You know the moment. A conversation starts small, almost harmless. And suddenly it’s spiraling. Your reaction feels bigger than the moment. Your partner’s response feels completely disproportionate. And somewhere in the middle of it, you’re wondering: How did we get here again?

Because this isn’t the first time. You’ve had this fight before — maybe with this partner, maybe with someone else. Different details. Same tension. Different words. Same emotional ending.

Afterward, you’re left confused. Why does something so small feel so big? Why do you both react in ways you don’t fully recognize — or even agree with?

Here’s the truth: this isn’t just you. Conflict is normal in every relationship. But decades of research and clinical work show that most people fall into the same unhealthy patterns again and again. Not because they want to — but because something deeper is running the show.

That’s why we sat down with Vienna Pharaon. She’s one of the most influential couples therapists in the world, a bestselling author, and a trusted voice for more than 750,000 people online. After twenty years of sitting with couples in pain, she’s seen the same patterns repeat — and she helps people finally understand what’s underneath the fight so real change can happen.

In this conversation, Vienna takes us beneath the surface. Whether you’re single and trying to understand what went wrong in the past, or in a relationship wondering why the same moments feel so familiar, this episode meets you where you are — and shows you how to break the cycle for good.

Chapters:
0:00 - Intro
1:31 - The Pattern Underneath A Fight
9:53 - Why We Have High Divorce Rates
18:52 - Dysfunction on the Dating Scene
24:19 - Links Between Childhood & Our Love Life
36:30 - The Pursuer-Withdrawer Dynamic
1:01:40 - How Small Moments Provoke Big Reactions
1:05:05 - Why We Repeat The Things We Hate
1:26:14 - Dating While You’re Still In Process
1:33:38 - Expressing Your Needs To Your Partner
1:45:03 - Words & Phrases That Are Landmines

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Dr. Vienna Pharaon:
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Origin Wound Quiz: https://1wsm6geg69z.typeform.com/to/d981R7Cl?

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