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When a fearful avoidant shuts down, it can feel final, like the door is completely closed.

But there are specific moments when a fearful avoidant becomes open to repair, reconnection, and real change.

And understanding what actually moves the needle can save you from chasing, over-functioning, or abandoning yourself in the process.

🎥 Episode Summary

In today’s video, Thais Gibson breaks down the key conditions that make a fearful avoidant want to fix things after a rupture or breakup and just as importantly, when it’s healthier to step back instead.

You’ll learn how fearful avoidant deactivating strategies are driven by unmet needs, core wounds, fear of enmeshment, and emotional disconnection and how authentic communication, boundaries, and nervous system safety can reopen connection without manipulation.

This episode is essential if you’re:
Trying to repair a relationship with a fearful avoidant
Unsure whether reconnection is possible or healthy
Or working on your own fearful avoidant patterns

✨ Key Takeaways

✔ Why fearful avoidants often feel “done” — until specific needs are met
✔ The difference between authentic repair and manipulation
✔ Why defining boundaries and converting them into needs is critical
✔ How unmet needs (not the relationship itself) trigger deactivation
✔ The role novelty, trust, and emotional connection play in reconnection
✔ Why fearful avoidants respond deeply to validation, empathy, and clarity
✔ The importance of deadlines so you don’t abandon yourself

⏱ TIMESTAMPS

00:00 – When Fearful Avoidants Want to Fix the Relationship
00:47 – Manipulation Tactics Won’t Make a Relationship Fulfilling
03:18 – 1. Define Your Boundaries and Convert Them Into Needs
04:58 – 7-Day Free Trial Promo 
05:48 – 2. Get Clear About What Wasn’t Working With That Person 
06:44 – Why Fearful Avoidants Leave Relationships 
08:45 – Their Dealbreakers May Actually Be Solvable Problems
11:30 – 3. Identify Where the Fearful Avoidant Didn’t Feel Heard, Wanted, or Cared for
12:08 – 4. Communicate and Validate Unmet Wounds After 3-4 Weeks
14:05 – Make Sure You Have a Deadline

Meet the Host
Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and a world leader in attachment theory. With a Ph.D. and over a dozen certifications, she’s helped more than 70,000 people reprogram their subconscious and build thriving relationships.

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