very much Switzerland. So we, [00:13:00] you are very particular on what you do post, just because it could be construed as something about what's going on when it has nothing to do with it. When you, it's been sitting in your drafts for that's months and now you feel like it, you can't post it because it might have some connection. I don't wanna hurt anyone. What's actually going on? No, that's like, my swinger, like leaving a Swinger Society, my resignation letter that sat in my email for almost two years now. I've had it, I've had it all ready to go. And then I would revisit and rewrite it a million times and then I'd go back and I almost sent it like a week or two ago. I had it ready to go and then I got super anxious and then I put it back in my drafts and then I finally just hit send yesterday. But yeah, I just don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings and the whole reason we left Swinger Society has absolutely nothing to do with the drama. I just wanna make sure that everyone is clear with that. The timing's really bad. [00:14:00] I think that was the last straw. I think that did help. That was kind of like the last okay, like it's time. This is more signs showing us that, like what we're feeling in our hearts is. Probably for a reason. And that did kind of push us to do that. I'm not gonna lie, but like it has nothing to do. And if you've listened to the last podcast, you kind of under, you do understand and you know what the real reason is and the timing's really bad. I get that. But it was that okay, like this kind of did help us be like, this is, we were, we were right. Our heart's right. Like we know, we know it's time to just walk away and step away and it's a good timing, but, and we're not alone. There's a lot of us, a lot of people that have been coming to me and trying to find guidance and what to do there and you know, it's all a personal. Yeah. As soon as we made the decision and sent the email, put statements on the discord for everyone. I couldn't just leave my Discord friends [00:15:00] without saying anything. I had to say something, did all the, yeah, announcements saying, Hey, we're just stepping away. Yeah. My phone was blowing up. Oh, yeah. People reaching out. Yeah. And honestly, it was a lot of, what could we have done better and what should we have done better? And it's simple as that text should have came years ago. Yeah. And that's, that's what it boils down to. It's just things change and priorities change and, you grow apart and that's what it is. But I'm more than happy to, I'm always there, I'm always cheering them on. We're always more than happy to collab and do things, social media, whatever for, we'll be at events and we will be around and we're not really going anywhere. Just kind of removed ourself from that title of host. Yeah. And really that's all it is. We're not going anywhere. Yeah. We're still gonna see you guys out and about like, and we still might go to we love Swinger Society's secrets events and like we love all that. So you'll still see us around, we still share all the same friends. We've met so many [00:16:00] people on that Discord and in within the group. And we have a few wanting to get on the podcast that we're hoping to talk to that we've met there and are part of the Swinger Society. So we're not really going anywhere. It's not that serious. Don't make it weird, period. Looking to add some excitement to your social life? Meet 3fun. The free app that connects to open-minded singles and couples for fun adventures with thousands of active users. 3fun is our ticket to new friendships, flirty encounters, and unforgettable experiences. The best part, it's completely free to use. No hidden fees or subscriptions. Ready to join the Fun Download 3 Fun app now from the App Store or Google Play Store and start connecting with like-minded individuals in your area. Don't miss out on the excitement. Find the link below and get started with three fun today. Like that's honestly sums that up. And then, yeah, we have a exciting season three. Today we wanted to talk, I know that took a lot of time, but we wanted to talk about finding your people, finding those humans that you hold on to and how we have such a good, [00:17:00] solid group of people that we can call, we call 'em the 3:00 AM, no questions asked friends. Yeah. There's the, it's the real, hardcore friendships that we've built. Yeah. And people ask us about all the time. How did we go about that? Where do you find these humans? How do they find, people? And honestly, my number one tip always is get out there. Get out there and get out there as yourself. Yeah. I think that's like the key to it. So when you're in a group or a room or a club or anything with full of people being their genuine selves, it, you stick out like a sore thumb if you have a mask on. Yeah. Yeah. Like you can see it from a mile away. Yeah. People can sense that. And if you're hiding something and it could, or not trying to be your true self, [00:18:00] then people are just going to avoid you. Yeah. And they're gonna, and the other people are just gonna put a mask on towards you because they don't know how to be. No. And so you're not going to build that trust and connection when you're not just being honest with yourself. But I think just kind of rewinding back to where did we find our friends? Most people find initially their friends online on some kind of like app or website or, and we have found a lot of good people online. Pretty much. Mostly everyone, yeah. That we've met. It depends on where you live, in what area of the country you live in. I know some places are SLS is big there. And then SDC's really big here. SLS that we have decent and there's a few people on SLS. SDC is big, [00:19:00] 3Fun. We've, we've had a lot of people that hate 3Fun. We know a lot of people don't like 3Fun, but we've always, we've always, we've had a good, I mean, so it's just every other app. You just got lucky too for a little bit. You just, we like weed through all. Like you can tell when somebody's this. Of, you know, faking or just trying to, you know, that's the, that's the, the fear people have are fake profiles. Don't believe everything you see and trust your gut. Like something's weird. It's probably for a reason. On all the apps you can verify. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you're talking to somebody that's not verified, that's a risk you're taking. If they're verified, that means they're photo verified and they're more than likely the person that, and you're not gonna like this answer. Who you think you're talking to. You're not gonna like this, but you need to pay to be on a lot of these apps. Like you're gonna have to, [00:20:00] the way to do it is to just do the lifetime membership. We pay it one time, that's what we, yeah. And then you don't have to worry about it. You have access to it for the rest of forever. And honestly, we're not looking at your profile if you are not a paid member of an app, usually, and most people that have been it for a while are the same way. Yeah. They really don't look twice because it shows that you're just not putting as much time and effort. It's not even that. It's literally anyone can click say our link and get a free trial. Yeah. But it's like that doesn't, but doesn't mean you're actually interested. That could be anybody that's nosy. Yeah. But it's like you put that extra time and money and effort into it, it gives you that like, okay, they're serious. They're actually in the lifestyle. They're actually, they're actually paying money to be here, to find humans. So they're probably an actual person. So as much as people hate to hear that and hate, hate, when I say that, I really, my number one tip is to pay to be a [00:21:00] member of these whatever one. If, even if it's only just one. If you want to, if SDC, you're in the area there's a lot of people at SDC that you like, then put the money in there or SLS or 3Fun whatever. which one has like a paid. Well, and that's why we have the free trial trial, so you can, yeah. So you can go in there, make a quick profile, and kind of browse around to see what your area looks like before you pay money. And it's like a hundred, $200 for a lifetime. It's really, yeah like it's, yeah, it's like $250 for a lifetime, so you pay it one time. Depending on what app it is, but yeah. And then you just pay it one time. Then you have access to everything. They also have it's like 25 bucks a month. Yeah. Or whatever, but that's what I mean. You just, you pay for that lifetime thing and then you don't have to worry about it. And then you can always cancel it later if you want to, or delete your profile or whatever it is. Yeah. It's, but yeah, paying it kind of is almost like verifying. Yeah. [00:22:00] Yeah. Because not many people that are just there to be nosy are going to pay to be nosy. If they are, then yeah, but just go with your gut. And then where I highly, highly recommend is in person, just there's nothing like meeting people in person to really, 'cause you can meet all the people online, then you meet each other in real life and have no interests in each other. Yeah. And just not get along. And the personalities, you can't really get a read on that until you go out and spend some amount, like some face time, amount of time. Yeah. In front of each other. Because I mean, how many, we see it all the time. Well, we'll talk, we'll find people, we'll chat back and forth and then we meet 'em in person and it's red flags. Red flags or silence or, or yeah. Your per your, or they avoid you. It's like, well, okay. You know, stand in the corner with their arms crossed and just don't even speak. Yeah. You know, it's, but we met, we've met a big [00:23:00] chunk of people in at clubs, like at the club. It gives you a good chance, it gives you a few hours, it gives you the time to do that, or hotel takeovers or events that are longer and stuff. It gives you a lot more of a chance to, yeah, have dinner or sit down or have a drink or whatever it is. It gives you a little bit more time to see, and it really depends on what kind of swinger you are, what kind, how you are in the lifestyle for, you know, some people, they don't want all of that and they don't want all the deeper friendships and stuff. But this is for like people who just want. Yeah. More than that and, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. There are people that just are, there are DTF. Yeah. There to just be, just ask. Yeah, just ask what, what their goals are, what they're there for, what they like, what they enjoy. People are always happy to talk about themselves, so, sit there and listen to people and kind of learn different personalities and pick up, maybe you'll find people that mesh with you. It's not easy to find your humans. It's, that [00:24:00] you wanna have, it's one thing to be friends with everybody and to be overall swingers. And we could have a good time and party, but it's a whole nother thing to find your people and find your support system and find those people that you can call at 3:00 AM no que no questions asked. Yeah. It's really the, the one-on-one connections after the party. Yeah. Yeah. Like the initial connection is happen, usually happens in a party like environment. Mm-hmm. Let's be honest. Yeah. It's usually a, but it's the conversations after that that really start to grow a friendship. I also think that if you're really trying to build friendships, you need to focus more on chemistry versus the physical. Yeah. Physical attraction. Well, like not even the physical attraction, just the physical activities like the play. Yeah. Like if you're looking for friends. Yeah. If the play. It happens. It happens, but don't focus on it. [00:25:00] Focus on the actual connection with the person. Yeah. And their, you know, their morals and their boundaries and, yeah. All of that stuff. Find people who mesh that way, well, and body positive. Usually when you have those conversations, the play is so much hotter. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Because we know the boundaries and what they like, what they don't like. Yeah. What, and there are a lot of times where people that I, I became friends with, I was never physically attracted to and ended up becoming best friends and good friends of ours and it made me more physically attracted to them. The more conversations you have and the more you align in different, like kinks and stuff like that, and you, I don't know, it's kind of sexy, you kind of. I think it's that trust more because you're comfortable. That too. That too. You build trust too and it becomes better, becomes good. And just because you're in the lifestyle does not mean that everyone is [00:26:00] body positive and open minded and should be just accepted. yeah. Like, just be expected that they feel like we're saying we're looking for those people. But yeah, so be careful. Not everyone is that, be careful because anyone and everyone can say that they're in the lifestyle, but have completely different beliefs and visions of what the lifestyle is. And a lot of people are uneducated about things and so you have to really still keep an eye on those red flags, just like with any, yeah. Well, and so we love saying that some of the best humans that we've met are in the lifestyle, which is true. Yeah. Yeah. But they're just like any other group of people. They're people. They're not always good people. People be people, so not so great people. No. Are really good at hiding the red flags until you get closer. So as you build these connections, you have to be open to [00:27:00] stop, cut the connection. Be honest, but you have to be okay. And we, we need checked a lot of the time. And what we say is it's an US thing. It's, yeah, it's not, that's not our problem. It's not our problem. That's not our problem. And we communicate, we try to be as open and stuff, but sometimes you have to just let people go. There's things just like any other friendship at is the same exact thing. Except luckily people in the lifestyle are so much more open-minded on, for the most part. Yeah. And more cool and down with pretty much anything. And you can just be open and be honest and be yourself. But unfortunately people will be people-ing, just like anything. And also if you choose to talk to these people about it. Yeah. Most of the time, yeah. You have to be open to the fact that they're, they may get defensive. You might be seeing something that they're completely unaware of. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like any other friendship. Same thing. You have to work on it too. So we built the way, [00:28:00] we've built our relationships, our tight relationships. We usually move everything to a group chat or a text between a couple or, yeah, we'll do it that way. And honestly, it takes effort just like any other close friendship, any other, you have to, don't, if you want that, don't make it all. Don't just be texting each other when you're horny or texting each other. Yeah. Boob pictures, that's fun. But check in on your friends. Check in and care about their life. Yeah. And see how they're doing. And it's not gonna be just sex X sex, don't be the booty call person. Or you're just texting if that's what you just wanna be, 3:00 AM fine. But if you're looking to build those type of relationships, you do need to, it's gonna be vanilla, it's gonna be boring. Sometimes you're gonna have to just, check in with them too. Actually care. Actually make an effort and try to meet up and try to get together and try to plan things outside of your events and your parties and your things. I understand not wanting to have everybody at your house or everybody in your hometown or whatever, but it's going [00:29:00] to, you're gonna have to plan some kind of vanilla time to really focus on friendship. Well, and so as we build these relationships, these friendships, as we find more good people, we bring them close, they, our friends do the same thing. So next thing you know, you like, that's how these big groups are built. Where, oh, I found this good person, do you care if I bring 'em to this party? No, bring 'em. And then there's 50 of you. And then next thing you know, there's freaking 25 couples all hanging out. But if you surround yourself with good humans and good people, and lifestyle and not lifestyle, you're gonna attract more of those types of people. And you're going to, people are gonna be drawn to you with the same values and morals and goals, and you're gonna find more and more, and you're going to be like a magnet. When you open yourself up to [00:30:00] that energy, people are going to be attracted to you and that, and you just have to. I love it. Like I love the more people. When people introduce me to their friends, I get so excited. There's always, especially being a swinger, like you always want to meet new ones, new people, new couples, new dynamics. Everyone's different. You can have 45 people that look similar, but every single one of them is gonna do things different, think things different, say things different. So it's really, honestly nothing about looks, it's about so much more and get to know people just on that deeper level. And you can still be discreet and have privacy and stuff, but you have to let allow some of it in. Yeah. You have to allow people in and yeah. And just because you're creating a good group, a big group of friends, doesn't mean that you have to be in a giant orgy either. No. But yeah, like, yeah, like there will be, you know, people that enjoy that, but. That's not for everyone. You don't have to, but you don't. [00:31:00] Yeah, you don't have to. And we spend, most of our lifestyle stuff is spent with doing normal, regular. Oh yeah. Sitting around talking. We just spent the entire weekend with lifestyle friends and no, none of that involved. We had a whole house, and a pool and everything. No kids. And we still just talked and are flirty and do that. Yeah. Kind of stuff. Whatever. It's, but not, again, being the flirty and it's part of being open and the tease. The tease is probably my favorite part. But, and, but we, we spent all night, just late night talking and crying and loving and just, you just have different conversations that you don't, with regular people and friends that I've ever had in my entire life. Family, people I'm super, super close to. I consider myself close to, never touch the surface of these conversations that you have with lifestyle people and with that, you eventually do just grow bonds and close. That's why it's so hard to cut off people and to walk away [00:32:00] from things, especially for me is just because you have a piece of soul. Every time I give you a piece of my, yeah, it's much easier for me to be like, all it is much easier for me, but that's just who I am as a person. It was, it could have been so good. It was good fun while it lasted. It's our new, it's our new phrase as of now, so if you hear us saying that it's a new t-shirt, it's design for sure. But it could have been so good. Hey there listeners. Are you looking to prioritize your sexual health and wellness? We've got just a thing for you. Shameless care offers at-home testing kits, telehealth, consultations, and even treatment for ed, and performance anxiety for when you wanna play, but your body says otherwise. It's convenient. Discreet and all about keeping you at your best. And guess what? We've teamed up with them to give you an exclusive discount. Use code hot. That's code HOT at checkout to get $30 off your first order. Don't walk, run. It's time to take charge of your sexual health today with Shameless care because your health is [00:33:00] nothing to be ashamed of. Okay. And then now we have some listener questions before we end it, we have a few questions that hopefully will kickstart something before we wrap everything up. First one is, how do I find people who aren't just in it for hookups? Well, you find it just like any other friends like you. They're going to be, if they're just there for a hookup, it is gonna be pretty obvious. They're gonna be rushing to the bedroom. Pushy. Yeah. Pushy. Usually they're pretty straightforward with, and they're really straight forward. Yeah. Yeah. Luckily they're very straightforward. Yeah. Yeah. So if that's not what you're looking for. You just let 'em know, oh no, that's not our thing. That's fine. We like to get to know our pe that's. Yeah. People before we play, and that's okay. It's okay. Yeah. You're gonna have to learn how to say no in the lifestyle. You can't just say yes to everything, always all the time. And you're gonna have to be okay with [00:34:00] hearing no too. And that's, that's the thing that's hard for people. I get it. I understand rejection's hard. But again, communicate. Communicate it. Communicate that you're looking for more than just hookups. That you're not really wanting a relationship, but you do want some kind of friendship. And that's just how, just be open and honest. Okay. How do you deal with toxic lifestyle friends? You have to be like, depends on how close they are. Yeah. Be honest. Yeah. If they're just acquaintances, you can call 'em out. I just call them out. That's not cool. But if they're close, it takes a touch. It takes, if at that point, they're kind of what they're defensive about or not. So you try and I personally try and navigate it so they are openly receiving and don't get defensive. I avoid the accusatory [00:35:00] verbiage, I guess, and, but still being honest and open, just being choiceful with my words, I guess how I do it. I mean, it's just like calling any other of your friends out and if they don't accept it, then they, and they really are toxic, then that's when you have to. Yeah, I'm in my no toxic friendship era. Period. So the least amount of toxic, like the first hint of toxic in anyone and we're not gonna be friends right now. And yeah, that's just kind of where I am with in my life. It's like any toxicity, I'm done. I'm gonna remove myself 'cause I just don't have the energy and yeah, I just don't, I can't have that in my, my bubble. And so that's kind of where I'm at. Like immediately, I'm sorry, but I just can't right now. So it really does, I mean, like you said, it depends on how close you are and it depends on, yeah, it all depends how the relationship is and stuff. How deep is the [00:36:00] relationship? Because yeah, like you said, if it's somebody that we're navigating a new friendship with and they start showing a whole bunch of toxic, you can also just not deal, not deal with it. That's the thing, it's, you can choose not to. Yeah. You could just, I mean it's, you could just, if it's toxic, why would you wanna deal with it anyway? Yeah. So it's like, don't be afraid to, but if they truly are toxic, they're gonna gaslight you and oh yeah. It's just not gonna end up. And in the end it's not gonna be, yeah. Not gonna be what you want it to be anyway, so, yeah. But it, yeah, it depends on who, there's a lot of things that could depend on, but, and if it's just a toxic person in the lifestyle and they're a problem, don't worry because word of mouth is huge. Yeah. In this lifestyle. And whether you're on social media or you're in yeah. You've never talked to anybody. Yeah. You will hear. Your reputation is everything in the lifestyle and it will get out and you will. It will spread and [00:37:00] people will know your character and what you do, and if it's a pattern and yeah, word gets around fast and it doesn't take long to be excommunicated. Yeah. I mean, we've been at a party, like we've been at parties and I've been mingling or whatever, and one time there was, we were at a relatively large party and a wife came up to me and she's like, can, are you allowed to kiss? I said, yeah. She's like, can we kiss? I'm like, sure. So me and her started making out about, oh, 20 15, 20 foot away you were there with other friends, and one of our friends said, your husband's kissing the crazy lady, and you're like, oh. And then at that point I like real. At that point I really haven't talked to him much, [00:38:00] but I don't know who you're talking about, but I know exactly. I can, I'm trying. Once I, once I. You kiss everybody, I don't know who you talking. I do kiss a lot of people. That's why it wasn't that big of a deal to me. I don't know who you're talking about. But yeah, people do get nicknames. People do get, if there's patterns and they see you do stuff over and over again, people are gonna find out in this lifestyle. And now what were they? Was she ever crazy to me? No. No. Um, did I take that warning and just kind of back of your head? Back away? Maybe. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're not gonna have as much luck if people are call running around calling you the crazy. So, so she was a victim of her reputation. I mean, something, there's enough people. And it might not have been anything to it. No, no. Like I don't, I don't know, but she got that reputation somehow. Somehow. All right. Next one. What's the best way to shift [00:39:00] from just party friends to real friendship? I. It's the small group talk. It's the crying together, laughing together. Yeah. It's the, it's the hot tub time conversation. It's really, to me it's like, okay, you're, you're, if you're play friends, you probably played, it's the. No. Next day, Hey, let's go to brunch. Breakfast. Yeah. Brunch. Yeah. And those conversations where you actually get to know people and about their lives, what they, who they are as a human and as they are, as yeah people. And you start learning, I'm. I love like getting into people's brains and learning what makes 'em tick and like their dreams and their hopes and all of that stuff. And that's what makes me fall in love with them as humans and deepens your friendship. And then the more effort you wanna have, somebody that matches the effort that you're putting into it. So if somebody's matching effort and we're always matching each other's effort, trying to exceed each other's effort, it just, you build better. Yeah. We got really good at [00:40:00] matching energies. Oh yeah. So if you're not giving the good energy, guess what you're getting? Yeah. We've been in that area lately. We are, we're in our matching energy phase, so how are we gonna act like? We are conserving energy? And that's where it all stems from. It's where we don't, we have this much tiny little bit of energy right now, and so we only have so much to hand out. So we're really trying to make sure that we give it out sparingly and in the best ways because shit be wild lately in there. It should be wild. But we are still, still, no matter how weird things get in, life gets and crazy things get, you have to check in, you have to touch base, you have to talk about more than just pineapples and swinging. And if you want those types of relationships, you have to make effort and you have to just keep in touch. [00:41:00] And, like any other friendship, it's the same thing. Don't make it weird. It's not that, not that serious because it's not. It is just a deeper level of friendship. And you're gonna have the most fun with those type of people, doing anything and everything and we've had, that is the whole driving force behind all of this and everything. Well, and I think that's why we've really kind of gravitated towards the really close friendships. Mm-hmm. Is because we can really start navigating different kinks that. Exploring. Yeah. And exploring where we need more people. Yeah. To fulfill, to fill, yeah. Lots of men. So people are like, why do you have so many good guy friends? Well see, I have a goal. I have a kink to fulfill. You do. But seriously, [00:42:00] I love friends, boy, girl, anyone. I love all the friends, and we've been lucky enough to, I don't know if we've been lucky or we have manifested them one or the other, but we have the best group of people. And some of our tight friends don't know each other yet, so I'm. That's true. We're just, now, that's true. We have, we've had a local group of friends that is, they're very discreet, very quiet. They do their own little quiet parties and stuff, and no one does pictures and all of that. And then we have people that we've known for many a years that we know from social media that we've started this whole thing with, that we know on TikTok and Instagram and everything. And we've become really good friends that now go to each other's houses, go to different events and stuff. And then we have people in event groups and yeah. It's really just the people that go to a lot of these events, events, secrets, and, and they're regulars on to like Secrets and, and they're just as, as close to us are certain groups, [00:43:00] parties or this, and, and they, they just enjoy going, they're not part of really any yeah. It's just how they practice swinging. It's just how they swing. Yeah. And, but we have just as deep relationships with our friends, like local friends as we do with the ones we only see at Secrets once a year as we do with the ones that, you know, the real deep friends, the ones that we go to Atlanta and go to trapeze with and stuff. And it's all just as deep, different places you like to hang out. Yeah. But it's all because we have worked hard to maintain those relationships even with people we've only see once a year. I still consider them my closest, dearist friends, and we're talking all the time and making an effort and taking the time to communicate and travel and meet halfway and do the, put the effort into other stuff. But yeah, it's, it's a work. It's work. If you, it is work if you wanna navigate all these different dynamics and relationships and humans and it's gonna be a lot of work, but it's good work. It's soul work, it's [00:44:00] love work. And yeah, but they're out there. I promise don't it just, everyone is always so discouraged that they can't find their people and that they see us hanging with like our same people all the time. And people get really mad and jealous that, I guess, that we're like with, you're always with the same people all the time. Why? You always see the same faces and it's because it's our, our life people. Our people we call when we have time, like we have, we don't get much extra time. Yeah. And we don't. What are you doing Wednesday afternoon? What doing? Those are the people that call you back and answer you and are down and want to meet halfway or travel to see you or FaceTime you at 11:00 PM and talk about talk shit and stuff. And those are the people that you're going to gonna be closer with. And yeah, it's gonna, they're out there though, I promise. And it's really, I know it's discouraging when you live somewhere that's not full of swingers. We are lucky. We are, we are really lucky to live in Georgia. We have Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, all the [00:45:00] southern southeast states. We are, yeah. We are lucky enough to be in an area where there's, per capita, I'd say we're probably top tier. Oh yeah. Of lifestyle people. Yeah. Like I guarantee you're more than whoever it is in Idaho. Oh yeah. And I know it's discouraging and I know you might not have your group of people, but I promise you might have to travel. You're gonna, it's gonna take time and money and effort. But I promise you, your couple, your people, your group of people, your friends, they're around, best friends are out there and they're in the lifestyle, I promise. And you're gonna have to search a little harder and well, and it comes back to like, okay, you're friends, but you are really not that close with people, but they're fun to hang out with. And then they have friends, and then their friends have friends and it's just keep meeting people and it's literally just expanding your group. Yeah. Till you find the people that [00:46:00] you have these, that's a feel. Yeah. Like really you can have these really deep conversations with. Yeah, don't even if you feel like you're meeting all these couples and you're feeling discouraged, none of them are clicking. You don't like any of them. This, they're not, those people keep on meeting people and meeting their friends and trying different clubs. If your club is always a horrible experience for you and you're never meeting any person there that you like, and you don't like any of the demographic that's around in the places, you're gonna have to just travel. You're gonna have to go outside of your space and your box. Yeah. And you're gonna have to try new things. Maybe Hedo once a year is more your thing. Maybe a cruise, maybe you know Atlanta, maybe you're gonna have to travel somewhere and do something different, but they're out there, I promise. And it's worth it when you find them. And you're gonna, just like any other relationship, go through ups and downs and, but I promise the lifestyle ones are the best. They're the deepest or you'll never experience any friendship [00:47:00] like you will, yeah, with people in the lifestyle at all, period. But yeah, that's really all we have to say about that. That was really a whole, that was a whole hour episode about it. But yeah, we've got exciting new event to add to our list of events that we are going, going to be attending. We have now partnered again with Libertine Events. We are going to host for them. We love, love Libertine events. Yes. If you have not been to one of their events. Say last time we went to Miami with them and this time we're going to San Antonio, Texas. Yeah. And they have a amazing hotel. Yes. And they have rooms available and we're going to do seminars and panels and we've got dinners and all sorts of things and yeah, it's gonna be a good time. Like, and it is top notch. Best brand event, best looking [00:48:00] events. They best human beings. Oh, so the love. So excited that she asked us to come back because we had such a great time. We've met some really amazing people that we keep in contact with and that we love and we've taken our friends to her events and they fell in love with their events. So we are so excited to be back and to be hosting with them. And yeah. And then Naughty in Nawlin's is coming up. I'm not really sure where this episode's gonna fit in there. It might be sooner than later, but I know fast. If not going on right now while we are sharing this episode. But if you see a, see, I'm going there solo, so if you see me, make sure that you come say, hi. I have a table. I am going to have my table set up at the Astor. And I'm a little bit nervous, a little bit terrified to experience Naughty alone. If you've been, you know, it's a little overwhelming. It is, it is. It's a lot, a lot of people. It's a lot, a lot of people in the [00:49:00] lifestyle and it's just, the city is a lot and there's a lot going on and it never ends. It's always 24 7 fun and, but I am so excited to be back again and to experience it again in a different, little different way as Hot Couple Chronicles too this time. So yeah, really excited to bring our podcast there. And I have a lot of people that I wanna meet, a lot of podcasters. That's really what I'm most excited about is, yeah. Meeting people that I've looked up to and that I've listened to, and then I've watched for so long, and I want to get my face out there and introduce myself and I just wanna meet people and feel like a little starstruck. There's gonna be a lot of faces and people and a lot of friends that are going for the first time, so I'm excited to, yeah, show them around and show them my favorite. Hey, you're going without me, but you're definitely not gonna be alone. No. I'll, I'll have so many friends there, there's so many people going, and I'm excited to kind of show everybody's like, you can be the tour guide and show us where to go. We know where to eat, we know all the food places. So we're excited to show people our favorite event. This is our, [00:50:00] this is our favorite event. Not, yeah, it's our favorite. It's, it's not a really, an event like any other event. It's, it's, it's, it's like a city takeover instead of it's, it's up a notch to thousands of people and it's all lifestyle on the, on Bourbon Street, just taking over entire city. And yeah, it's, it's brings the whole, the whole thing to a whole nother level. And I'm excited to get recharged and reenergized and just be reminded and to see all the people and gotta get outta the house. Yeah. Gotta get out of the house. And yeah, we are excited to, we have a lot of plans for the podcast and we're working on getting better and trying to be. We want it to be more casual and flow a little bit better. And we're learning, we're not good at public speaking. I am an anxious, anxious person and I talk over my husband and I'm aware and I know and I get it. And I, I feel like last season I've really worked hard on that and I think that I've been really trying to calm my anxiety and not talk and [00:51:00] try to get over with as fast as possible and slow down. And we're learning. Thank you for being patient. We don't know what the hell we're doing. We don't know. We're just trying to navigate being humans with all of this wild, crazy stuff. Yeah. Sprinkle into and we don't know what the hell we're doing. Not, not one, not one bit. We're learning, we're trying to figure out. We're learning and, but try not talk over him. Fine. Let's, let's go. I need to go make some dinner and my foot's asleep. That's really the biggest thing that's going on. My foot's so asleep right now. It's numb. But as always, it's not that serious. Don't make it weird. Bye. Love you guys.