Episode Description
In this episode, I am speaking with Niki Wagh, an educator who's done some great work on naming what the immigrant life feels like.
Niki and I explore something we immigrants feel but seem to avoid naming, that is the relentless pressure to over-perform. She calls it the high-achiever syndrome, brought on by the financial weight of immigration.
I mean, there's the internal pressure of every sacrifice that got you here. Added to the reality of operating in a system where, as she puts it, you seem to sense that you don't have a plan B.
That pressure sits at the heart of the immigrant experience Niki has spent years studying. The cultural adaptation that nobody prepares you for, the quiet identity crisis that creeps in as you navigate immigrant life without a map, and the cost of building in a new country without a village.
We also chat about:
Building a village in a new country, what to let go of, and how to grow your circle
The diaspora child and the inheritance immigrants pass on whether they plan to or not
The four outcomes of acculturation theory, and why integration is both the healthiest and the most disorienting path
How representation constructs reality
What happens to your sense of home when the anchors back home start disappearing
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Dozie's Notes
A few things that struck me as I listened through this week's conversation:
The rules for connection cannot be copied from home. The version of friendship that formed back home, built over years of proximity and shared history, cannot be replicated quickly. Carrying those expectations into a new country is what sets people up to feel like they are failing socially when they are doing fine. One shared interest is enough to start. That's how Niki built her circle in Toronto, via dog parks and crochet circles.
Your kids will be seen through an identity they never lived. Niki talks about her daughter, who will be perceived as a woman of color, a South Asian, an Indian-Canadian, and who may not have the lived experience of any of those places to draw on. And as immigrant parents, the work is to understand the systems our children will operate in, and teach them how to navigate them. Because our battles do not have to become their battles.
Official Links
✅ Connect with Niki Wagh on LinkedIn
✅ Follow her on Instagram