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Today I’m talking with my friend Debra Fileta about her new book, People Skills, and why many relationships seem harder than they should. If you’ve ever left a conversation thinking, That’s not what I meant, there’s a reason—and it’s not because you’re unkind or uncaring.

 

This episode is for the try‑hard people. The ones who show up with good hearts and good intentions, yet still feel misunderstood. If you’ve ever thought, My heart is in the right place, so why does my message keep landing sideways? This conversation is going to feel like a deep exhale.

 

Debra explains why good intentions don’t guarantee good communication, how to avoid being an accidental jerk (even the nicest people can be), and the four stages of conversation most people never move past. We discuss why vulnerability builds trust and how small shifts in awareness can transform how people experience you. It’s honest, freeing, and will make every relationship in your life feel more open and connected.

 

Timestamps:

(01:08) - Why We’re So Quick to Label Other People as the Problem

(04:38) - The Subtle Ways We Accidentally Damage Connection Without Realizing It

(17:35) - The Conversation Levels That Separate Surface Talk from Real Connection

(22:10) - The Three People Skills That Matter More Than Anything Else

(25:53) - Why Listening Is Harder Than We Think 

 

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Links to great things we discussed: 

• Debra’s Song Recommendation - The Goodness of God
• Debra’s TV Recommendations - The Great British Baking Show & Hometown
• Debra’s Book Recommendation - The Circle Maker
• Wise Woman Era
• People Skills
• Apply to Alli's Intern Program - https://alliworthington.com/interns