On today's episode of “Moving from Not It to Got It,” Sam takes listeners on an honest journey through the pivotal moment when an unfaithful spouse chooses to stop deflecting and starts owning their actions. The episode opens by breaking down the psychological reality of the “Not It” phase—where self-protection, avoidance, and justification keep an individual stuck, unable to truly connect with their partner or heal the damage from infidelity.

The reality is, “Not It” causes a significant amount of collateral damage including but certainly not limited to:  

• blocking all forward progress
• minimizing and justifying the affair(s)
• blame shifting
• subconsciously expecting the betrayed partner to handhold the unfaithful into the most basic recovery work

The heart of today's episode centers on what it takes to shift from “Not It” to “Got It" not only earning self respect but simultaneously the respect of the betrayed partner.   

This means facing the hard truths head-on and making the conscious choice to drop the defenses and problematic patterns which may have created the acting out in the first place. 

The transformation can be palpable: when an unfaithful spouse authentically claims responsibility, they lay the foundation for rebuilding trust, self-respect, and hope for their relationship.

Note: This episode is educational, not therapy. Please reach out for professional guidance at AskTheUnfaithful@gmail.com to learn more about coaching or intensive options.

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