Sarah Herstich (00:40)
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Complex Trauma Podcast. Today I just wanted to record a quick kind of like pep talk for New Year's Eve. But not that cringey type of like coach where I'm yelling at you about greatness and telling you to crush your goals and all that kind of stuff. More like I see you, I get it, and here's what I think you need to hear. So let's do it.

Sarah Herstich (01:03)
Hey everybody, if you're tuning in the day that this airs, happy New Year's Eve. Any other time, happy 2026. And if you're feeling literally anything other than excited right now.

I want you to know that you're not alone and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Maybe the only thing you're excited that the dumpster fire of 2025 is actually finally over.

Maybe you're scrolling through everyone's highlight reels, feeling like you should have accomplished more this year. Maybe you're white-knuckling it through another family gathering. Maybe you're alone and that feels both relieving and lonely, kinda confusing, right? Or maybe you're just exhausted by the pressure of having to have some profound, life-changing moment that culminates at midnight.

Here's what I know to be true, New Year's Eve can be really hard when you're healing from complex trauma.

Our nervous systems don't do well with artificial timelines. They don't care that it's December 31st and all that new year, new you energy. of us who have spent years just trying to survive, it can feel like one more thing that we're supposedly failing at.

Let me tell you something that you already what actually happens this time of year, that all or nothing thinking kicks in hard.

You know that thing that your brain does where it's either perfect or it's absolute garbage? Yeah, that gets really loud around New Year's.

You start making these massive resolutions, these huge promises to yourself because maybe this will be the year you finally get your shit together. And then what typically happens, you're completely exhausted by January 3rd and the shame spiral, it starts and you decide that you are the problem yet again.

But here's the thing, you're not the problem, the timeline is the problem. Because recovery, doesn't happen on a calendar. Healing doesn't wait for January 1st to start, and it doesn't reset when you miss a goal.

your nervous system is on its own timeline. Most of our nervous systems are still operating like we're eight years old trying to stay safe in a house that just wasn't safe enough for us.

and there's no amount of champagne at midnight that's going to convince them otherwise.

didn't have some massive breakthrough this year, if you're ending 2025.

feeling kind of the same as when you started it. I need you to hear this. Staying alive counts. Showing up for imperfectly, it counts. Learning one new thing about how your trauma shows up counts. Maybe this year you set a boundary for the first time, even if it felt really messy and really yucky. Maybe you recognize a trauma response in real time instead of three days later. Maybe you let yourself feel

You've been shoving down for years and that's not nothing. But if you're sitting here thinking, but I didn't do any of that either, that's okay. Maybe this year you just survived. And surviving a year when you're carrying what you're carrying, that's the work too.

for me, 2025 a year where things actually settled a bit. After the past maybe five or so years of things being really hard and really chaotic, things felt like they evened out a little bit. kids are getting a little bit older. My higher needs son found a sort of groove and I finally let myself lean into my work without the constant bracing for disaster.

I even exhaled a little bit in my business, not because everything magically fixed itself, but because I stopped waiting for permission to take up space. And in 2026, I'm aiming for actually slower.

There are things I know I need to do, but I keep putting off because I'm really busy over-functioning. You know that one, right? Where you're so used to being the person who handles everything that you forget that you're allowed to have needs. A friend of mine asked me recently what my hobbies were before I had kids, and I just literally sat there, nothing. I was completely blank, because I've always just worked. And that hit me really hard this year. Like, who am I when I'm not producing something?

when I'm not fixing something, when I'm not proving I deserve to be here. So yeah, I'm right here with you. still figuring out what it actually looks like to rest, to maybe even have a hobby, to stop performing productivity, to do the things that matter instead of just the things that prove I'm worthy of existing.

So for 2026, I'm not saying don't set intentions or goals. I'm saying let's get realistic about what actually supports your healing. You know it doesn't help? Punishing yourself into change, shaming yourself into productivity, your way through someone else's version of success. You know it does help? Tiny, consistent choices that your nervous system can actually handle. Noticing when you're starting to disappear, asking for help before you're drowning.

resting without the guilt story. saying no without the three paragraph explanation. So here's my invitation for the new year and it's way less sexy than what you'll see on Instagram. Just keep going. Not in that toxic push through kind of way.

in that I see you, I'm still here, we're doing this one day at a time way. If January 1st feels like a good time to try something new, that's great, do it. But if it doesn't, if you need to just coast for a little while longer, that's okay too. Your healing doesn't have to perform for anyone. you don't owe anyone a transformation.

owe anyone progress. You just owe yourself compassion, and most days that's the hardest thing that we'll ever do. So whatever you're feeling tonight or the days after New Year's Eve, it's allowed. The hope, the dread, the nothing, the everything, you're allowed to be exactly where you are. Tomorrow, it is just another day. A day where you get to keep choosing yourself, keep learning about yourself.

keep showing up for yourself. No pressure, no perfection, just you doing the best you can with what you've got.

We've got a lot coming up in 2026 on the podcast. We're going deep into narcissism and what it actually looks like in families. Religious trauma, because I know so many of you are untangling that. Emotional neglect, the thing that nobody wants to name but everyone feels. Dissociation and why you keep leaving your body. Betrayal trauma And how to trust again when trust feels impossible. These are the conversations that we need to have, the ones that help you make sense of what happened.

and what's still happening in your nervous system. So stick with me. There's so much more to come. And I'm so glad you're here. Happy New Year.