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An episode of the Occult Disney Podcast.

Although I don't know for ernest A's Christmas, I feel like I need to do a slightly more nefarious sounding Santa Claus.

I'm not quite sure what the tone for that is, though he's like he seems like a little bit scary, probably because he's wearing like a tweet suit.

I would have appreciated an Earnest impression, but I myself would never try to impersonate Earnest because I feel like you would just be trying to box with God.

Yeah, that's oh.

My first thought was can I do an Earnest?

I was like, no, I guess I'll do a general stereotypical Santa Claus.

You know what I mean.

See I can't even do that, right, I tried it.

I can't do it.

You do like a like a John Wayne that's kind of an earth like it, like.

There you go, there you go, Okay, see John Wayne's an easier one.

And then I OHT know, Ernest is you know Jim Varney, you can't quite hit that vibe, right, which is I guess why he did the character.

Which is an incredibly talented Shakespearean actor that somehow only really found a huge opening in slapstick physical impression comedy.

Right.

But in this movie, as in other Earnest movies, Ernest goes to jails the Biggie where he has these other roles where he does get to kind of show his chops.

So then you're like, Ernest, this guy's an idiot.

Certainly the actor is also an idiot.

And then you also get all these little scenes where he's actually you know, it's still broad goofy comedy, but he's doing very different things.

You know this one too.

Let's just get right into like just Earnest lore, I guess without getting too deep, but that this movie might not be if you've never seen Ernest this movie, this movie assumes that you have.

This movie assumes that you're already in on Ernest's character a little bit.

It's not necessarily the one that sells you on the Ernest character, if that makes sense.

Which is kind of funny because I haven't watched an Earnest movie.

I saw Jim Varney recently, and not in the Flesh obviously, but I watched three Ninja's High in a Mega Mountain where he does a great villain turn.

He's a lot fun that movie.

So I have seen him in a movie recently, and Toy Story of course.

But you know, but I haven't actually watched Ernest for a long time.

But very real quick Matt here, paranor American there.

Okay, good introductions out of the way, just in case it's someone's first episode.

Although if your first episode of Cult Disney is Ernest Saves Christmas, that is an interesting choice that you've made.

And also why are we watching Ernest Saves Christmas on a Cult Disney A Because Touchstone Pictures, which is technically Disney's like adult like non Disney version of this.

B because it's Christmas.

And see because this movie Ernest saves Christmas, and I'll say, and an extension is The Santa Claus, which came after that.

I was ninety four.

This is nineteen eighty eight.

I saw The Santa Claus for the first time like two weeks ago.

So watching this movie was extremely confusing.

Well that that's actually really perfect, right, because it's the same movie.

It's this, I know.

That's what I was like.

I was like, is this the Santa Claus?

Again?

I have in my notes?

Is this the same plot as the Santa Claus?

Is Ernest's gonna kill Santa.

I'll do you one better than that.

This Not only is it the exact same plot, but this is such an old old motif.

This is the same if I can get conspiratory really quick, the JFK can kill thirty three James Shelby Downard, like that whole Killing of the King ritual.

It's rooted in this exact story.

And I'm not even talking about Oh you can draw correlations man between the way that this story structured and the way this old No.

It is literally in Fraser's Golden Bough, there's a chapter called the Killing of the Trees Spirit, and there's a more modern take on this which is called the Holly King and the Oak King, the Holly King being Santa Claus being someone that's represented by you know, Christmas trees in the winter, and then the Oak King is sort of the Midsummer King.

And the entire premise is that when the Holly King's reign comes to an end at around Christmas, right the around the end of winter, that he dies of old age and because he literally loses his magic and he has to be replaced by a new king that has new, fresh magic.

That is that is exactly what's happening in the Santa Claus.

And directly, Yeah, of course, at the end of this movie, he turns, he goes back to being what a one hundred and fifty year old man named seth Applegate.

What does he do?

Die in two weeks?

Right?

He was born in the eighteen eighties or something or like.

Yeah.

So, so the version is the technically the killing of the King is that the King dies in Ernest saves Christmas.

He just reverts back into a mortal human being again and then I guess dies of old age soon after, right, That's the implication is that he goes from God or an immortal back into an immortal, but it's still the exactly in the Santa Claus he does die.

It is a literal killing of the king ritual.

It was an accident.

Okay, of course, have you seen the sequels to the Santa Claus.

I don't dislike any of them, to be honest.

Oh, they just get so whack because they're like, Okay, we have to double down on really getting into the inner structure of Santa Lore, which maybe this movie might have done as.

Well if it had sequel.

It does have sequels, but they're not Christmas sequels in evolving Santa Claus, so they don't get that Earth sequels.

This is just the Earnest Christmas movie, is all it is.

Yeah, and just for the listeners, we are doing four seasons of Earnest.

We're going into winter, so it's Earnest save Christmas.

Sometime in spring will unleash.

Ernest goes to jail on you, and the summer Ernest goes to camp and next next Halloween, you know, get Ernest scared stupid.

I know that's not the order of the movies came out, and that's the order that fits the seasons.

And we're saving in my opinion, the best for last.

I do think that Ernest Scared Stupid is my favorite Ernest movie, maybe more for nostalgic reasons than reasonable ones.

Yeah, I guess we.

Should talk a little bit about our earnest history.

One.

I work at a company called Ernest, if anyone's interested, So that's kind of funny.

I was actually saying, what was I saying yesterday?

I was talking about Ernest and someone thought I was just talking like I was like, yeah, Ernest is really cool.

And someone thought I was like thisking real like cool a drinking about the company.

I'm like, no, no, I'm coming on the world here.

You got all of a sudden.

You don't even know why.

Yeah.

We sometimes bring up that I'm a little older and you So Ernest Goes to Camp was eighty seven, I think, And uh, I didn't see that in the theater, but we rented it like several times, and I love that movie.

And I started, you know, like I'd start renting Doctor Auto and compilations of Ernest commercials because you could do that, you know, And then Ernest Saves Christmas came out.

I guess when I was ten years old, nineteen eighty nine and my dad and I went to the theater and we hated it.

I had a good time watching it last night, don't get me wrong, but just I don't know.

Maybe it's because when I was like seven, eight years old, Ernest is the best thing ever, and when I by the time you get to ten, you're like, wait, I'm smarter in this.

But Ernest Saves Christmas a movie I enjoyed watching last night.

Is the first time I might have gone to a movie and been like, oh, maybe not every movie is the best thing ever.

That well, I think I was five or six when I saw it when it first came out, so I probably enjoyed it as much as I probably could.

It was sort of like the perfect demographic for this type of Ernest comedy.

And I also watching this movie, I kept seeing what I like references where other people are like.

For example, the movie starts out with Ernest driving to the airport, and it's actually to the real Orlando Airport MCO, like an eighty eight version of it, but it's still the MCO airport.

And the way that he's like driving and whipping around, he's got the guy in the back that's kind of scared and he's doing weird faces and voices.

I was like, this is the scene from Dumb and Dumber when Jim Carrey is driving the lady to the airport because she's gonna miss it, and he's like not watching the road and tall like every single be even down to making weird silly faces.

It almost feels like there wouldn't be the Dumb and Dumber limo scene without Ernest saves Christmas taxi scene.

Oh that makes more sense.

Ilwa was thinking about collateral.

Instead of getting Santa Claus in your car, you get a psychopath played by Tom Cruise.

You could have just got Tom Cruise.

Yeah, yeah, Well, but Vincent in the movie is a special kind of psychopath.

That is, we have to distinguish him a little bit from Tom Cruise.

He's a different kind of psychopath this movie.

Also, there's some nostalgic bias that are tying in.

I So, for the record, I don't know if this is a great Christmas movie.

I don't even know if this is a good movie, let alone Christmas movie.

I like Ernest, so it gets a pass.

And then there's some nostalgic points to it.

For example, the girl in it, which, for some weird reason, her character's name is Harmony, but her real name was Noel.

Why wouldn't you just let her use her real name Noel in a Christmas movie?

Anyways, she has this like, yeah, my.

First note is Harmony.

Poky Brewster y a Harmony star is like the most porn star name ever.

So you know who knows how's here?

Is thrunning tricks?

If your name's know well and you're in a Christmas movie, is it that hard to just be like, let's just recast the name as Noel.

It's perfect.

But I was gonna say, like she has the exact Punky Brewster esthetic, which just it's a snapshot in time.

There's so many things.

As I'm watching this movie and he's doing these John Wayne impressions to this girl, I'm even thinking, like, is she getting what this impression even is?

Does this girl watch enough John Wayne that she gets that he's doing a John Wayne voice?

And then I'm thinking, wait, is anyone in twenty twenty five watching this of the first time even getting that he's doing John Wayne voices?

I might have I think John Wayne was always on your or I mean, you might have been flipping channels, but you're gonna run across and flipping channels on you know, mid eighties Sunday afternoon television.

Maybe, but these are real subtle ones.

He's not saying.

Yeah.

Jacket certainly went on the John Wayne impression.

Didn't like two years.

Ago they mentioned his name.

They've got billboards in the background that like represent John Wayne, right, But in this one he doesn't even say the word pilgrim.

He would just like all type carry a little lady and that's all you get.

But like knowing Arnest's a specific flavor of humor, and knowing that he constantly did this John Wayne impression.

I know what he's talking about, but I don't think the girl does, and I don't think someone of the girl's age in twenty twenty five has any idea what the hell he's doing.

Well, six years later, you basically have Tom Hanks doing Woody and Toy story, doing a one step removed John Wayne impression where he's still kind of doing one.

But it's like this is for people who definitely don't know who John Wayne is.

And also I feel that he John Wayne's grandfathered in.

He seems like the kind of person that would be canceled if he was still alive long enough to be canceled.

Oh.

The other thing with Elvis' is why am I saying Elvis?

Now?

Remember that?

Is is there an Earth movie that would be such a missed opportunity?

Yeah, we get Boba Ho tep with Bruce Campbell doing an elderly Elvis.

That's kind of fun.

Okay, yeah, mummy Elvis, that's your consolation price.

No, I didn't notice that his taxi is also number sixty nine, so I thought that was funny.

Yeah, yeah, I guess so they knew what they were doing.

They're also there's so many scenes in this that all take place in Orlando, and I just had to make a note that it's legitimately all in Orlando.

I think the entire movie essentially was shot in an old Orlando Children's museum, which isn't the same thing anymore, and now it's like a Shakespearean play thing, which I guess Ernest would actually probably appreciate that it's at the actual MCO airport, even though it looks wildly different, And they even used a whole bunch of spots on the Disney at the time MGM Studio backlot right, because the only movies that actually did that exactly.

This is like the biggest play to make that a real studio because nineteen eight nine is when that place opened.

When it opened, it had the great movie ride and the back lot tour, and that's about it.

I think.

So a big thing was like they could drive you by and be like, hey, Ernest saves Christmas shot this scene here.

You know, yeah, they did.

Well, there's there's a few other movies I think that we've seen that.

There's Thunder and Paradise, I think, and here.

I've got a little bit of insight as to how this all operates, and I'll just do like the quickest, least boring version of this.

But the reason why it doesn't happen anymore, the reason why they even build MGM studios and wanted to start shooting movies here and we're enticing people, is that they'll do it for like ten years, and then they hope that enough people build up their businesses that rely on Florida or Orlando to be a place to shoot, and then they'll rip out all the tax incentives and then the the idea is like, well, if you spent the last ten years of your business, setting up roots.

You're not just gonna up and leave and go and shooting Atlanta just because Atlanta's got better tax credits.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened.

And after Disney or after the Orange County government decided to remove all of those tax benefits that they were originally giving people in the eighties through the late nineties, and it left and it never came back.

And that's when the back studio shut down.

That's when they replaced the animation buildings with like the Star Wars rides.

That was it was a death knell and they really overplayed their hand.

They figured, if you build it, they will come, and then if you drop the tax credits, they will stay.

And neither of those things ended up being true.

Well, they never made much here.

I mean it was this, It was the hul Cogan Show, probably a few other things, but they didn't do much, even the universal version.

You know, a few miles away, they they did Nickelodeon shows there, Jimmy Buffett's Fruit Case.

You can see that video was clearly shot there, and you know that's.

There was a handful of game shows that were shot on the MGM studio backlot.

That weren't necessarily like Disney game shows.

But again, it was never enough to turn Central Florida into Hollywood, which was what they were originally trying to do, and they gave it a good ten years and it just didn't pan out.

And being a pure tourist, I was like, oh, I didn't reckon I supposed to Orlando places because one, I've never flown in.

Or out, so I haven't been in to the airport.

Because MCO is unrecognizable from the version that you see the MCO that you see in Ernest Saves Christmas looks like a DMV and a small.

Town, right.

But yeah, I've been.

You know, I've been, like what I drive, I've been to Universe, So I've been to Disney.

I haven't really been to Orlando.

You know, when I actually think about it, that's pretty much everybody.

No one really.

You go to downtown legit, downtown Orlando in the middle of a day, it's just ghost town.

There's no there's nothing and no one there.

Okay.

Conversely, Atlanta, now if was very different because when I was growing up Atlanta as a ghostown in the middle of the day, where when I was in midtown, a few weeks ago or two months.

Or whatever it was.

But I was like, oh, it actually feels like a city now, which it never did when I was growing up.

So, you know, props to Atlanta for that.

I guess I agree with that.

I think things are closer together in Atlanta than they earn.

And another good point is that in this movie, they one of the things they do is they sort of change how far away places are, so they'll be at the airport and then they'll be at the science Museum or the Children's museum in this one, and they make it seem like they can just run from one place to the other.

I mean, we're talking like two completely different ends of Orlando in this case, which is typical movies.

But it's just one of those things that you might actually be able to do that in other cities, not in Orlando.

Oh yeah, anyone watching anyone from Atlanta watching Baby Drivers, like you cannot get from Buckhead to wherever they go.

It's someplace far away in that quick go time.

So there's any things say, yeah, you can't do that.

Something I didn't know this.

You're mentioning how Jimarni is like, you know, like a classically trained actor, and Ernest is he was kind of assign that character.

John Cherry is the actual creator of Ernest, but not an actor, so you had to find a guy to do it.

You know.

He worked for an adage and see that Ernest starts with a bunch of just ads.

So it's like, I need to get I have this character, I need to find the right guy to do it.

And it just kind of became weirdly symbiotic.

And he directs like all of the Ernest movies I think, and the ones that aren't Disney.

I didn't look this up, and we don't have to look it up right now, but I'm just trying to think my introduction to Ernest.

I don't even think it was movies.

I think that there was.

It was either a series or the commercials put together, or I think there was like a TV show or a variety show that he would like make an appearance on and talk to Verne constantly at the camera.

Yeah, it wasn't like feature length, no, no.

As I said, you know, we rented Ernest Goes to Camp and loved it.

As a weird seven eight year old kid, I found all those weird compilations and rented those two, so those were readily available in the eighties.

I mean you probably watch on YouTube now, you know.

When I sent you several lists for this series, we said for a series of Earnest, But I remember sending you three plans, one of which is like, yeah, we do all the theatrical movies, and we just do the four Disney ones, or we do all the weird crap too, you know, depending on how intentionally your your Earnest playing with burning, we.

Can get there.

Let's let's do the four big ones.

Let's see if we may go farther.

Uh, this isn't one as there is a ton of production.

Most of it is like they filmed it by your house, you know, So that's I guess what we have going for it.

I usually do spout out number six point five budget, twenty eight point two million box office.

This is the most successful of the Earnest.

Films, even if not the best, the most successful, which makes sense because again, this is a retelling of a classic tale.

So someone that doesn't even really know what they're getting into might be drawn to this one.

And I do think that Christmas movies probably do somewhat better than like a camp movie or a go to jail movie, because it's it becomes a thing that you you do constantly, and even if we're just talking about opening box office weekend, for some people in the US, especially Christmas Day is like a big movie day for some reason.

It was never for me, but they always have movies coming out because it's when people are off work and they're all together and they're like looking for something to do.

I guess, well, industry wise, you get a double bump, right, because this came out November eleventh, nineteen eighty eight, It has its opening weekend, it tapers off, tapers off, then in the middle of December it starts coming back up in the box office, and then after January first nobody watches this movie.

So you do have to plan it right, because you know, if you open December, that's already too late.

You're just gonna get the Christmas rise and then come January your movies out theaters.

So yeah, good point.

No one's watching a Christmas movie after New Year's.

Uh.

I was surprised that people watch it until New Year's I just assumed people would stop watching Christmas movies after December twenty fifth.

You know, but you got the week off.

I guess you still might go.

I don't know, though you've opened your presence isn't depressed, and go see a Christmas movie after you've opened all your press, as.

Long as all the Christmas trees are still up and they're not at the end of everyone's driveways in the garbage.

Yeah, I guess I've just been living in Japan so long, where Christmas is more like a Halloween sort of holiday, and December twenty sixth, anything Christmas is gone, you know.

I mean people hang on to Christmas, I think longer than other holidays.

Yeah, although I still at work.

Just yesterday I was handing the kids like Halloween snacks.

We still have a bunch of like Halloween snacks leftover, I guess, so for the little kids snacked and they're like Halloween.

But yeah, it's Halloween again.

I started singing the Nightmare for Christmas song as it's programming, right, which.

Is also a blend of Santa Claus and Halloween.

Right right, No, that one doesn't kill any kings.

I guess he just kind of the dead.

They're all dead.

Everyone's dead already.

They're all dead.

Okay, let's see the killed Kings.

Yeah, I'm basically having sett all those numbers.

I okay, well no, sorry, that wasn't the thought anyway.

That's about all the info I got on like Allison was made.

I mean that there aren't like exhaustive tones on Ernest's Christmas.

Like before this, we were doing the Evangelian episode where I had to basically read a book of production stuff before the episode.

This has like one, you know, five percent of what that had.

You know what, though, man, I feel like when you're making an Earnest movie, as long as Jim vern is doing his thing right, then like you don't necessarily need production, you just need him to do his thing.

Yeah you did just call him Jim Vernd.

I have throw that out there.

Oh well, whatever, it makes sense he's got Verne.

Yeah, no, I got it one.

Maybe this is why I was disappointed by this movie in the first place, and I did notice it last night too.

Ernest isn't in this movie that much.

I mean, Jim Varney's not.

There's lots of scenes he's not in it.

It's not about Ernest, right, this movie is about Joe some random night club that is like I don't even I don't really get why he's the one.

He kind of creeps me out.

In fact, Santa creeps me out.

In fact, the very beginning of this movie, it's all just about this old dude walking around in an airport and winking at children when their parents aren't looking, and it was it was freaking me out a little bit.

Maybe Santa has in this.

In the Earnest Universe, Santa does need to be like a little creepy because Joe the actor is also like, he doesn't seem that charming, you know, And then actual Santa or the current Santa, also he's not that like you said, he's getting creepy wings he's not charming.

About it, no, because he's starting to become senile.

Right, So the premise is instead of in the Santa Claus with Tim Allen ninety four, that one Santa dies and Tim Allen has to replace the dead Santa.

But in this movie, Santa is becoming senile and he realizes he's forgetting names, he's forgetting his magic, he's losing his and he basically needs to retire and he has to find someone who's gonna fill in.

And the whole time, if I erased my mind of like how I knew this thing was gonna end.

In my mind, I'm like, Ernest is going to become Santa.

He has to.

Ernest is going to become Santa Claus.

That's the only thing that would make sense to have him top billing, and it's not.

It's about Ernest helping Santa, help this other guy that doesn't really have a lot of screen presence, no offense to the actor wearing a fake beard, and the only thing that I can tell is just because he's fat.

It's the only reason that he makes a good Santa, and he raids the children for free.

I guess the actor was Oliver Clark.

I was just checking if he did something amazing him the smirching his name still alive, but he.

Didn't.

Really, He's like he was in a couple episodes of mash He's in the Golden Girls.

So it's, you know, the same thing for the girl Harmony or Noel, because I was like, man that she looks familiar, but I couldn't recognize her.

The other big thing that she was in was the Amy Fisher story.

As I believe, it did seem like they were trying to start turn her a little more like, oh, maybe she'll break out, which I think she didn't suck in this movie, but she was, you know, like.

She didn't like break out or anything, right.

I think she absolutely held This is not a movie critic show, but I think she absolutely held her own.

Playing opposite of Jim Varney, She's essentially the co star in this movie.

Maybe Santa is, but it's like she's the sidekick, and I think she holds up.

Even when Jim Varney dresses up as like the auditor and he's kind of like like laughing with like lots of teeth in his mouth.

She's like next to him, she dresses up like a schoolgirl or something that her daddy is the ward and her daddy's the governor.

I think they play it off well, like the energy between the two of them.

She doesn't get overshadowed.

One more thing on Oliver Clark went to his wiki and the photo of him is from ten years earlier, and I'm gonna put it in the chat, but try to imagine this.

He looks like a mix of Rick moranis and Josh Brolin.

Tried.

Can you imagine that?

I will, I'll imagine you'll.

Actually you might have to imagine because I'm not able to copy and paste the picture.

But if you go to his wiki page, it was like this a weird picture.

He looks like halfway between Josh Brolin and Rick moranis, which doesn't make sense.

I think the movie careers, aside from Jim Varney with the movie careers of everyone else in this movie panned out the same way that Orlando's movie career panned out.

Okay, yeah, that sounds about right.

Douglas Seal as Santa Claus, who, by the way, he's too skinny of me, Santa Claus, Come on, where's this bowl full of jelly?

He wasn't a horrible Santa Claus.

No, he seemed more like a like a you know, aggressive businessman.

Though to me somehow like he seemed a little raw to be Santa Claus.

Well, because he's got dementia.

Okay, if you want through the dementia, that's fine.

Again, I haven't.

I'm crosswaying with the Santa Cles.

Actually, we can do the Santa Claus on this that's just as much of a Disney movie as this is, so that maybe an next Christmas we'll actually hit it.

I will have to do like all three or something like all three of them.

That's right, we have to do all three because they having gone through recently, they just get so much more insane.

And then we'll figure out a way to get home alone at some point.

Who knows.

Yeah, that's Fox.

Well, hey, Fox owned by Disney.

Now, yeah, we can do on a long enough timeline.

Disney owns everything, so technically we can just get ahead of the game and do every movie that we ever want to do.

Because they was it.

Netflix is supposedly buying Warner Brothers or Paramount or something, so Disney buys them, and we've got one big media company to keep everything simple.

There's a over lining here.

It means that more cult Disney episodes.

If one conglomerate swallows all of media and runs propaganda for the.

World, then we'll have to just call it a call everything.

A couple other references in this movie, and I know that this might not be a direct influence, but I need to point out that the scene where they look into Sanna's bag, Jim Varney does it first.

He opens the bag and light shines in his face and he's like, oh my God, like, what's in here?

That predates Indiana Jones I believe it predates the movie seven What's in the Box?

It predates pulp fiction when they open up the box and the glowing so I almost feel that this is a for you.

There's a Twilight Zone episode with one of the honeymooners, not not Glease and Jackie Gleeson the other guy, and his name's just like escaping me anyway, he's like a drunk center or whatever, and I think I think he has a glowing bag.

I'll have to double check.

Let's fill TV.

We're mentioning movies.

Here, Okay, we're talking about movies.

I'm sure.

I'm sure that Ernest Saves Christmas did not invent the motif of opening up a thing on camera and you don't see in like like comes out of it.

But I'm just saying that.

That, Oh yeah, French new wave films.

The pop fiction one actually is supposed to be a referenced to like a sixties French new wave film, by the way, but so it's happened for we're not necessarily with a Christmas sack.

There's another one too that we don't get a visual on here because they didn't have the same budget as Terminator too.

But Jim Varney is describing, or Earnest is describing how he thought Santa worked because he didn't have a chimney, and he's like, yeah, Santa morphs down into this like molten liquid, and then he goes through my air ducks and then he like sludges back out through the air ducks and reforms.

And I was just thinking that he literally just described the T one thousand and the secret role of Alex Mack before either of those exis.

He could also be wrong, So it is it is Ernest P.

Worrell telling you this, but.

He said it, but he's but he said the thing before the other.

Anyways, I just thought that it's interesting how prophetic this random mid Earnest movie from eighty eight really was.

The Sanna's license says he is from Prussia, which I guess is that that's where the original guy was from, right, Seth Apple whatever it was at Applegate, But yeah, it was just like Santa's from Prussia.

That's a weird specific thing to say.

I mean, you think his license would say North Pole, right.

And also Seth Applegate doesn't sound like the most Prussian name in the world either.

Yeah, maybe Applegate's a translation from the from the German.

I guess, well he speak of Prussia.

Where was I guess?

But this is he said eighteen eighties is when he took over the role of Sanna, right, So yeah.

I just thought they his current license should probably show the North Pole and not press.

So kind of a weird thing.

Good big marine, big marine banner.

They want you to join the Marines in here.

The airport annoyances do feel accurate, especially today, I.

Got the exact opposite read on this.

I was like, man TSA used to not exist, and going through the airport, the guy that had to pass you through, he was the one annoyed, not you going through it, but the worker.

And now that complete thing has inverted.

Now it's like they're just sitting in the chair doing their job and you're the one that's annoyed having to go through all this.

My most recent air journey was done during that during the shutdown, so nobody cared in security.

They weren't getting paid.

What else did I got here?

Oh, here's something that I don't think you would find on the IMDb blooper page or let the inconsistencies page.

But at the very beginning of this movie, when Ernest goes to the Children's museum at first, they come back the next day, and in that second scene, a huge blood vessel popped in Jim Varney's eye and it's filled with blood, and it looks like they try and keep that side of his eye off the camera.

But it was just a weird little thing that I noticed that maybe you wouldn't have noticed in the theatrical release in eighty eight when you're watching it on like an old film strip or like a CRT.

But when I'm watching this thing upscaled, I was like, why is his eye filled with blood all of a sudden, And then they cut to him dressed up as another character, and then it's gone again.

So I don't know.

I just thought that was it was interesting, so they.

Didn't quite get his good side.

I do like when Santa tries to pay with his own money, because I try to do that sometimes.

I have my own money here, so.

I feel like in the States you could get jumped or arrested for doing that.

They are the wrong size, if that makes you feel better.

This is this is kind of how the George Floyd riots started, too.

So just I wouldn't want to start anything funny money.

That's how it started.

Started over funny money.

Actually, when I was on the stage that I did have the funny money in my wallet, I did not try and pay anyone using my funny money, though I use that money.

What else here?

The characters that we see in this movie are Ernest has so many characters, and this one we really just get I think, like four different ones aside from the normal Ernest character I try to make I'm making a mental inventory here though, but we get the auditor kind of aristocracy guy.

I don't really know a better phrase to give him.

He kind of he's got his hair slicked back, and he's all teeth, and it's got the mother with the neck brace, which is probably my absolute favorite Ernest character by like a large margin.

And then we have the backwoods redneck, hillbilly, southern madman, southern madman Earnest, which is also a pretty uh decent version of him, right, and I think I.

Love thee yet, Yeah, I was impressed that you were actually getting through all those so.

Oh, by the way, you might have seen a short lived TV series called Hey vern, It's Ernest.

That might when you were talking.

One hundred percent, I did I want to say it was on USA.

Am I right about that?

I don't know what it was on.

I think I think that I saw anyway CBS.

Rerun on the Family Channel.

What you said, USA, I thought it was.

I could be wrong.

It might have been, but CBS one season in the Saturday morning CBS.

Okay, that sounds familiar.

That does sound familiar.

And uh.

One of the things I had rented was the Doctor Auto Movie, which I was very confused by as a kid because there is a little bit of Earnest in it, but Jim Barney's mostly playing other characters, and I I was too young and stupid to work out that the same guy was just doing a bunch of characters.

Maybe that was another disappointment for me.

When I saw Ernest Save's Christmas, I didn't quite pick up that Ernest just or Jim Varney just does all these characters.

I'm now I'm wondering what a version of Ernest Saves Christmas where he does all the characters, would look like, like he's Santa, he's Joe, he's Noell.

I think that Weddy Murphy does that.

Okay, yeah, yeah, you want you want to see the clumps in that case, I kind of do.

It's not a bad not a bad, but I do think.

Jim Barney works better when he has someone to play off of, like him in a vacuum.

Is doesn't necess unless he's doing a villain monologue.

Is in a villain role, that could work.

But but him in a vacuum is the original Ernest because it was just him talking to Vern who doesn't even exist through a camera.

Vern, you are Vern, Ernest Is You're reacting with you the viewer.

That's the chary of them, I guess.

But most of those are thirty second clips, right, this is the feature length movie.

Yeah, thirty seconds.

Yes, you can just have Ernest doing his crazy thing for thirty seconds.

It's fine.

A ninety minute movie.

Are gonna have a little bit of trouble.

Should Ernest have become Santa Claus?

To see that they six years later?

Five years there, they're the balls to let Tim Allen become Santa Claus.

I was expecting him to become Santa Claus.

It would have made more sense for Ernest saves Christmas.

And again the Joe guy, I just don't get why they gave him all like the Santa Claus does what this movie is trying to do better, but it doesn't have earnest in it, right, So it's like if you want to earnest movie or not an earnest movie.

Ultimately, the Santa Claus does this plot one hundred times.

Better, right, other that movie looks like hot garbage.

It was done by a TV director who can I mean not that Ernest Stave's Christmas looks particularly good either, but The Santa Claus looks like gray crap most of the time because we had a sitcom director who had no clue how to make something like I don't.

Know if I've seen it since the nineties.

So maybe we'll have to do a rewatch and really put these these back because again, these are the same exact stories, so it would it would make sense to watch them back to back and then see what the comparison is.

And and again, let me just point back out, so it's the cold Disney that this is the retelling of the killing of the King ritual.

And that's the thing that the Christmas movie we tended to compartmentalize those like, oh Christmas movie, that's like a different thing, but those tend to be some of the most not like top box office.

But Christmas series are generally quite successful and everybody sees them, you know, like more people have probably seen Santa Claus and I don't know, like Star Wars and maybe not, but we'll just on your TV.

Like around that season you've seen bits and pieces of it and if you didn't see the whole thing right where like Star Wars, you have to be like, I want to go watch Star Wars, whereas the Santa Claus you're just you're gonna see it no matter what you know.

And I've I've never in my life ever had that thought I want to go see Star Wars, but I have had I want to see a Christmas movie that has Santa in it.

Sure one of the more fun cracking the Chris The Santa movie is hard to crack.

The Christmas movie is easy, but the Santa movie can be difficult.

Again, and then when they have new sequels with the Santa Claus mean that that's where it just gets wildly entertaining in a weird way because a few years before this, because it was a Dealer intis or whatever or anyway, it's the Superman movie the after they did Superman, Like what other iconic character coming make into a cinematic thing, and they went with Santa Claus and theyde like Santa Claus the movie, which was a massive flop.

I do didn't even sound familiar to me.

Oh, it's weird Superman the movie.

So I just want to make sure I get the I always mix up the producers, and one of them made Flash Gordon and one of them made this.

It's the.

D Flash Gordon Santa movie sounds good.

That.

Oh yeah, sure I could do that.

Why am I not finding their names here?

Okay, I'm gonna quit looking for that, but Santa Claus some way, let's have it.

I'm gonna have a quick gander at that.

That's a movie that like no one has seen I think, came out in nineteen eighty four, had massive like they had a breakfast Cereal and stuff based around it, like the real major push for.

I'll t how you know a movie is really good if there's a breakfast cereal.

Right, But the breakfast Cereal came out before the movie came out.

That's that's where your your hedge and your bets.

Thirty to fifty million dollar budget twenty three point seven box office for that one.

So that one just ate it Salkan, That's that's the name I was looking for that.

Yeah, so it is.

And then this is another one where it's like, how do we actually make Santa a character sustained on screen for an hour and a half.

You know, it's kind of difficult.

They don't do it in this one.

I gotta say, Earnest Saves Christmas is not a great Santa movie.

Even though it's a.

Put him in a suit, it's just a dude in a suit that's not that fat, you know.

It's it's a little what is it Miracle on thirty eighth Street or I always get the number wrong, but you know what I'm talking about.

It's like the now you're talking about there's a Christmas.

Movie and that's also Santa in a regular suit in a courtroom.

Yeah, so this doesn't have that.

Well, that's a little that's a police station.

We don't get in the courtroom this time, but you gotta get sat in with the police.

I mean, there's just no way around that.

Well, and not just the police in this movie.

He gets locked up with a bunch of weird looking criminals in the eighty eight, including one guy that has a eatam raw mid driff shirt and a very tan like an entirely tanned body with lots and lots of pubes all over it.

I just thought it was such a very nineteen eighty eight Orlando prison thing, very like three different niches intersected together.

It is interesting.

I guess they were just like, we have to use this studio.

So, but the Christmas Room Orlando does not seem like the obvious choice.

No, you s what snow in your Christmas movie?

A little bit snow at least, right.

There's a here's an interesting Christmas Santa.

Make it this again.

But it's magical, right.

I want to understand how this works because this is like more canon Rules of Santa, because early in this movie you see the real Santa and he meets this Joe guy, this guy Joe that reads stories to kids, and Santa's essentially has picked Joe to be the next Santa.

He's going to say he has a local TV show, Right.

He's got a local TV show.

And he meets some reading the kids in like a hospital, or in like a library or so in the children's museum.

But the Joe is conflicted because he's being offered a role in a Christmas movie where he's going to be the feature and he's going to make all this money and it's going to be his big break into Hollywood, and he has to balance that with this crazy guy telling him that he's say and that he's gonna make Joe the new Santa.

And I guess the main thing that Santa is telling Joe like, don't shave your beard, and then the movie exec is like, Joe, shave your beard.

So the whole thing comes down to whether or not Joe's gonna shave his beard.

But at the end, he does shave his beard, but spoilert sorry if I ruin that for anyone.

He shaves his beard so that he can be in the movie, but then he changes his mind and when Santa magically transforms him into the real Santa, his beard grows back.

So I was just thinking, why the hell does Santa care whether or not Joe shaves his beard at the beginning if he knows that Santa magic makes him regrow it instantly anyways.

Because when it's Santa magic, it's just like an AstroTurf beard.

He's like, you got it, now, just keep it, man, just have the real thing.

You don't want an AstroTurf beard, so I guess.

But ironically, his quote unquote real Beard was an AstroTurf beard in this movie.

It looked so fake, and that when he transforms him, the fake Santa Beard looks more real as a beard.

That's the magic of Christmas.

Uh.

But I have such a weird thing on Christmas now because like I don't.

We don't.

We're in Japan, we don't put up a Christmas tree, we don't really even give presents anymore.

But I spend all week at work wearing a Santa suit and playing Christmas songs.

So and in some ways I do more Christmas than most people.

I love Christmas, not because of I mean partly from the nostalgia, of course, but I think it is the most symbolic and most relevant holiday out of any of the holidays, like the like all of the symbolism.

Even if it's not really Christ's birthday, it's it's him on the cross being resurrected, and that I can go on a whole wild tangent on this one, but essentially right, uh yeah.

But but the other the other aspect of this too is this is the actual rebirth, even though his resurrection story is supposed to be in April because April was originally the beginning of the year, because the old astro theological view of the world would look at April first being the first day of the new year, back when the old calendars existed, and then when like the global shift changed to a new calendar system and also to this new concept of Christmas.

That's when April Fools was originally discovered.

Is that if you continue to celebrate the resurrection of God on April first, then you're an idiot because you're behind the times and you're worshiping the old gods.

And that's why it becomes April Fool's Day.

You are a fool for continuing to use April as the first month of the year when everyone else has shifted to January as the first month of the year.

In some ways Japan's in a lot of ways, April is the start of the year in Japan.

Still, the calendars do say January first, where it's supposed to we celebrate the New Year's holiday then, but it's just conventionally everyone's like new things start in April, new school year, you get a new job in April, you make your big changes in April.

In mindset, April is the beginning of the year.

Here, yeah, I mean, and that's because it actually is the beginning of the new year.

Like that's another reason.

For example, the month March, which is named after Mars, the god of war.

The reason why it's named after Mars is because that was the first time that the climate would be favorable to send your army back into war.

So that became the sort of end slash beginning of the year because that's when you could be active again.

Prior to March, you're kind of dormance, so you're not the old way of looking at the way that the seasons were.

It's not that the year starts when you're dormant, it's that the year begins anew when you're ready to be refreshed and activity is starting again, which would have been end of March early April.

Although it did work out for me going to an American school oops, because in Japan i was born in March, I'd be the youngest kid in the class, whereas in America I'm right in the middle of the class age wise, so that worked out nicely.

My nephew was born March fifteenth and he was through all of elementary school.

You know, he's a run kid in the class because he was the youngest in the class.

There was one other thing in this movie that I didn't fully get.

I mean, I understood what they were going for, but it's that they're trying to show how pure of heart Joe is.

The guy that's Santa's eyeballing for his replacement, and Joe he ends up doing the movie.

And the movie is weird.

Man.

It's about like this weird Christmas tree monster that he shoots in the face and then he says a bad word in the scene.

But he doesn't want to say the bad word because there's children on set and they're like, Oh, don't worry.

They work in Hollywood, you know, they hear these words all the time.

He's like, yeah, but I've never said a bad word in front of a kid.

And this is what makes him leave Hollywood.

And I'm just thinking, like, he actually wanted to be an actor.

He wanted to go and do movies, and he's going to stand up over I don't want to say a bad word in front of a kid.

I mean, Harvey Weinstein was active in this time period, right like this is a this is an actual world when Harvey Weinstein is doing his thing, and yet they're trying to show that this pure of heart actor is just like I won't even say the F word.

If there's a child in earshot, send that kid over here to my office after you're done with them.

And I need to massively rip apart several more international films.

That's what he was doing the time.

He's putting international films out in the States, and then heavily editing them, not not for content, just so they'd be shorter and you could play them more and stuff.

I mean, yeah, let's not get into like the man versus the artwork.

He made a lot of movies happen.

It never would have happened.

So no.

At this point though, this is when he started out like kind of like intentionally ripping apart movies kind of, so there's always that creative thing was never quite there.

You don't rip apart someone else's movie for s's and g's.

You know.

Well, let me ask you, does Ernest saves Christmas?

And you're a freaking Japanese now, so I don't even know if this even matters to you, But does Ernest Saves Christmas make your Christmas movie list.

Hm, No, it didn't.

At the time.

Scrooge made the list very much about the same time this came out, scrooged, I'm just gonna throw out, uh, I do prefer Scrooge to earn a Saves Christmas.

Do you have a ultimate Christmas movie?

It might be Scrooge.

To be honest, I like it.

We're talking Bill Bill Murray scrooged, Yes, Bill Murray's Scrooge, which was Paramount Pictures.

Sorry, just checking anthro's touchdown or not.

Other than that, I mean, you could always be you know, like you could give the country an answer like.

It's die hard.

But then I think we need to talk about actual Christmas movies here.

Yeah.

No, if I want to be if I want to get like all snarky and like not be serious, I'll say Silent Night Deadly Night, which is one of the first truly gruesome horror movies that I'd ever seen, and it just happened to be Christmas themed.

But my current all time favorite Christmas movie is a fairly new one called Violent Night, and I think that it does one of the best jobs of doing this whole like retcon Sanda and Saint Nicholas's real background history is that he was like a like a Viking berserker warrior that you slowly morphed into this children's character, but that ultimately he's still this warrior and he is eternally fighting Satan.

Oh you know what.

Also, here's here's the one that gets me, and it came out three weeks after is they did dare release it on December versus a national lampoon's Christmas vacation.

So okay, yeah, even this year, that kind of for me, kind of just like instantly, you know, punted Ernest out of the pond, you know.

Sorry, Yeah, that's a that's a freaking good one.

Man.

That's really really hard to not be nostalgic for that one.

He even had.

There's even another movie with with him that earlier, just to throw that out there.

Sorry, there was.

Another Chevy Chase movie that takes place at winter, but it's not necessarily about Christmas, but it's when he moves to that town and everybody hates him.

But like he's trying to sell what is it, Oh, funny far, maybe funny Far.

I think it's funny Farm, which which had like it comes to a climax during Christmas, even though it's not necessarily a Christmas movie.

Of course, then I had to make a movie with him.

Chevy Chase is known for breaking people when he makes movies with him.

Most notoriously, chevy Chase may have broken John Carpenter, which is kind of depressing because up until Memories Memoirs of Invisible Man, John Carpenter's run is just impeccable, and after that he just can't quite make a good movie again.

I mean they're okay, but not really that good.

So that there's the Chevy Chase broke John Carpenter a plot thread that you.

Can still I'm still waiting for a good Invisible Man movie.

There was a weird two thousands one that I want to say had Kevin Bacon.

I might be wrong.

Hollow Man.

Yeah, that's last American film I think it was.

It was interesting, but not a good movie.

It was like visually, it had some interesting to especially when there's like this gorilla that they turn invisible and you can like see him slowly.

It's like old CGI.

Now.

There was another one recently called The Invisible Man.

I think that had the lady from Handmaid's Tale.

And also from Madman I'm blanking on her name, and that one got fantastic reviews.

And I watched it and I was like, eh.

I saw it playing on other people's screens on the airplane a few months ago, and I was like, eh, whatever.

Yeah, I don't know.

Man, Sometimes movies come out and people go crazy over im, like, oh my god, this is the best movie ever.

And I watch it and I just wish that.

I hadn't on the plane.

I did watch, like I watched Wicked right the first one, and my controversial take on that movie was like it was fine.

I feel like people are.

Like, oh my god, this is the best thing ever.

And I'm like, yeah, it was good.

You know, I'm not a musical.

Yeah it is a musical, so you could you can skip that one?

Well no, I actually watched it when it came out, but I skipped all of the singing parts.

That's an interesting way.

So it was only like a forty minute movie out of what like two and a half hours.

I was like, I had a good time, seven out of ten, you know, but yeah, people.

Are like, best thing ever, ten out of ten.

Where are you talking about?

So, Ernest aid, what would I give Ernest Sades Christmas.

I had a good time watching it, but I've just thrown out like three other Christmas movies made around the same time that are much better.

I mean, it's really a five, isn't it.

Yeah, I'm saying, like a generous five.

Yeah.

I felt like I'd be a little generous of that.

So that said, had a good time.

You know, if I do watch Scrooge or National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, I am I know those movies too well.

So I watched this one.

At least I don't remember everything or much of it, so when he says he fell on his puss, I'll sit there giggling for two minutes.

You know, it's not bad.

I'm glad maybe we're starting out with this one is the first Earnest movie, because I do think that, and I don't remember them all in that much detail, but I think that they're all up hill from this one.

Like this one, they leaned a little heavy into that you already love Ernest, and they're also leaning into and you gotta love.

And now you love Joe too?

Was that was the bridge too far?

I don't love Joe.

Joe's creepy man, I don't know.

I don't know what it is about older guys that surround themselves with children.

I've just I've lived in a world.

I grew up in the Satanic Panic, So I don't trust any adults that like to be around children.

And we've got what wish dot com Punky Brewster for you five years too late.

That was weird.

I mean, Punky Brewster was like already like pretty far in the past when this movie came out, and they like when you mentioned, was like, oh, yeah.

That was absolutely what they were doing.

Well, it wasn't necessarily her, but it was that esthetic, which was pretty I mean that was a pretty straightforward aesthetic of like having little toys in your hair and like the side braid.

Yeah.

When I looked her up though, it's like she was actually seventeen when she did this movie, which is like I would at least get someone that can be there all day and without you know, or maybe they're like not paying attention to labor rules.

I don't know, it's like just tire someone two years later, you don't have to rid of the labor rules.

I still don't know why they didn't rename her.

No, Well, that seems like such a dumb thing to not take advantage of.

Oh well, these things happen.

Uh.

Anyway, I guess your big take on this is the killing of the King, And did you say I feel like you might have more to say about that?

I mean, how long do you have to talk about Fraser's Golden Bough.

It's only the most important book series of all time, which is also somewhere around seven thousand pages on a bridge.

I believe I have been contemplating.

I don't know if I'm going to do it, but I've been contemplating doing a series made, just a short form series called Let's Read James Fraser's Golden Bough, the unabridged version, Yes, all of it.

And I think that, like the title of the show is long because the content of the show is long.

I don't know.

Maybe maybe I'm like it's two meta, but I do think this is Famously there was a interview with Stanley Kubrick talking about how he went and saw one of the head of the one of these studios and he showed up with the entire unabridged version of The Golden Bough.

Like it's it's like twelve books long.

Each book is seven.

Hundred pages work, yeah, you get next show, and.

He's trying to get this exact to like read it.

He's like, yeah, no, I got you this whole set.

And the guy's like, Stanley, I don't have time to sit down and read fairy tales for you know, the next year.

And his quote, which I'm going to butcher in paraphrase, but it was like, these aren't fairy tales, this is your life, and that like he took the importance of James Fraser and the Golden Bough so incredibly seriously that he truly wanted this exec to read this.

But obviously there were two different worlds.

But the monumental importance of the Golden Bough's work, which is really just James Frasier doing pattern recognition, saying like, wow, that's crazy.

Native Americans and Japanese and Europeans and Africans all seem to be following these exact same motifs over and over, the number one motif being this killing of the king ritual, and one of the most obvious forms of that again was this particular one.

It was called the killing of the Tree spirit, and the trees were the holly King and the Oak King.

It's the holly tree basically dying and then making way for the oak tree, and then vice versas is yin yang back and forth.

So I dare you to find a better representation of that than Santa dying or retiring and having to find his replacement, especially because the Golden Bough motif that he points out is that almost always the newcomer is a fool that he's completely unexpecting what's going to happen, and very often he's immortal trying to take the place of a god.

And then over the course of him taking the place of a god, he himself becomes a god.

And then that cycle just repeats every single year.

So essentially, there should be an Earnest Saves Christmas again where Joe is retiring and he has to pass it on to some other creepy guy that's reading kid books.

It has to be what one hundred years in the future anyway, but it's to be science fiction.

Although, yeah, this movie passed up the opportunity to make Earnest into a god.

There's there's a flaw if nothing else.

I mean, yeah, I do like, why not make Earnest Santa?

What the hell was the thinking behind here.

They could have cut Joe out of this entirely and just made it about Ernest becoming Santa.

And I can't imagine this being a worst movie.

For if we're giving it a five and we're looking through rose colored glasses and kind of boosting it up by at least the point, right, or at least giving it a half a point from a four and a half to a five, I can't see how this would have gone down to a four with more earnest.

Yeah, for sure, I was saying here thinking though it was what you're saying with the Golden bow, though sort of not to have my John lemb bigger in Jesus moment.

But Santa Claus in Western culture basically is a subconsciously he is our king of kings.

Even if you're very religious, if you think of who's the king that rules over all of us, it's kind of Santa Claus, you know, he rules over all of December.

I get.

I think Santa Claus also is the even as an abstract archetype, right, trying to explain a child Jesus dying for your sins and original sin and like salvation, it gets murky, right, like there's a lot of ways to interpret it, and once you start getting in the nitty gritty, a lot of it doesn't line up.

But if you take that exact same concept and instead of trying to tell a kid about heaven and hell, it's more like you either get a present or you don't, and it happens on this day of the year, on December twenty fifth.

If you were good, you get a present, and if you were bad, you don't get a present.

It is the most direct analog.

It's the foundation that you can teach kids about morality in general, and like, this is how religion works, is how the afterlife works.

But you can't really describe the afterlife to a freaking four year old.

But you can say you're either going to get a Nintendo or you're not going to get a Nintendo, like they understand that level.

So I think that the Santa motif.

That's probably why it's like my favorite holiday because it's so direct.

It's like you don't have to you don't have to understand it to feel the effects of it and to understand what it's supposed to represent because it actually plays out in a very practical way.

Did you ever get cold for Christmas.

As a joke.

Yeah, there was like the little you know, the little It's got to be in the stocking ones, Yeah, stockings.

Yeah, the skull goes in the stocking.

Okay, did you do something.

Bad that year?

No?

I mean, well every year, but that was just kind of.

Uh uh, you've got our thread that you would like to pull on.

We'll save the Golden Bow for the next time.

Okay, well we'll be saving now.

Every Earnest movie.

I feel there's gonna be a Golden Bowl connection.

Well, we'll see what happens in jail.

I hope so Camp, you' he's gonna take over.

We've already seen Earnest in jail.

Oh yeah, yeah, they're repeating themselves.

I have seen that.

That's a weird thing watching these movies.

I have seen them all.

It's just I haven't seen them for what thirty years, So it is kind of like a weird fever dream watching at least this one.

Yeah, these kids today, I don't know what they missed.

Camp's gonna be real weird because I know I watched it a lot as a kid and have not seen it since like it was nineteen eighty something, so that that should be very interesting to you.

And I'll say, Ernest Scared straight is my hocus Pocus that like that is my Halloween Town.

Okay, we'll see if people agree by listening next next October.

Then the Crown watch every single episode from now until October.

People came in for those those two shoe you wind this one down for today, then yeah, you do your okay do my?

Oh, I just one more quote Santos Claus and then my goodness, my sack.

I had to write down that quote.

They did all sack talk got pretty funny after a while.

For me, anyway, what's up with me?

It's of course around Christmas time.

I'm just getting into doing Jordan Peele's Twilight Zone on Time Enough podcast.

If you're like, what about the original show, we did all of those and you can hear those back in the feed.

And then we're talking about the animated Planet of the Apes Return to the Planet of the Apes over at podcast nineteen ninety nine, and then oh, I should mention this over at Films and Filth, where you usually do very high rate and very low rateed movies.

We got halfway through our list and decided to take a little vacation, it's now Fast Films and Furious Filth, where we will be covering all of the Fast and Furious movies, and we're now to the ones that I've never seen because it's I'm a first time view for most of them, so we're doing that.

How about over on your side.

I don't know.

I'm hoping that I do get this edited and uploaded before Christmas, so if you're watching this, we also have the Under the doc series, which I'm also hoping to edit and up for December, because we did a bunch of Christmas related documentaries, some of them fun, some of them not so fun.

One of them, for example, is about a family that tries to survive the entire month of December without consuming or using anything at all from China, which sounds as hard as it's exactly as hard as it sounds to do, especially in America.

And then there's another one about a girl that dies on Christmas and no one finds her body for like three years, and then she's melted into her couch.

So if you want some great holiday cheer, something to keep you up for those drives back and forth the Grandma's, go and check for Under the docks anywhere you listen to podcasts, or just subscribe to Paranoid American podcast and you'll get automatically on Mondays and Tuesdays.

All right, Merry Christmas to all then, even if it might be a little late, and I'd like one million dollars in small unmarked bills for Christmas.

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I gave you the proper results to hit the pavement.

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Yet to you it still you're welcome.