In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Gill Phillips is joined by Lindsey Douglas – parent carer, advocate and DMI trainer at Midlands Partnership NHS Foundation Trust.

Lindsey speaks with honesty and warmth about family life with her son Grayson, who is autistic, has a severe learning disability and complex needs, and about the journey from crisis and exhaustion to greater understanding, support and hope. She shares what it means to look beyond behaviour, to ask what sits underneath it, and to recognise behaviour as communication.

The episode explores the value of curiosity, the importance of understanding unmet need, and the difference genuine lived experience can make when it is welcomed into the workforce in meaningful ways rather than as a tick-box exercise.

Gill and Lindsey also reflect on the award-winning #CYPWhoseShoes work with Midlands Partnership NHS Foundation Trust, the development of new Whose Shoes? resources around supporting children and young people, and specifically those with SEND and neurodivergence, and how Staffordshire partners used these conversations to help shape their SEND strategy.

This is a rich conversation about co-production, trust, family life, young carers, practical support, and the power of bringing parent carers and professionals together in ways that build understanding rather than blame.

🍋💡🍋 Lemon Lightbulbs from this episode 

💡 A child who seems like a “dream baby” may actually be missing early interaction and communication cues.

💡 Behaviour is not “bad behaviour” to be controlled. It is often communication of distress, pain or unmet need.

💡 Curiosity changes everything. Instead of asking “How do we stop this?”, ask “What is this telling us?”

💡 Diagnostic overshadowing is dangerous. Not everything is about neurodivergence; sometimes a child is simply in pain.

💡 Parent carers are often managing extreme risk at home without the training professionals receive.

💡 Lived experience can break down barriers fast, because trust grows when people feel truly understood.

💡 Co-production is not asking people to comment on a finished plan. It means shaping it together from the start.

💡 Whose Shoes? works because the cards create safer, less confrontational conversations about difficult issues.

💡 Supporting one child well means supporting the whole family, including siblings and young carers.

💡 Sometimes the bravest family decision is to choose peace over social expectations.

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Connect with me - Gill Phillips - on LinkedIn, especially if you are interested in our brand new #CYPWhoseShoes resources or our well-established #MatExp (maternity experience) work.

I tweet (not so much these days!) as @WhoseShoes  and am on Instagram as @WhoseShoesUK and @WildCardWS.

Please recommend 'Wild Card - Whose Shoes' to others who enjoy hearing passionate people talk about their experiences of improving health care.