[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, grow squad.

[SPEAKER_00]: How you doing?

[SPEAKER_00]: Hope you're doing well.

[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to another episode of the Eugene Hamilton podcast podcast.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we seek every single episode to somehow some way go, grow and glow.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[SPEAKER_00]: This is episode fifty something, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And we are doing our best to each and every week continue to continue to deliver value that will help your life, help your situation, help your goals, help your future, and help where it is that we believe that God is taking you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's pray and let's begin today's conversation.

[SPEAKER_00]: God, thank you once again for this opportunity.

[SPEAKER_00]: to lay it all out there.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much that, I don't know, you listen, but we can listen to each other.

[SPEAKER_00]: We can learn from each other and we can lift each other up, bless my friends wherever they are and your name, a man today.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk about the impact of words in language, understanding that [SPEAKER_00]: It's tough out here.

[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I heard this brother in fact, my wife sent me a real not long ago of a good brother.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think his last name is cross.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know his first name.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to give him credit.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to discover his page.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I think somebody else had clipped it and they had it on their page.

[SPEAKER_00]: But nonetheless, he was talking a little bit about language.

[SPEAKER_00]: And all of us know the importance of, in fact, from a little kid, we've been taught.

[SPEAKER_00]: Watch what you say.

[SPEAKER_00]: We've been taught.

[SPEAKER_00]: Watch how you're saying it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Even as we developed into pre-teens and adolescence and moving forward in life, even when my first got a little base in my voice, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: It was almost as if it was my fault that I was saying the same things prior to puberty, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: But now because my voice had changed, it was taking a different way.

[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever had that happening before?

[SPEAKER_00]: Just like people have sometimes will judge you for your tone or judge and rightfully so because sometimes people can be straight up nasty.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes people do come at you the wrong way.

[SPEAKER_00]: with a tone that they know is going to trigger you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes people will intentionally safe stuff for a certain way to get a reaction out of you.

[SPEAKER_00]: But then have you ever been on the side or the other side of things where you've said something would no yield intent.

[SPEAKER_00]: Your tone was just your tone and you got [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, the response that you never thought you would get as a person took what you said a different way.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now I'll agree with this, Mr.

Brother, as he unpacked this thought and this idea because we're always, we're always responsible for how we say things.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't give people a pass for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're always responsible for how we say things.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're responsible for tone.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're responsible for delivery.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's funny because I do a lot of public speaking, a lot of keynoteing, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes I find myself saying things in front of thousands or hundreds of people, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: That somebody else said it, but I said it my way.

[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes I've had other speakers come to me or sometimes I've gone to other speakers and said, you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: I just said that, but you got a different response.

[SPEAKER_00]: or vice versa.

[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I just said my own variation of that, but I didn't get the same response that you got.

[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it's the person sometimes it's how we say it, but delivery is always my responsibility.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, what I do not, what I cannot control is how an individual, and this is what this brother was talking about, essentially, [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot control what people have to filter through in their mind, on their minds, once they hear what I have to say.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can't control that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I should be sensitive to the fact that sometimes a person, I could have five people sitting in front of me all having five different experiences with me.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can say the same thing with the same tone, the same delivery style.

[SPEAKER_00]: And one person will walk away and they're excited about what I said.

[SPEAKER_00]: Another person may be delivery because they may not trust my tone.

[SPEAKER_00]: Another person may be in tears because they had to filter what I said through their own lens [SPEAKER_00]: of either being healed or unhealed.

[SPEAKER_00]: Some people hear these three simple words in different ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's do an experiment.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Some people get excited about hearing those three words, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Some people have to feel to through broken promises from somebody who told them I love you.

[SPEAKER_00]: It has nothing to do with you.

[SPEAKER_00]: But they're having a breakdown.

[SPEAKER_00]: The, I love you from you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, man.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is, this is this is powerful.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is, this, this just came to me because I've seen people who've gotten with the right person.

[SPEAKER_00]: They develop a relationship, a marriage with somebody who is, who has, who has a pure heart, who has pure intentions, who loves them for who they are.

[SPEAKER_00]: within something happens that reminds the other person of the individual that they were with before that was rotten that had bad intentions that that abused them that misused them and the person with good intentions as oftentimes had to pay the price for what the older before the other person did and they're like man I don't mean it the same way that they said it [SPEAKER_00]: And they're happening before.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't mean it the same way that they meant it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm pure.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm being real with mine.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry that they were fake with theirs.

[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we can't control it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the challenge with that is what do we do?

[SPEAKER_00]: When the impact of our words don't land the way that we intended them to land.

[SPEAKER_00]: What happens when you're having a moment with your significant other?

[SPEAKER_00]: You all are dating or building up to a proper whatever and you say I love you and that person goes off the rails and you like what?

[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to be sensitive to the fact and as I'm open up my mind a little more to [SPEAKER_00]: this space of really trying to help others heal while I heal, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: It's interesting, it's important, I should say, for us to be sensitive to the fact that everybody is not at the same point on their journey.

[SPEAKER_00]: which is why I can say the same thing to two different people who were at two different points in the journey and who are at two different points as relates to their connection with me and it can mean something totally different to each individual.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, again, I asked what do we do?

[SPEAKER_00]: The first thing that we do is we have to develop understanding around the fact that I can't control what they've been through.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's empathy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can't control what they've been through.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I can be sensitive to the fact that they've been through something.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to be mean, nasty, and say, well, I ain't mean it that way.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just suck it up.

[SPEAKER_00]: Take it or leave it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, if I really, really, really [SPEAKER_00]: have a heart for that individual and I really want them to understand and receive what I'm saying.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've got to be willing to take a step back.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've got to be willing to be the bigger person if you would.

[SPEAKER_00]: And say to myself, you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: They heard this way different than I intended for them to hear it.

[SPEAKER_00]: They heard something totally different.

[SPEAKER_00]: There are people who hear things from you [SPEAKER_00]: and they have a flashback to their childhood.

[SPEAKER_00]: They have a flashback to some experience that again, you wouldn't even air.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because the same thing has happened to me before as well.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not asking you to [SPEAKER_00]: Open up with regard to what has happened to you along those lines, but I've had individuals who have said things to me that they didn't follow through on.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've had individuals who I've held to a high esteem that they couldn't keep their word.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I've had people come along after that who said the same thing to me and I didn't believe them because of my experience with someone before them who did not follow through.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I've had to learn how to separate my experience with each individual person.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've had to learn how to say, you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: That was that experience.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is a totally different experience.

[SPEAKER_00]: I should not hold this person hostage or I should not have this person feel as if they're guilty until proven innocent just because somebody else before them came through and mishandled my trust.

[SPEAKER_00]: Some of the things I would tell you are challenged you to do.

[SPEAKER_00]: when you are trying to harness the impact of language and communication.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just find yourself number one practicing active listening.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because once again, we cannot control what a person receives.

[SPEAKER_00]: or how they hear what we have to say.

[SPEAKER_00]: But after they respond to you and they tell you what they heard, it is now my responsibility to engage in active listening in so much as if their response warrants me to change, to adjust, to address, to, I have to be willing and mature enough to say, you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't mean it that way, but my heart goes out to you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Here is what I was actively trying to communicate to you, and I'll say it in another way, so you can better receive it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't intend to hurt your feelings.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm so sorry that you went through that experience.

[SPEAKER_00]: Here is what I was trying to convey to you.

[SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't mind, I'll say it a different way.

[SPEAKER_00]: See, it takes maturity.

[SPEAKER_00]: for us to actually step back and acknowledge the not that we were wrong.

[SPEAKER_00]: But acknowledge that other people are well within their rights to hear what they heard.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Other people are well within and so are you.

[SPEAKER_00]: But here I'm saying, and please tune into what I'm not saying.

[SPEAKER_00]: People have, it is their provocative.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is their life.

[SPEAKER_00]: They can hear through whatever land they want to hear through.

[SPEAKER_00]: And if you care enough about them and care enough about that message being conveyed to them.

[SPEAKER_00]: For instance, my wife and I, [SPEAKER_00]: we oftentimes, and it's more of me to be quite honest with you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'll say something, and I'll think nothing of it, and she'll shut down on me, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Now my wife is so gracious that for her to shut down on me saying something, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Today, I probably have been saying that same thing for the past ten days, that same way, and she never stopped to check me on it.

[SPEAKER_00]: because my wife is so gracious, she would oftentimes think that I would self-correct, that I would hear what I'm saying, how I'm saying it, and it would just dawn on me that, oh wow, I should say the different way.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sometimes, and again, you learn each other, you kind of build and connect.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the kind of person is, oh, wow, I need you to call me out or else.

[SPEAKER_00]: Not that I will purposely think I can get away with it, but I think nothing is wrong with how I said it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because we still communicated after that.

[SPEAKER_00]: At some point, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: We've got to get on the same page.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I got to be mature enough to hear her side and be willing to either adjust or put up with what I would I would I'll receive from now on if I say it that way.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's almost like, oh, you've been warned.

[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Here is my lens.

[SPEAKER_00]: Here is how I heard what you said.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, if you're not gonna correct it, you're gonna get this kind of attitude and response to it every single time.

[SPEAKER_00]: Is up to you now?

[SPEAKER_00]: It's almost like, it's almost like, [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to say someone is getting trained, but we're learning each other's style.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I've put up with how you said it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've put up with how you've related, but if you're listening number one, if you're listening actively, you're taking to consideration how it's making them feel.

[SPEAKER_00]: You'll be sensitive to the lens they heard it through.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's up to you to be mature enough to adjust accordingly.

[SPEAKER_00]: The second thing you've you I would encourage you to do if you if you struggle with communication and the people that you have to communicate with regularly or either even occasionally.

[SPEAKER_00]: that you maybe lyrics that they will hear something different than what you're trying to convey.

[SPEAKER_00]: And listen, let me pause because I know that this is more work.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know you're probably saying it's work already for me to communicate with that person.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now I've got to watch how I communicate.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know you're saying this is already an individual who was tough to talk to.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've communicated with them for instance.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've seen people when I've worked with executives.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've worked with managers who have certain personalities on their team.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's difficult enough for them.

[SPEAKER_00]: to communicate with that team of fifteen to twenty people under their particular leadership, right, and within the whole organization.

[SPEAKER_00]: They've got fifteen people, if they're responsible for leading, for laying messages to, for sometimes motivating, sometimes empowering, sometimes giving them messages from the higher ups, is their responsibility.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I get it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes, well, I should say all the time.

[SPEAKER_00]: all fifteen people have different personalities they hear what you have to say differently they they they they experience with you is different and you're saying I know you're looking at me saying are you hearing me you're saying and I got a pause for the one who always hears what I'm saying the wrong way yeah I would say so [SPEAKER_00]: Because leaders, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: People who are in charge, whether you're a parent, whether you are spouse, whether you whatever you are, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: If this thing is going to grow, develop and move forward, I've got to be mature enough to say, you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: Is that about my feelings?

[SPEAKER_00]: Is that about what I, how I want to say it?

[SPEAKER_00]: It's about making sure they receive the message.

[SPEAKER_00]: See, you know, the sauce, this gets lost.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just rhymed.

[SPEAKER_00]: And all the sauce, this gets lost.

[SPEAKER_00]: This gets lost in the sauce.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not about me.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not about what I want.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's about ensuring that the message that I'm trying to get across.

[SPEAKER_00]: I remember I had a buddy of mine who was leading a church.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I guess he developed in school seminary this preaching style, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, if you know anything about the church scene, and you go across different cultures, different ethnic groups, you may have the same message, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: but it hits different with different groups based on how you deliver it.

[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so he was with a group that was more conservative at one point.

[SPEAKER_00]: Prior to that he was a group that was a little more, a little more, or what's the word I'm looking for?

[SPEAKER_00]: They were a little more charismatic, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And so they enjoy his energy.

[SPEAKER_00]: They enjoy when he got real passionate.

[SPEAKER_00]: They enjoyed that.

[SPEAKER_00]: But the conservative group that he at some point went over to, they were like, man, when you get to passionate, we lose what you're trying to say.

[SPEAKER_00]: So you get so lost in your passion that sometimes the words run together and we can't really get the message you're trying to get to us.

[SPEAKER_00]: Would you consider?

[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

[SPEAKER_00]: And man, he got defensive.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is my style.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is how I communicate.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't like it, leave from folk left.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not saying you got to change who you are.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying you've got to change the essence of your personality.

[SPEAKER_00]: What I'm asking is, are you willing to adjust to reach people?

[SPEAKER_00]: For instance, in my work across this country, I have to speak to teachers and educators in a certain tone and you certain language that they can relate to.

[SPEAKER_00]: When I go talk to kids who are in middle school, if I bring the tone that I bring from the professional development session with administrators over to a group of young people who are thirteen to fifteen who are accustomed to mumble rap and they're accustomed to different kinds of things, I won't connect [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not about to rap, but I'm saying I can't bring the same style of delivery or delivery style.

[SPEAKER_00]: I may have the same message.

[SPEAKER_00]: If I want the message to hit, if I want the message to land, if I want here it is, if I want the message to have impact, [SPEAKER_00]: I had to be willing to check myself, check my tone, and check my delivery.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't encourage you if you are in that boat, like many of us have been in.

[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't encourage you do those two things.

[SPEAKER_00]: Practice active listening.

[SPEAKER_00]: and be willing to adjust your delivery style to get your message across.

[SPEAKER_00]: I promise you things will go a little bit further for you as you communicate with those that you desire to impact and desire to get your message across to them no matter what that message is.

[SPEAKER_00]: Listen, send this, send this episode out to somebody who's having, who's having to communicate with people, who's having to use language to put into people, use words to put into people, a series with somebody who needs some pointers as to how to be a more effective communicator.

[SPEAKER_00]: and I hope this will be a benefit to their lives.

[SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget to subscribe, don't forget to share.

[SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget that you are part of a growing family and each week I desire to go grow and glow.

[SPEAKER_00]: Until next time, once you're on a stay safe, have a great rest of your week.

[SPEAKER_00]: Enjoy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Peace.