Note: This is a rebroadcast.

Have you ever known one of those people who seemed to be able to connect with anyone? The kind of person who had the ability to make others feel understood and smoothly navigate even the trickiest of conversations?

Charles Duhigg calls these folks “supercommunicators,” and he’s the author of a new book by the same name. Today on the show, Charles explains that what underlies supercommunicators’ skill in connection is something called the matching principle, and he unpacks how it works and how you can put it to use in your own conversations. We discuss several techniques for how to figure out what kind of conversation you’re having, so you can align your language and energy with the other person. And because emotional conversations can be particularly difficult, we dig into tactics for successfully navigating them, even when they contain a high degree of conflict. We also get into how to carry the skills of connection into your digital conversations.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Charles’ previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
• Episode #61: The Power of Habit
• Episode #196: The Science of Self-Motivation & Productivity
• AoM Podcast #559: How to Handle Difficult Conversations

Connect With Charles Duhigg

• Charles’ website

0:00 — Intro & Rebroadcast Notice

0:32 — Why Communication Matters

2:08 — The Matching Principle

5:07 — Deep Questions & FBI Negotiator Felix Sigala

9:50 — Identifying What Kind of Conversation You're Having

10:52 — Setting Goals & Preparing for Conversations

15:06 — Conversations as Quiet Negotiations

19:07 — Navigating Emotional Conversations

24:11 — Turning Shallow Questions Into Deep Questions

28:00 — Mood, Energy & NASA's Emotional Intelligence Test

32:34 — Looping for Understanding & High-Conflict Conversations

38:38 — Digital Communication & Closing

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