For The Love of Country

May 14

1h 6m

Episode Description

Closeup rear view of a couple holding American flag against summer sunset. They are visible as silhouettes. S2 E6 For the Love of Country

Before I jump into substance of this essay, I will apologize for the jarring juxtaposition of the example I will discuss. This essay is about Love, specifically Love of Country. I hope the reader will recognize the similarities how I experience Love with my family and friends and how I experience it for my country. I further hope that the reader will recognize the similarities between me and them. Additionally, I will apologize to the country music fans who came to read an in-depth treatise of the genre or its artists. This is not that, but as we sometimes say, “Come for the politics, stay for the discussion”.

Wife and The Community We Choose

I’ve known my wife- first as an acquaintance in elementary school, then as a friend in high school, then as my girlfriend through college, and then as my wife- for 38 years. We’ve been through almost every stage of life- experiencing every twist and turn, up and down, race forward and step backward- together. More than anyone else, she is the one I want to see every day. And more than anyone else, she is the one I know and understand the best (me included). She gave birth to our three children, supported me through college, and helped me start my business. We’ve grieved through the loss of loved ones, experienced poverty, and struggled through some pretty serious mental and physical health concerns. Our life together has formed a bond between us that no possible future could destroy.

Having lived in Westminster now for about 15 years, I can honestly say I love this place. The politics of the general community here don’t match mine much, although it’s fair to say we also have much more in common than we admit most of the time. Not long after moving here, I witnessed this small community stage protest of Monsanto right in the center of town. The issue at the time, Bowman v. Monsanto Co., was working its way through the court system. As one might imagine, the implications of the decision matter a lot to the small semi-rural community, regardless of political persuasion. As time went on, I have witnessed additional protests- one against abortion, but also the more recent No Kings protests.

Beyond the headlines, there is also a strong business community. The County invested heavily in infrastructure projects in the mid-2000s, connecting broadband access to and between the many disparate communities of Carroll County, a project that still motivates businesses to come to, stay, or grow in Carroll County. There are also many meetings every month hosted by one organization or another to bring business owners together.

Through the spring, summer, and fall there are events and fairs in and around Westminster. It’s probably one of the few places you can attend both a Pride Festival and a Demolition Derby within a month of each other. This dynamic and diverse community, while not quite one where everyone knows everyone else, is incredibly tightly bound, despite all the differences.

Brothers and Brotherhood

I have two younger brothers. We are all grown now, leading separate lives, although we still meet or, at least, talk to each other almost every month. Considering our childhood together, however, our present relationship was not always guaranteed. We struggled, sometimes violently. As the older brother, I can look back and say definitively and with deep regret that I was also the bully occasionally. We were competitive, mostly with ourselves, always aspiring for better grades, another win, or the next life achievement. But as stressful as that was, we also supported each other. We attended every little league baseball game as a family. We did Tae Kwon Do together. When an out-of-town relative needed help, we traveled as a family. And if there was work to do- shoveling snow, laying mulch, finishing the basement- it was always known, without having to ask, that my brothers would be by my side.

…it’s not because they are brave…

…It’s because they know the other people running into danger will need help

In my time working for the Department of Defense, I have been privileged to witness the brotherhood and kinship that exists between members of the military. Sure, they joke and tease each other- anyone who has witnessed the gentle ribbing between a retired Airmen and retired Seaman can attest- but when times get tough, they know they have each other’s back. When the shit really hits the fan, they know they’ll all be running the same way, straight towards it. In my time, working amongst them, I can say definitively, it’s not because they are brave (they certainly are brave people, but they don’t run towards danger because they are brave). It’s because they know the other people running into danger will need help, someone to stand shoulder to shoulder with them or cover their six.

I think some of the most telling stories I have heard from people in the military, weren’t from those who stood on the front lines, it was the story from the Marine whose foot had become so water-logged (for lack of a better term) during a training mission through the mud that the sole of their foot nearly came off in their boot. I also recall the story from a former Army man who spent a week in a dog cage, attempting to join a Special Forces unit. Some of the Stories I’ve heard from retired Military who served during the Cold War are truly crazy. The point being that the people who serve in the Military aren’t simply because it’s their job or because they were told to show up, but because they understand the mission and know they need to keep each other safe, without being asked and, most of the time, without any recognition for the effort.

Friends and Country

Over the years, I have met a handful of people who I am privileged to still call “friends”. Every year our friendship continues, I’m more impressed by the longevity, surprised by my own ability to maintain the relationship, and bewildered by their choice to stay. I can sincerely say that I am a better person for having known them. But times have not always been easy and at many times, our friendship felt more fragile than I thought could be sustained. I have been especially vulnerable and open with each of them at different stages of my life. With each of their help, I have managed to navigate some pretty grueling, anxiety-inducing, or painful events. And I hope that I can someday repay the kindness each of them has shown me.

I recall the days and weeks immediately following 9/11 the pervasive sense that we were all Americans. “We will never forget” and images of the Twin Towers were everywhere; you couldn’t watch the evening news without seeing the recovery and then clean-up efforts in New York. It’s a feeling I remember clearly but probably couldn’t describe accurately to anyone who didn’t live through it. Almost everyone had either lost someone, knew someone who lost someone, or knew someone that knew someone who lost someone. And we didn’t know if there was going to be more. The attack wasn’t simply on people, but also on a system that no one thought would be weaponized that way. There was a palatable and pervasive sense of grief and anxiety everywhere you went and in everyone you met. But there was also a sense of hope and a profound sense of gratitude and patriotism. We had all lived through something. It was hard times and predictions for the future were dire, but we knew we could overcome it as one people and one nation. In the moments that mattered, it was the people on the ground that made the difference more than the person who sat in the oval office or who we had elected to Congress. For a time, we would wallow in our grief, anxious about what the next day would bring, while also hopeful for our future as a country and thankful that our fellow Americans were there with us. Patriotism, Love of Country, had won the day, regardless of what state you resided or what political party you favored.

What Is Love?

Love is complicated, both in practice and in theory. And before this essay becomes a love letter to my wife, family, and friends, (and before my parents, children, and everyone else I love starts to feel left out) it is that concept and specifically how that concept applies to the love of one’s country that I wish to discuss. Developing a mature understanding of love is something that has been a lifelong endeavor. The thing I thought of as love when I was an 18-year-old getting (re)acquainted with my future wife, is a lot different from the feeling that I have come to know. And in learning that feeling, I am now able to see it in so many other aspects of my life. It’s not that gushy flirtation that I think we associate with the term as children. It’s much more. As Hugh Grant’s character says in the movie of the same name “Love, actually, is all around”.

I consider that movie, “Love Actually”, to be the most prescient film on the subject. Although it’s considered a Christmas movie, the themes are relevant across cultures and at any time of the year. All of that to say, if you haven’t seen it, put it on the bucket list. I promise- man or woman, parent or child, native or foreigner- you will not be disappointed. Without giving any spoilers, the movie opens with Hugh Grant voicing over a scene of families, friends, and loved ones reuniting at an airport. The movie was released in 2003, and presumably this scene takes place at the same time, just a few short years after 9/11. Hugh Grant’s soliloquy narrates the scene and captures the feeling perfectly. As shot after shot shows hugs and kisses, Hugh Grant says “When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge. They were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love, actually, is all around.”

To understand this, let’s first discuss what love is not. Love is not simple affection. It’s not “an intense like” as some might describe. Likes and preferences, even strongly held ones, can and often do change over time. They should. People should learn, grow, and mature throughout their lives. Affection can become more intense or even disappear as that happens. It’s not bad or wrong; it’s a recognition that interests, good or bad, can be fickle.

Love is… a kind of intellectual,
emotional, or situational
intimacy shared between people.

Similarly, love is not passion or lust, or anything that could disappear with “post-nut clarity”. I would also argue that love is not loyalty. It’s not the weight of history that binds two people together. Certainly, shared experiences are important for developing strong relationships, but love demands more than just being in the same place at the same time. The people we see on a regular and frequent basis likely do care for the same things, but that doesn’t necessarily extend to each other.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, love is not exclusive. By this I mean, love is not giving yourself over fully, to the exclusion of everyone else, to one person. It’s also not the expectation that another person will give themselves over to you, as though some kind of “Exclusivity Agreement” is what binds you together. People should always be free to choose who and how they love without any expectation or prohibition of those choices.

With that in mind, let’s now discuss what love is (at least in my experience). Love is intimacy. I’m not referring to sexual intimacy here, but a kind of intellectual, emotional, or situational intimacy shared between people. Intimacy is difficult, it takes work. It requires that we be brave enough to share ourselves but also demands that we let others share with us without judgement.

Love is also a kind of faith. Here again, I’m not referring to spiritual faith or a faith in God or even faithfulness, but a faith in your fellow person. Love requires one to have faith that the people they love will not betray them, that those people will be considerate of them, while also knowing that those people will make mistakes and may sometimes be callous with our feelings.

Lastly, love is generosity. It is that feeling of fulfillment that comes from sharing, even when we have given so much of ourselves. It’s more than simply money or time devoted to a person; it’s thoughtful giving. Those three things- intimacy, faith, and generosity- that is what I call love. It may seem to some to be a very mechanical definition or that it leaves a lot out. Truth be told, it does; there’s a lot more to it. This definition doesn’t say anything about “love” of a subject or activity. But I propose that in nearly all cases where a person says that they “love” another person or that they “love” their country, this is a reasonable and nearly universal definition.

Love Of Country

What is Love of Country? I have an idea, but the truth is, I don’t know. I do know what it’s not.

Far too often, I hear the phrase “Democrats / Liberals / Conservatives/ Republicans hate America. If they loved America, they would love all of America or all Americans.” No, love is not exclusive. We cannot expect our countrymen to choose the country we prefer; we must trust that they will, eventually, do what’s best for all of us. Love of country, for me, means accepting our disagreements. I won’t pretend that I’m always tolerant of those disagreements- I’m only human and hypocrisy is the great American pastime- but my love for my country demands that I have faith in my countrymen.

….let’s not forget to have hope for the future and gratitude that our fellow countrymen are here, today, with us

Similarly, I often hear, “This Country used to be better; America is so much worse now”. Again, no. Love is not naive passion or unbridled lust for the past. A love that leaves once the consequences of the past have come to the present is no love at all. As a child of the 80s and 90s, I can say definitively that there was a lot to of that time to look back on with regret and I’m happy that times have changed. We learned, grew, and matured as a people and as a country. “Smear the queer” and allowing people to say the N-word with impunity was at best disrespectful and at worst outright racism or homophobic.

Lastly, I sometimes hear “The news only shows the bad parts of our country; they should show more of the good or be less biased; I can’t/won’t deal with it.” Surely, times are difficult and there doesn’t seem to be an end coming soon. And of course, it’s easy to be triggered, to be stunned into silence, to be frozen into inaction, or just to feel hopeless. Those feelings are legitimate and understandable. But Love of Country must win the day. Let’s grieve and feel that anxiety together. We may have different reasons to grieve or to feel anxious, but let’s recognize that we are all sharing this experience and the feelings that go with it together. And let’s not forget to have hope for the future and gratitude that our fellow countrymen are here, today, with us. We’ll figure this out, together, eventually. Love of Country is everywhere, if you look for it. And just in case it wasn’t clear or if you’re an American and you feel like you’ve lost that Love of Country, know that I’m still here and I will carry my Love of Country for you.

Julius Knapp

Biography

Catalog

Podcast Interview Comments Corrections Allusions and Addendums

This episode Brian was recovering from a nasty sinus infection so that is why the voice is a little deeper.

22:26

Actually, there were plenty of signs leading up to 9/11. Most notably a report titled “Bin Laden determined to strike in US” that was in Bush’s Presidential Daily Briefing on the 8th of August 2001.

Bin Laden’s organization had also struck the World Trade Center in New York before in 1993, killing 6 and wounding 1,000.

In 1996, Al Qaeda struck the Khobar Towers in Saudi Arabia killed 19 USAF personnel and wounded 498 people of various nationalities.

In 1998, Al Qaeda struck 2 US embassies at that same time, one in Tanzania and the other in Kenya. This would be a trade mark for his organization to hit multiple targets at the same time.