When a neurodivergent child is struggling at school, it’s easy to focus on what we can see—the behavior, the unfinished work, the frustration. But what’s making it hard for them to learn in the first place?

In this episode of Unlocking School Success, school psychologist Dr. Emily King, author of The Neurodivergent Learner, joins me to unpack what neurodivergent kids need in order to be available for learning. Emily explains why regulation plays such an important role and how her “window of tolerance” framework can help parents make sense of what they’re seeing.

Sometimes the first clue is sensory. Sometimes it’s sleep, hunger, physical comfort, or anxiety. And sometimes behavior that looks like “defiance” is telling us that a child doesn’t yet have the skills to handle what’s being asked of them. Understanding those clues can give parents a very different starting point—not only for figuring out what their child needs, but for working with teachers to support them at school.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

- Why “can’t do school” often means “can’t do school under these conditions”

- The window of tolerance (Dan Siegel’s framework) and why regulation comes before learning

- How connection and relationship support learning—and how that can include routines, interests, art, or animals (not just people)

- Why sensory factors are a smart first place to look when school feels hard

- Simple, high-impact starting points at home: sleep, nutrition, and sensory comfort (clothes/shoes)

- What to tell teachers when sleep, medication side effects, or stress may affect attention and mood

- How to handle the “my kid is falling apart at home but looks fine at school” mismatch

- Why Dr. King included sample email scripts in every chapter—and how they help parents collaborate without “coming in hot”

- What to do when a teacher experiences your child as “defiant,” and you believe it’s anxiety or a skill gap

This episode will help if:

- Your child is bright but school still feels overwhelming, exhausting, or impossible

- You suspect sensory overload, anxiety, or social/motor differences are getting in the way of learning

- You’re heading into a new school year and want practical ways to set your child (and teacher) up for success

- You feel stuck between not wanting to be “that parent” and needing to advocate clearly

- You’re seeing totally different behavior at home vs. school and don’t know what it means

Resources & links mentioned:

- Dr. Emily King’s book page: https://learnwithdremily.com/book

- Dr. Emily King on Substack (parent workshops + replay library): https://learnwithdremily.substack.com/

- Tilt Parenting (Debbie Reber): https://tiltparenting.com/

- Boys Town Press children’s books (ADHD, autism, executive functioning, social skills): https://www.boystownpress.org/

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