Opie finally discovers he’s violently allergic to real Christmas trees (after 50+ years), scores a $20 tree from volunteer firefighters, and still ends up paying $125 once tolls, burgers, and new lights are added – plus a savage takedown of roasting chestnuts, Mariah Carey lies, and P. Diddy’s funeral billing habits with comedian Tony P. If you’ve ever woken up looking like you lost a fight with Mike Tyson because of holiday sap, this unfiltered, foul-mouthed morning rant is the chaotic holiday therapy you didn’t know you needed.