·E12

Tree Sperm Took Me Out

April 16

48 mins

View Transcript

Episode Description

We’re back once again for another episode where we’re running on no sleep, high pollen counts, and whatever is currently attacking our sinuses from the inside out.

We kick things off with sleep scores, Hannah Montana at 3AM, and the realization that wearable tech exists solely to humble you and tell you your heart is older than your body. From there, things spiral into a full breakdown of Nashville shopping, where a $12 sweatshirt magically becomes $325 the second you hang it in a boutique on 12 South.

Naturally, we also cover mall fatigue, In-N-Out opinions, and why sometimes a Krystal burger just hits different… especially if the person making it looks like they’ve been through something. If nobody’s smoking outside, it’s probably not going to taste right and in fact we won’t be eating it.

We also solve the zoo debate entirely by deciding that being a zoo animal might actually be the best life available (like put us in a climate controlled room, feed us, and we’re set), followed by a very passionate discussion about chicken salad, why fruit does not belong in it, and the fact that Chicken Salad Chick might be one of the finest establishments on God’s green earth.

Then we take a hard left into Southern nostalgia, including boiled peanuts from a random truck on the side of the road, peanut butter banana sandwiches with mayonnaise (yes, you read that correctly), honeysuckle, blackberry picking, fig trees, and grandparents who carried salt shakers in their pocket like it was a personality trait.

And just when you think we’ve covered it all, we end on the real villain of the episode… pollen. Also known as tree sperm. Also known as the reason none of us can breathe and everyone’s car looks like a banana pudding.

If you’ve ever trusted a roadside boiled peanut, eaten something that shouldn’t logically taste good but does, or questioned why you’re personally being attacked by the outdoors… this episode is for you.

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