The Dangerous Man Podcast

·S4 E92

NAVIGATING GRIEF | If You Don’t Carry It Right, It Will Bury You

February 18
32 mins

Episode Description

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This is the episode I never wanted to do...

Men, grief doesn’t just hurt, it haunts. And if you don’t learn how to carry it like a man, you’ll start bleeding on everyone you love.

WHY IT MATTERS
Because grief you don’t process doesn’t disappear, it leaks into other things.

  • It leaks into your tone, parenting, marriage, Job, discipline.

SOTD - Psalm 34:18 (ESV) “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

HOW NOT TO DEAL WITH GRIEF (The wrong playbook)

Men usually run one of these plays:

  1. Numb it
    • booze, weed, porn, scrolling, gaming, binge anything.
    • You’re not healing, you’re sedating.
  2. Bury it
    • “I’m good.” “It is what it is.” “I don’t want to talk about it.”
    • That’s not strength. That’s a delay tactic.
  3. Outwork it
    • hustle as anesthesia. stay busy so you don’t have to feel.
    • Your schedule becomes your hiding place.
  4. Explode it
    • anger, blow-ups, picking fights.
    • You’re not “tough,” you’re untreated.
  5. Isolate and go lone wolf
    • Isolation turns grief into a prison.
  6. Spiritualize it instead of surrendering it
    • quoting verses while refusing to mourn.
    • God isn’t asking you to fake it, He’s calling you to bring it

TACTICAL APPLICATION:

1) NAME IT OUT LOUD
You can’t lead what you won’t admit.

  • Say the loss plainly.
  • Say what it took from you.
  • Say what you miss.

This is where men stop performing and start healing.

2) BUILD A CONTAINER FOR IT (A grief discipline)
Grief needs a place to go that isn’t your wife and kids catching shrapnel.

  • Daily 10: 10 minutes alone, walk, pray, journal, talk out loud to God.
  • Weekly check-in: one brother/pastor/counselor  “Here’s where I’m at. Here’s what I’m carrying.”
  • Body regulation: lift, ruck, run, sweat, not to escape, but to discharge stress and stay grounded.

3) MAKE IT MEANINGFUL WITHOUT MAKING IT YOUR IDENTITY

  • You don’t deny the pain.
  • You don’t worship the pain.
  • You let God shape you through it.

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