Baby… BABY. Gather ‘round, because this week the universe said, “Frances, Angela, we’re gonna test your faith in humanity,” and we said, “Oh honey, that ship sailed three idiots ago.”

We kick things off in Prior Lake, where a woman was arrested carrying a bag boldly labeled “Definitely not a bag full of drugs.” And you know what? We appreciate the commitment to branding. We do. But labeling your contraband like it’s a middle‑school science project is not the criminal mastermind energy the moment requires.

Then we slide—unwillingly—into the story of a man who inserted a live leech into his bladder as a “folk remedy.” For what ailment? We don’t know. We don’t WANT to know. What we do know is that if your medical plan includes “insert wildlife,” you need to log off the internet and call literally any adult.

Next up, Kentucky said, “Hold my moonshine,” because a man woke up during his organ harvesting procedure. Yes, you heard us. Woke. Up. During. The. Harvest. He was supposed to be dead, y’all. Supposed to be! We are officially out of words, but not out of side‑eye.

And finally, we take a scenic detour with a bus driver who decided that schedules, routes, and basic employment expectations were merely suggestions. Instead of taking passengers to their destination, this driver took them on an unsanctioned mystery tour. Because nothing says “public transit” like being kidnapped at 25 miles per hour.

Join us as we laugh, cry, clutch our pearls, and try—TRY—to understand how these people are out here living free while we’re still afraid to jaywalk.

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