In this episode, Sam sits down with Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft) to learn about core wounds—those "first time" moments when we're let down, disappointed, betrayed, or otherwise hurt—and how they show up in our adult lives and relationships. They discuss where those core wounds come from (yes, we all have them, even if we had great childhoods!), how to spot them in your patterns and reactions, and, ultimately, how to heal from them.

Listen to this episode if you've ever had a big, strong reaction to something, if you're interested in inner child work, or if you want to be a better friend, partner, and family member.

Key moments:

01:47 Freud, Attachment Theory, Object Relations, and more

04:52 Core wounds—how childhood trauma shows up in adulthood

06:11 Can my core wounds come from experiences later in life, or is it truly just childhood trauma?

07:34 The five core wounds

08:43 Descriptions of the core wounds and how they affect you in adulthood

10:15 The worthiness wound (feeling like you don’t have inherent value or worth)

11:09 The belonging wound (“nobody gets me/I don’t belong here”)

11:54 The prioritization wound (never feeling like anyone’s #1)

12:22 The trust and safety wounds (being guarded or hypervigilant/being clingy)

13:27 How we internalize pain determines which wounds we get

14:15 Why someone with a happy childhood/family still has core wounds

24:21 The 2-minute quiz that can tell you which wound you lead with

24:35 A full description of the trust wound (Sam leads with this one)

25:05 Can core wounds come from friendships or romantic relationships?

29:11 Breaking and building trust with YOURSELF

31:46 How to start doing inner child work

34:07 What if you don’t really have memories from your childhood?

38:36 What to do when other people show their core wounds

41:39 The difference between emotional maturity and emotional immaturity

43:47 The 3 steps of healing from childhood trauma

49:20 Why do emotionally intelligent women get stuck in the same dating patterns?

50:19 How to tell the difference between falling in love with someone vs. they activate a familiar wound

53:24 Why it’s easier to give love than to receive it

Join WHOOP.

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