The Chalene Show | Pop Culture, Women's Health, & Fitness

·E1332

Gray Divorce & Gray Affairs: Why Happy Marriages End After 50

September 11
55 mins

View Transcript

Episode Description

Gray divorce has exploded, with the divorce rate for people 50 and older more than doubling since 1990 and this age group now making up 40% of all divorces, up from just 8% in 1990, per Bowling Green State University research. Chalene Johnson breaks down why marriages that looked solid for decades are suddenly ending.

She unpacks a 2024 study on late in life divorce, the empty nest reckoning that leaves couples with nothing left to talk about, and how perimenopause and menopause change mood, libido, and patience enough to end a marriage nobody saw coming.

Then there's the gray affair. Chalene turns to relationship expert Esther Perel's research on why people in happy, decades-long marriages still stray, plus the surprising odds that a couple stays together after one is discovered.

Topics discussed: gray divorce, gray affair, Bowling Green State University, Esther Perel, empty nest, menopause, perimenopause, midlife crisis, betrayal trauma.

 

Join Chalene on Patreon her private podcast to hear all the latest on the Penthouse Drama 👉chalene.com/more 

 

🚨Questions Chalene Wants Your Thoughts on:

  • Have you ever felt invisible inside your marriage?
  • Has menopause changed anything in your relationship?
  • Have you built silent resentment instead of speaking up?

 

Related Links:

 

Join the PodSquad on Facebook! 👉https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChalenePodSquad

 

We would love to hear from you! Leave your questions or messages for Chalene RIGHT HERE

 

To advertise on our podcast, please reach out to thechaleneshow@gmail.com and mention The Chalene Show

 

Connect with me on your fav social platform:

Chapters

00:00:00 — Intro tease: gray divorce and gray affair among couples married for decades

00:02:28 — Today's topic: gray divorce and gray affair defined, through Chalene's own 32-year marriage

00:04:17 — WTF stat: overall U.S. divorce rate falling since 1990, but not for 50+

00:04:50 — Bowling Green State University: divorce rate for 50+ doubled, 65+ tripled, now 40% of all divorces

00:05:51 — Most gray divorces are first marriages ending, not repeat marriages

00:06:17 — Why gray divorce unsettles couples who "made it"

00:07:42 — A 2024 study: two categories of gray divorce, from couples who always knew to those blindsided after a "great" marriage

00:10:17 — Stat: women initiate roughly 70% of divorces

00:11:13 — The empty nest reckoning: losing the shared project of raising kids

00:14:19 — Social media creators' gray divorce stories and content bias

00:15:07 — The Divorce Club: a TikTok creator blames his wife's menopause

00:17:39 — Women's side: nervous system "fried" after decades of managing a spouse

00:19:19 — Clips: women on leaving toxic, unhealthy marriages

00:21:25 — Ad: Organifi collagen, code CHALENE

00:22:47 — The Golden Bachelor and redefining what "old" means

00:24:00 — Perimenopause and menopause: sleep, mood, libido, weight

00:24:25 — Chalene's before-and-after photo and body image during perimenopause

00:27:52 — Resentment quietly building, then blindsiding the other partner

00:30:56 — Hindsight signs of a partner who's already checked out

00:31:23 — Defining the gray affair

00:32:47 — Outside attention sparks feeling alive and desired again

00:33:48 — Esther Perel: affairs are about a new self, not a new spouse

00:35:03 — Ad: iRestore red light hair growth cap, code CHALENE

00:37:01 — Esther Perel's podcast "Where Shall We Begin?" and Camp Be More shoutout

00:38:11 — The existential clock, aging, and a midlife crisis

00:39:39 — Esther Perel: the spouse gets the "unedited version," the affair gets a new one

00:40:57 — Novelty as the missing ingredient in long marriages

00:42:53 — Undetected affairs and reported lack of regret

00:44:01 — How devastating discovering a betrayal can feel

00:46:12 — Why gray affairs happen: proof of still being desirable

00:48:44 — Why affairs discovered after 50 have the highest reconciliation rate

00:49:34 — Esther Perel: the first marriage is over once an affair is exposed

00:51:26 — Perel: affairs as a painful alarm system that forces honesty

00:52:29 — Other forms of betrayal: porn, gambling, financial secrecy

00:53:23 — Invitation to email thechaleneshow@gmail.com with your story

00:54:44 — Post-traumatic growth after betrayal trauma and closing thoughts

 

 

See all episodes