In this episode, Allan & Nicole Blain share a comprehensive list of questions to ask potential spouses, emphasizing the importance of intentional conversations before marriage. They discuss how these questions can help identify compatibility and align expectations, ultimately strengthening future relationships.

Who are Allan & Nicole Blain?

We’re Allan and Nicole Blain — college sweethearts, now married 33 years, parents of six amazing grown kids, and co-leaders of a thriving, purpose-driven business and ministry. We met as student-athletes (she played volleyball and I played baseball), just 5 days after Nicole's 19th birthday. We were married one year later, five days after she turned 20, on September 12, 1992.

Connect with us:

• Email us at: allan@allanblain.com
• Website https://AllanAndNicole.com
• Instagram @ImpactMarriagePodcast
• YouTube @ImpactMarriagePodcast
• TikTok @ImpactMarriagePodcast
• Order Allan's book "Life's Hard Succeed Anyway” 

Key Topics:

• Importance of asking the right questions before marriage
• 12 categories of questions: marriage, faith, family, finances, sex, etc.
• The role of mentors and open communication in relationships
• Aligning values and expectations for a successful marriage
• The significance of spiritual and emotional compatibility

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction to the importance of premarital questions
• 02:24 The value of asking questions about future marriage expectations
• 06:13 When to ask these questions: before dating or during early dating
• 11:01 Key biblical principles on walking together in marriage
• 13:14 Sample questions about marriage and divorce
• 15:37 The significance of transparency in social media and passwords
• 19:04 Handling past relationships and conflict resolution
• 20:26 Questions about faith, spiritual gifts, and sin struggles
• 24:49 The role of mentors and spiritual growth in marriage
• 38:23 Questions about children, parenting, and family traditions
• 46:05 Discussions on sex, intimacy, and pornography in marriage
• 52:18 Final thoughts and encouragement for couples

Questions (12 categories):

Marriage:

•        What is your greatest fear going into marriage?
•        Once married, is there ever a scenario in which divorce would be an option for you?
•        What are acceptable secrets to keep to yourself?
•        Do you think it’s okay to lie to not hurt someone’s feelings?
•        How often do you expect to go out together just the two of us?
•        How do you expect to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries?
•        What are your day-to-day expectations of marriage? (list things that are flexible [making dinner together every night] and things that you really need to have happen [praying together every morning before leaving for work])
•        How will you spend the weekends?
•        What chores do you expect your partner to do around the house? (daily and as needed)
•        Do you support the idea of using baby-sitters and/or maids?
•        Do you have any pet peeves?
•        What is your view on sharing phone/email/social media passwords?
•        What is your purpose for marriage?
•        Would you want a prenup?
•        Would you be willing to seek counseling if we had marriage problems?
•        What do you think is an appropriate type of communication with the opposite sex?
•        What do you consider “cheating”?
•        How will you spend your evenings?
•        What is the women’s role?
•        What is the man’s role in a marriage to you?

Past Relationships:

•        How would you prefer arguments to be handled moving forward?
•        With previous partners, how were arguments handled?

Christian Faith:

•        What are your spiritual gifts and how are you using them to further the Kingdom?
•        What sin have you struggled with in the past?
•        What sin are you currently struggling with?
•        What do you think about fasting and other spiritual disciplines?
•        Do you expect to participate in these activities separate or together?
•        What peers or mentors do you have that speak into your life?
•        How do you make unimportant and important life decisions?
•        What are reasonable excuses for not attending church?
•        How often do you expect to attend church?
•        What is your relationship with God like? (highs and lows)

Alcohol/Drugs:

•        How often do you feel comfortable with your partner getting drunk?
•        How often do you feel comfortable with your partner getting high?
•        How do you feel about alcohol/drugs?
•        How often do you feel comfortable with your partner socially drinking?

Travel:

•        How often do you like to travel?
•        What kinds of travel would you like to do?
•        What do you like to do when you travel? (relax or lots of activities)

Family:

•        How often do you expect to spend time with each other’s family? 
•        What is the farthest you could live from your parents/family?
•        What was your family dialogue like when growing up (yelling, no yelling, etc.)?
•        What will be the most difficult part about severing the cord of dependency with your parents?
•        How close are you with your family?
•        What was your family dynamic like and how has that affected you?
•        Do you come from a family of divorce, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, workaholism, mental disorders, drug abuse, alcoholism, or other major disorders?
•        How would you prefer to spend Christmas and other holidays?

Home:

•        How messy/clean are you?
• How often should the house be cleaned?
•        What specific cleaning tasks do you expect to be done?
•        How often do you go grocery shopping?
•        Who do you expect will do the grocery shopping?
•        Who do you expect will do the cooking?
•        What kind of meals do you expect to cook or have cooked for you?
•        Who do you expect to clean the house?
•        Who will pay the bills?

Personal:

•        How much time do you need before you can forgive someone?
•        What makes it easy for you to open up and be vulnerable, and what makes it difficult?
•        Based on your childhood and/or past relationships, what are some emotional triggers for you?
•        Once married, how much alone time will you need daily and weekly?
•        What are your worst and best habits?
•        What is something you wish you could change about yourself?
•        What do you hope to accomplish by the end of your life?
•        How do you handle anxiety, stress, and bad days?
•        What are your love languages? (if love languages are different, each describe in detail examples of how you plan to give your partner love in their language)
•        Do you need time alone to process or do you prefer to talk about disagreements immediately?

Kids:

•        How do you feel about birth control?
•        How spaced a part would you prefer them to be?
•        How soon after marriage would you like to have kids?
•        Do you support abortion?
•        What happens if we find out we can’t have kids?
•        Which of the following medical technologies would you be willing to use? Surrogacy, in vitro fertilization, egg donation, sperm donation, fertility drugs
•        Would you be willing to go into debt for any of the above treatments?
•        How would you describe your intended parenting style?
•        What are some things that are important for you to do as a parent?
•        What are some things that are important that your partner does as a parent?
•        How would you prefer to discipline kids?
•        Would you prefer your kids be in public or private school?
•        If you have kids together, would you like your partner to still work?
•        In what ways do you think your partner will be a great parent?
•        In what areas do you think your partner will need to improve to be a great parent?
•        What are some positive aspects to having your in laws be grandparents to your kids?
•        What are some challenges you might face in having your in laws be grandparents to your kids?
•        What traditions, daily activities, nightly routines, etc. do you envision with your kids?
•        What is the ideal house/neighborhood in which you’d like to raise kids? (city, suburb, country)
•        How many kids do you want?
•        How important is it to you to eat dinner together as a family? How many nights a week?

Finances:

•        Do you feel budgets are freeing or constricting?
•        Do you enjoy budgeting, investing, and paying bills or would you rather your spouse handle those things?
•        What are your short term and long term financial goals?
•        How do you feel about saving vs. spending money?
•        What is your standard of living?
•        What is on your list of things that are necessary to buy every day, week, month, and year?
•        How do you feel called to give financially in other areas besides tithing?
•        Are you going to tithe? 
•        What are reasonable excuses for not tithing for a certain amount of time?
•        Do you want to give to any charities?
•        In what specific scenarios would you stop donating to any charities?
•        How do you think financial decisions should be handled?
•        How many times do you prefer to dine out a week?
•        At what amount should a purchase be run by the other?
•        What if one person makes more than the other?
•        How much money do you expect your partner to make annually?
•        How often do you want a new car?
•        What kind of apartment, house, condo, etc. do you plan on living in and for how long?
•        Financial advisors say couples should plan to spend no more than 3 or 4 years salary on their house ($00,000 yearly income = $300,000 - $400,000 house). Are you the type of person who would spend less money on a house, or spend more money on a house hoping to “grow into it”?
•        Do you have an age by which you want to retire?
•        If you’ve ever had any debt, how much?
•        If you currently have any debt, how much?
•        Is there any kind of debt that is acceptable to you? If yes, describe that scenario.
•        Would you want to set up trust funds for your grandchildren, or just earn enough to enjoy life while you can?
•        What money a source of stress when you were growing up?
•        Did your family use a budget to handle money when you were growing up?
•        If yes, how many hours do you expect your partner to work a week?

Friends:

•        How often do you expect to hang out with your own group of friends?
•        Do you prefer to attend social events at other people’s houses or do you prefer to host?
•        What do you expect your spouse to do around the house when you’re having friends over?
•        How will your relationship with friends change after marriage?
•        Are there any friendships that could be a problem after marriage?

Sex:

•        What are your expectations about physical looks?
•        What sexual actions or activities do you believe would be immoral or distasteful to share with your spouse?
•        How do you feel about pornography?
•        How often do you expect to have sex?

Keywords:

marriage, dating questions, relationship advice, premarital counseling, spiritual compatibility, family planning, communication, marriage preparation