Internal Working Models in Attachment Theory: What They Are and How Therapy Updates Them

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In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by Jo Oxley (founder of Optima) to unpack one of the most important concepts in attachment-informed practice: internal working models (also called inner working models).

Jo explains models are formed and become an unconscious “blueprint” for how we experience ourselves, other people, and relationships. With a wonderfully accessible metaphor (yes, Inside Out makes an appearance), They explore how secure beginnings can build a sense of worth and safety, and how inconsistent or emotionally unavailable care can lead to avoidant or preoccupied strategies in later life.

They discuss why shame and fear often sit underneath insecure attachment patterns, and how therapy supports change by building new relational experiences - creating “new pathways” that can gradually replace old default routes.

This episode is a grounded, practical listen for counsellors, psychotherapists, trainees, and anyone wanting to understand how attachment patterns show up in real life -and how they can be updated.

Takeaways

• What are Internal Working Models?
  Understand models as unconscious templates formed through attachment experiences -shaping expectations of self, other, and relationship.
• Secure vs Insecure: How Early Experiences Become a Blueprint
  Explore how attuned caregiving tends to support confidence and exploration, and how emotional unavailability or inconsistency can shape threat-based expectations.
• Avoidant Strategies: “I’ll Cope on My Own”
  How avoidant patterns develop as a protective strategy when care is unreliable, and why shame can sit underneath self-reliance.
• Preoccupied Strategies: Fear, Hypervigilance, and Reassurance-Seeking
  Understand inconsistency fuels uncertainty and alarm, often leading to clinging, protest, and push–pull relational dynamics.
• How Therapy Helps Update IWM
  Why change happens in relationship — and how repeated new experiences can build new neural pathways (the “new path through the woods” idea).
• Therapist Dilemma: When a Client is Distressed by Friendship Breakdown
  A short reflection on working with relational rupture, meaning-making, and bringing patterns into awareness through the body and the therapeutic relationship.

If You Found This Episode Helpful…

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Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• Optima Training Programmes – Level 5 and Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory and Attachment-Based Psychotherapy (https://optimahealthservices.co.uk/attachment-psychotherapeutic-counselling-level-5-diploma-cpcab/)
• Restoring Your Secure Base: Attachment-Informed Therapist Retreat – A two-day retreat with teaching, reflection, rest, and CPD https://optimahealthservices.co.uk/therapist-retreat/

There is a CPD reflection pack available if you would like this please click this link and we will send you all the resources including, reflective questions, 3 things to try in your practice and insights.