What does boarding school shame do to a child’s nervous system — especially when it’s wrapped in privilege, silence, and “you should be grateful”? 

In this episode of An Evolving Man, I’m joined by Jessica Boston — trauma-informed transformation coach and creator of The Homecoming Method (a somatic approach integrating subconscious reprogramming, nervous-system safety, and reparenting). 

Together we explore how shame forms in boarding school environments through: 

👉Constant scrutiny, punishment, and “not enough” 

👉Bullying, ostracism, and social exclusion (including a year of silence) 

👉Loss of privacy and chronic hypervigilance 

👉The deep guilt of speaking up: “Don’t tell. Don’t be ungrateful.” 

Jessica shares candidly about her own boarding school experience, how shame distorts perception (“others had it worse”), and why survival often looks like compliance, rebellion, or shutdown. 

We also explore the long tail: perfectionism, difficulty trusting yourself, decision paralysis, and the feeling of being “other” even in a room full of people. 

We end with practical pathways forward, including: 

👉 Recognising shame patterns and language 

👉 Re-educating the subconscious

👉 Shifting from external validation (ELOC) to inner authority (ILOC) 

👉 Rebuilding self-trust through embodiment and reparenting Jessica’s work: 

Website: https://www.jessicaboston.com/ Book: Homecoming Meditations (a guided, room-by-room approach to reconnecting with intuition, boundaries, compassion, and celebration) 

If you’re an ex-boarder — or you grew up in any high-shame environment — this conversation will likely land. 

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Piers is an author and a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, boarding school issues, addictions and relationship problems.

He also runs online men's groups for ex-boarders, retreats and a podcast called An Evolving Man.

He is also the author of How to Survive and Thrive in Challenging Times. To purchase Piers first book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-Thrive-Challenging-Times/dp/B088T5L251/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=piers+cross&qid=1609869608&sr=8-1

For more videos please visit: http://youtube.com/pierscross

For FB: https://www.facebook.com/pierscrosspublic

For Piers' website and a free training How To Find Peace In Everyday Life: https://www.piers-cross.com/community

Many blessings,

Piers Cross

http://piers-cross.com/