The Dad Edge Podcast

Most Men Retire Into Emptiness Instead of Purpose featuring Michael F. Kay

June 22
56 mins

Episode Description

Most of us grow up thinking success means staying busy, staying strong, and never stopping. But what happens when the career that defined you is gone? Michael Kay spent decades as a financial planner and NYU instructor helping high achievers build wealth — until he realized the most important investments had nothing to do with portfolios. He's the host of the Chapter X Podcast and author of How to Craft Your Chapter X, and he's spent years guiding successful men through the emotional and psychological shift from career identity to a purposeful next chapter. He's been married to his college sweetheart Wendy since 1977, is a dad of two, and a grandfather of three.

This conversation goes deep on the patterns we inherit from our fathers, what it actually means to listen instead of just waiting to respond, and why retirement without intention is a trap most men never see coming. If you've ever tied your worth to what you do instead of who you are, this one is for you.

Timeline Summary

[1:02] Larry introduces the June Alliance promo — signed copy of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood plus three bonus courses for new members

[3:01] Michael joins in studio, sharing what it means to be a dad and grandfather first

[3:48] Larry invites Michael to describe growing up with a demanding, workaholic father who didn't spare physical discipline

[5:29] Michael reflects on how watching his father — who had no model himself — taught him what he would never do with his own children

[9:49] Michael shares what he learned from his father's dedication as a sixth-grade teacher who taught every student at their own reading level

[10:42] Michael's musical upbringing — his uncle was good enough to play with Duke Ellington, and Michael took weekly lessons from a New York Philharmonic trumpeter at 14

[17:55] A butcher named Al Roth becomes a turning point — the first man Michael ever saw who loved his family openly, and what that lit up in him

[22:31] Larry asks how Michael and Wendy have navigated 49 years of marriage, especially given the communication models neither of them grew up with

[26:36] Michael breaks down how men and women process differently — and why creating space instead of rushing to solve is the real skill in marriage

[29:47] What deep listening actually looks like in practice, and why a "yeah, but" response signals that no one was listening at all

[34:26] The origin of "Chapter X" — and how an eighth-grade algebra class planted the idea that every next season of life is something to solve for

[40:19] Why the book is not about money — it's about reclaiming the curious, unfinished person you were before your career became your identity

[43:33] The eulogy exercise: Michael and Larry on why writing your own eulogy is one of the most powerful things a man can do to realign his actions with his values

[47:37] The hard truth that 98% of daily activity often isn't in alignment with what you'd want said about you at the end

[49:44] Michael tells his 50-years-younger self to stop taking himself so seriously, start listening better, and soften the edges

Five Key Takeaways

  1. Nothing happens in a vacuum. The way your father treated you was shaped by everything that happened to him before you arrived. Understanding the roots of that behavior doesn't excuse it, but it changes how you carry it forward.
  2. You only break a cycle when something from outside enters your normal. For Michael, that was Al Roth — a marine turned butcher who loved his family loudly and openly. You can't change patterns you can't see, and sometimes it takes a single outside example to show you another way.
  3. Men and women don't process information the same way, and pretending otherwise is what creates most communication breakdowns. Allowing space, taking things in small chunks, and saying "let me think about that" are not signs of weakness — they're how you stop reacting and start responding.
  4. Retirement without intention is just drift. Most high-achieving men have never asked themselves who they are without the title. Chapter X isn't about winding down; it's about solving for what comes next before the career disappears and leaves a vacuum behind it.
  5. Your eulogy is your roadmap. What you want your spouse, your kids, your grandchildren to say about you at the end is the truest picture of what you actually value. The gap between that and how you spent last Tuesday is worth sitting with.

Links & Resources

Closing

Michael Kay has been figuring out what matters most for a long time, and everything he shared in this conversation — from a demanding father who had no model of his own, to a butcher named Al who showed him what a loving man actually looks like — points to the same truth: the way we show up is almost always about where we came from, until we decide it isn't. If this episode hit close to home, send it to a man in your life who's chasing the next thing without knowing why. Rate and review the show so more dads find these conversations, and follow along so you don't miss what's coming next. Go out and live legendary.

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