Spark Launch: Neurodiversity Ignited

·S3 E2

Ghost In The Meat Suit: An AuDHD Tale of Depression and Outlasting Apathy

May 29
43 mins

Episode Description

Mike opens up about his personal history with depression, suicidal ideation, and self-harm as an AuDHD individual — from his earliest memories of struggling as a child to his last attempt in 2018. He and Chaya explore what it means to feel "out of frequency" as a neurodivergent person, the coping strategies that kept him alive, and what actually helps (and what doesn't) when someone you love is in crisis.

Content Warning: This episode contains frank discussion of suicidality, suicide attempts, and self-harm. Timestamps for specific topics are listed below.

We Also Cover:

  • The difference between passive and active suicidal ideation
  • How autistic compartmentalization allows access to painful memories without emotional overwhelm
  • Why the first thought isn't your responsibility — but the second one is
  • Mono no aware, the transience of pain, and sitting with impermanence
  • Using art, media, and small milestones as reasons to stay
  • Why telling someone "all the reasons they have to live" backfires
  • The danger of easy access to lethal means in impulsive moments
  • Masking, self-hatred, and the feedback loop of depression and neurodivergence
  • Finding self-worth through peer support instead of external validation
  • Mental Health First Aid as a practical resource for anyone

Quotes:

  • "I always felt out of frequency. That's what I've always called it. I was in a different frequency than everybody else. I'm now looking back — I'm AuDHD, of course I'm out of frequency with everybody else around me."
  • "Don't remind them of all the reasons they have to live, because you have ruined any chance of trying to connect with them at that point. Trust me, they are already kind of aware of all of that."
  • "I needed to get serious about using the information and feelings that I had put towards other people for so long."
  • "Everyone already kind of knows what they need. They just sometimes need a little bit of help — like that ghost that's inside of them that knows the advice they need to hear."

Resources:

Connect with Mike:

Trigger Warnings & Timestamps
This episode contains frank, personal discussions of the following topics. Timestamps are provided so listeners can skip specific sections if needed.

  • Suicidal Ideation & Attempts — [00:06:37] – [00:14:00] Mike describes his history with suicide attempts including methods (discussed broadly)
  • Self-Harm — [00:12:14] – [00:13:32] Discussion of self-harm behaviors including hair pulling, hitting, and the evolution of those behaviors into current coping/stimming strategies
  • Gun Access & Impulsive Attempt — [00:09:38] – [00:11:00] Detailed account of Mike's 2018 attempt
  • Depression & Suicidal Thought Patterns — [00:22:29] – [00:25:32] Mike discusses ongoing depressive thought patterns

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, suicidal ideation, or the mental health challenges of living with autism or ADHD, you are not alone. Spark Launch exists for exactly this conversation.

Join the Waitlist for SPARKADE: Games for Children and Families Designed for ADHD Minds, by ADHD Minds
https://play.sparkade.app/

Your neurodivergent child deserves an educational experience that helps them thrive.

Join the Sparkade community to give them a gamified learning journey that sparks confidence and curiosity, builds skills, and strengthens your connection — one playful session at a time.

Available soon on iOS and Android.  -  Play on any tablet or phone.

Stay Connected:

Mike's Neurodivergent & Mental Health Peer Coaching-- Nab a Free Consultation:

As always, thanks for lending us your ears and keep igniting that spark!


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