BZE and BZW explore the concept of “shoulds” and how they can trap us in a cycle of anxiety and self-judgment. Together they discuss the internal rules we often impose on ourselves and how these can lead to feelings of shame and frustration when we inevitably diverge from them. Their conversation delves into personal anecdotes that illustrate how rigid self-imposed categories can create unnecessary pressure and negativity.

They reflect on the role that “shoulds” play in personal relationships and day-to-day situations. Expectations of how others ought to behave can lead to frustration and anger, particularly when those expectations are not met. BZE shares how she's been challenged with feelings of guilt or wrongness stemming from self-imposed labels about food, and how acknowledging the fluidity of identity allowed for a lighter existence free from the burden of these shoulds.

Addressing the connection between shoulds and regret, BZW recounts a significant personal experience of navigating the aftermath of the LA fires, touching upon how she battled with feelings of inadequacy regarding her insurance coverage decisions. This leads us to discuss the detrimental effects that should statements can have on mental health, particularly how they exacerbate anxiety and lead to rigid thinking patterns that inhibit personal growth and happiness.

Throughout our discussion, they examine cognitive distortions and how they intertwine with the concept of shoulds. They share insights into therapeutic approaches and explore how challenging these cognitive errors can lead to greater emotional resilience and healthier relationships.

They stress the importance of self-acceptance and the acknowledgment that our expectations often do not align with reality. They provide listeners with practical strategies for re-evaluating their inner dialogue and propose a shift in thinking that empowers individuals to navigate their lives with less judgment and more compassion. By advocating for a mindset that embraces imperfection, they aim to help listeners identify their own patterns of shoulding and work towards creating a more harmonious existence.

HIGHLIGHTS:

4:22 Personal Reflections on Shoulds

7:11 The Impact of Shoulds

8:55 Road Rage and Expectations

10:58 Acceptance and Letting Go

14:51 Cognitive Distortions and Shoulds

17:24 The Burden of Shoulds in Relationships

20:36 Shoulds in OCD Treatment

24:33 Health Anxiety and Shoulds

26:23 Shoulds and Depression

CONNECT WITH THE BONNIE ZUCKERS:

Bonnie Zucker Ph.D.(west)

website: https://www.bonniezuckerphd.com

Newsletter sign-up: https://bonnie-zucker-ph-d.kit.com/d44b57fcdf

Bonnie Zucker Psy.D. (east)

website: https://www.bonniezuckerandassociates.com

The content of Anxiety Matters Podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute mental health or medical advice, nor is it a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call emergency services or a local crisis line.