The Problem: Your security is our highest priority. Well, one of them. After our next funding round, the next seven sprints' worth of features, the company summer party, and restocking the vending machine.

You refresh the app for the hundredth time, but your bank balance still reads 0€. It has to be a bug, you think, reaching for your apartment keys, which... are no longer in your pocket. In fact, looking closer, the lock on the apartment appears to have changed since this morning. Odd.

A horn startles you, and you turn to see a car that looks suspiciously like your own passing by. MacBooks emblazoned with your company's logo are piled high in the back seat, almost obscuring the view. You catch a glimpse of the driver, and gasp in recognition. And... is that your wife in the passenger seat? Oh dear.

He'd seemed such a nice young man, too. Stepping into the elevator with a large bag and a disarming grin - how could you ever be suspicious of a smile like that? Sure, the false nose and poorly matching facial hair were a bit strange, but you do get all sorts in startups these days; it's best not to discriminate.

If only you'd hashed your passwords.

Links:

• Okta Hack - BBC News
• A Deep Dive into the Real Security Threats From the Twitch Leak
• Gorillas Leak
• Artix Linux Migration Guide — To install the artix-keyring package, you need to temporarily lower pacman's security levels for the installation in your /etc/pacman.conf.
• Space Shuttle Challenger Disaster - O-Ring Concerns - Wikipedia
• Kevin Mitnick - Wikipedia
• Catch Me If You Can - IMDb
• GitHub Security
• Could your printer be a security risk?
• "I don't care about cookies" browser extension
• NeverSSL — This website is for when you try to open Facebook, Google, Amazon, etc on a wifi network, and nothing happens.
• Oxide.computer - Hardware for Running Infrastructure at Scale