·S2 E221

Sibling Sexual Abuse and the Power of Sharing Truth with Darlene Lekowski

March 21

47 mins

Episode Description

In this episode of The Art of Imperfect Adulting, Amy Stone speaks with Darlene Lekowski about the lifelong impact of sibling sexual trauma and the journey of letting go of secrets that shaped her adult life. Darlene lives in the Charlotte, NC suburbs with her husband, Tom, their dog Pepper, and is the proud mother of three adult children. Listeners will learn how the process of opening up allowed Darlene to move from perfectionism and hypervigilance to forgiveness, healing, and connection.

About Darlene Lekowski:

Darlene Lekowski is a speaker, author, and advocate who writes and speaks about what happens when high-functioning adults realize that control and perfection aren’t peace—they’re survival strategies. After decades of striving to “hold it all together,” Darlene was forced to confront the emotional cost of living this way and learn, imperfectly, how to let go.

Her debut memoir, Shattering Silence: A Story of Survival, Justice & the Power of Telling the Truth (April 2026), chronicles her journey of reclaiming her voice, redefining success, and choosing freedom over fear.

Main Topics Covered:

The effects of sibling sexual abuse and trauma on childhood and adult relationships
Understanding and coping with PTSD masked by perfectionism, control, and success
The power dynamics and family pressure that keep childhood trauma secret for decades
How releasing control and secrets changed Darlene’s relationships with her children and spouse
Navigating hypervigilance, competitiveness, and the illusion of “good adulting” as survival strategies
The role of therapy, supportive friendships, and alternative healing methods like EFT tapping in trauma recovery
The courage to confront abusers, share your story publicly, and reclaim agency—even through the stress and grief of litigation
Darlene’s mission to help others break the silence around sibling sexual abuse and start honest conversations with their own children

Quote from the Episode:

"The problem, when you've got a giant secret, the box leaks... I had PTSD all my life, but I actually wasn't diagnosed with it until I was 58 years old. I thought my behaviors were normal." — Darlene Lekowski

Timestamps:

00:05 Opening & intros; Darlene’s Charlotte, NC home and warmup questions

00:34 Proximity to mountains and ocean; Charlotte lifestyle and history fleeing snowy states

01:24 Amy’s perspective from the tropics; setting the scene for a conversation on control and secrets

02:10 Darlene’s midlife confrontation with trauma; timeline and context of her secret

02:47 How her mother’s death and family dynamics led to her secret surfacing

03:35 Civil trial details; trauma in court, family structure, and relationships

04:08 Childhood abuse between siblings, control issues, and survival mechanisms

07:11 Perfectionism, hypervigilance, and adult life before telling the secret

09:02 Sports, popularity, and strategies to avoid being alone at home

10:19 Parenting as an overprotective mom; shifting relationships after the truth was revealed

12:10 Direct fears, coping, and the psychological weight of secrets

14:34 How shame and trauma “leak” into all relationships—friends, colleagues, and self-image

17:23 Examples of outsize reactions; healing journey and day-to-day changes after releasing the secret

19:13 Close friendships, difficulty forming intimacy, and pivotal moments in recovery

20:19 Confrontation, PTSD episode with her daughter, and major turning point

22:03 Suppressing vs. confronting trauma after her mother’s death; blowup with sibling and lawsuit

24:33 Long-term therapy, diagnosis of PTSD, and alternative healing (EFT tapping)

27:59 Losing relationships with abusive siblings, family impact, and trial testimony

30:29 Thoughts on secrets and privacy; why families keep trauma hidden

33:39 The importance of open conversations with children and the prevalence of sibling sexual trauma

35:11 Making the trauma public; support from children and transforming fear into connection

36:40 Emotional healing after the trial; shedding anger and shame

38:29 The ongoing journey of healing and finding purpose in helping others

40:41 Publishing her book, Shattering: A Story of Survival, Justice and the Power of Telling the Truth

41:24 Darlene’s hope for the book and her outreach mission

42:23 Rapid-fire closing questions: morning routine, favorite book (The Women), travel habits

44:22 Episode wrap-up and thanks

ABOUT THE SHOW: The Art of Imperfect Adulting elevates the voices of experience by sharing real stories from real people figuring out adult life. Every episode features honest conversations about life's choices, changes, and challenges—interviews with individuals (not celebrities) who share their personal experiences and insights. Through these authentic stories, listeners find validation, motivation, and inspiration for navigating their own path through modern life. Because there's a big difference between expert advice and shared experience, and hearing another person's lived experience helps us feel less alone in our own situations.

CONNECT WITH THE GUEST: darlene-lekowski.com Instagram: @darlenelekowski

GET DARLENE'S SPECIAL OFFER: Darlene’s first book will be available in April 2026.

Note from the show: Guest offers are almost always limited-time and limited quantity. If you have any trouble redeeming the offer please reach out directly to the guest for support.

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