[SPEAKER_02]: Really, really gay podcast that we called that's a gay podcast Had the gay ass name for a gay ass podcast [SPEAKER_04]: Welcome back to that's a gay ass podcast.

[SPEAKER_04]: The podcast to ask who's fault is it that you're gay?

[SPEAKER_04]: It's me, Eric Williams, and I am thrilled to welcome Ryan Lou to the podcast, too, is a manifesting bitch.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I, as a self proclaimed crunchy girl, crystal clean, love to manifest and Ryan has built over 1.3 million followers on TikTok, helping people do exactly that.

[SPEAKER_04]: So please, let's make our gay ass dreams come true [SPEAKER_04]: with Ryan Lou.

[SPEAKER_04]: Today we're going to get woo woo with someone who is delude Lou.

[SPEAKER_04]: It is Ryan Lou, the host of delude Lou podcast and also just an incredible follow.

[SPEAKER_04]: Ryan, question number one on that's a gay ass podcast.

[SPEAKER_04]: We're recording this midweek.

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you having a gay ass week or has it been boring and straight?

[SPEAKER_00]: It is a gay ass life.

[SPEAKER_00]: So this is a gay ass week for sure.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh shout out.

[SPEAKER_04]: What would you say is the [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I was on the phone with my friend Cameron, like yesterday and I was talking to him and I was like, you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's really interesting.

[SPEAKER_00]: I kind of recently haven't been thinking about, but I was like, I feel like ever like romantic attraction to men, the way that like boys usually have it to woman.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, that was something I was kind of like working through with him, but it's also super exciting too.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you're working through the homosexual tendencies, which honestly, it's a daily, it's a daily occurrence for me.

[SPEAKER_04]: I love that you are not only sure a homosexual, but so deeply into manifestation.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm not just saying this, I've in the past five to ten years learned about what the power of a manifestation, and so I'm very excited to talk to you today about sure your podcast, but also how you have changed your life with manifesting and how you've helped others.

[SPEAKER_04]: Question number one, your podcast is called Dululu, obviously taking us to the word delusion null.

[SPEAKER_04]: Ryan, how are you delusional and follow up is being delusional a bad thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like the most delusional bitch you'll ever be in your entire life, like genuinely I am.

[SPEAKER_00]: So beyond the Lulu, like, I don't think it's a bad thing at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think you have to be delulu to manifest what you want out of life.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think you have to be delulu to enjoy life because like, I think if we're so rooted in like the reality, which of course be mindful of that too, then it can honestly get really boring, get stale, get depressing and I think I've always been such a big dreamer.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think being delulu is about, you know, dreaming big, thinking you can have anything you want.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then also knowing that everything that you want is already yours too.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, absolutely.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think also you're so good about posting about like the astrology, the astrological connection to manifesting and delusion and you and I are both Virgo King.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I think there's a certain genus that qual when it comes to the headiness of a Virgo person.

[SPEAKER_00]: We've got Virgo's.

[SPEAKER_00]: Such a bad rap.

[SPEAKER_00]: We really do.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to watch that.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Why do you think that is?

[SPEAKER_04]: What do you think is the bad rap that we get?

[SPEAKER_04]: And what do you think is actually true about Virgo's?

[SPEAKER_04]: Like what's the actual worst thing about a Virgo?

[SPEAKER_00]: I would say like Virgo's are interpreted to be like kind of harsh and critical and I would say I'm kind of harsh and critical so I think that's kind of true.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to say the bad rep isn't on urn but I also think it's misunderstood because I don't think it's ever coming from a place of like trying to be like.

[SPEAKER_00]: to too much, to means you critical, but I also think it's a place to come to expecting perfection and also expecting things to be done in a certain way.

[SPEAKER_00]: Which is very much how I operate and work, so.

[SPEAKER_04]: I know, I think the cross that we bear is that we expect, we have high expectations on ourselves and potentially high expectations on others around us.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I do think that we're living in an era where we have a self-awareness where we're not like bully our friends and loved ones.

[SPEAKER_04]: We're just hoping for the best for all of us.

[SPEAKER_04]: But in one of your videos, you do say, like, compatibility of different signs and you say Virgo is compatible with what a therapist drag me girly because this is hot off the process, but I have had two therapists, one individual that I've been with for like over four years.

[SPEAKER_04]: And then my husband and I have a couple therapists who's been like amazing, but I just fired, I just broke up with my individual therapist.

[SPEAKER_00]: What do you feel like?

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh, we idea no context like why should you do that?

[SPEAKER_04]: I think it was actually a good thing.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was a celebration.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's because I felt like in my life's path, my journey, that I was, had really like almost closed a chapter of growth with her.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I was getting so much different guidance from the couple's therapist that he's a gay man, my individual.

[SPEAKER_04]: was a straight woman who, again, I adore, she changed my life.

[SPEAKER_04]: She was the reason why I couldn't have to grow this podcast, all my shit.

[SPEAKER_04]: When I first went to her, I said, I just moved to LA.

[SPEAKER_04]: I was dealing with some personal life, cooconious.

[SPEAKER_04]: And also, I was like, I'm moving to a new city, much like you.

[SPEAKER_04]: I moved to LA from New York.

[SPEAKER_04]: I wanted to do my first ever live show, but I was too afraid to do so, and this therapist, she's the reason why I was able to like get the tools and the confidence to do so.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I shout her out, but I also felt like organically it was the right time to end, and she was too expensive, and I'm not making enough money to justify 12 therapists.

[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, I think all of that is completely valid and fair.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, she sounds amazing and obviously changed your life, but you know, if you feel like that chapter is done and maybe it's not necessarily the right time.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to completely fine too.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: You have a therapist.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, and then I probably always will.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm, I'm the type of Virgo girl that feels like I need that support through and through.

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you a Virgo queen in therapy right now?

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you?

[SPEAKER_00]: I can't say up this.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have a therapist.

[SPEAKER_00]: Got it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Will love him.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's like bestiana and I just feel like I can like.

[SPEAKER_00]: I really think we're just kind of what therapy is.

[SPEAKER_00]: The first.

[SPEAKER_00]: He just feels like he is okay, girly or straight.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know what's really interesting?

[SPEAKER_00]: He's married, he has a wife, but I swear to God.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had his therapy session of him like maybe four months ago.

[SPEAKER_00]: I swear to God, I saw my grinder.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, [SPEAKER_00]: Well, where you want grinder like I was like this we don't need to make this weird.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just I saw guy.

[SPEAKER_00]: He looks just like you He's the same age as you and everything and I was like and I was like is this my therapist and will It was like it was not me and I was like okay, that's so uncanny and weird But then I able to get a step further so I messes the guy [SPEAKER_00]: and I was like, hey, random, but was your job and he was something in sales, I guess?

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, right, right, right, right.

[SPEAKER_04]: Can you imagine if that actually was your therapist?

[SPEAKER_04]: I think that would have been, I still think it was.

[SPEAKER_04]: Do you really?

[SPEAKER_00]: I do.

[SPEAKER_00]: It looked just like him and they were both 39.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like what are the odds?

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, what are the odds?

[SPEAKER_04]: But also the follow-up needs to be asked, which is, say it was your therapist, [SPEAKER_00]: Um, yeah, it's for sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had such a crush on my therapist for a long time, but I think it was more of like a daddy thing because he's so like comforting and like paternal to me and like I thought he's cute.

[SPEAKER_00]: So then I was like, you know, I was like, yeah, you're like, I had like a really big crush on him for a while actually.

[SPEAKER_04]: And then I think that's actually.

[SPEAKER_04]: This might be a controversial opinion, but I do think it's actually okay to have a crush on your therapist to a point.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think that when it gets too far, then we're sort of mudding waters.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'll tell you, our couple of therapists is a fox.

[SPEAKER_04]: He's hot.

[SPEAKER_04]: He is amazing at his job and get this Ryan Lou.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm currently recording in Palm Springs and he is also in Palm Springs right now.

[SPEAKER_04]: praying.

[SPEAKER_04]: Talk about manifesting.

[SPEAKER_04]: I am manifesting when I run into my hot therapist out at a gay bar.

[SPEAKER_04]: Can you imagine?

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, that would be crazy.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't need to do anything spicy with him.

[SPEAKER_04]: I just want to get an IRL because we only work remotely.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I want to get an IRL.

[SPEAKER_04]: I would love that.

[SPEAKER_04]: I would love to see that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to have to follow up and you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Before we get into the manifesting of it all because I really do want to get into the tools of it all.

[SPEAKER_04]: I want to talk about the journaling, the terroring of it all.

[SPEAKER_04]: Just yeah, I really can't wait to learn from you.

[SPEAKER_04]: But before we do so, let me ask you the famous gay ass podcast question, Ryan Lee, which is, who's fault?

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, who do we blame, even, Bob?

[SPEAKER_00]: Chris Evans in Fantastic Four, like, when he was like, he burned off all his clothes.

[SPEAKER_00]: I remember being like a child and seeing that and like being like, oh, like, why am I so into this?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like why am I so into him, like, [SPEAKER_00]: you know, kind of naked and super hot, you know, you know, Chris Evans kind of naked.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think has done a lot to a lot of young gay boys across this country in this club.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're, you're probably.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Jason.

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you a Gen Z queen?

[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so I'm millennial.

[SPEAKER_04]: So we are having a cross-generational tie a bond over Chris Evans, because [SPEAKER_04]: While Fantastic Four, we shot out my origin Chris Evans story was not another teen movie where he is With cream on his nipples and there's a banana sticking out of his asshole, and that did Yes, no, that's a good one too.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I actually I have not seen that movie or what that is But when I was drinking my research of Chris Evans naked, it came up.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that one was a great one too [SPEAKER_04]: Well, here's a deal.

[SPEAKER_04]: The reason why that was so formative is because he had a hairy chest, and I as someone who had a self-loving feeling about my own body hair, I saw his, and I was like, oh my god, he is proof that it can't be hot.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I feel like we've tested for hot.

[SPEAKER_04]: I know it now but growing up I did not but in fantastic for is he do you remember when he gets naked?

[SPEAKER_04]: Is he fully bare chested?

[SPEAKER_04]: Because I feel it is.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can still see in my head.

[SPEAKER_04]: Also there is chest hair in the fantastic for nakedness.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I'm willing to like I haven't seen it so long.

[SPEAKER_00]: I haven't seen that in so long But I feel like I could see to my head.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like a little fuzz.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?

[SPEAKER_00]: We love it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, a little fuzz.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like he's like holding this jacket.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm super attracted to it anything like I'm really attracted to like [SPEAKER_00]: men and like men type things.

[SPEAKER_00]: So love that.

[SPEAKER_04]: You're far on the gay aspect Trump of love.

[SPEAKER_04]: Very very fucking M.

A.

[SPEAKER_00]: And where did you grow up?

[SPEAKER_00]: I grew up in Orange County.

[SPEAKER_00]: So okay, I was in Orange County most of my life.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then I after my TikTok did what it did, I moved to New York.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I moved in New York for a couple of years.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then I moved to LA.

[SPEAKER_00]: So now I'm currently in LA.

[SPEAKER_04]: Obviously, you felt that sort of like divine sign from the universe that putting out your own work on TikTok would be the key for you, but when did you actually go from just like manifesting with blind faith to a weight it's actually happening?

[SPEAKER_04]: Like was it a was it super gradual?

[SPEAKER_04]: Was there one moment where you felt like you got a certain money maker or follower [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I didn't really even know for a while, I still don't really know.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm in year six now.

[SPEAKER_00]: I quite literally have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

[SPEAKER_00]: But we're just saying, fucking we ball.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I think my first month of my TikTok blowing up, I went from like zero fall to 100,000.

[SPEAKER_00]: And in my head, I was like, oh my god, I made it.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, yeah, I'm famous now.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, everything's going to work out.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't actually even make a penny from TikTok for about like nine months.

[SPEAKER_00]: had put my job and I was making TikToks and I sort of great gain followers.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, let's just keep going with this and see where it goes and I just kept committing to it and I kept going and it was a lot of blind faith.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was a lot of prayer, a lot of manifestation and eventually when I started making money from TikTok, that's when I was like, okay, now I feel like really confident that maybe this could be [SPEAKER_00]: career career.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, to me, to be completely honest, there was no other option.

[SPEAKER_00]: There was no other option.

[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't envision any sort of life for myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: That was not exactly what I'm living pretty much right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like, my dreams continue to evolve.

[SPEAKER_00]: The things I want to do continue to evolve.

[SPEAKER_00]: The projects I work on continue to evolve.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can't believe it.

[SPEAKER_04]: I want to let's piggyback off of that line, Lou, because I think a lot of people get trapped in is having one dream or goal as a young person or at whatever age and then not having the flexibility for that goal to change.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I think what you're probably doing is that you are sure manifesting what you want, but then you are taking the cues from the universe to let those dreams morph or evolve.

[SPEAKER_04]: Would you say that that is what's happening?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think when it comes to manifestation too, and this is something I always talk about, it's like, you have to be super open-minded to what manifestation is and how things manifest.

[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, we are not static people, like we are ever changing, and we should embrace what we want, and things that we want can also change, and the desires that we have can also change.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I feel like for me, I hit a point in 2020, [SPEAKER_00]: I would say the beginning of 2023 where I remember sitting down and being like, huh, I have everything I've ever dreamed of like genuinely like everything I've ever dreamed of since I was a child like I have it right now and I was like what's next and I really sat there and I was like what else do I want what else can I accomplish what else can I do here like [SPEAKER_00]: Because I feel like that's what happened.

[SPEAKER_00]: Everything I ever thought was realistically feasible in my wildest dreams.

[SPEAKER_00]: How to already happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, can you talk about what that was?

[SPEAKER_04]: What was it that had happened?

[SPEAKER_04]: Was it that you had made a full living as a creator?

[SPEAKER_04]: What was like the dream that you had hit?

[SPEAKER_00]: It was exactly that, but my biggest thing is my apartment, essentially.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I really, really have always dreamed of independence and freedom.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I lived in a home with my parents, where I love super, super deeply.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I felt so restricted and I felt so repressed.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I felt like I couldn't do anything.

[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have freedom and I used to dream about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Where I could like, when I got my own place, I don't have friends over all the time.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because my parents never let me have friends over and I'd be like, [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to have people sleeping over and I'm going to be able to take care of people, I'm going to be able to help people, I'm going to be able to support people if I need to because I'll have my own place and I was dreamed about that and I was dreamed of like a view of the city lights, I was dreamed about like living in New York and Los Angeles and pursuing a career and entertainment and this is essentially what that was and I felt like also I was [SPEAKER_00]: making a lot of money and that was another thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like I have financial freedom now like I was like I feel like I have everything I could ever want and that was like the best sort of 2023 and then that's when I was like okay, what else do I want now like what else what else is crazier that I didn't even want to stay out loud because I was like that's never going to happen you know then those started happening as well.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I still feel like it seems that's the delusion, I think that's exactly what that's how we should train our brains, which is to actually allow ourselves to dream bigger than we had given ourselves permission before.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I do think that part of what you're saying about like obviously we love our parents and we are so grateful especially when they are embracing of our queerness because historically speaking that has not always been the case.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I think that what you probably [SPEAKER_04]: The heteronormativity of it all, and maybe like the apartment or your own space was like the physical sign that you were a gay acid doll living a gay acid bliss without the commentary or rules of a straight world.

[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely and like even literally physically like in my apartment the first thing I did when I sort of decorating was I put dicks everywhere because I was like that's art and I like that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I like men so I have like a lot of books.

[SPEAKER_04]: I do think that you know every human body part can be considered art but [SPEAKER_04]: If we get into the the artistry of a dick for a second, I do think it's an important topic.

[SPEAKER_03]: It's getting to it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, what would you say is the most beautiful part of the dick biologically anatomically even?

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you a head girl, shaft clean?

[SPEAKER_00]: That's hard because like all three of those seem to mind.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I think it's the entire encompassment of all of it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like fall to head.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I think sort of like a moneye.

[SPEAKER_00]: You need to take it all as a complete as a complete image.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, literally, that's what I'm thinking, but like, yeah, I have like, well, not anymore, because I was like, I felt like I hated having to preface anyone coming over, being like, by the way, there are going to be keenesses everywhere.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sure, you're wanting dicks.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, you know what, I blocked it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I thought that's a good host to me to have dicks everywhere and not everyone wants to see that.

[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I love the trend of especially like queer men whose wall art is just like fully either porn or erotica or Well, I go to someone's house, and it is literally like erotic art or like naked manner dicks [SPEAKER_00]: I love that shit.

[SPEAKER_00]: I do.

[SPEAKER_00]: We love that shit out.

[SPEAKER_04]: Let me shut up my gay ass husband because he, we have a bunch of art in our walls.

[SPEAKER_04]: In fact, on Substack, one of our bonus episodes coming up is with Sejwik Guth, who is an incredible queer artist.

[SPEAKER_04]: He has really horny images, and above our bed are two line drawings of like men with like big old bulges, and then [SPEAKER_04]: In our guest bathroom, we have a really cool painting of like a pool party But there are little Easter eggs all over of men doing a bunch of slutty things You'll see in the corn like a small image of a man on his knees You see like there's a lot so like I co-sign the money to come over.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to see absolutely all of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have [SPEAKER_00]: and artwork of the moon in the sun during each other off.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that one.

[SPEAKER_00]: Genius.

[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, really.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's like, really, that's you in a nutshell, is the moon of the sun during each other.

[SPEAKER_00]: A million percent, especially because, like, well, my apartment's celestial beamed.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, that's perfect.

[SPEAKER_00]: And my love of men, Dix, and the moon in the sun, like, all there.

[SPEAKER_04]: And the universe doing her thing.

[SPEAKER_04]: 100% so like I do want to get into that though because as someone who is I would say woo woo in my soul but in practice I really can learn a lot from you when they come to manifesting I know that you've talked a lot about and written about journaling as a way to sort of like put out into the world what we want to come true and [SPEAKER_04]: Question for a specific for me that maybe a lot of listeners will align with.

[SPEAKER_04]: I find that writing the actual like physical act of writing can feel limiting because not only is my handwriting bad, but I can't write as fast as I think and it just brings me back to school, which is obviously a trigger fast at times.

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you cool?

[SPEAKER_04]: Let me ask for permission, Ryan.

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you cool if I journal on my computer, Dora?

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, honestly, no.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really not okay with that.

[SPEAKER_00]: It physically has to be in a journal.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm totally kidding.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I literally, there's no right or wrong way to journal.

[SPEAKER_00]: So like I, I'm obviously huge fan of journaling.

[SPEAKER_00]: I talk about a lot as you know and like I fill this shit up like very vastly, but like, well, I also [SPEAKER_00]: I also think faster than I could physically write to, so I write on my laptop like just a train to thought like, say, do do do do do do.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then I write it into the journal.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I got the thoughts out and I copied it into the journal because I want a physical embodiment of the thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: And also I write the journals, they're designed to be ready to take in like pictures and like whatever is into it.

[SPEAKER_04]: So like it's like, so how much would you say like on a daily basis or like on average like how much [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I was saying like five to ten minutes a day, I would really hope so, but like recently my life has been super incredibly busy, so it's been so hard to have the time and even the mental bandwidth to sit down and journal about the day, but I really am such an advocate for your life is worth remembering and y'all should write down.

[SPEAKER_00]: what you did that day, how you felt that day, what you're working on, what you're thinking about, like, and I really try to be super intentional about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm super behind, because I've been so swamps.

[SPEAKER_00]: But things for me happen every fucking day that I have to write about it, too.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I was saying, like, [SPEAKER_00]: For me, it's a giant priority in my life, especially because I want to see how I'm feeling.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to remember those streams.

[SPEAKER_00]: The whole thing that we talked about where I was deciding TikTok was going to be the one that was going to change my life.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so thankful I wrote about that in my journal.

[SPEAKER_00]: Then I could pull up my journal and open that page.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was off to August 27th of the day after May 24th birthday.

[SPEAKER_00]: I remember writing being TikToks are going to be the one.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to change my life.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm making this decision now.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm putting my job.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm happy I have that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to be in the documentary.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to be like, you know, everything, everything for the past like 10 years, like, since I was in high school, you know.

[SPEAKER_04]: So is that the way that you have found your in into journaling is just sort of recounting the feelings.

[SPEAKER_04]: And do you have like a specific goal or framework or is it pretty free form a stream of consciousness?

[SPEAKER_00]: it's literally a free form stream of consciousness.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's I write it as if I'm telling my friend a story because the intention of these journal entries are to be read.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I hope all of them are published one day.

[SPEAKER_00]: I hope all of them are featured in something one day.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like they're designed to be read and I like air everything out and I write it as if I'm talking to a friend telling my friend a story and telling them about my day.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I'll be like, girl, you're not going to guess what happens there.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, guess you showed up again or I'm like, oh my god, like, [SPEAKER_00]: I, I, I just like the storytelling aspect of it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very much naturally a writer in general.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I feel like when it comes to the journal entries, it's like, well, I just have to tell you something that I, you know, it talked to so many people on these interviews and it's very rare that like a old memory resurfaces, but I just had one come up in this very moment.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I do think it was the universe trying to teach me a lesson.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, memory that came up is I'm like, no joke.

[SPEAKER_04]: nine, 10 years old, I'm a young child.

[SPEAKER_04]: They're a sensitive, emotional, you know, obviously closeted child.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I had a journal.

[SPEAKER_04]: I decided to write a journal entry about the fact that I had a dream that I kissed a boy.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I was feeling really, really ashamed about it.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it worried about it.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I remember writing it down in a journal and a merely feeling the sense of panic of, we'll wait a minute, what if somebody finds it?

[SPEAKER_04]: And enough days went by, and I think at one point maybe my twin, my straight twin brother did find it or try to read it, and I ended up destroying those pages because I was so deeply ashamed of not only having the experience of kissing, I mean, I would dream at like a young age of like climbing up the men who would visit my dad's pharmacy in their business suits.

[SPEAKER_04]: I would dream of climbing up their suits, grabbing their scruffy faces and giving them a sloppy make out.

[SPEAKER_04]: I was nine.

[SPEAKER_00]: That was crazy.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think that I kind of, in a way, had a...

[SPEAKER_04]: I still think in a way, there's something very scary to me about putting down my deep fears and thoughts and wishes, because of that experience of being worried of being exposed.

[SPEAKER_00]: No way.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've never, I have never felt that way where I'm like, I mean, I'm sorry that that, like, that's crazy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really like that you sure that I want to unpack that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I actually something weird.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, yeah, I say, but it, well, let's, I think in a way that it's kind of a testament to your childhood home, if we, if we can give an homage to your parents there, because if you were writing these journal entries starting in what middle high school and you have this practice now, [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, no, really my parents would read my journal, too.

[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I guess they would read them, yeah, and they'd be really mad at me because I'm very explicitly clear about my thoughts and about things.

[SPEAKER_04]: Um, so how did you deal with them the feeling of your parents getting that look into your inner life, uh, and maybe them having a negative reaction?

[SPEAKER_04]: How did you not internalize or did you internalize that shame at all?

[SPEAKER_04]: How did you work through sort of having the strength to continue to express yourself?

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I just didn't care like I think I was just like yeah that's that you know what I mean I don't know I don't I will say in my more young adult life they did not read the journals I would say when I was like a child because like I was I'm not gonna like maybe fifth grade or something I remember calling my dad being like please go to Barnes and Noble and get me a journal I want to start journaling and I would journal they would read like my little childhood ones So like they weren't really even a big deal you know me right right and I think my adult ones [SPEAKER_00]: They probably could still read like I wouldn't put it past them whatsoever about the same time.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like I feel very open book, you know, I mean, I just talk about dicks for like four minutes.

[SPEAKER_00]: So like I'm like whatever at this point, you know, yeah, we're always embracing of you being gay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I honestly don't even know.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was just never spoken about.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was never talked about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I never felt like a thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I also, obviously, I feel like they've known, because I feel like I've always been very not like my brother, who's like straight, whatever, like, heteronormative, et cetera.

[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, they've never addressed it.

[SPEAKER_00]: They never brought it up to me.

[SPEAKER_00]: We never talked about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I remember even being like a young adult, they would reference me like marrying a woman, and I'd be like, oh, oh.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm like, are we still in that deluue?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's crazy.

[SPEAKER_04]: That talk about deluue, I was with my nephew's recently.

[SPEAKER_04]: Am I seven year old nephew?

[SPEAKER_04]: And my dad, who was, you know, just being a sweet grandpa, was talking about, for some reason, like, falling in love.

[SPEAKER_04]: And he said, maybe one day, you're wife.

[SPEAKER_04]: And then my sister-in-law, my nephew's mom.

[SPEAKER_04]: said or husband and I exactly, I in my mind I was like that queen and I'm try was also like exactly But like it is really it's like healing to my inner child to see my nephew and be like letting you know that you can marry whoever the fuck you want, but [SPEAKER_04]: I wonder if maybe a part of it for you was that you were growing up in Southern California, or maybe there was maybe you had, I don't know if there was like friends in your school that had been out or just there was more queerness around you, but I knew, Orange County can be pretty conservative, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, yes, and that's exactly why I love for New York, because yeah, it was during the time of the pandemic levados, 2020, [SPEAKER_00]: it was like, um, at the Pico Black Lives Matter and just with how incredibly racist and conservative and Trumpy, um, where I was living, what is I was so fucking horrified and we go back to the journal and I was very much like in my like social justice era where I was like, I can't live here.

[SPEAKER_00]: Why are these people my neighbors like they don't they don't they're on the wrong side of history.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was just so, [SPEAKER_00]: that and that's when I was like I need to go and you need to go as far away as possible from you're in the second I had the means to like independently support myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was out, you know, you ran definitely and I even hate coming back like when I go visit my parents and I'm going to see them for the holidays [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I hate being there because I'm just like a centerpiece, so reasons and it's so gross and I don't know.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think a lot of people, uh, there's a reason why a lot of queer people have chosen families and maybe even different locations and where they grew up is because we were, we're tired of feeling like an alien.

[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, I've very much talked about that in my own, [SPEAKER_04]: therapy and I will give a shout out though when I wasn't St.

Louis Missouri recently visiting family I went to a couple gay bars and met the sweetest hottest gay guys I'd love for the small town sort of I mean like and I say that not condescendingly one of the gay's was like we we very much like treat everybody here like as small town gays we take them under our wing and so I don't [SPEAKER_04]: whether it's a small town or a suburb or whatever the fuck, but I do think that there are a lot of us who do leave those places because we would like to start our own story, create our own reality that is away from the straightness or the racism or whatever it is.

[SPEAKER_04]: But if we do get into the tools of manifesting specifically, do you have any [SPEAKER_04]: advice for the best way to manifest or like, let's say, here's a great example.

[SPEAKER_04]: You knew in your gut that creating content on TikTok was going to give you the path to independence.

[SPEAKER_04]: I have had a very long road professionally, I graduated from college with an acting degree, I got very frustrated and then started to do comedy and in this podcast and in my gut, I knew that a live show would be my ticket.

[SPEAKER_04]: I didn't know why.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm starting, I'm about to announce a tour for this show in the next couple of weeks.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I do see that it is happening, but I want to know if you have any tools or pieces of advice for like how I can push this manifestation or anybody listening can make their dreams actually be put into the universe to even have the chance to come true.

[SPEAKER_04]: Any advice for us?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, honestly, I would say manifestation is super easy and it should be taken as it being easy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think there are different manifestation methods and I see them as literally that tools because at that end of the day comes down to your intention, what you're trying to manifest, what you're thinking about, what you will speak into existence, but you don't even necessarily need them.

[SPEAKER_00]: So when people are beginning to manifest, I always recommend like take these manifestation methods and tools and use them because if you believe [SPEAKER_00]: Dancing under a full moon in the pouring rain, spinning in a circle and chanting like XYZ is going to help you manifest it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Then it's probably going to manifest based off the belief alone.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think believing it's going to happen is have to work.

[SPEAKER_00]: So if you need the help like it's like go get a journal and write your journal whatever you want.

[SPEAKER_00]: As if you're a habit, I'm so thankful gratitude breeds more things to be grateful for.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so thankful I have a sold out live tour, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And [SPEAKER_00]: That could be the tool that you need to do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, you don't even necessarily need that.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's just like the belief.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then feeling like, OK, I wrote that down.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's how you manifest.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now it's going to manifest.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, just thinking it's going to help you align.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it also looks like a subconscious thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: Not only is it like meeting the universe in the middle because the universe is going to help you get your goals, you are going to work towards it.

[SPEAKER_00]: You have that intention.

[SPEAKER_00]: You've set it down.

[SPEAKER_00]: You wrote it down.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a goal.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to work towards it, whether you're knowing like the deaths of how much you're going to work towards it, you're going to put the work in, or also just like in your data daily life, you start doing little actions that help you move down that path to make it happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I think they go hand in hand, but any manifestation method.

[SPEAKER_00]: is honestly anything is valid.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even think any of it's like necessarily right or wrong.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever it makes sense for you, whatever makes you feel like, okay, it's going to happen now.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's how I started.

[SPEAKER_00]: I started manifesting by journaling daily.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had a separate manifestation journal not by life journal.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I would write all my manifestations, hopes, and dreams.

[SPEAKER_00]: I would honestly say for hours like till my hand hurt and I would watch it manifest in front of me and I just like, oh my god, this journal's magic and then I stopped having time to do it every day and then I was still manifest like I would just say things out loud or do my own things or a manifest once a month still would happen and then I realize I was like it's not the journal it's not the rituals it's not the routine it's not the tools it's me so now it's just like if I want to manifest and you're just going to manifest it and that's where I'm at now but that comes with a lot of practice to get yourself concepts to the place where it's like I'm about to manifest her.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, also what I'm hearing too is that you getting into the practice of it even before you believe it will happen gives the space for the chance of it coming true because I think what I have dealt with and I think a lot of people do is that sure we can have these dreams or even wishes, whether it's for our romantic lives or professional lives or whatever, [SPEAKER_04]: But a lot of us, I think, lack the confidence or the hope that any of it will come true.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I think that if you even fake it to you make it at the beginning, whether you're manifesting, even though you don't maybe deep down believe it can happen, but allowing yourself to even just write down the thought, will...

[SPEAKER_04]: give you the practice to one day believe it will happen and then the more you believe the more it actually comes into existence.

[SPEAKER_00]: Clocked it.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's exactly that.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like having the repetition and having the audacity to even state out loud and believe that it can happen and like thinking about it and it's just like...

[SPEAKER_00]: You're right.

[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people lack the confidence that it's real or true.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I think a lot of people could be like, is it like I want to be a super star, but like how realistic is that?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's like one in a million, but it's like, why can't you be the one in the million, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: Like I think, but also you said the audacity.

[SPEAKER_04]: We deserve to have the audacity, right?

[SPEAKER_04]: Like I think a lot of, I think a lot of queer people are taught that we don't deserve.

[SPEAKER_04]: A lot of things.

[SPEAKER_04]: We don't deserve happiness.

[SPEAKER_04]: We don't deserve a family.

[SPEAKER_04]: We don't deserve like this is gonna very specific call up But since we're getting to the holidays there are so many like I feel like triggering comments that we can hear when we're around our families of origin And I feel like something that [SPEAKER_04]: I have noticed this in general is when people talk about like whether it's having children and again, I know I'm a little older than you, but something I think there's a value judgment that a lot of people place on like you are only happy if you are married with kids that is the sign of success that is the sign of fulfillment but I think for queer people we are creating our rules of fulfillment and we have the audacity we deserve to have the audacity to [SPEAKER_04]: have big dreams that are outside of the straight rules.

[SPEAKER_04]: And we deserve those dreams coming true even if the straight people in our lives don't see them as as valuable if it's not just a partner of a spouse and kids in a white picket fence.

[SPEAKER_00]: Literally, it's when I was growing up, I remember what was instilled deeply in me was, I need to be the breadwinner from a family, I need to have a wife, I need to have kids.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that was like the goal in life and that's what I was taught.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then as I started, you know, gaining my independence, free will, like thinking about things for myself, I was like, I don't want that at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: I definitely don't want a wife, like, you know, a besties, fine, or whatever.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I really don't want kids.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was talking about it with my friend, [SPEAKER_00]: I think yesterday, because I was like, do you want kids?

[SPEAKER_00]: And he was like, I used to want kids, but I don't want kids anymore.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I don't want kids at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's not where I find like my life to be and like what I want for myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like that heteronormative idea of like raising a family was just completely fine to value.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I know a lot of queer people also want that as well.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: A beautiful, great thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't feel like I need that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't feel like I want that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I also feel like I was raised to think that was like the end all in life.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't have it, you're not fulfilled.

[SPEAKER_00]: But then finding fulfillment within yourself and your queerness and what you want for your life.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that's just as rewarding.

[SPEAKER_00]: Definitely.

[SPEAKER_04]: So yeah, well, also the true gift is that you can make that decision.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think a lot of people, especially straight people, feel that the decision was made for them.

[SPEAKER_04]: They were told, okay, you have to have kids to be fulfilled.

[SPEAKER_04]: You have to have a certain quote-unquote normal life.

[SPEAKER_04]: But I think the queer people, queer people are the best parents because they have had to fight for it and have had to really make that decision.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so I, I mean, God, it's, it makes me feel so happy when I see, I mean, I have [SPEAKER_04]: Two friends of mine who are married Gays, they had their first kid.

[SPEAKER_04]: He is gorgeous.

[SPEAKER_04]: They are amazing parents.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's so cool to see, but it's also so beautiful because they had to go through a lot of fucking work and money to have that kid come into this world.

[SPEAKER_04]: On the other side of it, if we decide we don't want kids, that is equally beautiful and exciting because hey, instead of me having two kids, maybe I'm going to buy a house in Palm Springs, which is currently my plan right now.

[SPEAKER_04]: So, um, talk about, do you have a manifest [SPEAKER_04]: We let him in because Ryan.

[SPEAKER_04]: I am so grateful to have a gorgeous home in Palm Springs where I entertain not only groups for big dinners or my husband does the share of the actual physical cooking work because he is genius at that, but I also help him with doing the grocery shopping, having a delicious view of the mountains we set outside and potentially [SPEAKER_04]: Um, or geez happened at this house.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I see all of that and I'm visualizing it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, thank you.

[SPEAKER_04]: And let's, yeah, and that was my, that was my manifestation that I'm very grateful is coming true in, in real time.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Please invite me.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's all of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to come to your dinner parties and orgies like we invite me.

[SPEAKER_04]: You know another dream that you're manifesting.

[SPEAKER_04]: I actually read an interview of yours.

[SPEAKER_04]: You were trying to manifest Keshah on your podcast to Lulu.

[SPEAKER_04]: Now tell me, is Keshah your pop girl?

[SPEAKER_04]: Is that why you want her?

[SPEAKER_04]: Do you just think she needs your help?

[SPEAKER_04]: Why is Keshah the girl?

[SPEAKER_04]: I need Keshah's help.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've always needed Keshah's help.

[SPEAKER_00]: We are still manifesting and she is definitely going to come on the show.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right Charlie.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_00]: That was my publishes, we're gonna catch it on the show, for sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love Kasha, I always love Kasha, she, honestly, perfect opportunity for me to talk about Kasha, I'm so happy to be brought her up.

[SPEAKER_00]: She is a giant part of me accepting my great identity, because when she debuted in 2010, I was very much like, I don't even want to say closet it, I just didn't understand and I really felt ashamed and I felt like it was wrong and I felt like it wasn't [SPEAKER_00]: like something I should be or something I should feel and I remember this these deep feelings of shame and then when Keshe came out she was so deeply unapologetic and she felt like what I interpreted it to be like a genuine true ally so the queer community I remember she made a video and I to this day 2025 I think I can get emotional if I watch it but she was like I'm not going to get married until like everyone in this country can get married and I was like that's [SPEAKER_00]: genuine allyship and I felt very seen by her and just how she presented herself and I loved her music and I've always just loved her so much since like her debut.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, no, I think that you're hitting on something really important which is that the reason why we love so many of our pop girlies and our character actresses who will get into and the strong, sure, straight women but also the straight men who are [SPEAKER_04]: so encouraging of all people.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: It cannot be understated how amazing it feels to have someone like Shore Keshah advocate for us.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that she has, is someone who has also felt othered and I think that we can feel that connection.

[SPEAKER_04]: And by the way, I saw Keshah perform at Pride in LA.

[SPEAKER_04]: Me too.

[SPEAKER_04]: wasn't she incredible 2016 yeah uh no i think it was actually more recent than that it was yeah recently just did it yes it was last year right we was last year and i'm out and i'm out i have always you know like love from music i love the the the campiness of keshah but i um was really reminded of her star power because she fucking tore the proverbial roof off that outdoor was Hollywood pride and she fucking killed it [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, yes, I was there.

[SPEAKER_00]: That was incredible.

[SPEAKER_00]: One of the best nights out for me.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a huge fan.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've seen her a bunch of times.

[SPEAKER_00]: That show itself was so special and empowering, especially because it was one of her first shows.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Free from the contract to lose under.

[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.

[SPEAKER_00]: So like that energy was so different and seen her fully realized as a pop star and just as a fan.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I love her so much.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like literally, I have, I'm gonna show her right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have this tiny little daycare.

[SPEAKER_00]: I met her.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have this tiny little picture here.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, yeah, it's like, she was releasing new album and she went live on Instagram.

[SPEAKER_00]: And my friend, I was seeking a nap, my friend called me and he was like, are you by Melrose place or something like he saw an identifiable landmark behind her and I was like, no, I'm not, but I'm getting my car right now, get in my car drive over there.

[SPEAKER_00]: She is there.

[SPEAKER_00]: She just finishes his live.

[SPEAKER_00]: I meet her.

[SPEAKER_00]: They're telling my car.

[SPEAKER_00]: She stops him from going my car.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was this whole thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: Kasha, I love you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love Kasha so much.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god.

[SPEAKER_00]: Go get her girl.

[SPEAKER_00]: You.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am from that nap and you literally hunt a lot out of bed.

[SPEAKER_00]: hunted her down hunted her down.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh literally and then she was on the other day.

[SPEAKER_04]: Let me just let me just command and celebrate a gay girly like Ryan Lou who was woken up from a nap heard that casha was doing a live off of Melrose whatever the fuck gets in the car targets toad and you get the shot and you will go to any length to meet your clean and to make your dreams come true.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm going to be inspired right now for another manifestation.

[SPEAKER_04]: I said it with four of them are reaffirming now.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm so thrilled that my Diva Wippie Goldberg has finally come on.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's a gay ass podcast.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm so fucking gagged that I got to tell her.

[SPEAKER_04]: How much she means to me and how seeing her as Dolores van Cartier in Sister Act 2 made me feel that a life of show cleanness and embracing my true self would be possible and I'm just gagged that I finally got to chat with will be god damn goldberg.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, claiming for you, these are icons.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's incredible.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's happening.

[SPEAKER_04]: I love that we're able to bring up people.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think so.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I love that we're able to bring up Kastra and we'll be Goldberg in the same version on this gay ass podcast as we should.

[SPEAKER_01]: We should, absolutely.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oh my god, well, listen, I want to make sure that since we only have a few minutes left, I want to get into some more of your journey and question for you about the terror of it all.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_04]: Do you find that when you're doing a terror reading for someone or for yourself as a woo woo amateur is terror like predicting what's to come is it giving us something to look out for?

[SPEAKER_04]: What do you find is the value of the terror of it all?

[SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I think it's comfort and I think taro has so many different facets.

[SPEAKER_00]: It could be predictions, but it could also be insight.

[SPEAKER_00]: It could also be a little bit of just like someone holding your hand reassuring you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I see it as like therapy as well because like I think with taro specifically, I usually don't read for myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: ever actually, but when I read for other people, it's like, it's also like, what do you need to hear right now?

[SPEAKER_00]: What's going to be the peace of mind or what's going to be reassurance or what's going to be guidance to make the next steps that you should be making, of course, like, make your adult decisions with a lot of, um, a terror necessarily having a deep influence on it, but it's also nice to know that, you know, there could be other things or reassurances or messages, because I don't even think terror necessarily needs to be like, okay, now you need to quit your job and do this.

[SPEAKER_00]: It could also just be like, here's some reassurance for what you [SPEAKER_00]: Here's a reminder that you're on the right path, or here's some advice that could be applicable to the situation you're going through, because I think the human mind will find ways to make things make sense, and I think they work hand in hand.

[SPEAKER_04]: A big skill of yours is the two sides of your brain, which is you have the woo-woo and then the Virgo side is sure the actual application of it, because I think that we're living in a time that there are so many influences from shore, pop culture, people around us, so many people are using like chatGPT to hear about, whether it's like using chatGPT as a therapist, or I'm sure there are people using it.

[SPEAKER_04]: I see more.

[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, do you think people are using [SPEAKER_04]: AI, chatGBT for like, taro astrological.

[SPEAKER_04]: Like, do you think that's happening?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I think maybe last year or maybe this earlier this year, it was a while ago.

[SPEAKER_00]: I remember one of my followers being like asking me, they're like, how do you feel about people getting readings from chatGBT?

[SPEAKER_00]: And then I was like, I just don't think, [SPEAKER_00]: It's the same, because it really is AI at the end of the day.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like you do need a human connection.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's what that is, especially with divination in general.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's about connection, connection to the universe, connection to your guide, connection to you, and connection to the person that you're reading.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's not like every terror leader is not even going to be a good fit.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like therapy.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like you've got to find the right person who's going to make sense for you or read you in a way that makes sense.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, I feel like with AI terror reading, that's such a tricky fine line in it.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's really a tricky find like because it gets super easy for people to get reliance on it because it's super Accessible and oh, yeah, it's right there So I think that's something that people should really look out for I even think with terror on general like I see it as like a little check in I don't see it as like you need to do this daily you need to do it or it's like it's not a Bible It's not on you shouldn't let yourself be like, you know, subscribe to that so deeply like that's the way I told people are read that all the time Because they're like how often should come back to you for reading and like [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, whenever you feel called to it, but don't feel like it has to be like a daily thing or like, just whatever it makes sense for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's really important.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, I bring it up because the fact that we get so much information from scrolling on social media, again, pop culture, people using chatty, BT, I feel like you're, [SPEAKER_04]: Skill is being able to use both sides of your brain to sort of like hear the messages from the universe, but also The other side of your brain is where to apply them where to actually take action in your life because yeah something at my first therapist Fran Goldfarb we shot her out what she taught me is that we can feel everything that we feel but it's our actions that really [SPEAKER_04]: We have to be incredibly cognizant.

[SPEAKER_04]: We have to be on top of what we do with the feelings that we have.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I, again, come from so many feelings of being, whether it's not enough or anxiety.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it's really, this is the first time in my life at 36 years old, but I'm actively trying to raise myself a steam.

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm actively trying to calm my nervous system down when I feel that.

[SPEAKER_04]: Putting myself out there is scary and dangerous and wrong.

[SPEAKER_04]: And because I've just like you, I've always been pulled to perform and to make people feel good and whatever it is.

[SPEAKER_04]: But there are so many parts of my body that are like the most, the safest thing you can do is being a dark room with the door closed and hide.

[SPEAKER_04]: And so I think that, again, it's like we have to be able to manifest and create the lives that we want while still honoring the panic that we're feeling, but not letting it dictate our lives.

[SPEAKER_04]: And also not subscribing just to one thing, whether it's taro, chatGPT, whatever the fuck it is, like having a full scope of experience so we can pull from and then making a very like, you know, dropped in decision.

[SPEAKER_04]: But.

[SPEAKER_04]: Listen, Rhineloo, I have had such a gorgeous time chatting with you, but I do have to ask you the final podcast question that I ask all my cleans, which is, if the world was ending, you could only save one character actress.

[SPEAKER_04]: Who would you save?

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, character actress.

[SPEAKER_00]: Merry-sleep.

[SPEAKER_00]: From...

[SPEAKER_00]: The devil was prodda and I talk about Miranda briefly, her character and I talk about the actress.

[SPEAKER_04]: We go for act trust, but we also love to always give a nod to the roles that changed us.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that it is clear that devil was prodda.

[SPEAKER_04]: Wait, how do you feel about the sequel coming out of your nervous?

[SPEAKER_04]: Are you excited?

[SPEAKER_04]: How do we feel?

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very nervous.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Devil Worst Prada, that is my Bible.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is my Bible, like literally, that is my favorite movie of all time.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've seen it a million times, it's my comfort movie.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what it is, it's my comfort movie.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love that movie so much.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's so visually stunning, and then I have a way, a mirror of streets, performances, and Emily Blunt.

[SPEAKER_00]: But it makes me nervous, or maybe because I'm just like, fuck, if they fuck up the sequel, it could ruin it for me, but also I'm excited because I wanted more from that world.

[SPEAKER_04]: I think we're living in a really tough time for gay guys, because, um, and our straight girlies and our queer whimmy's, um, because there are so many reboots happening that are really changing the original legacy of the things that are our Bibles.

[SPEAKER_04]: Devourous Prada is a great example.

[SPEAKER_04]: Um, and I do think it's rare that a sequel [SPEAKER_04]: Improves upon the original, I have to direct to is an example of that that we're that's my opinion that I approve upon But devil words products who we can only pray that I mean the fact that all these big hitters are still involved hopefully Yeah, you know, Merrill will in Annie and Emily will all do their best to make sure that the sequel does not ruin the legacy of [SPEAKER_00]: like enchanted and the sequel to St.

Chancid, like however long later, St.

Chancid was so fucking awful that I was like, we could have just loved it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Adam Chancid.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, then we'll listen.

[SPEAKER_04]: Can we manifest right now, Devour was part of two?

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm so fucking grateful that Devour was part of two is just as gaggy and gay and fabulous as the first.

[SPEAKER_04]: And it's so amazing that we got to see [SPEAKER_04]: Meryl Streep and that country gray wig and we got to see Anne Hathaway.

[SPEAKER_04]: Andy Sachs glow up and I just him so grateful to the executives and the writer and the director and the team that brought it to fruition because they did right by the devil words Prada and thank you to those girlies.

[SPEAKER_04]: Cleaning, Cleaning, Cleaning.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you universe.

[SPEAKER_00]: We love the movie.

[SPEAKER_00]: It was so good.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like we love the movie universe.

[SPEAKER_04]: And you're at Ryan.

[SPEAKER_04]: I have loved chatting with you and that's a GAS podcast.

[SPEAKER_04]: I am going to continue to manifest and take the things that you've taught me.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I know that our listeners are very, very grateful that you were here and you continue to put goodness out into the world.

[SPEAKER_04]: Will you please tell these girlies listening?

[SPEAKER_04]: Where to follow you?

[SPEAKER_04]: If it was [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, well, fasties.

[SPEAKER_00]: I would love for you to find me across all my platforms, add emotions, eat pure demo periods to M&S.

[SPEAKER_00]: And also, please check out the podcast to remove Ryan Lude's super fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a very gay.

[SPEAKER_00]: We have a lot of the popular release coming on.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna love that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're gonna get your favorite popular release on.

[SPEAKER_00]: We'll be Goldberg's actually book for next week.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, Eric, we'll be watching.

[SPEAKER_00]: Are you serious?

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, you're gagged.

[SPEAKER_04]: you know what that's on delusion because you sold a girl oh my god did I your face that was crazy I was just like I was just like you know I had a view into wippy goldberg's itinerary in the fact that I could even know what she was about to record no she's my everything she's like she really she really I listen I'm I'm going to be as delulu as you and say that you're going to get every single person you want including kasha [SPEAKER_00]: 100% Charlie's gonna make it happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've got all of it.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna get what be yeah, and yeah, it's gonna be great But watch the show the Louis Ryan blue.

[SPEAKER_04]: Um, I am also putting up music next year so please listen to the music Well, we've linked all of Ryan's socials to Lulu the podcast in the description and um Ryan stay fab stay gay And I will see you at my Palm Springs home over a gorgeous spread of food and the orgy yeah and loop [SPEAKER_04]: period thanks for joining me on that's a gay ass podcast and thank you to Ryan Lou for helping us make our gay ass dreams come true if you would like more gay assory we've gotten a lot more subscribers on sub stack this week because one of your favorite artists [SPEAKER_04]: It's spilling his horny truths.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's a sadgic goof who loves a good thirst trap and we love when he posts them even more.

[SPEAKER_04]: And he spills a lot about the BTS of his work life and horny scoop.

[SPEAKER_04]: So please go to Substack linked in the description to enjoy and you're making my gay ass dreams come true with every new subscription to you.

[SPEAKER_04]: I love you so much.

[SPEAKER_04]: Hope you're surviving the holiday season and stay gay.

[SPEAKER_04]: You've been listening to that's a gay ass podcast hosted by me, Eric Williams.

[SPEAKER_04]: If you want to see it here more, make sure you subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and follow the Instagram at gay ass podcast.

[SPEAKER_04]: For more gay ass, sorry, the real girlies are over unsubstack where you get bonus episodes every single week and live chats with me and other gay ass guests.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's a gay ass podcast is executive produced by Eric Williams and produced by Nathaniel McClurd.

[SPEAKER_04]: We'll see you next week.