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Wellness + Wisdom Podcast

·E800

Sheleana Aiyana | Toxic Love: How Your Hormones Keep You Addicted To Bad Partners

February 10
1h 12m

Episode Description

Why do we lose ourselves in love, repeat painful relationship patterns, and mistake intensity for intimacy instead of becoming whole within ourselves first?

Josh Trent welcomes Sheleana Aiyana to the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast, episode 800, to explore why self-abandonment drives relationship chaos, how attachment wounds and the mother wound shape romantic bonds, what becoming the one truly means, how grief and motherhood catalyze deep healing, and why divine union begins with reclaiming self-trust, presence, and inner wholeness before partnership.

 

About The Guest

Sheleana Aiyana is the best-selling author of Becoming the One and the founder of Rising Woman, a global community dedicated to self-healing, relational transformation, and spiritual embodiment. Her work blends somatic awareness, inner child healing, and grounded spiritual insight to guide millions through the landscapes of heartbreak, love, and personal rebirth.

Having grown up in foster care and overcome cycles of abuse, addiction, and heartbreak, Sheleana's teachings are not theoretical, they are lived. Through Rising Woman, she has helped millions remember that healing is not about becoming someone else, but about reclaiming the love, power, and wholeness that was always theirs.

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In This Episode, Sheleana Aiyana Uncovers:

[01:15] Why We Lose Ourselves In Relationships

  • Why many people abandon themselves to maintain connection.
  • What drives us to seek an emotional rollercoaster in a relationship.
  • Why oxytocin keeps us bonded to our partner.

Resources:

[06:40] Your Soul Came Here to Learn

  • Why our souls come to Earth to search for learning.
  • How chaotic relationships can teach us to walk away and find peace.
  • Why new generation has the advantage of having access to healing tools and information.
  • How older generations lived in survival and didn't think of healing.

[11:10] Becoming The One

  • What becoming the one for ourselves truly means.
  • How we project oneness onto our parents as children.
  • Why we seek oneness through romantic partnership.
  • The importance of self-awareness in relationships.
  • How children form attachment wounds through their parents' behavior.

[16:10] Awakening Through Relationships

  • How women shine a mirror on men through their womanhood.
  • Why it's rare for couples to awaken at the same time.
  • What Sheleana learned from her previous partners.
  • How she had a vision of her purpose when she was in an abusive relationship.

Resources:

[20:50] Mother Wound

  • Why Sheleana faced her mother wound after her first marriage ended.
  • How she lost everything because of her ex-husband.
  • What made her realize her marriage was a mirror to her childhood wounds.
  • How she was mothering her first husband.
  • Why the breakup was like a psychedelic journey.

[25:45] True Depth of Transformation + Healing

  • How Sheleana's grief sent her on a transformation path.
  • Why her work was to clear the path for her daughter.
  • How Josh found healing and liberation.
  • What was Sheleana's first experience with ayahuasca like.
  • How she released her mother wound.

[32:10] When Motherhood Reopens It Heals Your Wounds

  • What Sheleana has learned through raising her daughter.
  • The challenges of being a mother.
  • How her daughter made her face her mother's inner child.
  • Why Sheleana chooses to trust and surrender to the process of life.
  • How mothers' job is to preserve their children's essence.

Resources:

[38:55] What Is The Role of A Parent?

  • Why parents model self-trust and instict.
  • How nothing will prevent our children from learning their lessons.
  • What Sheleana does to exercise her daughter's instincts and intuition.
  • Why her baseline is a relaxed state.
  • How our children teach us to slow down and be present.
  • Why children can fill us with creativity.

[46:55] Life Feels Heavy When You Abandon Yourself

  • Why bitterness and resentment signal self-abandonment.
  • How unmet needs cannot be fixed by self-care.
  • What inspired Sheleana to create a journal.
  • How she found masculine energy in nature.
  • Why men need to embrace the feminine energy within them.

[53:45] Relationship Rebirth

  • Why Josh and his wife got pregnant 9 months into the relationship.
  • How Sheleana's first two years of her current relationship were challenging.
  • Why she chose to take care of herself when they were in conflict.

[01:00:15] Pain Is a Passage

  • Why love comes with deep grief.
  • How loving deeply requires letting go of control.
  • What helped Sheleana to move through her grief and sadness.

[01:03:05] What Is A Divine Union?

  • Why divine union starts with a deep relationship with oneself.
  • How true love provides and requires inner transformation.
  • Why vulnerability can be performative.
  • How true vulnerability can't be forced.
  • Why we repeat patterns of our lineage.

Resources:

"In a trauma bond, there's a hormonal cocktail happening in the body that's of anchoring it in. You get really big dopamine spikes when you are engaging in the drama. When it moves into the conflict cycle, you get the cortisol spike. And then when you move into repair, you get a flood of oxytocin. Imagine repeating that cycle over and over in a really dramatic relationship that creates a sense of bonding. It's not a healthy or true love, it just feels familiar." — Sheleana Aiyana

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