Episode Description
You thought once you left, the missing would stop. But instead, certain moments still hit — a memory, a song, a quiet night — and suddenly you question yourself again.
In this Thrive in 5 episode, Christy Jade explains why missing a narcissistic partner does not mean you made the wrong decision. What you’re actually grieving isn’t the person — it’s the version of you that existed inside the trauma bond and the future you believed was coming.
You’ll learn how to reinterpret that feeling in real time and use it as a signal to reconnect with yourself instead of looking backward.
If you’ve been caught in obsessive thoughts, emotional pullbacks, or sudden waves of longing after leaving, this episode gives you a grounded, nervous-system-safe way to move through it.
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00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello queens. If you caught yourself missing them again today or yesterday, hopefully not both. This episode is going to change how you interpret that feeling in the next five minutes. Alright, so quick reset moment. If you listen to my last episode from Tuesday, we talked about how you're not actually missing the narcissist, you're missing something a little deeper. So today I want to give you one powerful practice to use in the exact moment that missing feeling hits, because here is what happens. Your brain labels the feeling as I miss them, but your nervous system is actually saying, I miss familiarity. I miss certainty. I miss who I thought I was becoming. So instead of reaching for the memories, try this pause and ask yourself, what version of me feels far away right now? Not them you.
(01:30)
Maybe it's the hopeful person. Maybe it's the secure version. You remember the woman who felt chosen, the woman who believed life was about to open up there was more coming. That is who your system is grieving. I just had a conversation with a client yesterday about this. You're grieving and here's the reframe that changes everything. Okay? You didn't lose her. Okay? She's not gone. That queen is still in there. She just hasn't fully met the safer environment yet. So when the missing shows up today, don't interpret it as a sign to look backward. Interpret it as a signal to reconnect inward.
(02:35)
A lot of times we look back at these memories and the what ifs and why did I do that? This living in our head, spinning in circles, replaying, wondering, confused all the feelings and the thoughts are exploding in our minds at once. It's time to go inward right into the heart and then take one small action that supports your stability. You need stability right now. We're missing stability, right? So text somebody that you feel safe with, okay? Nobody that has any relation to this person that you don't feel safe with that connection there. Okay? So let's not text their sister today A safe friend. Maybe it's your sibling, maybe it's a coworker that you're very close with. You can go outside, right? Stability. Physically. You can get stability from grounding. There's grounding techniques you can do or just walking. There's something about grounding your body, right?
(03:59)
Regulate your body in some way. Exercise even. I mean, like I said, walking, but even just something simple. Dancing, right? Putting on some fun tunes, shaking a tail feather. Maybe two, do they have two? Tail feather? We're getting weird now. Let's keep going. But regulating your body in some way, moving your body very beneficial and reminding yourself, I'm not going back. I'm coming back to myself. The authentic self. I refer to this as that solid gold block we're all born with and no matter who we are, narcissistic abuse or not, a lot of shit kind of covers up that solid gold block. That's the authentic us. That's in a way our higher self, our highest self that we can be and not trying to be like, oh, let's achieve this. I'm not in that way. It is our unique golden, beautiful self that we desire to feel like that loves ourself, that feels confident, that feels secure, feels safe, all of those things.
(05:23)
And you're coming back to that. And healing isn't about forgetting them. It's not about them. I want to reiterate that it's not about forgetting them, it's about remembering you and who you truly are. And you may I get it. I can hear you from here. Some of you saying, I don't even know who that is. I don't remember who she is. That's where I come in. Or your therapist comes in. You can do work on your own. There's a lot of different methodologies that you can use. Somatic healing is amazing. If you didn't, here, I have a couple of spots open. Now I'm going to start opening these for two people every month I'm going to do one-off sessions. Usually I don't do one-off sessions really anymore unless someone pops up from an old episode where I did offer them, or now, right now I am offering some really special one-off sessions.
(06:42)
They're my clarity and calm sessions. If you need a nervous system, wind down, kind of feel like you even just need a next step. Maybe it's the next step in. How do I even try to figure out who I am? What does that even look like? If you find yourself saying, what does that look like? That's where we can work together and we have one session zoom call. We'll do a little coaching, maybe a little somatic healing in that body and get you ready for that next step and then that if you want to, you can continue with me into one of my programs that are three, six, or 12 months. And those are deep transformative programs. But even just that one session will give you some clarity and some calm. That's why I call it that because I'm a basic B, because I know some people, maybe you don't have it in you to commit. Maybe you don't have the finances to commit. That's okay. Just getting a little clarity can go a long way and help you feel better right now and know what direction to head in. So if you're interested in that at any of my programs, including the calm, clarity and calm call, say that five times fast. That is always in my show notes. Any of my offers are in there. I have a boundaries course. That's amazing. Really good.
(08:22)
Well, it drips every week and then you have it for the rest of your life. You can look at my face for the rest of your life. Yes, it's videos. So that's 10 videos. It's really good stuff. I'm very biased and I have a couple freebies too. I have a little boundaries pocket guide. It's adorable and fun and I don't know, I don't remember what's listed as far as the freebies. And there's the Facebook community, which is, it's getting more engagement in there. So join now while people are talking to each other because you guys leaning on each other. First of all, it makes me so happy to peep in there and be like, oh, they're talking to each other and encouraging each other and going like, girl, me too. I love that. We need that when we're in the situation. So look for that support.
(09:12)
It's a private group, so not going to have any creep opioids in there. Everyone, you got to answer questions too. So yes, you do have to answer questions and give me your email so I know you're a real human. And so it is a women's only Facebook group. It's private, and you get to chat with other women that have gone through or are going through what you are, right? It's always nice to have that support. So definitely look in the show notes for all the information. You can email me too if you have any questions about my programs. My email is in there as well. And yeah, that's about it. It's nine 15. Here it is, nine 15. You know what? I'm a tired little lady. I don't know why I love recording my podcasts at night. Sometimes I've time during the day and I'm like, Hmm, I'll do it tonight.
(10:09)
I'm very much a night owl. Do I have any night owls out there? Is that trauma? Do we have trauma night owl syndrome? No. That, I swear it runs in my family. My mom is a super night owl. She now naps during the day, but she's always been a night owl. I will say while she was single parenting us, sometimes she'd pass out on the couch though after dinner because that woman did a lot. Shout out to the single moms of the world. You are super, super people, super moms. And then my grandma was very much a night owl. I remember in my twenties, this is when I don't know how, I know my audience ranges in age. So this is going to age us older women here. But when the Kylie Jenners, not Kylie, what was the other one? What's the, oh my gosh, I can't even remember now.
(11:11)
Kylie is so big. I can't even, she's overshadowing her sister. But all the Kardashians, yes, whatever K word, Kardashian. The Kardashians show I think had just started or something. But I remember being up with my grandma. I live outside of DC and I would go up to New York to visit my grandma at Christmas time. I'd stay there a little extra. My mom would come home here and sometimes I'd stay. So I was staying with my grandma and she loved tea and s m's, coffee cake and rest in peace. My grandma passed in 2020. I just adored her. So we would sit up every night so late. I loved it. Let me have caffeinated tea in the middle of the night. Well, I was having an monds caffeinated tea. No wonder she was a night owl. And we would stay up till like three. I remember once it was four in the morning and I was like, my grandma's such a badass.
(12:15)
And we were watching this, I think it was the Kardashians, and I feel like Donna Versace was on it. She didn't know who the Kardashians are. She's like, what is this shit? And then she's like, is that Donatella? She knew her. I don't know. Crazy weird memories just popping through my head and I'm sharing it with you. I feel like I need to connect with you guys more on a more real level too. I'm always just so excited and I don't want to make my episodes too long, so I try to just keep it very focused, but I feel like I'm not very focused, and I want you to see that A, and also share a little bit about me so you can get a little more familiar with who I am. And then I would love to know more about you pop in. I have people say hi in my emails.
(13:05)
Say hello, introduce yourself. I get emails sometimes that make me so happy that are just people saying, Hey, I binged your podcast episodes and they've helped me so much, X, Y, Z, and tell me their stories. And I love that stuff, you guys. So if you just ever want to share, I appreciate it so much because it helps me know that I'm truly impacting and helping people, which is obviously my purpose here. And it's just so cool to get to know all of you. Sometimes we'll have a couple back and forth emails. So I read every single email. That might not be the case forever as I get more and more and my numbers grow, which is very exciting and I love that. But that does mean eventually I won't be able to keep up with the volume. But right now I can and I love it.
(14:02)
So yeah, I guess that's it. I'm really excited for spring to come. I am a warm weather person, so I'm really, really excited for that. DC has been way colder than usual. It's been a snowy ass cold winter, which I mean that should be, but I'm not here for it. So I'm so excited. It's going to be 60 whole degrees later this week, and you would think that means it's like 80. I'm like, oh my God, it's the best. So excited. I'm going to cry outside and just dance naked. That'd be weird. Neighbors might not like it. So I guess it, I'll end on that cutesy note, right? And you guys take these words today, right? Remember, first of all, everything's going to be okay. I know it. Don't feel that way. Can I just put that out there? Just hear me. Everything's going to be okay.
(14:57)
It might take time. You might need to do a little work, but you're a capable queen, so of course you're going to be able to do that, okay? And you're not going back. You're coming back to your self, that solid gold piece of hunk, of chunk of burning love gold inside your body. We're just dusting off all the crap that I think I forgot to finish the sentence back earlier, now that I think of it. When I was saying we have this solid gold block, I side tangent, but I always view it as society. Other people, no matter what abuse or not, we get all this stuff that just covers up and causes us insecurities, or especially with social media, there's so much and they become a little different version of ourselves. So we're trying to get back to that solid gold, authentic block of gorgeousness that deserves the world and deserves to feel confident and good about yourself and deserves love and to feel worthy. So I want you to say, repeat after me if you so dare. I am worthy.
(16:11)
I am loved. I'm a queen. Yeah, you are. You look good in that gold crown. Girl. You look so good. All right. I'm going to stop being creepy myself over here and don't forget to follow. So you get all my episodes. I mean, how much more fun is life with my podcast, huh? It's fun, right guys? I mean, not fun stuff we have to deal with, but I try to make it as fun as I can for you and I do. Honestly, joking aside, please reach out if you just want to share your story or have a question. Okay? I will see you in the next episode. Have a fabulous rest of your week. Bye.