Choosing Yourself Isn't Selfish — It's Necessary

In this episode of The One Day at a Time Recovery Podcast, I sit down with Hakeem to talk about what happens when performance, substances, and distractions can no longer protect us from unresolved pain.

Hakeem shares how the death of his younger brother, years of buried grief, elite athletics, addiction, and eventually incarceration led him to a moment of total reckoning. Sitting alone in a jail cell — without substances, screens, or distractions — he was finally forced to face himself.

What stood out to me most is Hakeem's belief that recovery isn't just about abstinence. It's about returning to our natural state — mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Key Takeaways From Our Conversation

1. Addiction Is About Toxic Consumption
Many people quit drinking but replace it with sugar, gambling, porn, caffeine, or overworking. The substance changes, but the avoidance doesn't.

2. The Work Has to Happen Before the Trigger
If the inner work isn't done first, triggers become breaking points. When the work is done, triggers become opportunities for growth.

3. The TEFIC Framework

• Triggers – noticing what activates you
  
  

• Environment – what and who surrounds you
  
  

• Foundation – sleep, routines, structure
  
  

• Invest – time, energy, and money into growth
  
  

• Contribution – giving from overflow, not depletion
  
  

4. Community Is Where Healing Accelerates
There's something powerful about being seen and understood by people who have lived it — not just professionals talking at you, but peers walking alongside you.

Action Steps I Encourage You to Try

• Identify one "acceptable addiction" you might be using to avoid discomfort
  
  

• Build a minimum daily foundation you can keep even on hard days
  
  

• Journal on this question: What keeps showing up as a trigger in my life — and what might it be pointing to?
  
  

• Seek connection, not just more information
  
  

 

 

📚 Books & Resources Mentioned

• Choose Yourself to Be Chosen — Hakeem Bourn McFarlane
  
  

• The Untethered Soul — Michael A. Singer
  
  

• The Way of the Superior Man — David Deida
  
  

• Outwitting the Devil — Napoleon Hill
  
  

• Can't Hurt Me — David Goggins
  
  

• Atomic Habits — James Clear (referenced)

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

 

Guest Contact Info: 

Instagram: @bigdreamhakeem

 

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

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Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

 

 

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

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